Don't Want Kids

[poeticlurker]

....OK I didn't get that part about the story...but I agree with you about not overcrowding the planet

I'll clarify. I don't want kids, but I'm 18 right now and am definitely not ready to have them, so a change in heart may happen some 10 years or so in the future. I have some names I really really really like, and I'm a writer so I don't want to use the special names so that if I do have kids they won't have the same names as my characters.

I'm tired of people trying to tell me "but your life will have meaning when you have a kid!" oh, that's comforting, tell an 18 year old that her life doesn't have meaning unless she's toiling away for someone to young too appreciate it. I plan to get published, and I plan to go into politics at some point, but apparently none of that will mean anything unless I produce something that has half my DNA...

 

[Umaro]

I'm tired of people trying to tell me "but your life will have meaning when you have a kid!" oh, that's comforting, tell an 18 year old that her life doesn't have meaning unless she's toiling away for someone to young too appreciate it. I plan to get published, and I plan to go into politics at some point, but apparently none of that will mean anything unless I produce something that has half my DNA...

It's better than the "but who will take care of you when you're old" response, which is usually followed up with accusations of being selfish for not wanting to breed...

 

[poeticlurker]

It's better than the "but who will take care of you when you're old" response, which is usually followed up with accusations of being selfish for not wanting to breed...

That argument assumes that a) I even get to be old- what if I die in a car accident when I'm 30 or something?! b) there will be nobody at all to take care of me- I have 2 sisters, many cousins, a couple of second cousins already and a niece and a nephew, and maybe I'll have friends and neighbors to take care of me as well c) I won't be healthy enough to take care of myself.

And of course I'm "selfish" for not wanting to perpetuate my own DNA... if I do manage to make a lurker-spawn they'll say I'm a bad parent for letting him/her fall on his butt every once in a while (literally and figuratively). I don't believe in helicopter parenting that flies in the face of the very purpose of parenting. Ah well...

 

[no_one_of_onsequence]

would it not be more selfish to want a mini me? when there is already many many children in my country and all over the world have no parents?

 

[SwissMiss]

well put! That's why I am so supportive of people who adopt. If they feel called to raise children, they can put it to good use and adopt a herd of needy kids

 

[no_one_of_onsequence]

haha i like the word "tribe" more then herd... but hey both work

 

[Thunder Peel]

I don't want kids. It's just not a calling that I have and I don't think I'd make a good father. I'd rather spend that time and money traveling with my wife instead.

 

[SwissMiss]

haha i like the word "tribe" more then herd... but hey both work

lol ya I guess tribe sounds better because it refers to people...'herd' sounds like we're talking about livestock or something lol

 

[Umaro]

lol ya I guess tribe sounds better because it refers to people...'herd' sounds like we're talking about livestock or something lol

I'm not sure there's much of a difference when talking about kids, at least cows are quiet most of the time...

 

[SwissMiss]

lol well it's all in how they're raised. If they're raised like animals (no discipline, not being taught manners, etc.) they'll act and sound like wild animals! lol if they're taught how to have manners, and that there's consequences for bad behavior, they'll be just fine. Unfortunately, most kids are raised like wild animals nowadays lol

 

[StephanieP]

I never wanted kids my whole life, then at 22, when I met my husband, he wanted them, then I thought it might be ok.......then I got pregnant and I was super happy, I now have a healthy 10 month old daughter and I love her very much, and now I want as many kids as I can safely have.

You never know.

 

[Umaro]

I never wanted kids my whole life, then at 22, when I met my husband, he wanted them, then I thought it might be ok.......then I got pregnant and I was super happy, I now have a healthy 10 month old daughter and I love her very much, and now I want as many kids as I can safely have.

You never know.

I wonder how much it goes the other way. A person who never wants kids meets a spouse who does, they have children, and then the person regrets it, and wishes things could go back to who they were before. Of course, no one can say they regret their children, society won't let you. I'd be interested to know the actual numbers.

 

[StephanieP]

I wonder how much it goes the other way. A person who never wants kids meets a spouse who does, they have children, and then the person regrets it, and wishes things could go back to who they were before. Of course, no one can say they regret their children, society won't let you. I'd be interested to know the actual numbers.

I don't think society has anything to do with it. We live in a society where adoption and abortion are birth control. If a person truly did not want their child, they would do something about it.

I doubt it happens all that often because like I said, abortion and adoption have amazing numbers. It's our humanity that stops us from regretting our children. And if children are really something you don't want. An ounce of prevention. I was more than capable of preventing pregnancy until I was 23 and wanted a baby and I'm nothing special, anyone can do it.

Sorry to go off on a tangent. I'm not trying to offend anyone.

 

[Umaro]

I don't think society has anything to do with it. We live in a society where adoption and abortion are birth control. If a person truly did not want their child, they would do something about it.

I doubt it happens all that often because like I said, abortion and adoption have amazing numbers. It's our humanity that stops us from regretting our children. And if children are really something you don't want. An ounce of prevention. I was more than capable of preventing pregnancy until I was 23 and wanted a baby and I'm nothing special, anyone can do it.

Sorry to go off on a tangent. I'm not trying to offend anyone.

It's pretty hard to get rid of a child once you have it, especially if you're not raising it alone. When I say society won't let you I mean that if a person stands up and declares they regret their child, all heck will break loose for them. It's social suicide.

It's also not as easy to remain childless as you'd think. I'm 23, and it's taken me close to 8 months to find a doctor willing to snip me, and even then just about every person I know is strongly against it.

 

[Breakaway_republic]

I don't want kids, or a wife for that matter. It's not that I really "choose" to be single, i just refuse to pursue a relationship of that sort [besides, we'd fight like crazy].

 

[OGM]

It's pretty hard to get rid of a child once you have it, especially if you're not raising it alone. When I say society won't let you I mean that if a person stands up and declares they regret their child, all heck will break loose for them. It's social suicide.

Many people over-react and become angry with someone says that. .

It's also not as easy to remain childless as you'd think. I'm 23, and it's taken me close to 8 months to find a doctor willing to snip me, and even then just about every person I know is strongly against it.

That is too bad. Doctors should not be so judgmental.

 

[StephanieP]

It's pretty hard to get rid of a child once you have it, especially if you're not raising it alone. When I say society won't let you I mean that if a person stands up and declares they regret their child, all heck will break loose for them. It's social suicide.

It's also not as easy to remain childless as you'd think. I'm 23, and it's taken me close to 8 months to find a doctor willing to snip me, and even then just about every person I know is strongly against it.

If they were a single parent, adoption, if not, it would be a little harder but it will make your life hell to go through with a child that you see as a burden. But then, if you really don't want kids, a couple has to agree, it's a very big difference.

And they don't have to declare to the world they regret their kids.

 

[SwissMiss]

I wonder how much it goes the other way. A person who never wants kids meets a spouse who does, they have children, and then the person regrets it, and wishes things could go back to who they were before. Of course, no one can say they regret their children, society won't let you. I'd be interested to know the actual numbers.

Well, I know of two couples (Christians) who married in their early 20s and had children right away. Both couples have been married around 10 years. While they're not announcing their regrets, it's obvious that they do have them. They see other people who aren't married, or who don't have kids, and they get wistful, saying things like 'oh you're gonna take off on the weekend and be an extra in a movie?? Man. I wish I could do that..." then looking off toward their 3 kids who are screaming around playing hide and seek. You KNOW what they're thinking! They have mentioned that having a family isn't 'all it's cracked up to be' in a joking manner, which is probably as close to admitting their regrets as they wanna get. I also know a man I work with who has a wife and two kids, and he's so up front about his regrets it's almost scary lol he definitely loves his kids, but he has said that he wishes he would have waited and/or held off getting married and having children. I am glad he's doing his best to do good for his kids and stay with his wife, but it's sad to know he jumped into something that he should have taken cautiously.

I guess what I'm saying is, alot of people DO have regrets - later on down the road. Most won't admit it (at least, not to too many people). The number of people who have regrets after maybe 10 years of marriage (if they were all 100% honest), would be outrageous. It's nothing to be taken lightly, and certainly requires some serious thought and common sense.

 

[StephanieP]

Well, I know of two couples (Christians) who married in their early 20s and had children right away. Both couples have been married around 10 years. While they're not announcing their regrets, it's obvious that they do have them. They see other people who aren't married, or who don't have kids, and they get wistful, saying things like 'oh you're gonna take off on the weekend and be an extra in a movie?? Man. I wish I could do that..." then looking off toward their 3 kids who are screaming around playing hide and seek. You KNOW what they're thinking! They have mentioned that having a family isn't 'all it's cracked up to be' in a joking manner, which is probably as close to admitting their regrets as they wanna get. I also know a man I work with who has a wife and two kids, and he's so up front about his regrets it's almost scary lol he definitely loves his kids, but he has said that he wishes he would have waited and/or held off getting married and having children. I am glad he's doing his best to do good for his kids and stay with his wife, but it's sad to know he jumped into something that he should have taken cautiously.

I guess what I'm saying is, alot of people DO have regrets - later on down the road. Most won't admit it (at least, not to too many people). The number of people who have regrets after maybe 10 years of marriage (if they were all 100% honest), would be outrageous. It's nothing to be taken lightly, and certainly requires some serious thought and common sense.

That's so true, it really is hard to raise kids, especially I think if you're young. I'm 24 and my husband is 22, it was a big change for us. There are obstacles, we miss certain things, a little of the freedom, but I wouldn't call it regret. We love each other and we love our daughter, and we do want more kids. If you took my husbands job out of the equation, and money trouble and we were just able to stay home with our baby and just be together all day every day, things wouldn't seem as bad. The stress of life and career can trigger a regret/longing feeling. I understand that.

 

[Mankin]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with not having kids. I myself don't desire kids.

It's not that I hate kids, I simply don't think I would be able to manage them that well. I love my alone time and quite time when I can just sit down and think.

Kids might make that difficult.

Not to mention I'm not the most patient person in the world.