Ok, a little more detail, but first let me clarify something. My pastor's are not bad guys, sinners and saints and I would not suggest otherwise. That we are sideways does not make them bad in anyway, likewise I hope they hold the same view about me and my family.
Several months ago my 16 yr old son texted me that he'd had sex w/ his gf. I was shocked and dismayed. I knew they were overly friendly as in to much PDA but I did not realize that they had overstepped the bounds and sinned in this manner.
My husband and I talked about it, he wanted to get condoms for our son right away and then tell him not to have sex. I did not want to condone the sin in anyway and we were stuck as to how to handle the situation.
I called my pastor for advice, he has two teenaged sons. His words to me on the phone that morning were "If your son has had sex with his gf, his world is going to come crashing down on him!" "I'll talk to both the kids at school"
Both children attended our Lutheran High School. Pastor called me 2 hours later said
"I am withdrawing your financial support from school, and bringing your son home this morning!" "He has coerced gf into sex, twice at your home and once on church property"
An hour later my pastor, the assoc. pastor and youth minister dropped my son off at my home, pastor said "this boy needs disicpline, he should go into the army" "we're having a discipline meeting at church tonight"
I was stunned, yes my son had been blowing off his school work all semester, getting poor grades by not doing his homework so I understand the school part of it, even if I did not like it. But I was coerced into sex as a child, in otherwards molested, and I KNOW that my son did not rape, violate, force or harm his gf. Pastor knows my backround so to use that terminology was an arrow to my heart and triggered alot of fear and anger.
My husband saw my anger and fear and was very upset that pastor was angry. He felt that he was going to the meeting to protect our son and our family name if they choose to place all the blame on our son. The meeting, as my husband explained to me later was ok. First the gf denied having sex at all to her family, even though she had told pastor the truth earlier then after being chastised for lying said that yes they had sex. Both pastors were angry that I was not at the meeting even after my husband explained that he asked me to stay home. The Assoc. pastor more that our senior pastor.
The next day I spent a lot of time in prayer not wanting to be angry or bitter or frustrated about any of this and the vs. that came to my mind over and over was "If your brother has something against you, go and be reconcilced...I left a message on pastors office phone to pls call me when convienent so that we might talk. His secretary called me later in the day and said he'd be around til 6:00 at church. I text his cell and asked him to meet me for a few minutes at 6:00 if possible as I would be at church then too.
I then called my ministry leader to ask her to hold me accountable and was I doing the right thing in trying to make amends before there were any problems. She told me to leave pastor alone as he was busy. I did.
That night I went to church preparing to lead my small group and was taken aside by my ministry leader and told that I was out of leadership on pastors orders because I failed to attend the meeting.
Pastor called me the next morning, said he understood my not coming to the meeting but that it could not wait til I was "emotionally stable" to hold such meeting and that he had nothing to do with my being out of the ministry. I left a message for my assoc. pastor apologizing for not attending the meeting and asking him to call if he wanted to talk about it. He never did.
I then spent weeks in prayer, trying to figure out where I'd sinned what I'd done wrong to be asked to leave a ministry that I loved so much and was so passionate about. Missing people who were coming to know the Lord and seeing Him at work in their hurts and lives.
I finally called both pastors and the youth leader at home to ask their forgiveness for whatever it was that I had done. Sr. Pastor told me I had not sinned against him and that he had nothing to do with that ministry. Assoc. Pastor met with me and the ministry leader and told me that it was not about missing the meeting but that I had issues I needed to deal with. He refused to clarify what he meant so I am still at a loss. My ministry leader said it was because I had harrassed our Sr. pastor after she told me to leave him alone. I did not talk to him at all but she refuses to believe that. And both of them are adement that our Sr. Pastor is to valuable and important to our church to be bothered by me. I was given strict orders not to talk to him again!
Ok, I know doesn't make sense does it. 3 months went by and I finally got to talk to the ministry leader, she apologized for not backing me up as a team member but insisted once again that the mandate to step out of leadership was not her call, it had come from the pastors.
I spoke to our Assoc. Pastor and he make it clear it wasn't his call to ask me out but stated that the church leaders, that is both pastors and my ministry leader have been having discussions about those underlings in leadership and it was decided that since I once sought marrige counseling last year, and my son was sinning that I needed to be out of leadership. Oh and he said he'd heard that I gossiped about a friend 6 months ago.
WHAT??? News to me but ok. That my not coming to the meeting was breaking ecclisastical authoity but that was only a small part of it.
I know this is long but you asked for it so...
Wow, TCat. You've had a rough go of it and I'm sorry that you've been treated so badly and are hurting so much. 
