Don't know how to have a relationship

[DisheartenedandBroken]

I've really been struggling with my Christianity lately on many levels, probably the largest area has been women/dating.

I'm a 23, almost 24 year old virgin. Have never had a gf, have been out on I would say roughly 10 first dates. Some of those led to seconds but I've never gotten past 5 dates. I have tried so hard to approach women with the utmost respect and sometimes I think I over do it. Women think I'm too nice and too much of a good guy because i don't try and make out with them or grope them after a couple of dates...it literally makes me angry when I hear those terms now.

I look around and see so many of my friends who want to "have fun," whether this be make out or more with girls and it leads to a relationship. But when the hell did we become objects to "have fun" with. To me that is so degrading. Everything's become a big orgy now, everyone I know hooks up with people just to have fun and these aren't people I would have thought this of until they told me straight up who they've messed around with. For instance, one of my "Christian" buddies told me one day he realized he wanted to see a co-worker naked, so he made it happen. I was so disappointed and shocked.

I have been drifting from God and recently fell to peer pressure, for the first time I approached a woman with that state of mind. I am moving 12 hours away in a few weeks for medical school...but if it weren't for that, I am almost sure we'd be in a relationship. She was considering even doing long distance with me after just a couple weeks talking and seeing her a few times.

Anyways, let just say I was extremely aggressive with sexual innuendo's, being the take control say what I want do what I want type of guy and she ate it up. I don't really know what happened, maybe divine intervention, but she went from wanting to have sex with me really bad (telling me this straight up), to having second thoughts once I made a move about a week later. She's not a practicing Christian if you couldn't tell.

I guess I'm just so confused on how to approach a relationship because even if it is a Christian woman, they still think I'm too nice. I'm just so tired of being alone. And honestly, a good strong relationship/marriage is something I want the most so maybe that's why it bugs me so much.

Sorry for the aggressive talk, just being honest. Bud does anyone have advice on how to approach relationships/dating, especially within the first few dates for a young man trying to be a good Christian. And has anyone, especially in my age group, noticed how people have no respect for their own body anymore?

 

[Thunder Peel]

Your case isn't that uncommon. I didn't go on my first date until I was 24 and didn't get married until I was almost 27. It can certainly be frustrating when all the couples around you are jumping into bed together and acting in immoral and reckless ways. What they don't understand is how destructive those methods are and how displeasing to God their actions are. Plus, that's a good way to end up with an unexpected baby or STD, not to mention the mental and spiritual tolls those kinds of relationships can take.

The best advice I can give is to keep God first in your life, whether you're single or not. He knows what you need and will work things out in His own time; you have to be content in Him first. That can be easier said than done but with His help you'll learn what that means. When it comes to women continue to be respectful and a strong man of God. Treat them with love and dignity and don't be afraid to be yourself: it's the only way to weed out those who are superficial. After all, you want someone who loves you for who God created you to be. Treating women like items and being vulgar may work for some women but those are not the kind of women you want to spend your life with. If you hunger for something deeper you'll need to be patient and wait for a girl to come along who wants the same Christ-centered relationship you do. It will make all the difference and you'll notice it immediately.

It can be frustrating. Trust me, I know. Keep growing closer to God and let Him guide you in your relationships. You'll have a lot on your plate with medical school but you never know who God might bring into your life. Let Him guide you....the wait is worth it.

 

[DisheartenedandBroken]

Thanks Thunder Peel, it's good to know that others have gone through this as well. I will admit one of my biggest downfalls is impatience, and I know that is what God is trying to teach me right now. I may be one of the most impatient people you will ever meet lol. It doesn't help either that there really aren't many young people at my church, so most of my friends my age are all that dedicated to God, if at all. You're exactly right on keeping God first, I don't know why but that always seems get on the back burner. I need to ask for Gods help on that.

 

[Allectus]

Pretty similar story here. Except my last year in university I decided to just be.. I dunno.. stupidly overconfident in everything I do? I wasn't being very Christian. Sure, I had a gf within a week. When we were making out, I started feeling pretty convicted. So that was the end of that..

It's better to just be yourself bro. In fact, all of the young adult couples I know at church, alot of the guys were in pretty bad shape when they started coming to church, from no life experience to too much life experience.

Let God's plan suffice for your life.

 

[bhayes]

I agree with the advice on here. And congrats in getting into medical school to.

 

[DisheartenedandBroken]

Thanks for the advice, I just really need to put God first in everything. I've realized too often I don't when it comes to women and relationships.

 

[marinasdiamond]

I got sick of waiting too for a while and lowered my standards a bit, and it really messed with my life. Relationships & the feelings involved are really powerful. Just pray for the right person to come along, be friendly and outgoing but not necessarily in a sexual way, and just see what happens. You'll probably never find the "perfect" person because nobody's perfect, but I believe God puts people in your life for a reason and He will have someone really special for you at the right time There's a little bit of openness involved too but I think it's mostly about waiting for the right person.

 

[acarrollfan]

I am sure if you want to be serious with your life, you will do better than many of us.

One thing I found out though. When you are on fire for God, people will be attracted to you, be it man or woman.

While the attraction part may be exciting, I think you also need to be careful not to be on fire for God so that some girls will be attracted to you.

I guess, this is what it means to put God first?

 

[vanillakay]

i can't speak for everyone woman out there, but i know im personally more attracted to men like you It's beyond refreshing to find a man who isn't wanting sex or to make out. You just gotta find the right one. Theres hardly a thing as too nice, as long as your not being taken advantage of. PLEASE stay true to who you are. It will pay off!

 

[Tylyr]

I've learned that girls who tell you that you're "too nice" are not even worth dealing with. The problem with everything is that there are a lot of girls who think this way, especially in college. Find someone who loves you for who you are, don't change yourself just to get a girl, it's the only way you'll truly be content in life.

 

[DisheartenedandBroken]

Thanks tylyr as well, I have found that to be more true as time goes on. I need to make sure I take care of me and my relationship with God first always.

Also, thanks to vanillakay, that is truly refreshing to hear. Sometimes my hope kind of dwindles away when it comes to this. Even though I know for a fact God is in control of everything in life, I just feel like when it comes to things that I can pursue, such as med school or a new job, I have more control over than finding a mate. If that makes any sense. Finding someone requires two different minds and hearts to be on the same page and being the control freak that I am, I really struggle with giving all my concerns to God on this.