Emabrassed and confused.

[SarahCarlene]

EDIT/UPDATE:
Thanks so much for the encouragement everyone. I feel a little better, and I do feel that I am saved, only that I am not as close to God as I should be.
Again, thank you everyone for your support.


I am so emabarrassed and confused right now.
I am unsure if I am truly saved.
I've claimed to be a Christian most of my life.
I've 'walked down' more times than I can recall.
I've 'prayed that prayer' atleast five times.
I've been baptized three times.
Once when I was about 6 or 7, I can't even remember. My mother sincerely believes THIS was when I was saved. I.... dunno.
Once when I was about 14 at a summer youth retreat. It was the cool thing to do that night. Emotions were running high in the conference room.
And again, less than three years ago, following the birth of my daughter. Trying to make people happy, including myself.
I have feelings. I've been praying. I've been reading the bible, going to church.
But I still feel like I haven't fully accepted Him, if that makes sense.
I want to make it right, and try to understand it, but I'm very embarrassed.
I'd like to talk to my pastor about it, but he's been through so much with me in the past few years I feel like I'll be letting him down again. He officiated my wedding to my ex-husband and tried to help us save our marriage that ended quickly in disaster. He baptized me the last go 'round. I just....
I'm so confused.

I feel like I know Christ. And that I can feel something. But I don't fully know he's in my heart.
I worry also, that even if I was saved during my childhood, that since I strongly denied God for several years that I fully turned my back and would that make me not saved.
See, I got heavily involved in Witchcraft for awhile, and I feel like if I truly have God in my heart, there's no way I could have done/said/practiced the things I did.
*sigh*
So any direction or advice would be helpful in this matter.

 

[rejectreality]

I know how you feel. But alas, there is good news. When we ask for forgiveness, even though we recieve it, we sometimes don't feel like that. I believe this is because we don't forget our sin. We sometimes replay our faults over and over and dwell on them. But the good news, is He doesn't. Once we sincerely ask for forgiveness, God immediately grants it and completely forgets our sins. Also, I don't believe that one can be "un-saved". Once you invite Jesus in, He stays. We may choose to ignore Him from time to time, but He's still there. I pray that God grants you peace. God bless

 

[SarahCarlene]

Thank you.

That very well could be it, I suppose, that I am dwelling on my faults.

 

[andross77]

Hi Sarah . Please don't feel embarrassed. Many people don't "feel 100% sure" about their salvation. I doubt it sometimes when i'm "being particularly sinful".

Satan is called the Father of Lies. His other main jobs include Accusing and Distracting. When he sees you, a Loved, Saved-by-Grace, Daughter of God, he hates it. It absolutely infuriates him. And since he knows that once you are washed by the Blood of Christ (which is at the moment you confess with your tongue and believe in your heart) you cannot be "unwashed by the Blood of Christ", his whole mission is to Lie, Accuse and Distract.

This is why he keeps bringing up thoughts of Witchcraft and doubts on your sincerity. Because if he gets you to dwell on that, he will waste your time and make you less effective for the Kingdom of God.

Be encouraged! We (your brothers and sisters in Christ) love you, but most importantly, God loves you! I would advise you to read some passages in the Gospel to see how Christ lived his entire life to bring us back into right relationship with his Father. He loves you to a degree you can never fathom here on earth!
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[SarahCarlene]

Thank you.
I believe now, that I am saved. But I have a lot of work to do to get back on a walk with God.

 

[childofaking]

Dont be embarresed ther are not many christians that havn,t felt this way before myself included, our faith is always under attack by satan because he does not want you or i to follow christ and as andross 77 has said his main weapon is to put doubt in your mind and try to make you think you are not good enough for god. Many of us go through these cycles of strong faith and weak faith especialy those that at times in there life have turned there back on christ, i turned myb back for nearly 20 years only to find that he was still there loving me all along, be assured god does not go back on his promises because he is god and is perfect,
God loves you as if you were the only person he ever made and that love is unconditional.
When my faith is week i pray for god to help me strengthen it and he does.
These may help

Psalm 103 v8 the lord is merciful and loving slow to become angry and full of constant love
v9 he does not keep on rebuking he is not angry forever
v10He does not punish us as we deserve or repay us according to our sins
v11 as high as the sky is above the earth so great is his love for those who honour him
12 AS FAR AS THE EAST IS FROM THE WEST, SO FAR DOES HE REMOVE OUR SINS FROM US

i ALWAYS READ THE BOOK OF JONAH WHEN I WORRY ABOUT THE FACT THAT I TURNED MY BACK ON GOD BECAUSE JONAH TURNED HIS BACK ON GOD AND DISOBEYED HIM BUT GOD ALTHOUGH HE MADE HIM LEARN HIS LESSON FORGAVE JONAH AND JONAH OBEYED GOD (MAYBE THATS A LITTLE LIKE YOU AND I.

i HAVE NO DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT IF YOU SINCERLELY WANT THE LORD IN YOUR LIFE HE IS THERE AND EVEN WHEN WE DO THE MOST SINFUL THINGS HE DOES NOT LEAVE US,

Ask the lord to forgive you for your past and then move on because he promised forgivness for all those who ask in his name, just remember that after that you must forgive yourself and move on.


I hope this helps because i feel great empathy for your situation having been there myself, please pm me if i can help more

Lord forgive me for my terrible spelling

Much love to you in christ jesus

 

[SarahCarlene]

Thank you.
So I guess I just really need to work on forgiving myself and letting go of the past, and pray that God will forgive me, right?

 

[childofaking]

Christ always forgives but we must repent too which means turning away from the things we have done wrong , ok at times we become weak and slip up but that is part of our human nature and i believe god knows our weakneses. Trust in what god says It is your faith that saves you not anything you do. As christians we love others and do good deeds for others because christ taught us too , we cannot earn our salvation that is a free gift
Jesus wants to have a relationship with you a relationship of love, somtimes we feel guilty when we have sinned and that is ok, that is the time we need to pray for forgiveness and repent but after that we must have faith that the lord has forgiven us and move on, it is my beleif that prolongd guilt after that is not from god but from satan who will do whatever he can to keep you from resting in the love of our lord and the depth of that love is far greater than any of us will understand during this lifetime.
If god in his majesty can forgive you be assured you can forgive yourself
Pray to god about all your concerns and i know that in his perfect timing he will help you resolve this problem

god bless you and shine his light upon you

sorry spell checker not working so forgive terrible english

 

[sistakrista]

12As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
13Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.(Ps.103:12&13 NAS)

15And the Holy Spirit also testifies to us; for after saying,
16"THIS IS THE COVENANT THAT I WILL MAKE WITH THEM
AFTER THOSE DAYS, SAYS THE LORD:
I WILL PUT MY LAWS UPON THEIR HEART AND ON THEIR MIND I WILL WRITE THEM," He then says, 17"AND THEIR SINS AND THEIR LAWLESS DEEDS I WILL REMEMBER NO MORE."
(Hebrews 10:15-17 NAS)


Personally, I interpret the "Love your neighbor as yourself," command as a command to forgive myself. It does help, because I know I cannot LOVE my neighbor, if I don't FORGIVE my neighbor. Therefore, I cannot LOVE myself, if I don't FORGIVE myself!
JANG IN THERE!
God Bless!

 

[childofaking]

i agree surely good advice

 

[heymikey80]

I know the feeling. Thank God He's not looking for that confidence feeling to save us.

I constantly compare myself to an old confession on this point, maybe it sounds like you, too:

True believers may have the assurance of their salvation divers ways shaken, diminished, and intermitted; as, by negligence in preserving of it, by falling into some special sin which wounds the conscience and grieves the Spirit; by some sudden or vehement temptation, by God's withdrawing the light of His countenance, and suffering even such as fear Him to walk in darkness and to have no light: yet are they never so utterly destitute of that seed of God, and life of faith, that love of Christ and the brethren, that sincerity of heart, and conscience of duty, out of which, by the operation of the Spirit, this assurance may, in due time, be revived; and by the which, in the mean time, they are supported from utter despair.

Have a rest. Take a load off. Sit back for a second. God's there. He's not been surprised by a thing you've done or thought or felt; and He still loves you. Nor is God tapping His foot just a-waitin' for you to fix yourself up, "That girl, she's =humph= such a sinner ...." I can only say it with relief -- God is for us. (Rom 8:31)

In my mind He'd probably joke with you, His beloved daughter: "If I was waiting for people to fix themselves, I'd be waiting an eternity for anybody to go that far!"

Instead, "We have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ" (Rom 5:1). That peace isn't destroyed through our stubborn sinfulness or even our worry and doubt. Jesus is still there. We still have peace.

 

[SarahCarlene]

Thank you so much for that.
Makes alot of sense.

 

[kcon]

This thread has been a blessing to me as I struggle with this also amongst other problems.

 

[tinka]

Upholding You In Prayer.