Isn't English A Silly Language?
Let's face it, English is a crazy language. There is
no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither
apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't
invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which
aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its
paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't
fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If
the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of
booth beeth? One goose, two geese -- one moose, two
meese? And one index, two indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
one amend, that you comb through annals of history but
not through a single annal? If you have a collection
of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught? If a
vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian
eat? If you wrote a letter, did you brote your tongue?
Sometimes I think all English speakers should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In
what language do people recite at a play and play at a
recital; ship by truck, and send cargo by ship; have
noses that run and feet that smell; park on driveways
and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can
overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot
and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot
as hell one day and cold as hell another.
Have you noticed that we talk about certain things
only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a
horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero
or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into
someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or
peccable? And where are all those people who ARE
spring chickens or who WOULD hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in
which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in
which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it
reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of
course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out they are visible,
but when the lights are out they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but,
when I wind up this joke, I end it.
Let's face it, English is a crazy language. There is
no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither
apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't
invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which
aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its
paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't
fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If
the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of
booth beeth? One goose, two geese -- one moose, two
meese? And one index, two indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
one amend, that you comb through annals of history but
not through a single annal? If you have a collection
of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught? If a
vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian
eat? If you wrote a letter, did you brote your tongue?
Sometimes I think all English speakers should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In
what language do people recite at a play and play at a
recital; ship by truck, and send cargo by ship; have
noses that run and feet that smell; park on driveways
and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can
overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot
and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot
as hell one day and cold as hell another.
Have you noticed that we talk about certain things
only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a
horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero
or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into
someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or
peccable? And where are all those people who ARE
spring chickens or who WOULD hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in
which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in
which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it
reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of
course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out they are visible,
but when the lights are out they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but,
when I wind up this joke, I end it.
