Dragon

[phoenix_kid82]

Hey

I'm a tad confused about something.

I'm gonna say sumthin, there is a point to it all, i'll try not to sound too unhumble.

I get alot of attention from guys, and cos i'm nice to people naturally, i seem to get the wrong kind of attention, and they hone in. I hate it. God's teaching me alot about boundaries at the moment, that i don't have to be nice about these things as my intentions towards them are not of the same nature.

So anyway, there's this dude who works in my building. He's probably in his early 30's (i'm 22). I don't even know him, we don't even talk. He came up to me a few days ago and gave me a letter, asked me out to lunch, i said i had a bf (lie), he asked for it back, and that was that. Then he saw me yesteray afternoon leaving the building and he asked me how old i was and what my name was, and i answered...

This kind of stuff gets to me really bad. When things like this happen, i tell people and have a whinge, they're like "yea i hear ya sis"...

I'm a bit confused. Cos i can be really mean about these things. I hate that someone who doesn't even know me has been watching me and thought about me enough to write me a letter. I should think it's sweet, but i hate hate hate it.

I don't really know what i'm asking here, but i guess i'm wondering, should i be nice 2 him and not tell ppl and try to avoid walking past where he works if i can help it?

I think it's a power thing with me now. I know he likes me, i'm threatened by that so i tell ppl, get ppl to rally behind me mentally, have a laugh about it if i can, and do my best to be firm.

Maybe i'm being really stuffy about this. Could someone pls tell me to shoosh and stop being silly?

 

[Dirtydeak]

Hey, I know your probebly looking for a direct answer but, Im kindda ify on this on. I diffently think you did right by not meting a guy you don't know somwhere, but on the other hand you have to get to know someone by first meting them. Then building a relationship. This guy might have just tried to interduce himself to you. The letter could have been a way of talking to you with out having to do it to your face. Fear of rejection ect. Then agian, we both know were men do most of their thinking. I have two daughters, ages 9 and 7. and I am loathing the days they " discover " boys. Anyways I would sugest that if you are intrested in this guy to get to know him, but to do so in a safe envroment for your self, and to drive your self so you can leave at your own will. Meet him in the day in public, and find out if he is a weirdo or not. If he makes you at all uncofortable...LEAVE. I think you are right by being apreihensive but if you ever want find the right man your going to have to be nice to men that show intrest in you. Im not talking about intrest in sex., but an intrest in you. God bless.

 

[Johnnz]

If you are a nice girl guys will be attracted. That is just the way it is.

You will need to learn how to handle guys who approach you firmly but also graciously. Your boundaries are those you set for yourself, so keep them there. That won't stop guys from trying. Many women have these experiences - many dislike it too, others are flattered.

Eventually, you will have a partner and that will make things easier, but in a fallen world taht will not stop the problem entirely. Non Christian guys can be very intrusive - they see any unattached young woman as an opportunity. Some may genuinely like you for what they see in you. For others, it is part of the game of life.

John
NZ

 

[phoenix_kid82]

I have alot of trouble recognising manipulation when i'm being messed with. I keep thinking that if they think i'm nice, if they're persistent enough, they'll get what they want.

phoenix_kid82

 

[phoenix_kid82]

If you are a nice girl guys will be attracted. That is just the way it is.

You will need to learn how to handle guys who approach you firmly but also graciously. Your boundaries are those you set for yourself, so keep them there. That won't stop guys from trying.

Very true. This truth makes me so angry inside, because it tells me there are situations i can't control.

It just seems that if i smile and say "hi" to some guy, he thinks i'm flirting with him, or that he's in with a chance. Then he think's "hmmm, she's nice. If i'm persistent enough, she'll cave in".

Don't get me wrong, i'm no man hater. I have heaps of cool guy friends. I know there are many guys who aren't like this, especially genuine Christian guys.

I think my problem is with my boundaries. I need to trust my intuition a bit more, & i pray to God and ask Him to help me be gracious about this cos i'm becoming very hard in my heart. I don't want to hate anyone.

Thanx John 4 ur advice and also for your pms, it's good to get some real wisdom on this.

In Christ,

Phoenix_Kid82

 

[Johnnz]

Hi,

Just another thought.

What many people fail to understand is that sex with another person leads to a 'one flesh' situation. As such, the spiritual environment of that person also becomes yours.

For a girl who has given in to sex with a guy who has bad sexual values that girl can thereafter carry an unclean sexual spirit around with her. That spirit will then recognise any guy who is after sex with a girl and draw them together. I have had many cases of this happening with people I have counselled - far too many to simply write off or ignore. Often the girl is all but unable to resist. Wonderfully, specific prayer breaks that link. Again, I have many amazing testimonies to tell on this.

Could this be an issue with you?

 

[Superman117]

You are a decent person with empathy for the people around you. There is nothing wrong with you. At all. Nothing wrong with being decent and caring. Compared to the countless lying, cheating, deceitful, brutal, conniving and treacherous, destructive and vengeful men and women of this world, you are a real gem !!!!

 

[bliz]

I need to trust my intuition a bit more, & i pray to God and ask Him to help me be gracious about this cos i'm becoming very hard in my heart.

You said a lot right there!

For some reason, Western culture teaches girls to ignore their intuition about people and siutations. Little girls are often being told to ignore their sense about people or to accept the assessments of others. I remember a man in the chruch I grew up in. He gave me the creeps! I was quite young, but I never wanted to be anywhere near him. I rememebr my parents urging me to be friendly and shake his hand and he just picked me up and help me saying "That's alright, honey!" and everyone smiled and was happy. Except me. Years later I learned that he was approaching children and was arrested. I had sensed something, even as a kid, but was told to ignore what I knew.

Don't!

 

[I'ddie4him]

Hey

I'm a tad confused about something.

I'm gonna say sumthin, there is a point to it all, i'll try not to sound too unhumble.

I get alot of attention from guys, and cos i'm nice to people naturally, i seem to get the wrong kind of attention, and they hone in. I hate it. God's teaching me alot about boundaries at the moment, that i don't have to be nice about these things as my intentions towards them are not of the same nature.

So anyway, there's this dude who works in my building. He's probably in his early 30's (i'm 22). I don't even know him, we don't even talk. He came up to me a few days ago and gave me a letter, asked me out to lunch, i said i had a bf (lie), he asked for it back, and that was that. Then he saw me yesteray afternoon leaving the building and he asked me how old i was and what my name was, and i answered...

This kind of stuff gets to me really bad. When things like this happen, i tell people and have a whinge, they're like "yea i hear ya sis"...

I'm a bit confused. Cos i can be really mean about these things. I hate that someone who doesn't even know me has been watching me and thought about me enough to write me a letter. I should think it's sweet, but i hate hate hate it.

I don't really know what i'm asking here, but i guess i'm wondering, should i be nice 2 him and not tell ppl and try to avoid walking past where he works if i can help it?

I think it's a power thing with me now. I know he likes me, i'm threatened by that so i tell ppl, get ppl to rally behind me mentally, have a laugh about it if i can, and do my best to be firm.

Maybe i'm being really stuffy about this. Could someone pls tell me to shoosh and stop being silly?

Hey phoenix kid,
I truly think that you need to say something to someone about this guy and make em aware of what he is doing. If he makes you uncomfortable, Let someone know by all means.
He does not have the right to make you feel distressed or feel unsafe. He may just be trying to be nice, But, I think his approaches are just a bit too forward to just let go. Tell someone and see that it stops. I hope this helps.

 

[ascribe2thelord]

Hi,

Just another thought.

What many people fail to understand is that sex with another person leads to a 'one flesh' situation. As such, the spiritual environment of that person also becomes yours.

For a girl who has given in to sex with a guy who has bad sexual values that girl can thereafter carry an unclean sexual spirit around with her. That spirit will then recognise any guy who is after sex with a girl and draw them together. I have had many cases of this happening with people I have counselled - far too many to simply write off or ignore. Often the girl is all but unable to resist. Wonderfully, specific prayer breaks that link. Again, I have many amazing testimonies to tell on this.

Could this be an issue with you?

It's not a spirit, it's just the memory, and attraction. And lust. Combat those with faith and you'll overcome this.

Will people please stop telling kids they're possessed by demons because of this or that? I don't think having someone sexually attracted to you is a problem of one's own responsibility ... maybe with the other person, yes, but not with the girl.

Ugh.