Downward Spiralling

[madison1101]

I have been on a self-destructive downward spiral for the past two weeks. Let me give you some background.

Prior to making some radical changes in my behavior, I was an abusive, manipulative witch to my entire family. My children took the brunt of my anger and rage. When I got better, I swore I would never hurt my children again. Unfortunately, it took till they were adults, and moved from home to live their own lives. Still I swore I would never hurt my precious children again.

Well, I have been getting along with all three kids, visiting them and doing things with them and my grandchildren. The last time I argued with my daughter was Memorial Day, 2010. Till two weeks ago, that is. She is five months pregnant, and we clashed over two things. She kept making negative comments about all the medications I take. Then, she argued about a bottle of cough syrup I borrowed and used rather quickly. I could have shut up but instead, I got defensive and hurt and threatened to go home, instead of staying there one more day.

Then, on Sunday, I made a joke with my son, saying a particular football player should have his mouth washed out with soap. I had forgotten that his father had done that to him when he was a child, and my son got upset with me. He thought I was making a joke out of the abuse he got as a child.

So, I hurt two of my children in a week. As a result, my self-loathing, self-destructive tendencies are flared big time.

Please pray for me.

Trish

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

I am sorry hun. *hugs* What kind of self-destructive things are you dealing with. I hope things get smoothed over quickly with your children. I am praying.

 

[madison1101]

I am sorry hun. *hugs* What kind of self-destructive things are you dealing with. I hope things get smoothed over quickly with your children. I am praying.

Thanks, LilyBelle. Things with my children are okay. I apologized immediately for what happened, and we are cool. I just can't forgive myself for hurting them again.

As for the self-destruction, I am tempted to find a doctor to prescribe Percocet, which I am addicted to. And, I have done some cutting.

I appreciate the understanding.

Trish

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

Thanks, LilyBelle. Things with my children are okay. I apologized immediately for what happened, and we are cool. I just can't forgive myself for hurting them again.

As for the self-destruction, I am tempted to find a doctor to prescribe Percocet, which I am addicted to. And, I have done some cutting.

I appreciate the understanding.

Trish

I am so glad things got worked out with you kids. It is hard to forgive ourselves, harder than forgiving others.

Please do all you can not to find a doctor who will do that.

So sorry about the cutting. I know how hard that is at times not to do. Just a few weeks ago I did and then I get so mad at myself. Such a horrible cycle. *hugs*

 

[ke1985]

I am sorry to hear you have gone through this. By reading your first post, it sounded like your children were very defensive and easily upset. Please dont blame yourself.