Domestic violence in the church

[The Liturgist]

To be honest, I don't see that kind of work as my current ministry focus. I have my hands full trying to lead a parish with four churches!

Surely there must be equivalent training available in some form overseas?

I am sure there is, and I had no idea your parish had four churches! Do you even have a curate assisting you or is just you and a deacon or two, or just you?

 

[Paidiske]

I am sure there is, and I had no idea your parish had four churches! Do you even have a curate assisting you or is just you and a deacon or two, or just you?

Just me. There's a lovely retired priest who will take the odd service on occasions when my lack of powers of bilocation is an issue.

 

[The Liturgist]

Just me. There's a lovely retired priest who will take the odd service on occasions when my lack of powers of bilocation is an issue.

Indeed, that would be helpful.

 

[The Liturgist]

This is a sad commentary, Paidiske, and unfortunately, it is probably all too true across the board for various churches of whatever denomination.

For myself, I need no survey or panel to discuss this dilemma. I literally lived in it for a total of 16 years while our family were members of an independent church in the US that was cult-like to the core in its spiritual abuse. The men's meetings on occasion gave advice to other husbands on giving corporal punishment to their wives if they did not toe the line. The "pastor's" wife even wrote an editorial to our local paper, offering a defense of this. One member gave out samples of "dowry kits" for how to arrange marriages for their young daughters - of course, to other members' families of the same church. Members were strongly warned against sending their sons into the military. They were also strongly encouraged to purchase homes close to one another, so they could maintain close contact.

Attendance at every meeting was required, or the member was considered to be "forsaking the assembly", and could potentially be disciplined for it. No deacons were ever chosen who could have potentially challenged the one "pastor". If any matters of procedure were brought to a vote, every member had to give unanimous consent, or they would be accused of creating division among brethren. Fathers who had teenaged children members that voted against the church's decision were themselves accused of not keeping their children in proper subjection, and could be disciplined for improper parenting.

Eventually, the "pastor" fell into sin in the typical fashion, but after a period of a few years was re-instated in his position again. If any members objected to this, they were excommunicated.

A couple decades ago after our family got out, I heard of one young woman who barely escaped this church, and who had gone through a program for those who have suffered from abuse by cult leaders. She started a website that offered a connection for all those who likewise managed to finally get out or who were excommunicated and "disciplined" by being "handed over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh". Some of these had other family members that were shunning them and not allowing contact with grandchildren, children, etc. who were still trapped in it. This church is still in operation, with the same leader at the helm.

The purpose I believe God had in allowing me to wade through all that mess was so that I would never... NEVER... NEVER AGAIN trust a man in the pulpit against what my own conscience led by the Spirit and the Bible in front of me is telling me.

It is horrible that such cults exist; I did not notice your post initially because @Paidiske and I were chatting, but I am so sorry for what you experienced. I believe that part of my vocation is to deliver people from cults and promote safeguarding practices based on those of the Church of England among smaller churches in the United States. I am extremely opposed to “Church discipline” as a concept. For example, 9Marks is notorious for it.

But a church where the men talk about physically abusing their wives is horrible. That’s not Christianity, its essentially a sadistic sex cult at that point.

This is why our Lord warns us of wolves in sheep’s clothing and false Christs.

 

[3 Resurrections]

Thank you so much for your expressions of sympathy, Liturgist. I saved a good bit of the church bulletins and outlines from those many years ago, just for evidence. There is one sermon title that should have alerted me back then to what perversion was lurking underneath. The "pastor" titled it "How to seduce a woman - especially your wife." !!!???? It made sense later on when his own sin became public knowledge.

The "pastor" made no secret of his discipline procedures in his own home. He took the verse "Them that sin rebuke before all, that others may fear", and twisted its true meaning. When giving corporal punishment to his own children, he had them all sit in a circle of chairs to simultaneously witness the physical discipline of their sibling receiving punishment. Humiliation added to injury. The man lived for the feeling of power over others.

It wasn't until much later that I realized this verse of Paul's was really directed at those in church ministry. If any of THEM sinned, their sin was to be rebuked before all the congregation, so that others would fear falling into sin while in the ministry.

 

[Paidiske]

I liked your post for that last paragraph in particular, @3 Resurrections.