Does/Did anyone else struggle with this ...

[HeKnowsMyName]

I didn't want to hijack Saturnights' post, but something in there triggered this for me. I prayed for my marriage to be restored, I did everything I knew to do, I could go on and on. I finally realized he was not going to change and that I didn't have to live in that mess anymore.

But now, our preacher has mentioned several times that God can heal your marriage and God can work a miracle in your marriage if you will let Him, etc. Of course he does say that both people have to be willing. He knows my situation and I know he is not referring to me (Him and his wife both supported my divorce even though they don't condone divorce), but it still bothers me. I sit there and say why didn't you God? Why did I have to go through this? Why didn't you choose to change things? I struggle to even want to sit through the rest of the service.

Another struggle I have is going to church when the gnat has my children. I just don't want to go by myself. I do, but I don't want to. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb.

Anybody else dealth with this junk?

 

[FaithPrevails]

I sit there and say why didn't you God? Why did I have to go through this? Why didn't you choose to change things? I struggle to even want to sit through the rest of the service.

I firmly believe that God can only change a person's heart if their heart is open to being changed. It's that pesky free will thing at work. So, not matter how badly God may have wanted to restore your marriage, He couldn't unless your ex was a willing participant.

At least that is what I believe about my situation - so that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Coming to terms with that helped me tremendously, so I believe it was a God thing to come to that conclusion.

Another struggle I have is going to church when the gnat has my children. I just don't want to go by myself. I do, but I don't want to. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb.

Anybody else dealth with this junk?

Even though I am remarried and have another child, I still feel like a chunk of my family (and heart) is missing when my kids are with their dad. It's hard to feel complete when a good portion of what makes you feel that way is incomplete b/c they're gone. It's different, I think, than what I will feel when they are grown and off to college/out on their own. This isn't a natural stage in life for them to be absent.

So, yeah - I feel ya, sister. for you.

 

[Johnny Todd]

I didn't want to hijack Saturnights' post, but something in there triggered this for me. I prayed for my marriage to be restored, I did everything I knew to do, I could go on and on. I finally realized he was not going to change and that I didn't have to live in that mess anymore.

But now, our preacher has mentioned several times that God can heal your marriage and God can work a miracle in your marriage if you will let Him, etc. Of course he does say that both people have to be willing. He knows my situation and I know he is not referring to me (Him and his wife both supported my divorce even though they don't condone divorce), but it still bothers me. I sit there and say why didn't you God? Why did I have to go through this? Why didn't you choose to change things? I struggle to even want to sit through the rest of the service.

Another struggle I have is going to church when the gnat has my children. I just don't want to go by myself. I do, but I don't want to. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb.

Anybody else dealth with this junk?

was your husband a believer when you married him

 

[saturnnights]

HeKnowsMyName - You are facing what I assume I will be facing over time. God can change our spouses' hearts, but they have to relent and allow Him to do so. I am taking a very difficult position on this and it's one that will drive my friends and family crazy eventually, but I am putting my faith in God's ability to intervene in some way that I cannot even imagine. Maybe within a month? Maybe five years? Perhaps never, but my personal belief is that unless I have a "road to Damascus" encounter with God and He tells me to let go and move on, then my responsibility is to pray and wait. I don't expect anyone else to do the same, but I feel that if I move on and eventually marry someone else, I will have discounted God's ability to resolve this situation. I also believe that my wife's salvation was only for show and not sincere. If there's even the slightest chance that one day, maybe on her deathbed, she may come to a real, saving knowledge of Christ, then I will be there waiting to talk with her. She currently has nobody in her life who is a Christian, so I want to maintain some sort of connection with her and let her know that I'm here to talk if she ever wants to.
I know that most people will think that I'm just plain crazy, but the more I pray and think about it, the less peace I have when I think about moving on with my life.
I also realize that my wife may NEVER return to God or me, but if that happens, then I will consider it God's will.
Anyway... I do deal with these sorts of things and I'm sure that I will for many, many more years...

 

[chaz345]

I didn't want to hijack Saturnights' post, but something in there triggered this for me. I prayed for my marriage to be restored, I did everything I knew to do, I could go on and on. I finally realized he was not going to change and that I didn't have to live in that mess anymore.

But now, our preacher has mentioned several times that God can heal your marriage and God can work a miracle in your marriage if you will let Him, etc. Of course he does say that both people have to be willing. He knows my situation and I know he is not referring to me (Him and his wife both supported my divorce even though they don't condone divorce), but it still bothers me. I sit there and say why didn't you God? Why did I have to go through this? Why didn't you choose to change things? I struggle to even want to sit through the rest of the service.

Another struggle I have is going to church when the gnat has my children. I just don't want to go by myself. I do, but I don't want to. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb.

Anybody else dealth with this junk?

I'm saying this without knowing much of anything about your marriage and what your spouse was doing that was wrong but in a sense it doesn't matter. Praying for God to change another person is rarely effective. Rather one usually has better results in praying that God change their own heart. Now I'm not in any way suggesting that you were to blame for the problems in your marriage. But the fact that you are referring to your ex-husband as a gnat is troublesome to me. The reality is that no matter what he's done, in God's eyes he's still a cherished child. Hard to hear I know, but it's true and the only thing that will come of not trying to see him that way is pain and heartache, for you, not for him.

 

[saturnnights]

HeKnowsMyName - I think I just hijacked YOUR thread... Sorry

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

was your husband a believer when you married him

Supposedly. Still goes to church and is living with another woman although we are not officially divorced.

 

[saturnnights]

My wife, like I'd mentioned in my original post, was not a Christian when I married her. I've often though to myself over the years that, since I'd wanted her and then married her outside of God's will, He let me have her. I don't allow myself any bitterness or anger toward God for anything because, at the root of it all was my own disobedience. I'm just taking my medicine

 

[FaithPrevails]

Supposedly. Still goes to church and is living with another woman although we are not officially divorced.

Just a friendly reminder that only God knows his heart. Just because his actions may not reflect his belief, does not mean he doesn't believe. Now, living out that belief in a Christ-like manner is a different story.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

Gosh Chaz, I referred to him as a gnat as a joke. He has been very troublesome and continued to cause major problems with the kids and me since our separation so we (my family - not the kids) jokingly refer to hiim as the gnat. My Mom came up with the nickname so it's nothing that I need to get over. Note that I also asked God to restore my marriage. Not necessarily change my ex. And I still pray from him because he is a troubled soul and needs God. Some days it's easier to pray for him than others I will admit, but I pray for him for the sake of my children.

And Saturn, shame on you for hijacking my thread. J/K I don't consider what you said as a hijack at all. I wish you well on your journey to a recovered marriage.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

Just a friendly reminder that only God knows his heart. Just because his actions may not reflect his belief, does not mean he doesn't believe. Now, living out that belief in a Christ-like manner is a different story.

He believes something ... that is for sure.

 

[saturnnights]

HeKnowsMyName - how long have you and your hubby been separated?

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

Last Sunday was 1 year. My divorce is supposed to be final this week. He has been most difficult throughout the entire process.

 

[FaithPrevails]

He believes something ... that is for sure.

I feel ya, trust me!

 

[saturnnights]

Last Sunday was 1 year. My divorce is supposed to be final this week. He has been most difficult throughout the entire process.

You'd mentioned elsewhere that he is with someone else? I know your pain, believe me...
What do your prayers focus on now? Reconciliation? I'm just curious because I'm so new to this process that I wonder if there's a natural progression that ultimately leads to giving up hope?

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

He is 'engaged' to be married. However, he has to be divorced first. lol And he's what's been holding up the divorce. He is very contrary. I have no pain over him being with someone else. He was unfaithful all along.

My prayers now are the God will keep my children safe and put a hedge around them as they are exposed to things that they have never been exposed to before. I do not pray for reconciliation at all. I'm sure that's hard for you to understand because you want reconciliation badly, but because of what I have been through, I have no desire to reconcile. I could share more, but some people would not understand and I would rather not be judged you know? Until someone has walked a mile in my shoes, they can't say what they would do/say. I'm sure you feel the same way.

 

[BlueJay83]

I'm so new to this process that I wonder if there's a natural progression that ultimately leads to giving up hope?

You will go through many waves of giving up, but then something she says or does will make you think "Hey.. maybe all is not lost yet"

I sit there and say why didn't you God? Why did I have to go through this? Why didn't you choose to change things?

Yes,
mostly I'm torn, wondering
1. why He hasn't healed her BiPolar
2. how much of the way she acts is bipolar, and how much is her.
is 10% of her teenage behaviour bipolar, 70% ???
is 90% of her cheating and non-committal attitude bipolar? ..or is it less?
So confusing....

If she was "of a sound mind" it would be so much easier.

I'm not going to blame God though, everything happens for a reason.

 

[saturnnights]

2. how much of the way she acts is bipolar, and how much is her.
is 10% of her teenage behaviour bipolar, 70% ???
is 90% of her cheating and non-committal attitude bipolar? ..or is it less?
So confusing....

Wow - I have this same thing running through my head all of the time. Is she X% manic and Y% heartless? That's the million dollar question for me too! Wow, those of us with bipolar spouses do have very similar situations...

 

[Johnny Todd]

Supposedly. Still goes to church and is living with another woman although we are not officially divorced.

I'm sorry but he isn't a real believer, he probably never was, so I think you have a biblical right to do what ever you choose in this matter, considering he's with another woman and he's not even divorced

 

[FaithPrevails]

I'm sorry but he isn't a real believer, he probably never was, so I think you have a biblical right to do what ever you choose in this matter, considering he's with another woman and he's not even divorced

You don't know the condition of his heart. Only he and God know that. It's dangerous to judge others, especially concerning their salvation.