I'm an agnostic-theist. I say 'agnostic' because I doubt the existence of God. It's not something I choose to do, but something that I feel about anything I don't know for certain. Can one be a believer with doubt? I am consumed with doubt, even though I pray to God and hope for an afterlife. There is that grating doubt that extinguishes the certitude I all too often find among Christians.. Am I agnostic? I'd prefer not to label myself. But does doubt exclude me?
Welcome carlos8206! You ask some very honest and sincere questions. I think Hebrews 11:16 will answer your question. It reads, "And
without faith it is
impossible to please God, because
anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."
This doesn't mean that Christians never doubt. I am a big doubter (often it is, can God really forgive my sins? Will he really save such a horrible sinner such as i? etc) A Christian believes that we are saved by grace, through faith, and NOT by works (Ephesians 2:8-9), but it is still very hard for me to believe sometimes. I feel i need to WORK for my salvation, which is wrong.
So to answer your question, i would call you an agnostic, but more specifically, a searching agnostic. And it is very good that you are open and honest. I would have labeled myself an agnostic for a good part of college. A book that was given to me to read when i was in this very intense "questioning stage" was Viggo Olsen's,
The Agnostic Who Dared to Search.
It is a very short book (under 100 pages, maybe 80?) that relates the story of a Dr. and his wife (also a Dr.) who were intellectual agnostics that were tired of being witnessed to by the wife's parents. So they decided to do a detailed search in the Scriptures to come up with discrepancies, faults, errors, and inconsistencies to present to the parents and shut them up once and for all.
Well, they became Christians after their search

. I think it would be a good read for you even if it didn't impact you as greatly it did me.
Peace.
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