Don't Want to Go to Church

[HoosierCanuck]

I have been really bad most of the year about not going. I love to hear the sermon's and the pastor is an energetic guy but just like every other church I've attended I don't fit in. It's like people look at me and judge me right away. I've been going there since 11/01 and I STILL sit by myself. Isn't this weird? I tried to get involved with the singles....they are all my parents' age and up. Nothing wrong with that but I can't relate to kids/grandkids, etc... I tried to get involved with the college/career age but again, I just don't fit in. I'm too old for them. When I was a teenager I tried to go to Youth Group....never could make friends there either. Everyone already had their clique.

I would like to be friends with Christians but it's like I missed the boat...everyone's got their life in their neat little routine and adding me to the equation will only screw things up. I know I need to go to church and I long to go to one but they are all alike. I know if I go someplace else it's just one more place I'll be judged and rejected and forced to leave.

 

[Olga]

It is more blessed to give than to receive (Ac.20:35)

I`m with you, still my advice can sound a bit harsh to you. Stop feeling a recluse. No one owes you anything. Start giving to people around as if to G-d -- your time, love, help, money, everything you think really worthy.

But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. (Lk.6:35)
If we must love our enemies this way, then what way should we love our neighbors?

A man shall be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth: and the recompence of a man's hands shall be rendered unto him. (Pr.12:14)

Righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost to you.

 

[Ponder]

dude hav u tried really talking to them and really really try to get to know them
Ponder

 

[lovespeace]

I don't fit either, I doubt I ever will. But, it does not matter, me are all Christians in the body of Christ. Read CS Lewis The Screwtape Letters to read about Christians and church.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

dude hav u tried really talking to them and really really try to get to know them
Ponder

Yes I do try! I CHOSE to attend various functions and I have talked with people but it seems that they will only be your friend in the context of 'church functions.' They know my name and maybe were I work but that's about it. Not that I care so much that they know everything about me but you know, nobody makes any effort to acknowledge I'm even there until the 'greeting time.' I'll even hang around after the service and try to talk to people that I know of a little more and that doesn't really yield anything either. They've all got their friends and I'm just an intrusion.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

It is more blessed to give than to receive (Ac.20:35)

I`m with you, still my advice can sound a bit harsh to you. Stop feeling a recluse. No one owes you anything. Start giving to people around as if to G-d -- your time, love, help, money, everything you think really worthy.

But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. (Lk.6:35)
If we must love our enemies this way, then what way should we love our neighbors?

A man shall be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth: and the recompence of a man's hands shall be rendered unto him. (Pr.12:14)

Righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost to you.

NO, nobody owes me anything but if I'm supposed to love my neighbours then surely it must work the other way around too. Sometimes I think my 'neighbours' ARE my enemies.

 

[Olga]

NO, nobody owes me anything but if I'm supposed to love my neighbours then surely it must work the other way around too. Sometimes I think my 'neighbours' ARE my enemies.

You can hardly imagine what things I had to come through. After some years of ministering I had to live church because of my pastor who actually was my dad too. I was completely alone coz all my brothers and sisters were forbidden to communicate with me. It was the time of persecution for quite a few of godly people. I couldn`t believe I would ever enter any other church. But God was my refuge and my fotress. That church no longer exists and all its sheep are in the safe place now. I`ve resumed ministering at another church with another pastor who is the wisest man of God I`ve ever met in my life (I believe he will soon join this forum). My heart`s filled with love, gratitude and forgiveness for I`ve seen the true glory of the Most High with my own eyes. There`s more advantage in loving your enemies than in hating them cos this way we let our Lord perform his good work in us.

But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. (1Pe.5:10)

 

[charligirl]

It's hard to comment because I don't know the full story, I know people who would say the same thing.. yet I know that other people have gone out of their way to include them, but they just could not receive it. But if what you are saying is right( and I'm not suggesting it's not btw, just playing devils advocate ), then it sounds like your church needs a bit of a kick, church is about family, in-Christ - one body.

Do they have small or home groups? are you involved in any ministry, whether that be Teas and Coffees (great way to meet people?) or whatever? Do you invite any of them our socially 'outside of church'?

 

[charligirl]

I know I need to go to church and I long to go to one but they are all alike. I know if I go someplace else it's just one more place I'll be judged and rejected and forced to leave.

This comment, added to your signature, is quite telling as to how you view yourself. No, not all churches are the same and there is nothing to suggest you would be rejected somewhere else. If you really donot fit where you are perhaps that's because God has another church for you - have you asked him where He wnats you?

I was reading a TD Jakes book the other day which talks about self image, the reality is that if we take on rejection and have low self confidence then this will transmit off of you like vibes, which can make it more likely that others will reject you as well. I don't know why it works that way but it does - if we are full of rejection then we attract people who will reject us - it's human nature to want to be around confident people.

The good news is that reality is that YOU are accepted, forgiven, purifed, loved and when you got saved Jesus made EVERYTHING that he is available to you, you are His co-heir, a child of God and pretty damn fantastic to Him

The difficulty is really accepting and believing that for yourself

Can you do a bible study on who you are 'in -christ'? Do a search on the bible on 'in Christ' and start confessing and praying those scriptures over yourself. Ask Go to transform you by the renewing of your mind that you will start to see yourself as HE sees you... it may take some time and could be up-hill sometimes, but you will be amazed how it will change you and your relationships.

Perhaps I am way off track and you are super confident - in which case ignore all this - but somehow I think you could do with some self talk in this area.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

It's hard to comment because I don't know the full story, I know people who would say the same thing.. yet I know that other people have gone out of their way to include them, but they just could not receive it. But if what you are saying is right( and I'm not suggesting it's not btw, just playing devils advocate ), then it sounds like your church needs a bit of a kick, church is about family, in-Christ - one body.

Do they have small or home groups? are you involved in any ministry, whether that be Teas and Coffees (great way to meet people?) or whatever? Do you invite any of them our socially 'outside of church'?

Oddly enough they started focusing a little more on small home groups earlier this year with the "Purpose Driven Life" series. I went to the 'college age' group because that's where church elders thought I would fit the best given that I'm 34/single/no kids. Work obligations got in the way of a few of the meetings but I tried to make it best I could. The series ended but the groups didn't but nobody bothered to contact me. I asked a couple of people in the group about whether or not they were continuing stuff and they said yes. I got the information and told them I was still interested. They have my cell phone number and e-mail address but nobody has ever bothered. I just figured they really didn't want me around or they would have tried a little harder. I mean, after all, they had a list of everyone in that group! Maybe I expect too much of people.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

This comment, added to your signature, is quite telling as to how you view yourself. No, not all churches are the same and there is nothing to suggest you would be rejected somewhere else. If you really donot fit where you are perhaps that's because God has another church for you - have you asked him where He wnats you?

Believe it or not, when I was looking for a church and praying abour where to go, this place was where God directed me to go. I have learned alot whilst there but I can't help but be frustrated because there is no fellowship (at least not for me!).

Yes, my signature is how I believe at the moment. I feel this way based on how I'm judged and treated by both believers and non-believers. I can be confident, happy, funny, etc... and everyone is so darn serious nowadays they just don't get it. I feel that I do more than my share to be accepted (I've been told often that I'm 'too nice'). I can be a real sweetheart or a real witch and the outcome is the same. If I had my way I'd go live as a hermit somewhere (posted that in a different thread ealier this summer).

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Maybe people think I am evil because I have a sense of humour?!