Im not sure if this is the right forum for it or not, but I know more people here, or atleast know their hearts and minds a little.
Of course Ive had my problems with lonelinesss, Ive ranted about it many times here. Thanks for listening by the way, I come here and I see so many of you have complete faith that everything will be worked out if only you draw closer to Jesus. Me on the other hand I've spent the past year and a half questioning his motives more than ever, but it finally came to a head this weekend. This has little or nothing to do with me, other than in faith but an old friend called me on Saturday. This guy and I have been friends since High School, I was a groomsman in his wedding, if something would have happened to the best man I would have been it, but to get to the point his wife miscarried on Wednesday and he was asking me if I could come to the funeral of his son.
Let me take this moment to say there is nothing like attending the funeral of an infant, that was one of the worst things I have ever experienced in my life and is something I will tell you I wish I never have to do again. The family let me come in with them, I was the only non-relative let in at the time being, but first I was asked to lead them in prayer. Now that was awkward, Ive been questioning God for so long and to suddenly be placed in the spot light for a prayer.....I did the best I could. But to go in and see the tiny casket and to try to comfort the family and assure them it was God's will and it was for the best. Thats an experience I can never forget, and the whole time I was there I questioned God. I was so unsure of how this was for the best.
Does anyone else get to the point where they look at their lives, and the lives of those they love and question God why? During these past several month's it has honestly felt as if God was no where near, people say he is but he must be playing hide and seek or something, I sure havent felt him, just anger. If theres one thing I can say about me, its that I hate being ignorant. I hate being out in the dark, I hate the question why and not being able to find the answer. Can anyone else relate?
Of course Ive had my problems with lonelinesss, Ive ranted about it many times here. Thanks for listening by the way, I come here and I see so many of you have complete faith that everything will be worked out if only you draw closer to Jesus. Me on the other hand I've spent the past year and a half questioning his motives more than ever, but it finally came to a head this weekend. This has little or nothing to do with me, other than in faith but an old friend called me on Saturday. This guy and I have been friends since High School, I was a groomsman in his wedding, if something would have happened to the best man I would have been it, but to get to the point his wife miscarried on Wednesday and he was asking me if I could come to the funeral of his son.
Let me take this moment to say there is nothing like attending the funeral of an infant, that was one of the worst things I have ever experienced in my life and is something I will tell you I wish I never have to do again. The family let me come in with them, I was the only non-relative let in at the time being, but first I was asked to lead them in prayer. Now that was awkward, Ive been questioning God for so long and to suddenly be placed in the spot light for a prayer.....I did the best I could. But to go in and see the tiny casket and to try to comfort the family and assure them it was God's will and it was for the best. Thats an experience I can never forget, and the whole time I was there I questioned God. I was so unsure of how this was for the best.
Does anyone else get to the point where they look at their lives, and the lives of those they love and question God why? During these past several month's it has honestly felt as if God was no where near, people say he is but he must be playing hide and seek or something, I sure havent felt him, just anger. If theres one thing I can say about me, its that I hate being ignorant. I hate being out in the dark, I hate the question why and not being able to find the answer. Can anyone else relate?