Eat your dinner!

[JOYfulbeliever]

If the daughter isn't eating McDonalds or anything else of such, then chances are pretty good it isn't just the family cooking that's the problem! Many kids go through a stage of not wanting to eat. Some of it they may truly not like, but I'd be willing to say that the majority of the time it is more of a "control" thing for the child...and yet another way to totally frustrate our parents!

 

[desi]

If your child is not eating it is because they are not hungry enough. By feeding them outside of mealtimes you are undermining your authority and turning your children into spoiled brats. The answer to this is to offer the food you prepare at scheduled mealtimes. If the child declines it you tell her, "Are you sure because if you don't eat it I'll throw it away and you will only get water until (whatever the next mealtime is)." You may throw out a few meals and deal with a day or two of whining, afterwhich your child will eat the food you offer them like they are supposed to. You have to decide who the parent is here.

 

[Kelly]

I agree with you Desi. I need to be able to withstand the 'battle' and stick to my guns over eating at scheduled mealtimes. It's something I need to work on. Thanks for your post.

 

[lucypevensie]

I would agree with Desi too. Our daughter is really picky too.

You don't have to get snacks out of the house or lock them up. Just make it clear that snacks are ONLY for people who eat a decent nutritious meal, and when you eat a reasonable amout of food at the table with the family you can have a snack later. It's really that simple. If there's sneaking of snacks you can go ahead and impose a punishment for disobedience.

 

[desi]

I agree with you Desi. I need to be able to withstand the 'battle' and stick to my guns over eating at scheduled mealtimes. It's something I need to work on. Thanks for your post.

You're welcome. Its one of the many things my wise wife taught me. Hang in there and it'll be well worth it.

 

[IslandBreeze]

Growing up, if I didn't eat what was fixed, I went hungry. PERIOD. There were no snacks in between meals either. Because I was forced to eat what was fixed, I now enjoy a wide variety of foods and snacks. You'll do your kids more good than harm by giving them the choice of eating what's fixed or going hungry.

 

[HeatherJay]

I disagree with Lambslove completely here...the other posters, I'm right with you guys. I have 2 picky kids.


I was a picky eater as well so I try to sympathize with them somewhat, HOWEVER, (as Dr Phil would say) You can't let the tail wag the dog.

1. Explain to her that she needs to eat to help her body grow and be strong and healthy.

2. Also let her HELP plan what's on the menu. I've figured out the meals that I fix that my girls will eat...if the main course is something they won't eat, then I make sure to have a few side dishes they do like (mac and cheese, green beans, applesauce, etc.). That way, you can rule out 'she just doesn't like the food.'

3. You were concerned that forcing her to eat might lead to an eating disorder...if she continues to 'sneak around' to get food, that could lead to possible serious issues as well (binge eating only when she's alone and no one's watching).

4. Food is one of the few things kids can control in their lives. She's realized that you can't force her to eat. Maybe if you give her some other choices, she'll feel she's more in control. Like, 'Would you like chicken nuggets or mac and cheese?' 'Should we have milk or juice with supper?' Let her know that not eating is okay, but not eating supper means no snacks...make sure she's clear on the rules.

5. Maybe if you let her help you prepare the meal, she'll be more likely to join in with eating it. My girls LOVE to help me cook. Of course, be careful around anything hot or on the stovetop. But perhaps if she's feels like she's making a contribution, and if she feels proud of the job she's done, you might be surprised with the result. Make a big deal about what a great job she did and how yummy her food is. Kids LOVE it when you feed their ego...and it's good for self esteem, too.

These are a few things I tired with my kids and it seems to have worked...of course, we still have occassions where they don't feel like eating at suppertime. But if they don't eat supper, we they come to me to tell me they're hungry later, I give them their supper plate back. I know they will eat what I've made for them, so it's just a matter of them getting hungry enough to cooporate. TRUST ME and every other parent who's had this problem...she will not starve. You have to be the parent and let her know that suppertime rules are important because her health is important to you. Maybe if she understands the reason we have to eat nutritious food, she'll work with you a little more.

I really hope this helps

Love, Heather

 

[water_ripple]

My oldest is two. The years of discovering what she can control. She is learning that she is a seperate entity from mommy. Mommy cannot force me to eat. I have control over this aspect of my life. Spaghetti is one of my favorite foods among many others. Sometimes I refuse to eat my favorites. My mommy is as stubborn as I am. I take after her in this respect. And my mommy makes me eat my spaghetti anyway at the next mealtime. I cannot help myself. I am now hungry. I love my mommy anyway. All is right with the world. I smile at mommy and she reminds me to use my fork....

 

[HeatherJay]

LOL...Water, you sound like a fun mommy

Love, Heather

 

[water_ripple]

LOL...Water, you sound like a fun mommy

Love, Heather

If I couldn't laugh I would definetly be screaming. Thanx =)

 

[Kelly]

Good points everyone. She's started being more adventurous recently. We've gotten her to try some foods that I wouldn't have touched as a kid. Her current favorite dish is steamed brocolli and shrimp. (Healthy!).

She has also taken to grapes as a snack instead of the junk. I still can't get her to eat anything with any sort of sauce or topping on it

 

[HeatherJay]

Good points everyone. She's started being more adventurous recently. We've gotten her to try some foods that I wouldn't have touched as a kid. Her current favorite dish is steamed brocolli and shrimp. (Healthy!).

She has also taken to grapes as a snack instead of the junk. I still can't get her to eat anything with any sort of sauce or topping on it

Kids have weird habits just like we do. My oldest one loves veggies, but she won't eat most meat. My youngest loves meat and won't touch veggies. One loves ketchup on everything, the other won't touch anything on her plate if there's a spot of ketchup on the plate. I babysat for a kid long ago that wouldn't eat anything if two foods on his plate were touching (he wouldn't eat his mashed potatoes if his chicken was touching it, or he wouldn't eat his mac and cheese if it was touching his green beans). It's so much easier to find the humor in it and relax and enjoy the kiddie years. Pretty soon those weird kids turn into really weird teenagers.

I'm glad she's getting better about eating...apparently it wasn't your cooking after all

Love, Heather

 

[Kelly]

I've also noticed that she can't eat a sandwich without dismantling it and eating it's components one at a time. She opens up a sammich, eats the meat, then cheese, then the veggies, then maybe half the bread or so. Funny. She does the same to tacos. I tried to show her how a sandwhich is easier to eat the 'right' way, and less messy but she's not buying it

 

[HeatherJay]

Your way may be less messy, but is it as much fun?

You sound like a very patient daddy...you're doing a great job, Kelly

Love, Heather

PS Your 'bling bling' avatar makes me smile every time I see it!

 

[Kelly]

Thanks HeatherJay

Yeah, she's a lot of fun. Today she ate a TON of watermelon that my dad had brought over. I couldn't eat that much of it!

I saw the Gary Coleman pick and had to add something to it for an avatar. I used to love Diff'rent Strokes.

 

[Techbot]

I have daughters ages 4 and 2. I'm a work at home dad, which means I'm the cook/housecleaner/etc. I'm Mr. Mom They do the same thing to me somedays. My 2yr old just will NOT eat sometimes. My 4yr old gets really picky at times. The best thing I found is to get them in on choosing and making the meal. They can do simple things like getting silverware out, choosing the foods and helping me get it out of the fridge. When they feel like they're helping make the meals, they seem to eat better.

 

[water_ripple]

Good points everyone. She's started being more adventurous recently. We've gotten her to try some foods that I wouldn't have touched as a kid. Her current favorite dish is steamed brocolli and shrimp. (Healthy!).

She has also taken to grapes as a snack instead of the junk. I still can't get her to eat anything with any sort of sauce or topping on it

Sometimes I have used the technique of getting or fixing a new food and sitting down in the living room to eat it in front of my daughter. I will act like this is a completely normal thing and not offer any to her. Usually, her curiosity gets the best of her and she will say "Momma I bite?" So I will give her a taste of something new and continue eating without encouraging another taste. Almost always she ends up eating at least half of whatever this is. Sometimes though I recieve a rather indignat "YUCK!" and she will scrape off her tounge and give me the half chewed food! EWW! I cannot help but laugh.

 

[water_ripple]

I have daughters ages 4 and 2. I'm a work at home dad, which means I'm the cook/housecleaner/etc. I'm Mr. Mom They do the same thing to me somedays. My 2yr old just will NOT eat sometimes. My 4yr old gets really picky at times. The best thing I found is to get them in on choosing and making the meal. They can do simple things like getting silverware out, choosing the foods and helping me get it out of the fridge. When they feel like they're helping make the meals, they seem to eat better.

This has helped me also.

 

[Etharia]

When I would take care of my 2yr. old nephew and his baby sister, I would ask him to "help" feed Wynie. He would give her a bite, then take one himself. He also liked trying to "feed" me. That was usually messy, but a lot of fun.

 

[Evening Mist]

Many great ideas in this thread! Espcially the idea to have her help cook dinner. Kids tend to *love* their own cooking! Go figure.

One thing that I want to point out is that healthy snacking is normal and healthy in young children. They have small tummies that need frequent refilling, and its better for them to listen to their phsyical cues by eating when they are hungry, but never over-stuffing themselves at rigidly appointed times.

My younger son is the picky one in our house, and I try to provide *real food* whenever he wants to eat (not junk) and I try not to sweat untouched food at mealtimes. Its hard, I know, to fix a nice meal and then watch it be snubbed. Its hard to stay calm. But just like you said -- you don't want to set food up to be an "issue" for her. It isn't worth it.

Put the junky snacks up high, and keep healthy snacks available all the time. Some ideas for simple healthy snacking might include leftover dishes from dinner ready to eat cold in small servings, cold peices of cut up chicken breast, healthy muffins, raisins, sunflower seeds, peices of cheese, fruit, yogurt and raw veggies. Sometimes making the presentation of the snacks "fun" will help encourage healthy eating -- freeze the yogurt, provide "dip" for the veggies, etc... And the whole concept of being allowed to go "fix a snack" and having a variety to choose can be enticing and empowering enough to outweigh the fact that the food is good for her.

Keep all the healthy snacks accessible, so that she can be independent about fixing her food when she wants to eat, and not put you to work at her every whim. These snacks can also provide her with simple substitutes that she can get when she's not happy with dinner, without inconveincing you! I don't allow complaints about dinner, and I don't get up 20 times to provide alternatives. But I don't mind if my child quietly gets up and chooses a a healthy alternative that he can manage himself without making a fuss.

At the end of the day, if my kid has eaten a couple healthy things -- I consider it a success, no matter what time the foods were eaten.