Does Matt 5:32 Mean I Can't Marry A Divorcee?

[BrianKay]

I broke up with a divorcee that I had dated for months because I don't see the point in dating someone you don't intent to marry.
I have, on many occasions (even after the break up), considered marrying her since she was giving me a lot of pressure in that direction and I love her a lot. My main reason for saying no was Matt 5:32. Now I want to ask you dear friends if I'm right to believe that if I marry someone who left her husband because he abused her, I'll still be committing adultery.
Please do not give PC or conventional wisdom advice that is not based on scriptures.

 

[Tom Mix]

If that is what you believe then you should not marry her. I also respect your decision as abuse is not reason for divorce. So many women claim abuse now days when it is not really abuse. They just feel they want something different so every situation turns into abuse which is not good for the women that really are abused because it waters down their claim. I am learning that women in todays society are in need and want divorce so they can have the experience and in order to justify their decision they claim abuse.

You are a smart man as the Bible says that only adultery is a good claim for divorce.

 

[BrianKay]

They just feel they want something different so every situation turns into abuse which is not good for the women that really are abused because it waters down their claim

Wow! Very true. I just didn't see it that way but now that you've pointed it out I'm starting to remember a couple of examples

 

[Cearbhall]

Now I want to ask you dear friends if I'm right to believe that if I marry someone who left her husband because he abused her, I'll still be committing adultery.

I can't imagine that God intended for anyone to hold this against a woman. It seems to me that the husband is the one who broke the marriage contract, so to speak. It was out of her hands. She just happens to be the one who sought out legal recognition of that break.

 

[Ubuntu]

As a general rule of thumb we shouldn't get divorced. (Matthew 5:32.) Still, people sometimes feel it's impossible to live peacefully together and then they get divorced. Paul makes it clear that such people should remain single or get back together with their spouse. (1 Corinthians 7:10-11.) Simply having a failed marriage doesn't mean you're free to marry again.

However, there are exceptions to this rule. Jesus himself implies that adultery is a valid reason for divorce. I don't think you're bound to your spouse if he/she cheats on you, I interpret Jesus words to mean that we're free to marry someone else in such cases. Marrying a divorcee is adultery unless that person has a biblically valid reason (i.e., adultery) for being divorced. It's an exception that Jesus himself makes:

"But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

Furthermore, some people argue that domestic violence is a form of adultery, and I tend to agree with them about this. Now, the following verse is tricky and it can be translated in several ways, but it's possible to interpret this verse as saying that violence is equated with unfaithfulness:

"For I hate divorce, says the Lord, the God of Israel, and covering one's garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So take heed to yourselves and do not be faithless." - Malachi 2:16

For instance, let's say that a person regularily beats his/her spouse. Is the innocent victim obliged to stay in such a marriage? I don't see why domestic violence somehow should be “better” than adultery, why a person that has been let down in such a horrible way cannot remarry.

God isn't unfair.

 

[BrianKay]

Furthermore, some people argue that domestic violence is a form of adultery, and I tend to agree with them about this.

I was going to strongly disagree then that Malachi verse got me thinking. I'm interested to know what others think about it

 

[BrianKay]

I can't imagine that God intended for anyone to hold this against a woman. It seems to me that the husband is the one who broke the marriage contract, so to speak. It was out of her hands. She just happens to be the one who sought out legal recognition of that break.

Nicely put but it sounds like conventional wisdom to me.

 

[Cearbhall]

Nicely put but it sounds like conventional wisdom to me.

How so? Let's put it this way: What do you consider to be the substance of the marriage in God's eyes? The legal document that gets them tax benefits, or the vows that they took?

That being said, if this is how you feel about the issue of abuse and her decision to leave her abusive husband, I would recommend against pursuing her.

 

[William67]

Unless she divorced her husband because he cheated, then she is still married in the eyes of God.

 

[Goodbook]

I was going to strongly disagree then that Malachi verse got me thinking. I'm interested to know what others think about it

I think because of the not being unequally yoked with unbelievers advice in corinthians that adultery can also mean spiritual adultery. It goes on further to say that do we make ourselves members of a harlot..

I would say on evidence that a man who beats his wife is not being faithful. Our Lord asks husbands to love and cherish their wives, someone who is beating their wife cannot be said to be following Jesus.

 

[Gnarwhal]

I was going to strongly disagree then that Malachi verse got me thinking. I'm interested to know what others think about it

It is indeed an interesting point. One could argue that adultery is something that violates the vows that were exchanged between the husband and wife before God; abuse would also be a violation of trust, of ones commitment to have and to hold, to love an honor all the days of your life.

 

[BrianKay]

...abuse would also be a violation of trust, of ones commitment to have and to hold, to love an honor all the days of your life

but The Lord did not mention abuse in Matt 5:32. I don't want to assume that He forgot.

 

[Goodbook]

Don't marry someone you obviously don't want to marry.

It depends what kind of abuse it was. You don't know, maybe her ex was seeing someone else or was unfaithful during their marriage. I don't know why a man would beat his wife. I know that some men drink to forget their troubles and are unfaithful when they drink but then they forget about it because of the drink. Or maybe they look at porn or something. That is also sexual immorality.

 

[Goodbook]

The reason Jesus gives is because if its just a thing where, a couple has issues then they can sort it out. God can heal their marriage.
But sexual immorality, fornication is serious because its defiling the marriage bed. A woman can't really go back to a man who does that. It's unsafe for her.

 

[Gnarwhal]

but The Lord did not mention abuse in Matt 5:32. I don't want to assume that He forgot.

No of course not.

Let's not also forget that Christ was a student of the entire Scriptures, and that those penned after him were inspired by his teachings and the Holy Spirit. So in Genesis 2:20-22 the marital relationship is depicted as a helping relationship. Ephesians 5:21 is about mutual submission. Ephesians 5:22-33 gets a bit more specific for wives and husbands. 1 Peter 3:1 also goes into this. Ephesians 5:1-2 talks about following God's example and to walk with love like Christ's sacrifice.

So we have all of these examples of how we're supposed to regard each other in love and mutual submission. Abuse is the opposite of that. Christ said what he said in Matthew 5:32, I'm neither denying anything nor inferring anything to the contrary, but think we ought to be careful not to make an argumentum ex silentio (argument from silence) by saying "because Christ didn't say abuse isn't a reason for divorce, it's not something he supports".

If we assume such, then we risk sending a message to faithful Christian women that if they're abused by their husbands, then they have no recourse and no hope unless he decides to also go off and have an affair; or that they're dependent on the observation and intervention of another man to step in and set him straight. If neither of those things happen, then that woman could very well remain a victim of abuse up to the point of her own death. It's an extreme case, but not impossible.

I would like to note that I'm not trying to convince you to go back to her, if you feel the conviction not to marry a divorcee that's fine, but I think analysis of this subject is always important.

 

[Rajni]

but The Lord did not mention abuse in Matt 5:32. I don't want to assume that He forgot.

Maybe because it should go without saying?

Let's be clear: Abuse has no more place in marriage than adultery does.

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[Deidre32]

Not every person's marriage is holy and valid in the eyes of God. Don't forget that. One can seek an annulment, and if granted, there was no divorce. Not sure how it works in other denominations. I've never been married, as I can't imagine making a promise to someone to stick by them no matter what. If he cheats, if he hits me...no thanks.

 

[Goodbook]

Yes they could have married when they were unbelievers.
God does not bless marriages of unbelievers because they don't want Him to bless their marriage. And if one party refuses God cannot work things out between them if one is unwilling. That is why God allows for divorce as peoples hearts are hard.

 

[Goodbook]

Also abuse is not living in peace.If a believer marries an unbeliever or becomes a believer during marriage and the unbelieving partner wants to stay and they living at peace, that's fine.

But God does not want the believing partner to stay in an abusive marriage if the other partner refuses and is abusive. Although many women stay for the sake of children cos God also cares about the children, and God can work through the children to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children (and vice versa).

OP we don't know all the details of your relationship, only what you telling us, but, if you don't want to marry then just break it off. Don't feel obligated to marry someone if you have any doubts about them. She may find someone who is a better match as will you if you seek His Kingdom first.

 

[Cearbhall]

I would say on evidence that a man who beats his wife is not being faithful. Our Lord asks husbands to love and cherish their wives, someone who is beating their wife cannot be said to be following Jesus.

Exactly. I don't see why him having sexual intercourse with someone else would be different from betraying her in another physical manner. From a spiritual perspective, it all seems to be in the same vein.