Does this look like improvement

[justpassingthrough21]

This question is directed to those who have been in the deepest pits of this mental stuff and have come out, you know what improvement looks like. Today at church, we were having praise and worship and I started having the normal physical reactions I do, sweating, faster heartbeat and anxiety. But I lifted my hands and was worshipping and my mind was calm, and I really enjoyed it. It seems like my mind is more and more calm every week, although my body keeps acting like it use to.
Have other experienced this in your recovery. Your mind wasn't so chaotic and defiant, but you still were having physical reactions like you were.
I still hate the sweating and the anxiety, but it doesn't feel like I am chained anymore. Actually everytime I get those physical anxious feelings and reactions, I imagine Peter walking on the water towards Jesus. Although peter was on the water, he was still getting pounded by huge waves, and was probably soaking wet.
I see that I myself am walking above the circumstances of OCD, but although Jesus is causing me to walk above the circumstanced, I am still gonna get a little wet and roughed up from the waves at are crashing into me. Which to me is overcoming the mental aspect of OCD while the anxious feelings stubbornly try to stay.

 

[singpeace]

This question is directed to those who have been in the deepest pits of this mental stuff and have come out, you know what improvement looks like. Today at church, we were having praise and worship and I started having the normal physical reactions I do, sweating, faster heartbeat and anxiety. But I lifted my hands and was worshipping and my mind was calm, and I really enjoyed it. It seems like my mind is more and more calm every week, although my body keeps acting like it use to.
Have other experienced this in your recovery. Your mind wasn't so chaotic and defiant, but you still were having physical reactions like you were.
I still hate the sweating and the anxiety, but it doesn't feel like I am chained anymore. Actually everytime I get those physical anxious feelings and reactions, I imagine Peter walking on the water towards Jesus. Although peter was on the water, he was still getting pounded by huge waves, and was probably soaking wet.
I see that I myself am walking above the circumstances of OCD, but although Jesus is causing me to walk above the circumstanced, I am still gonna get a little wet and roughed up from the waves at are crashing into me. Which to me is overcoming the mental aspect of OCD while the anxious feelings stubbornly try to stay.

This is an awesome testimony! I truly believe you are on your way to more and more relief from your symptoms. It is wonderful to know that you have chosen to worship God in spite of your illness.

 

[Sasha37]

Wow! So encouraging. I would love to hear your story. God bless you!!

 

[justpassingthrough21]

Maybe sometime I will have to post my story. I've had about every weird obsession you could think of and some you never probably heard of, lol. I went basically from being one of the most on fire, hardcore Christians at my church, to hardly being able to look at the cover of a Bible without have a hardcore anxiety attack. I've had an intense desire to preach or do missions and those dreams all but disapeared since the OCD began. But within me, those desires are growing again and I think because what has happened, I could be a much more refined tool for God than I could of ever been before this OCD stuff began.
Every step is new to me though, every time I see a little more light, its a new experience.

 

[Accune]

Maybe sometime I will have to post my story. I've had about every weird obsession you could think of and some you never probably heard of, lol. I went basically from being one of the most on fire, hardcore Christians at my church, to hardly being able to look at the cover of a Bible without have a hardcore anxiety attack. I've had an intense desire to preach or do missions and those dreams all but disapeared since the OCD began. But within me, those desires are growing again and I think because what has happened, I could be a much more refined tool for God than I could of ever been before this OCD stuff began.
Every step is new to me though, every time I see a little more light, its a new experience.

I am trying to be back on fire for the Lord like I was.Every time I get in a "happy" place I get anxious because I don't want to go back to those wicked thoughts and worry sets in.

 

[Sasha37]

I think that in some cases, God has a certain kind of gift He has given us or wants to give us that He wants for us to use. I think the enemy knows this, and he doesn't want us using it because he doesn't want us to be effective for God in this way. My whole life I struggled with prayer, I found it boring or would fall asleep while I was praying, or would just have a mental block with it. I remember praying only because I knew I was supposed to and found it a chore. I remember laughing to myself and thinking that there was one gift I knew didn't have, and that was the gift of prayer. Well after years of just learning to live with my fears/OCD symptoms, I began to want freedom from it even though the thought of going down that road scared me to death because I knew I would have to face my fears, and that was unthinkable to me. God gave me a verse through a person I didn't even know in Isaiah which says, "For I am the Lord your God who takes you by the right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear. I will help you.'". That was two years ago. In the past two years, can you guess what gift God revealed to me? The gift of prayer, intercessory prayer through a vision he gave and some other things. And what I realized was that through the prison of my fear, the enemy was trying to keep me from using or even knowing I had this gift at all. If he could keep me down, he could keep me out. And he was very successful for a very long time. I have so far to go, but I am on the right road now, and I would much rather see than to be blind like I was before. It sounds to me like God has a job for you to do, and the enemy has been trying to keep you from it. But by the grace of God, you now have a deeper understanding of pain that you wouldn't otherwise have had to take with you on this journey He has for you. God takes even the bad stuff and turns it into something beautiful, something He can use. What an amazing God we have.

 

[justpassingthrough21]

I agree 100% Sasha, that Satans plan is to derail you from your walk with God. Especially if you have a special gift God has given you, that would cause you to do extra damage to his kingdom. He is going to use the weakest link in your life to cause you to fall. For some of us in this forum that is our proneness to obsession and mental weakness. But without weakness, we wouldn't be in need of Jesus Christ. I don't enjoy the pain I experience sometimes, but I'm glad I won't ever become proud or ever think I don't need the Lord. Because without Him I would of surely been consumed with the horror of OCD.

 

[Sasha37]

Ahh...and there is what it really comes down to, isn't it? In our most debilitating weaknesses when everything we have tried on our own has failed, we look for Him, and that is when we see Him. We KNOW how very deep our need goes for Him. And we are completely humbled by the realization of it. And it changes everything.

 

[justpassingthrough21]

I have also found that my compassion for the suffering is so much greater and more real than it use to be. I use to even look upon the suffering with disdain thinking that their suffering was because of bad decisions and sin. But I now know that anyone at any point in their life can come into a period of great suffering, for no apparent reason at all. That is where that verse comes into play "take heed when ye stand, lest ye fall". I use to kind of laugh at that verse and say to myself "i'll never fall, i'm too close to God". Now I look at certain Christians who I can see have that attitude, and I fear for them.

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

I have also found that my compassion for the suffering is so much greater and more real than it use to be. I use to even look upon the suffering with disdain thinking that their suffering was because of bad decisions and sin. But I now know that anyone at any point in their life can come into a period of great suffering, for no apparent reason at all. That is where that verse comes into play "take heed when ye stand, lest ye fall". I use to kind of laugh at that verse and say to myself "i'll never fall, i'm too close to God". Now I look at certain Christians who I can see have that attitude, and I fear for them.

We are tried by fire...for some Christians the cost of discipleship is very high (even death) but all Christians can expect to face trials in their faith. The point of the testing though is always to lead us closer to Christ through faith.

By the way, you look to be doing very well, keep progressing to complete deliverance! God bless!

 

[Sasha37]

I completely agree. I had the hardest time admitting defeat, admitting that I had a problem and that I could not deal with it on my own. I saw that kind of weakness as an embarrassment and something to feel ashamed of. I didn't want to be one of those people. I didn't want to NEED help. So I only let people see the me that I wanted them to see, and I pretended that the people who were the closest to me didn't see the truth because I couldn't even admit it to myself. But God let me fall so far that I could not even pretend with myself anymore. Pride cometh before the fall, right? God managed to peel away my pride, though, and what is left is such incredible humility I cannot tell you. Humility before God and others. And compassion just like you said.

 

[Danny34]

I just got the chills reading these posts lol

 

[Sasha37]

Ha! Very cool