Dreams about departed loved ones

[blueguy]

Well, you have friends to lean on here Jean.

The crying part sure helped me at the time

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I haven't dreamed much of Terry, but I did this week. I am moving next week, leaving our home of 28 years. I dreamed that I woke up in the middle of the night and the lights were on in our room. Everything had been moved out of the room, except for the bed. I stood in our room, not knowing what to think. Terry walked into the room and I asked him where everything was. He said he was helping me move and had taken everything to the new house. I asked him why, and he said it was time for me to move on. I woke up and just cried and cried.

Wow! Such a touching dream! Maybe God is trying to help you know that it IS OK to move on. You know Terry wouldn't want you to be sad, and of course we can't help it, because we love them ! I hope even though it made you cry, that it would help you to have some kind of peace about the move. It doesn't mean you are forgetting Terry or leaving him. His memories will always be with you. No one can take them from you, even if they tried. God Bless you!

 

[dellin]

It has been almost 7 months since my wife departed, and I am still looking for reassurance that she is OK. I receive subtle hints, sometimes in dreams, sometimes a television show, sometimes my son will say something completely off the cuff that gets me thinking. But I have this desire to know without a doubt that she is truly home, that she is well, that she surrounded by joy and love.

After the one intense dream I had just days after she passed, I rarely had any memorable dreams about her at all. But lately I have been dreaming once again. There seems to be a recurring theme of being reunited and separated, longing for the past but accepting that we cannot go back and must move forward. Strangely, our son hardly figures into them at all. Perhaps that is because he is still with me in this life.

One recent dream began with a feeling of great anticipation, that a joyful event was about to occur. I walked into a crowded restaurant, and approached the bar. As I got closer, I saw a familiar woman turn and look at me. It was my wife. A smile appeared on her face, and it was the same smile she greeted me with when we were first dating and our love was new. In the back of my mind, I knew that she had died, and I did not understand why she was here with me or why I was allowed to see her, but none of that mattered. I felt such joy as we embraced. But I knew we could not remain together, and before I knew it I awoke. I felt such deep loss and loneliness at that moment that I could not even cry.

Another began with my wife and I at home. I remember that she was not pleased with me for the way I have been conducting myself. I was being reminded of all the selfish things I have done. But she still let me know that she loved me, and she forgave me, for there is no healing without forgiveness. Anyway, in this dream we had already been living in our current home for a while, but we had gone back to our previous house, which was vacant. We really missed the old place, and so we began moving things in as if we were going to live there again. Part way through this process, we decided together that we didn't belong there and needed to go back to our new house because that's where our future is. The rest is a blur, but the last thing I remember is that I knew I had to say goodbye to her, and that my son and I were going to be alone. There was such a feeling of sadness that I woke up crying intensely.

I've learned through grieving that sometimes it doesn't matter what you know. You feel things, and you can't deny those feelings, you can't bury them, and you can't change them. There is a deep longing to have our loved ones back, a strong desire to have everything back the way it was, a wish for a chance to right past wrongs.

At the same time you are slammed hard with reality, by the finality of it all, the fact that what you can never go back. It can be debilitating, but you know that you must move forward.

Throughout all of this, the one thing that keeps nagging at me is that I really don't know for certain what the state of her eternal soul is. I probably never will know until I am there too. It is so difficult to take it on faith alone, without evidence, despite the subtle hints I have been given. If anything, these dreams tell me that I am still holding on and refusing to let go.


Anyway, I apologize once again for such a long-winded and pointless post. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that this is normal and that I'm not alone.

Dave, dellin here, I know what your talking about. I lost my husband 5mo ago today. It has been a hard day for me. I too wish I had a sign that he is Ok. He always did the yard work, I don't even know how to start the lawnmower, the blower won't work. Leaves are everywhere. I get really down when things that need doing start mounting up. I have 2 girsl and 1 son (grown). They have their own yards to keep up. I need to get someone to show me how to do these things. I guess we are never to old to learn. Keep me in your prayers.
dellin

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Dave, dellin here, I know what your talking about. I lost my husband 5mo ago today. It has been a hard day for me. I too wish I had a sign that he is Ok. He always did the yard work, I don't even know how to start the lawnmower, the blower won't work. Leaves are everywhere. I get really down when things that need doing start mounting up. I have 2 girsl and 1 son (grown). They have their own yards to keep up. I need to get someone to show me how to do these things. I guess we are never to old to learn. Keep me in your prayers.
dellin

I was in the same boat. Luckily two guys at my church started a ministry called "Calloused Hands" catering to widows and people that can't afford to pay (I am the first and only widow in my church so far). Maybe you could ask for help from your church. I finally learned how to trim my bushes myself. Even though I wish my husband was around to do those things it made me feel good that I wasn't helpless. Or maybe you could pay someone to come and clean your yard up every month or two. It's hard to ask for help, but we need it, and really....people are happy to help if you let them. Don't be afraid to ask for help. It's expected and it's OK.

 

[blueguy]

Calvary Chapel really was a huge help in the death of my son... I will never forget that!!!

 

[KarenCharin0]

Dave, dellin here, I know what your talking about. I lost my husband 5mo ago today. It has been a hard day for me. I too wish I had a sign that he is Ok. He always did the yard work, I don't even know how to start the lawnmower, the blower won't work. Leaves are everywhere. I get really down when things that need doing start mounting up. I have 2 girsl and 1 son (grown). They have their own yards to keep up. I need to get someone to show me how to do these things. I guess we are never to old to learn. Keep me in your prayers.
dellin

Dear Dellin, I know your frustration. I have a 6 acre yard to take care of. Keith did all the mechanical stuff with the mowers, tractor, cars, driving. So many things that were easy to do with both of use turned impossible for just me. Our Father has sent help in some unexpected ways over the last 91/2 years. Things are a lot different now and I've learned not to worry about the things I can't handle on my own. I had just lost my Mom and Dad a few years earlier and we didn't have any kids. My in-laws wanted me to sell out let them have Keith's things and treated me like a non person. I had lost everything else I wasn't going to lose my house too and I'm still hanging on here thanks to our Father above. He is able and takes care of what we can't. My prayers are with you.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Dear Dellin, I know your frustration. I have a 6 acre yard to take care of. Keith did all the mechanical stuff with the mowers, tractor, cars, driving. So many things that were easy to do with both of use turned impossible for just me. Our Father has sent help in some unexpected ways over the last 91/2 years. Things are a lot different now and I've learned not to worry about the things I can't handle on my own. I had just lost my Mom and Dad a few years earlier and we didn't have any kids. My in-laws wanted me to sell out let them have Keith's things and treated me like a non person. I had lost everything else I wasn't going to lose my house too and I'm still hanging on here thanks to our Father above. He is able and takes care of what we can't. My prayers are with you.

Isn't it amazing how families change when a death occurs? I am so sorry you had to go thru that. But it seems it has made you stronger. God Bless!

 

[blueguy]

Isn't it amazing how families change when a death occurs? I am so sorry you had to go thru that. But it seems it has made you stronger. God Bless!

I concur!!

 

[KarenCharin0]

I concur!!

Thank you.

Yes it is amazing how people, family and a lot of friends, people treat you differently, when your suddenly "single" even though I didn't feel like a "single" person so many things change when there is a death in the family. At times it almost felt like they were more like vultures. And seems like I was just numb for over a year and wasn't even catching on to what was happening in my life. I often wonder how it would of been for Keith if it would of been me that died instead of him.

 

[blueguy]

Thank you.

Yes it is amazing how people, family and a lot of friends, people treat you differently, when your suddenly "single" even though I didn't feel like a "single" person so many things change when there is a death in the family. At times it almost felt like they were more like vultures. And seems like I was just numb for over a year and wasn't even catching on to what was happening in my life. I often wonder how it would of been for Keith if it would of been me that died instead of him.

Your welcome Karen
Read your post and do remember the numbness, the spinning, as if out of control, and the vultures. Yours was a spouse and mine was a son but it looks like it's all the same.
Also, just a quick word of advice...... watch the guilt. My daughter had horrible survivor's guilt, it was sad to see. Our loved ones would want us healthy.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

My husband's family WAS my family. I am not that close to my dad, my mom passed in 1995, and I have no siblings. I have some aunts and cousins but they would not be like vultures. I feel kind of abandoned now that it's been almost 3 years. I know they care, but I don't feel the love like I did when my husband was here or right after he passed. It's OK, I have my kids. I just think it's sad how some people act. I wish I didn't feel like an outcast.

 

[blueguy]

Sorry Michelle, wish I could help you but can't........ Acceptance, reality, whatever,comes to my mind. The only One that truly loves us, as an individual, is God.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Sorry Michelle, wish I could help you but can't........ Acceptance, reality, whatever,comes to my mind. The only One that truly loves us, as an individual, is God.

That's exactly right! And I feel like God is showing me that right now. It does hurt though to go thru these stages and I still need physical contact with people.

 

[blueguy]

That's exactly right! And I feel like God is showing me that right now. It does hurt though to go thru these stages and I still need physical contact with people.

Good for you, and there is nothing wrong with that!!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I had a really sad dream last night. I dreamt I was helping a friend of mine do a garage sale, and somehow my husband was not dead, but we weren't living together I don't know how or why but we were still happy I thought. Then in the middle of the dream I had this thought that he wanted to divorce me. So I called him up and asked why he didn't come over and see the kids and I was so so sad. I woke up crying. Then I realized that he was gone, not because we divorced but I could never get him back.

 

[JeanR]

I have been dreaming lately about Terry and I shared that with my grief counselor. He said that healing takes place from the outside in. On the outside, I have healed. I am working, I have strong friendships, my church family has been supportive. But, the subconscious is the last to heal and it heals through dreaming. The subconscious is trying to make sense out of the death of a loved one and it works it out through dreams. So, dreams are necessary, we can't avoid them. I don't like dreaming about Terry, however; because the dream is wonderful, but you wake to reality--and he is still gone. But, dreaming is a good sign, you are healing.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I read something today and it just clicked something with me so I thought I would share it and maybe it will help someone else I don't know. It was about being unintentionally single (not necessarily widowed but it still applies).

Marriage, sex, and family (like all good things) have potential to become a distraction or even idolatry. Many single people are guilty of believing that life's silver bullet lies in securing the right mate. My married friends just roll their eyes. Whenever one lands on these issues, we're all living in this in-between time: marriage is still an ordained institution of God, which foreshadows the day when Christ will claim us----this awesomely inummerable, motley group of believers---as His bride. But between here and there, for those who love being in God's family but still long for their own human one, it can feel like living in a no-man's land.

When I read the bold part....it just struck me. Christ died on the cross and left the earth to return for us one day. Now my husband in a different fashion has left me but we will all be re-united one day. I don't know how to explain it exactly, but it comforted me a little. I don't know if it will make sense to anyone, but I thought I would share it just in case. God Bless!

 

[comewhatmay]

When JeanR said that dreaming helps in healing, i got a bit worried because i have not dreamt of Raymond for so long i couldn't exactly remember when it was that i last dreamt of him. Some days i wonder if it was because of some reasons or something i did that's causing it.

 

[JeanR]

I didn't dream about Terry for a whole year. Don't worry, your subconscious will work it out in its own timing. Just remember that Jesus is carrying you through this whole process.

 

[KarenCharin0]

I had a really weird dream last night about Keith... weird because it was so far from what really happened....

I dreamed that he came back, that we were in a car wreck and he had been gone for a whole year.. we were at lunch at work playing bingo, and I said if you weren't dead where were you and he said he woke up first from the wreck and punched the cop who came to help us and they put him in jail for a year and he didn't want me to know so he just let think he was dead but now they let him out and he was back......

In reality, I haven't worked since 1993, and we never played bingo, and he died of a heart attack not a car wreck and that was 10 years ago he died not one year ago....

maybe it has taken me these 10 years to start healing on the inside.