Don't Want Kids

[Godzila]

I don't seem to have that FEAR of not having a child. I would imagine I would be afraid to have a child in the time of "jacob's trouble" :l

Also knowing what I know about the educational system...I don't wish for my child to be corrupted by the ruler of the air...

God willing if I ever have a child ..or if I ever get married...I would prefer to have my child when Christ Reigns for the 1000 years, but who is to say it is MY WILL...
if my future wife and I have a kid...then God will pull through even in that situation

 

[konakim]

Our two dogs keep us busy enough as it is!

 

[Blueflamingos]

My folks were good enough to be parents? My mother STARVED me when I was an infant. My grandmother would prepare the formula before she left for work and when she got home it hadn't been touched. My mother almost FROZE me when she took me out in the dead of winter with only a tshirt and a diaper on. No, missy, it has nothing to do with suicide. I wouldn't have been here because my birth parents were neglectful and they didn't take care of my physical needs as an infant. The only reason I'm alive is because at the time my parents were living my with my GRANDPARENTS and they stepped in to make sure I was healthy and happy. They were the ones who fed me and clothed me, not my parents. If they hadn't chose to do that, I would have been dead. Do you really want me to post the pictures of what I looked like as an infant?

To sit there and say that it's my fault is hurtful and ignorant. Pick up the paper or turn on the TV and you see stories of kids who were neglected, abandoned, even killed by their parents. Were these people fit to be parents? No, they weren't. I was blessed because I had amazing grandparents to care for me, but other children aren't as blessed.

I'm sick and tired of people blaming the devil for everything. In general, you seem to forget about this little human condition called "sin." You act as though it's an outside force and it's not. It's in us, it's a part of us.

"Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me." Psalms 51.5.

We're evil, nasty people because of sin. As Christians, we're redeemed by His blood and we're to fight this nature, but here's a shocker for you, NOT EVERYONE IS A CHRISTIAN. And even some who claim to be Christians aren't. Will they really follow His laws?

My entire issue with this is when people call my spirituality, my faith, and my ethics into question because I have no desire to have kids, but I do desire the companionship and love of my husband. Isn't it possible that God put that into me? Again, God speaks to us as individuals. He guides people into professions and He pushes on consciences to do or not to do something and it's possible that He's doing the same here. And no one can tell me what m convictions are because they're not me!

Thank you VERY much, and AMEN to you, sister! I am SO sick and tired of EXACTLY what you said in your last paragraph. I love the Lord with all my heart and seek to serve Him and know Him daily. I am a sinner and am thankful that Jesus is my Savior. But does the fact that I don't desire to have children make me a horrible, rotten, Godless, person and a poor, pathetic excuse for a woman? No, I'm sorry, I just don't think that's what that means. I absolutely agree with everything you said. Some people should NOT be parents. Period. And I agree with the one person who commented a little earlier that if God decided that I was going to be punished with a kid, then ok, I'd obviously take it and suffer and deal with it- of course that's up to Him and of course I'd obey no matter how I felt about it. But here's the thing, which I'm sure you understand- its God who puts our desires and dreams in our heart. God put the desire for marriage on your heart and on my heart. I deeply long to share my life and love with a husband and to serve God with a husband....that doesn't mean that I desire children. I don't desire children. Never have. And the older I get, the more I don't desire them. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that, and some ignorant, judgmental, holier-than-thou person on their high horse is not going to convince me otherwise....especially not if they're going to act like they're better than everyone else and that everyone who doesn't want kids should just go to hell (which was implied by someone else, which I don't appreciate at all.) I don't think I'll be returning to this thread, but I just wanted to encourage you and lift you up in prayer. I completely agree with everything you've said and I feel the same way. And I'm so thankful that you did have your grandparents to take care of you and to protect you from the awful, heinous, unimaginable torture that you were put through as a tiny, helpless little baby. I'm so sorry for what you've gone through, but thank the Lord for your grandparents. Thanks for sharing your opinions and your story and for standing up for your faith and your convictions. I absolutely agree that God speaks for us as individuals and that its His will for some people to just not have kids...and that's ok! God bless you, sister. Take care and be well!

 

[Cynthia85]

Okay, I've sent you the PM, however I do want to say this. I'm not trying to minimize what you feel or what you went through, God forbid! I'm not trying to say that I feel worse than you do and to be honest, I'm not going to say that you feel worse than I do. To say such things are unfair, insensitive, and honestly immature. Humanity feels on the same level. It's how we're able to help one another to heal and to move on. There is no such thing as 'You don't know how I feel'! 'There is nothing new under the sun!' If you want to start raising or lowering the bar on the severity of a person's feelings, you can only do that with yourself! You can't do that with someone else. I'm simply trying to tell you that hey, I do understand! Circumstances may have been different, but I do understand. It takes courage to love when all you feel is hate. It takes courage to be happy when all you feel is hurt. Sometimes, your actions have to betray your feelings because it's the right thing to do! It may be hard but it's not impossible. It's only impossible if you allow it to be so.

I got your PM and I'm trying to construct my response to it, so I'll just post a response to what you wrote here.

You're absolutely right that there's nothing new under the sun, but that doesn't mean that every person knows what every other person is going through. A person who's parents are alive doesn't understand or go through what a person who has lost both their parents has. They can't understand because they haven't experienced it. That doesn't mean that I can't find comfort from others, but to say that you understand is a completely different thing. You can't understand what I've been through just like I can't understand what you've been through. That doesn't lessen the severity of the pain or the fact that we could comfort each other. But one pain does not equal another in every situation. And it does make a difference. That might seem callous, but it's the truth.

I've honestly forgiven my parents for what they've done. I have! It took a long time and some counseling and it's still a process but I can think of my mother without hate and I sincerely hope she has a good life! And I have broken that cycle in many, many ways!

But my heart does not desire a child and to have one just to prove a point is selfishness beyond belief. It's like you're crying out "Hey look at me! See, I'm doing things differently!" If you want to have a child, it should be because you want a child and all the responsibilities that go with it. Not to prove someone's wrong, or that you're better then that person or to break a cycle. Doing it with the wrong reasons will affect how you treat a child and will only hurt them later on. So right now, I'm not going to have one. I don't feel led by God, I don't feel a desire for it. If later on that changes, then so will my view. I'm also finished with this thread. I've expressed my views as good as I can and I don't want to bicker back and forth any longer.

 

[TanteBelle]

Ma'am, I responded via PM because scripture says that if you have a prob with your brother, take the issue to him/her personally, first. I did that rather than to post it publicly. If that in itself is enough to offend you, then I am sorry.

 

[J.B.]

Quite frankly, I'm not sure if I want children, and I'm not entirely sure about marriage either. It's not that I am opposed to it for myself, it would be fantastic, but I've yet to meet an ideal candidate for a wife, and I don't feel ready for children. I do enjoy my unmarried status, though. The way I see it, it allows for a considerable amount of independence that married men may not otherwise have available to them. Biblically speaking, I think the Apostle Paul had mentioned that it is a good thing for a man not to be married (not necessarily the "better" thing), and that if it is possible to live life this way, then it is encouraged. Is that right?

I'm not aware of just how God will use my life to influence others, yet, but He does have plans.

 

[Thunder Peel]

I desire to be a husband but I don't want kids. I don't hate them or anything but it's simply not my calling and I don't have the patience or heart for that kind of thing. God steers us all in different directions and I think it's sad that a lot of Christians look down on those of us who don't want kids.

 

[PixieSunbelle]

I don't want kids. I don't have a personality that would lend myself to being around kids 24/7. They would just drive me nuts. I don't think I have much to worry about as its likely I have a genetic syndrome that won't allow me to get pregnant without medical intervention such as fertility implants or something...
Perhaps someday I'll adopt a child 10+ but I'm pretty dead set on not wanting any younger kids....

 

[SparkyMaddie]

I change my mind alot on this,I do I don't. I will see if meeting the right person is what does it.