EHarmony thoughts

[miss-a]

Okay, Gang,

I'm open to comments, thoughts, and even gentle rebukes.

Two days ago while watching an online cooking show and ad popped up inviting me to try EHarmony's five-day free communications trial. It was already two and a half days in, but just for fun I decided to give it a whirl.

Well, I'm finding myself really irritated at EHarmony. They offered me the opportunity to send what they call a FastTrack message (which I thought prudent since I was only going to be able to try the service for half the trial period). So I typed a few paragraphs mentioning how and when I as saved, church involvement, etc and asked the guy to do the same. Then I clicked send. And up it popped. "Nope, you can't do that. FastTrack is only available to members. But we conveniently can take your money right now and then you FastTrack til the cows come home."

Personally, I'm quite put off by this. Why not just allow me to try the full version of the program and see if I like it. Alternately, why not let me know upfront what I can and cannot do on the freebie trial. And finally, why let me spend my time writing several paragraphs, only to tell me my paragraphs can't go anywhere?

The good news: I only did this on a whim. I'm not feeling like I can't go on if I don't find a mate. But I'm hating the fact the some people are and this "Christian" dating service seems to be playing on that. So my thought is that God is not in this for me. And I question if He's in it at all. I don't, from a biblical point of view, see Him operating at all the way EHarmony does.

I'm not asking you if you think I should continue with EHarmony. I don't really, even if they hadn't been weighed and found lacking, see myself ever making arrangements to meet a man in person who I'd met online, and this experience has been helpful in allowing me to see that. My question is, do you think I'm being to hard on them. Or do you think I'm seeing what I think I'm seeing. I'd also love to hear others' experiences with EHarmony.

Any takers?
Thanks, A

 

[JohnDB]

Yeah...don't do any of them paid sites.

Ain't worth the money.

There are others that will do the same thing as Eharmony will for no financial cost to you whatsoever.

The biggest thing though is that I would reccomend not dating from the internet. maybe as an introduction to a friend and someone who is going to remain in the "friend" collumn.

The number of people out there who are truly honest is few and far in between.
So...go with those that you know and friends of friends who can vouch for them sufficiently.

Wish I could give you better than this but I can't. I have been there and done this too much. And women lie just as easily as men do...and for similar reasons.

sorry to break the bad news to ya. But there is no majic formula. I even heard of a guy who offers a service of maintianing and building a profile of you. Even answers emails for you in a witty, clever, and romantic fashion...till time for your first date and then will hand you a brief synopsis of what all has transpired in the emails.

So...yeah...stick with those you know on a personal level.

 

[miss-a]

Thanks, John,

I appreciate it. I really just did it on a whim. I'm not even looking and really have fallen in love with the idea of letting God bring someone in His time. I'm quite content as things stand now and that is such a blessing. But I've got to admit, it was tempting, and I wouldn't rule out a possible distraction from the enemy. You know what? I posted the same questions on another thread, and I don't think one person had a nice thing to say about EHarmony.

And you're so right. Meeting someone through others whom I know is what my real dream is, or serving alongside someone and getting to know them that way. I'll pray for that for you, too.

Blessings on yuh, John
A

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Miss, ya, I'm not happy with those pay sites. They have to keep the money coming in and so they do things like that. I'd have use a pay site again for dating.

I meet me GF on plentyoffish.com. Its not a pay site. Everything is free. There are a lot of people on it too. Its not Christian, so you will have to filter as you see fit. My GF got 32 invited, she went on quite a few dates before we got serious. She said all the guys were nice, but suspected a couple were trying to cheat. But I liked it because I controlled the interaction with the people on the site and didn't have the site treating me like a baby, holding my hand etc.

But you know what you want so do the dating thing your way.

dayhiker

 

[soccerdad66]

I know (and know of) people who met on E-Harmony it worked out very well for them.

I think any dating site is a mixed bag, but someone mentioned to me that they thought E-Harmony was better becuase the people are usually more serious on there.

Food for thought.

 

[dayhiker]

There is a sense that those who pay money are more serious. That makes sense to me.
I had a friend that joined one of the pay sites. He sais he wanted to meet women within 15 miles.
He got women from all over the world!

As I said before all the pay sites seem to control some aspect of how a person can use their site. Just seems like a way to keep the money coming in.

But they do work for some. So they aren't all bad.
dayhiker

 

[Inkachu]

I don't think "all online dating sites are worthless or evil or bad". However, for Eharmony specifically, I hate it. I hate it because 1) They don't allow you to choose your matches, THEY choose your matches, and 2) They match me with men who can't speak English or form a coherent sentence. They go on and on and on about how they match people based on compatibility, but their definition of what's "compatible" is based ONLY on personality, not on your hobbies, interests, intellect, etc. I've also set my preferences a dozen times and I still get matched with guys who don't fall within my preference settings. UGH.

 

[xDenax]

My mom didn't like eHarmony but my cousin met someone last year and they were married in August. Personally, I did meet my husband online but I didn't use a paid site like eharmony.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Thanks, John,

I appreciate it. I really just did it on a whim. I'm not even looking and really have fallen in love with the idea of letting God bring someone in His time. I'm quite content as things stand now and that is such a blessing. But I've got to admit, it was tempting, and I wouldn't rule out a possible distraction from the enemy. You know what? I posted the same questions on another thread, and I don't think one person had a nice thing to say about EHarmony.

And you're so right. Meeting someone through others whom I know is what my real dream is, or serving alongside someone and getting to know them that way. I'll pray for that for you, too.

Blessings on yuh, John
A

This would be the ultimate way IMO too. And usually you meet people that you would be interested in when you least expect it, or have given up on looking (at least this has been my experience). Go with God. He is perfectly capable of "helping" us to meet someone IF that is what HE desires, and since He always has our best interest at heart, I trust Him over any internet site anyday. They just aren't for me. I know alot of people have had success, but I don't feel I would be one of them, cuz I'm too skeptical. That's just me.

 

[miss-a]

Yeah, I cancelled my free trial and marked E-harmony as spam on my email. Even if I hadn't been so disappointed with E-harmony per se, the whole internet dating thing just doesn't do it for me. I think God can use them if He wants. But I don't think it's what He wants for me.

 

[backspacekey]

I've considered it. So far I have just used to free part of Match.com. I have gotten a few responses but I have to pay to see who they are.

 

[dayhiker]

Sounds like classmates.com ... I get a few emails ever year saying I have people from my past that have left me a message or visited my profile. Please pay this amount to see who. Well if I had money flowing out my ears I might, but things are too tight for that. But the owners have those sights to make money, so I'll not begruge them. I'll just use free ways of doing the same.

dayhiker

 

[nvsbl2]

I tried E-Harmony back when they appeared to be a Christian dating site. I was very let-down. It appears I'm too picky, but they sure weren't picky in who they paired me with! When I saw an article that gave pointers on etiquette for one night stands, I guess my Christianity was just too "picky". They should have spelled it "E-Harmmoney"

 

[miss-a]

I agree, nvsb12. Though I had no idea they had articles like that. I just tried them on a free trial for a few days, never did a photo or anything. I was pretty instantly turned off. and you stay "picky" girl. God's got a godly man for you, who would be appalled at that article too.

 

[dayhiker]

nvsbl2 I'd not heard pf "E-Harmmoney" -- that's a goodone, I love it.

 

[HisdaughterJen]

I went on e-harmony during the free trial back in early January too. Immediately, I was matched with someone that I was absolutely and inexplicably drawn to. I took a chance and contacted him. We communicated via email for a couple of weeks and then we met at a Starbucks. We could not stop looking into each others eyes - it was weird and wonderful. I've never felt a connection like that with someone.

We were both at a bad place in our lives, agreed to help one another. We talked, texted, emailed, or saw each other just about every day for 6 weeks. Then I tested him to see if he cared about me. He got angry because I don't want to have sex outside of marriage, called me an evil tease and dumped me. I have been heartbroken.

I've been matched with about 250 guys on eharmony not including the time that I was "unavailable" while I was with him.

I made a lot of mistakes, so did he. I miss my friend and wish things had been different.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Glad you didn't sacrifice your values for some guy you met on the internet (or anywhere else for that matter). Too bad it didn't work out, but that just means it wasn't meant to be. Our pastor spoke at our last Singles event and he said this about looking for a relationship.

"Don't look, live" and it really struck a chord with me. I feel God is all powerful and all knowing and is fully capable of aligning the stars and causing the sun to shine, if he wanted me to be with a particular person, he could literally move heaven and Earth to make that happen. So.....I don't look anymore, but I'm always open to opportunities.

 

[HisdaughterJen]

Glad you didn't sacrifice your values for some guy you met on the internet (or anywhere else for that matter). Too bad it didn't work out, but that just means it wasn't meant to be. Our pastor spoke at our last Singles event and he said this about looking for a relationship.

"Don't look, live" and it really struck a chord with me. I feel God is all powerful and all knowing and is fully capable of aligning the stars and causing the sun to shine, if he wanted me to be with a particular person, he could literally move heaven and Earth to make that happen. So.....I don't look anymore, but I'm always open to opportunities.

After losing my "friend", I did some research into dating and attraction and your pastor's advice is exactly what I'm hearing. Live with confidence, be happy, smile and people will come to you. I realized that I haven't been doing that for a long, long time. It will take a change of mindset/attitude but it can definitely be done.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

After losing my "friend", I did some research into dating and attraction and your pastor's advice is exactly what I'm hearing. Live with confidence, be happy, smile and people will come to you. I realized that I haven't been doing that for a long, long time. It will take a change of mindset/attitude but it can definitely be done.

I think you're on to somthing here.

 

[IreneAdler]

I'm in a relationship and totally happy but I have this bizarre desire to sign up just to see who I'd be matched with (totally just a curiosity thing) and to see what they call compatible.