Does bipolar affect your ability to think rationally?

[Alienated]

WOW RB you could pass as a PhD here. Your attention span is good, and a nice rounded back round. I think everybody here in on thorazine, with a meth chaser.
Seven years ago I tried suicide by starvation, almost succeeded, lived 6 mo. on beer and meth. I was electrocuted when I was seven and it messed me up real bad emotionally, and started drinking at 8. I was on a roller coaster from Hell most of my life, then it got BAD. My brother was killed, and folks went NUT's.

And my age ? I remember when they cleared Prozac for human testing !! I'm 47.
Anyway it was either the State Hospital for me, or my dying mom made a deal with the local treatment center to let me die there. I was a drooling idiot, couldn't talk, process a thought, feed myself, etc... They gave me a week... After a month they got me on disability to cover my bills, with Bi-Polar. And for 1 1/2 years I wondered the halls at night like a rat, till they made me polish the floors at night. And not allowed to speak to anyone.

I bought a computer and started studying obsessively. Now I study anatomy, physiology, psychology, inorganic and environmental chem. And of coarse the Bible. And the guy that made the deal to let me die there, relapsed got fired and hung himself. And mom died of bone cancer. I was the one supposed to die, and everybody that marked me off is dead. I was in there for 2 1/2 years, moved out and went into isolation for another 4 studying 16 hours a day.

I don't know if anyone could really have fun in this, upside down world. Because now I'm sane, and have come out of my hole to find. I'm on Planet of The Apes !!! Nobody talks to anybody, and everything is controlled by Non-Thinking brutes !! The next phase as you mention " Ugh.... WOMAN".... go read what I wrote in "depression about being single " I don't want to die alone. I don't have a single relative on Earth, no friends, not even acquaintances, no one spares 5 minutes to talk here. All too busy doing nothing.

I guess what pulled me though, is just those horrible times of being in Hell, stopped long enough, that God could do something with me. I was stuck in the same trap of thinking God hated me, like allot of the young people now, until I had absolutely nowhere else to turn. And He moved Heaven and Earth for me. And from my little room for years, I could reach out with my computer and see the Beautiful things God created.

I know I'm strange, but if what I see out my window is normal ??? Who would want it, after having God do what He did. And seeing what man is doing to it, and themselves. It only leaves me with one question why am I alive ???

 

[AnthonyMichaelPraisesGod]

i recently got put on lithium and all i have to say is praise God for lithium...
my mind is actually a place that i can keep up with now...
<3

 

[Alienated]

i recently got put on lithium and all i have to say is praise God for lithium...
my mind is actually a place that i can keep up with now...
<3

Great !!! I'm glad they found something that works so quick..... Usually you got to try a bunch of different ones to find one that works... Do you have any funky side effects ??

 

[Loven God]

I was on lithium and I could not take it made my hair fall out and my face break out in blisters . I am so happy you found something that works for you , it is so nice to have a clear mind .

 

[AnthonyMichaelPraisesGod]

i was sort of irritable at first and now i am sorta sleepy, but then i cant seem to sleep at night. lol. but i actually really like it. thank you for being supportive

 

[AnthonyMichaelPraisesGod]

and yeah, i broke out at first, but my skin actually looks better now than it even did before our God is so good

 

[redblue22]

AMPG, I'm glad lithium is working for you. Some people like it, some don't. That is good. And it is cheap. Cool.

Alienated, that is quite an experience. I didn't know you were my age. What is the interest in human biology and chemistry? I mean, fascinating topics. I still fear the chem equations and I haven't done one in years!

lol . . . about Planet of the Apes. It does feel that way. I get the idea you think there is something off about intellectual abilities that might be cleared. (you wouldn't like the dark secrets of universities if intellectual difficulties bother you) Having spent so much time with those who are really intelligent, I've started thinking it is something else.

I don't always know what is going on around in the world. For example. I'm not picking on christians, but when I discovered churches, the social behavior was so weird. I felt like an anthropologist taking notes on an undiscovered tribe. I would "report back" to others trying to put together what was happening. Churches at the time were very isolationalistic compared to the world I lived in. I suspect most still are.

I look around at social and relationship order. My town has gone through changes. I've been going to social clubs since I was 16. 20 years ago, people of all ages would go out to bars or dancing or coffee and meet anyone. I don't mean for sex, but even just to make friends or talk or games or whatever. Then it turned to just people in their 20's. Then they banned smoking and put up casinos. Go to a coffee shop now and it is quiet and everyone is on a computer. I have a better chance of getting a game of backgammon going at McDonalds. The social clubs used to be packed with lines down the street and people circling to find a parking spot. Now you could do doughnuts in the parking lot on a busy night. Only non-interacting restaurants have people on the weekend. I'm not sure why it is that way now. I mean, I know as I get older there are fewer social opportunities, but wouldn't the younger people still be out?

Different cities and towns have different dynamics. But something is changing. I wonder if you feel some of that. I'm too old for the party scene, but they don't seem to have them. I mean, I still live in the same area. They just aren't there. Weird. I have a lot of observations like this.

I think maybe it is too much intellect at the expense of emotions, feelings, relationships, creativity, beauty, mystery, trust, magic, love, etc. People connect through computers and phones. (like right now) Travel used to be a way people connected too. Now it is isolation in a car. Maybe that is what is happening. But then why would I want to go to a "social club" and pay money just to sit by myself?

One thought: Given what people are writing online, this talking through computer and phone thing isn't working. I like talking with everyone here. But we spend a lot of time talking about how we all wish we weren't talking here. You and I have the option of "checking out" with some meds, but this isn't mental illness. Something is off in the world, and I think that is what you are saying. And everyone else sees it too . . . excuse me, they don't see it. They FEEL it. There is a kind of magic between people and writing letters to one another is wonderful, but we feel that the magic missing that can't be put in a plastic palm-sized technology box. Without human contact, there not a loss of intellect, but a loss of other things you can't build, learn, grow, feel, taste, smell, connect, remember, experience. This is a book. And that is what computers and phones are. They are elaborate books we talk through and that doesn't go far enough into the soul where there is a kind of deeper beauty and mystery that changes us. I think that is the "intelligence" you sense is missing in the world around.

Not that it is the fault of computers. These are just tools used like a crutch for people in isolation. I wouldn't want them to go away as if to "help" people the way they did here by throwing all the people out of the state hospital onto the curb without treatment or homes to help them not be "too dependent." But I've been online since . . . well, since I was a little kid. Early 80's. But this thing where lots of people use it is kindof new. Not everyone isolates, but more are. They always have.

 

[smartb]

Currently it's getting worse. I've quit 2 jobs because I hear coworkers talking to me non-verbally. I have a very strong presence so I'm noticed. I consider my relationship with God a blessing, its the only way I stay sane. A prayer or two. You have to channel your energy to do what you love or you will lose your mind.

 

[Loven God]

People do do things diffrent today , they do use the computers and phones much more often . It is not that thy don't care but it is as if for some reason they don't like being face to face . But for other it is a way to stay in touch . EX: My mom lives in another state and I do not get to see her ofton so the computer is one way to stay in touch , but I prefer to talk on the phone at least I can hear a voice . I need the connaction , I want to hear a live voice not just read words .

 

[Alienated]

Hey RB

My study choices were progressive....And it was a wild ride !!! I know I'm strange now, but I like it. Because I was NUT"S, and when pain stops, it feels so much better...
Please follow me here, it's weird but it works. Remember I was NUT'S, and living in a treatment center !!!

First I had to relearn English because nobody seems to have the same understanding of the words they use. As I was slowly regaining my cognitive reasoning back, I realized nobody understood what they themselves were saying about themselves. And after watching them and being told I'm just like them.... IT HORRIFIED ME !!!
I just thought they were all just liars, I'm mean it was a drug/alcohol treatment center !!!

"But it's delusion caused by being told by others what to believe about everything !!" And they were just as crazy as I was. That was the starting point. I had believed a LIE !!
Romans 1
'EVERYTHING WAS WRONG, AND NEEDED TO BE TESTED"

You want to try a test that will spook you ? Read the dictionary, and you will see that you don't speak English but gibberish !

Pity doesn't mean look down on or contempt, but MERCY.

Love isn't really a emotion but actions, the emotion is a result of the actions. ( Act of love,, Labor of love,, Making Love, Falling in LOVE) How do you know if somebody really loves you ?
It's by how they treat you.. Jesus said ( If you love me, you will obey me.")

And that right there is why we are so screwed up !! It's not our feelings God cares about, but our obedience !!
Obey Him and (ALL THESE THINGS WILL BE ADDED ONTO YOU )

Ask yourself why so many people are loosing their faith, because God isn't giving them all these things......so they don't believe He loves them ??? We have lost His BLESSINGS !!
Now who fault is that ??

And KABOOM !! Everything changed for me... I learned how the mind and body works, and it's composition. We are nothing but a couple of hand-fulls of minerals and electrolytes.
God made us from dirt, and dirt we return to.

Our spirit is our mind, and that is our responsibility to mold according to God's instruction manual.. and if we don't read it, we mal-function... Just like if we lose electrolytes, electricity can't be conducted,... and shut down is imminent...

Our bodies and minds, run off a series of chemical reactions. Either good or bad ones..
So you can mix sodium and chlorine and be salt, or bleach and ammonia and be a poisonous gas ! What do you want to be ? What are we filling ourselves with ? I look at life like a lab, if two things don't mix well.... QUIT MIXING THEM !!!

And have spent the last six years, reading God's warning label on me. And stop listening to people that are just as messed up as I WAS.

Do a study on personality characteristics of the addictive personality, and then examine AMERICA !! Humanism is the blind leading the blind... And we can't figure out why we keep falling in holes.... DAH !

Look up HUMAN on wikipedia - Humans are characterized by having a large brain relative to body size, with a particularly well developed neocortex, prefrontal cortex and temporal lobes, making them capable of abstract reasoning, language, introspection, problem solving and culture through social learning.

Now how many humans do you know ?

 

[redblue22]

You discovered the same thing I did. I mean, you have other new things to me, but I mean about dictionaries. I one day admitted I had no idea what anyone was talking about, so I started looking everything up. I got kindof ocd about it and started collecting dictionaries. I hate reading, but it is also addictive. It is also the most economical fastest way I know to get the meaning or knowledge from them to me for consideration.

I'm going to have to look into some of the science stuff. I wrote down addiction on my future list. I studied substance abuse, but it has been a while. I also can't seem to remember the stuff related to treating addiction or cycles or all that. Fog.

Most of life I am almost clinically distrustful or doubting. I try to get as many options and look at all, but I also try to make the best decision about belief and action from what I have. Have you studied philosophy? There's a field where madness and genius walk right next to each other. I enjoyed logic. Hurley is the most accessible. I would be you would enjoy learning about fallacies/errors of reason. Logic and fallacies go well with my obsession with dictionaries. When I taught logic, I would teach a section on definitions. They would get extra credit for creating a list of all the important words in their field and giving proper definitions. Good practice for them, and fun for me to read. (yes, I'm still crazy)

I hope you aren't offended that I throw a lot of books at you. Rarely meet anyone interested and it is my main hobby. Don't want you to be offended or think I'm thinking you need to read them or something. Certainly not trying to fix anything. Just thinking. Check out The Psychology of Judgment and Decision Making by Plous. Kahneman's Thinking Fast and Slow would also be good. I know your favorite thing is studying christianity. I haven't a clue what to name there. Actually, you should name some for me maybe. I'm a little lost in the world of religious books so I often feel I've missed some important works. I'm guessing you like things a little more conservative?? I like Francis Schaeffer. I was hooked after How Shall We Then Live. (not to be confused with others who have reused the title for their own books) I name that one because it might connect with the kinds of things you are talking about.

RB

 

[Alienated]

Oh I can understand distrust !!! That's why I looked to science, because it teaches testing just like Jesus and Paul taught. Test all things, all spirits, and once God even said to test Him. See if you can out give God ?

Philosophy gave me a headache because I came to the conclusion that knowledge and thought can be the deadliest of my enemies, without a absolute standard and authority.

(Take all limits from a geneticist, and see what ends up taking care of you in your old age?) Some places are just NOT meant to go... The ideas of humanism today gives birth to monsters, that devours us tomorrow.

I have kind of left psychology behind lately, because it's too limited, but it got me started on the right path. By understanding how twisted I really was, and how desperate my condition was. That is where I turned to God .... The Bible tells me the right direction in every condition I face, and when it's my nature holding me back. I had always counted on the DSM for identifying and definition , and articles on procedures and treatments by doctors. Weighing the success with the failures, and found my own way.

What made the real breakthrough with me, was deep soul searching to find why I thought like I thought. How my past resentments, perceptions, and false beliefs controlled my life. And realized that my emotions based on unrealistic expectations, were in complete control of my life. Just because I felt hurt and wounded, didn't mean I really was. I was delusional, and in complete denial of reality. And my emotions were lying to me !!! And all preconceived ideas and beliefs were flawed.

And that's when GOD said, " Now you see what I see !" Would you like to try something different ? And I like said..... OK.........And He said learn all you can about Me and My creations....start there....