This piece, by a former Anglican clergy wife and survivor of domestic abuse, unpacks some of that:
Yes, I read this article. There's a couple of other articles listed on the web sight of a similar subject. The whole "headship doctrine" I'm sure you are aware, is not unique to the Anglican church.
Many churches (and individual families) believe some form of it. Although I also tend to think (after much Bible study) that what it tends to be preached as; isn't what it actually is Biblically. How many "headship" individuals are willing to lay down their own lives for those under their authority.
And I don't mean just men either. Biblically speaking; I'm the head of my own household. I'm a widow who's developmentally disabled adult son lives with her.
My son requires a lot of assistance and he's very dependent on me in a lot of ways. I was appointed his legal guardian by a judge, even him now being over the age of 18. And there's certainly a lot of potential for abuse of any relationship where one party holds all the power.
The legal responsibility for making all the decisions for both of us falls on me. But I don't make any decision that would affect my son without getting his input about it. I recently decided to have the house resided; and he basically picked out the siding color. Also, especially concerning his medical stuff; he has to be fully on board with a treatment or medical investigation. He has epilepsy and we've been working on trying to get an answer on what kind it is for more than a decade now. The kid has been through countless tests and trips to the hospital. Which has managed to eliminate a lot of potential diagnosis; but the answer hasn't shaken to the surface yet either. (That's frustrating for both of us.)
The other aspect here; particularly in this relationship is my own learning how to train him to be as independent as possible. Sometimes it is "easier" to just "do it for him". But if he does outlive me; he needs to be a prepared as possible for "life after mom"; and so he will need these skills.
So for being a good steward of the household God gave me; I pray a lot for the wisdom of when to push as opposed to recognizing when he legitimately needs my help. His epilepsy affects his short term memory; so he functions a lot like someone with dementia; but he know he has it.
Yet, I'm to love my son as Christ loved the church and Christ has certainly loved me through an awful lot of pain. So of course; I want to obey and do what's right by my kid!
Which of course leads to my biggest concern. Can he gain enough self advocacy skills and ability for self maintenance to not be exploited in the future? I'm doing best I can to make sure he's provided for. He's going to need trustworthy people to help him navigate it all though.
Which of course; related to the subject of this thread being abuse....
People who lack the substance of character; (for what ever reasons) to lay down their lives for those in their charge, do often become abusive. I came from a family background where there was a lot of abuse and neglect. And it was quite a painful process to learn how to not repeat that pattern.
Personally, I've been through nearly a lifetime of counseling, enlisted the assistance of a lot of professionals, including child and family services. And learning how to become a Biblical head of house is a LOT of work. For me, it has taken a concerted effort to mind issues of my own mental health. Which of course my history has certainly impacted my son. Some for better and some for not so better.
What I'm more interested in is the adequacy of the commitments made in response to the findings.
Thus, I certainly understand your concern here too. In the end, the commitment is going to be more or less affected by the commitment of the individuals in a given congregation. Some congregations are more "psychologically healthy" than others.
There's a family in our church; who are long time friends of mine who came out of at least one very dysfunctional church; who's "brand" of "head of household" did lead to the father being abusive to his kids. And now, he's reaping the consequences of all of this; which hopefully to the outcome of genuine repentance; he's being confronted with his sin. The elders of our current church basically told him that he needs professional help. (Which I sincerely pray that he gets.) Which thus, if he's going to restore his relationship with his kids (most of whom are adults now); he's got a lot of wreckage to clean up.
I'm not sure I agree with this. Outside the context of ongoing abusive relationships, forgiveness can be our liberation from hurts that have been done to us. But forgiveness should never be used to prolong abuse.
There is a difference between forgiveness and turning over past hurts to God in the absence of repentance of the perpetrator.
My brother is basically a pedophile; who believes there's absolutely nothing wrong with himself. He actually sat in a therapist's office with myself and our father and attempted to justify sexually abusing his sisters when we were all younger. The therapist even looked at him and directly said: "That is not normal." Then he proceeded to "burst into tears"; claiming that I've done "all these things" to "destroy his life". (Yeah, a classic narcissist who's unwilling to take responsibility for his own actions.) That was almost 20 years ago and I basically exited the family after that. I did maintain contact with my dad. He died in 2006.
But yes, acknowledging that my brother will likely stand before God on Judgement Day and be cast into the Lake of Fire to pay for his sin. My only obligation before God is to let God determine what God will do with him. (Let God be God.) It's sobering to consider what he will face at death. Again though, Let God be God.
Jesus didn't actually "forgive" the Jewish leaders who had him killed either. "Father forgive them for they know not who it is they do this to." was actually directed at the Roman soldiers; not the people who demanded of Pilate to put Him to death.
I'd encourage you to do some digging in the Bible to know what Scriptural forgiveness actually is. "Forgiveness" is actually a judicial term which means to not punish someone who rightfully deserves to be punished for their crime. (Theologically their pardon was bought on the price of Christ's blood. Which of course gets into another aspect of theology; in that Jesus didn't pay for the sin of every human being that ever lived. He only paid for the sin of the elect.) Thus why God doesn't actually ever forgive the unrepentant.
Thus which could be the subject of a whole other thread - but anyways!