Drinking..

[Shadowprophet]

I could spin this a thousand ways. But I love my wife and I want to be as proper and dignified as I can be about this situation.

She likes to drink in moderation, I am not faultless, And yet I do not tell you my faults,, So before you think I am some sort of victim, I am not, Both me and my wife are imperfect people and I love her.

Maybe I am just being overly critical about it, But when she drinks.. her personality changes, I do not like it, It does not feel right. I am not really a wild person and I know that makes me some sort of lame duck. But I grew up under rough situations, When I was a kid and saw my older brother drunk or high.. I always knew I was about to be beaten and my parents out of shame that it was so bad, would overlook it... Every time my brother got drunk or high, I packed full grown man beatings, And For it, I hate hard drugs and I hate, I hate drinking.., When I am around people and they are drunk, It's uncomfortable for me, Because I am so triggered, Waiting for the fight to happen. It's a feeling that doesn't go away.. even after all these years..

My wife doesn't realize it. But when she is drunk, I just want to get as far away from her as I possibly can.
I've never told her my feelings about this. She is a good person. And she is not a terrible drunk.. It's just very uncomfortable for me to be around drunk people. Because, I don't feel like they are at all in their right minds and capable of anything..


She told me tonight when she was drunk.. that she didn't think I loved her like she loves me..
What is that even supposed to mean when somebody is drunk. She doesn't get it.. I'm not drunk.. I don't feel like getting up and dancing and singing songs all night long and acting out of my mind..
its not fun for me..

The whole situation just sucks....

 

[Hieronymus]

You'll have to tell her.
But do it by describing what YOUR problem is with people being drunk.
Explain carefully, yet clearly.

But it's easy for me to give you advice from behind my keyboard...

What is that even supposed to mean when somebody is drunk.

Maybe she just wants you to show some affection, even when drunk, maybe especially when in an alcohol induced emotional mood.

and my parents out of shame that it was so bad, would overlook it...

That's just awfull...
A lame excuse.
Sorry to say this...

 

[Shadowprophet]

I will admit my faults.. I am sure you are right,, I am sometimes a very distant person,, I do need to work on that,, Thank you for your answer, there was a lot of ways anyone could have replied to this.. But you showed caring and respect for the situation, Thank you Hieronymus.

 

[Hieronymus]

I think honesty and some openness is crucial in a close relationship.
I hope it'll work out.

You're welcome, brother.

 

[Paul808]

I would have suggested something different but Hieronymus have shared some great suggestions. Even I'm having a similar situation here and the ideas suggested here I'm looking forward to try these out.

 

[joshua 1 9]

She told me tonight when she was drunk.. that she didn't think I loved her like she loves me..

If she loves you then she should show that love by not drinking. Esp sense this is a problem for you due to your past experiences.

 

[JE5USFRE4K]

I know that when I was still drinking, the thing that got my attention the most was one day when my wife lovingly brought me dinner, a movie , and a fruit tray when I got off work. She just politely asked if she could spend some time with me instead of me drinking that day. It changed everything. That was the one seed she planted that ultimately ended my drinking completely. I knew it was just out of love that she did this. There were no strings attached, just love. I never knew it bothered her that much. Don't know if this is right for your situation. It just had a huge impact on me.

 

[jaxis]

I am an alcoholic even one beer changes my mood I have made a lot of progress knowing it's sin not a disease . 80% of physicians don't think it's a disease. But if it was still at all fun I would be drinking right now. Just talking about it makes me want to go get a 24 oz beer not drinking 5-7 in a short period of time like I did all last year or really hopeless alcoholic 8 years ago. When I think of it as a disease I just say well I have a disease I can't help it when I know it's sin I realize I'm in temptation and pray that the Lord give me strength to get threw the night or day. Normally I would already be at the store but knowing the Holy Spirit in me I know not to get drunk on wine but filled with the Holy Spirit.