Eloping

[lilphotographer88]

My fiance and I were talking about this last night. And neither one of us want a big wedding and we really don't want a lot of worrying about it. And we want it to be really romantic and very intimate. I wouldn't mind if a couple of our friends joined us but I don't want to have to worry about everything being so perfect and then performing a wedding in front of over 200 people... cause we have been adding up guests and everything and in order not to hurt anyones feelings we would have a guest list of over 200 people. And the both of us are fairly shy and we just don't want that kind of stress. We want to have a big reception but just not a big wedding.

So I was just wondering some peoples thoughts on Elopements? Do you think they are okay?
If anyone has any suggestions of some nice B&B's that aren't too over the top, please share!
And if you have eloped, please do tell how your family reacted because thats the main thing I am worried about. That it will hurt my family's feelings that we didn't have a conventional wedding.

 

[RobinRedbreast]

I think eloping is ok. I wanted to elope -so much- during the last month or two of our engagement because part of his family started being very negative towards me. We ended up semi-eloping: We signed the legal papers in a civil ceremony on August 4th. So we were married that day. But we still had our wedding to celebrate with the family that actually cared, and for the religious ceremony

 

[The Princess Bride]

I'm tempted to grab John and head for the hills the day he sets foot back on US soil, so I dont think it's a bad idea at all!

 

[faerieevaH]

I have very strong feelings about elopement, if you use websters definition
2 a: to run away from one's husband with a lover b: to run away secretly with the intention of getting married usually without parental consent

Eloping is, in essence, running off to get married without telling anyone, and after the deed has been done calling or dropping by to say that hey, you got married.
I think it is a horrible thing to do to the people who love you and want to share in your joy.
However, wanting a small, private wedding for just a few people is something else entirely. A friend of mine had a wedding on which the guestlist totalled about 14 people, bride and groom included. Everyone knew he was getting married, but he had made it clear they wanted it to be a very private and intimate affair. And that it was. You don't need to do the whole 'big wedding thing'. If you want it to be just you, a couple of friends and your parents, go for it. Perhaps send out an invitation that sounds something like this:

"Jenny and Craig will be married on september 10 th 2007 in a private ceremony.
To share in their joy, we welcome you on october 15th on a reception at...."

that way you can have a private wedding and a big reception. But even the big reception afterwards is not a must. And you can always be creative with things. A wedding breakfast was all the thing in Victorian days...

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

My family will not support us having a wedding until we are both out of school with bachelors degrees (and I may never get to that point) as well as have every penny of the student loans accrued paid off. We've already been engaged four years, were planning on marrying in 2005 (then a minor mishap happened: he got sick and nearly died in the hospital, ya know, just a minor setback?)

Three years of recovery later.... he's still not done with his associates. So we're probably eloping and having a small reception when he's just starting towards his B.A.

 

[dandymandy]

My family will not support us having a wedding until we are both out of school with bachelors degrees (and I may never get to that point) as well as have every penny of the student loans accrued paid off. We've already been engaged four years, were planning on marrying in 2005 (then a minor mishap happened: he got sick and nearly died in the hospital, ya know, just a minor setback?)

Three years of recovery later.... he's still not done with his associates. So we're probably eloping and having a small reception when he's just starting towards his B.A.

You're age 25. That is the age where the odds for the marriage lasting tilt in your favour.

You're not newly acquainted---four year engagement, you say? That is another factor for longevity in marriage.

As for wedding reception some time afterward, a pot-luck thingie wouldn't be expensive.

As for your parents: are you working and paying your own bills? As long as you are dependent on your parents, that does give them a say in your affairs. If you are not receiving support from them, then you are truly an independent adult. In that case, be respectful to your parents but follow your own counsel.

God bless,

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

You're age 25. That is the age where the odds for the marriage lasting tilt in your favour.

You're not newly acquainted---four year engagement, you say? That is another factor for longevity in marriage.

As for wedding reception some time afterward, a pot-luck thingie wouldn't be expensive.

As for your parents: are you working and paying your own bills? As long as you are dependent on your parents, that does give them a say in your affairs. If you are not receiving support from them, then you are truly an independent adult. In that case, be respectful to your parents but follow your own counsel.

God bless,

I just had my first job a year ago... my family wasn't supportive of women having jobs. My mother lived with her parents until she was 40 and it was clear she wouldn't marry. (she adopted me when she was 43, as a single parent.) Basically my family believes that the daughter lives with family until a well financially set man whisks her away, or it becomes clear that the woman will be single the rest of her life.

I don't live with my mother now, but I live with an aunt and uncle who have let me have a job but still sorta believe this. At any rate I won't be on my own before I marry.

In other words, my family doesn't let the daughters become independent adults. You submit to your father until he hands you over to a husband who you will submit to.

My family even tried to pick the guy for me! I refused to go with that guy (I was 19 at the time, he was 38...)

 

[lilphotographer88]

I have very strong feelings about elopement, if you use websters definition
2 a: to run away from one's husband with a lover b: to run away secretly with the intention of getting married usually without parental consent

Eloping is, in essence, running off to get married without telling anyone, and after the deed has been done calling or dropping by to say that hey, you got married.
I think it is a horrible thing to do to the people who love you and want to share in your joy.
However, wanting a small, private wedding for just a few people is something else entirely. A friend of mine had a wedding on which the guestlist totalled about 14 people, bride and groom included. Everyone knew he was getting married, but he had made it clear they wanted it to be a very private and intimate affair. And that it was. You don't need to do the whole 'big wedding thing'. If you want it to be just you, a couple of friends and your parents, go for it. Perhaps send out an invitation that sounds something like this:

"Jenny and Craig will be married on september 10 th 2007 in a private ceremony.
To share in their joy, we welcome you on october 15th on a reception at...."

that way you can have a private wedding and a big reception. But even the big reception afterwards is not a must. And you can always be creative with things. A wedding breakfast was all the thing in Victorian days...

No, we are planning on telling everyone.. in fact we have already started to tell our family and our friends.. it's my family we're worried about my dad and step-mom already know and they think it's about time the two of us got married. Lol. We are just worried about my mom. She tends to freak out about things like this... especially when it comes to my independence.
His parents and a couple cousins want to come... and we said that would be okay but we can't pay for them to come. Because we are getting married in another state. So I think we will have a few family members there... and I think I am going to have my dad and step-mom come so my dad can give me away... I love that part!
Then when we get back we plan on having a big reception... we're just planning on having it at our house probably like a couple weeks after the ceremony.

 

[dandymandy]

I just had my first job a year ago... my family wasn't supportive of women having jobs. My mother lived with her parents until she was 40 and it was clear she wouldn't marry. (she adopted me when she was 43, as a single parent.) Basically my family believes that the daughter lives with family until a well financially set man whisks her away, or it becomes clear that the woman will be single the rest of her life........

My, my.

My life has been weird too, but in a different way....absolutely no parenting by anybody.

So....I guess there is no half-way for you. You knuckle under until you're in your 40s and letting a good man wander off.....or you revolt.

Fair enough.

What you are doing takes courage. I say a little prayer for you.

God bless,

 

[ImperialPhantom]

My wife and I eloped. We went from a 200-300 person church extravaganza to a very informal 30ish people wedding right on the beach at Crystal Cove in Newport Beach. It went off perfectly, the family was not offended, and now we look back on it with zero regrets.