- Sep 21, 2005
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When planning your family, does it matter to you how old you are when you are "done" having kids? Why?
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Does age matter, and why??
- Thread starter Christdefinesme
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It did to us. DH and I decided we'd want to be done by 30. I have enjoyed being a 'young mom' 
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My husband and I wanted to be young parents, but God had other plans for us.
The biggest difficulty for us being older parents is lack of energy. Keeping up with 4 kids means we both hit the bed in total exhaustion every night. LOL
The biggest difficulty for us being older parents is lack of energy. Keeping up with 4 kids means we both hit the bed in total exhaustion every night. LOL
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sparassidae
In Christ Alone
I think that's the 4 children thing- we go to bed exhausted each night also
Anyway, I think it depends on each person, what they think they are capable of, and of course God's sovereignty means it's not up to us anyway.
For me personally, I don't think it matters. I think the children keep me young, and I know when we get to the point of completing our family I will start feeling old
DH has said he doesn't want to be changing nappies at 50, and some days that becomes 40
Anyway, I think it depends on each person, what they think they are capable of, and of course God's sovereignty means it's not up to us anyway.
For me personally, I don't think it matters. I think the children keep me young, and I know when we get to the point of completing our family I will start feeling old
DH has said he doesn't want to be changing nappies at 50, and some days that becomes 40
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JulySheMustFly
Legend
It was important to me. I wanted to be finished being pregnant by 30. I am finished being pregnant. That doesn't mean that I'm closed to caring for more young children after the age of 30 just done with the pregnant thing.
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Well I can't say for sure.... it just depends on how we are led..... but how *I* want things to look, I'd like to be done birthing babies by 30-32 so that they are all adults by the time I am 50. I wouldn't mind having them up until 35 though, but after that I would rather not because of the increased complications with pregnancies after 35 plus the increased risks of "birth defects"
I have not yet felt that my family is complete or that I am not meant to have any more babies so its hard to say. Right now I am so tired of being pregnant and I can't wait to birth this baby and be just ME again!!
I have not yet felt that my family is complete or that I am not meant to have any more babies so its hard to say. Right now I am so tired of being pregnant and I can't wait to birth this baby and be just ME again!!
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progressivegal
Well-Known Member
I'm a little different than most here because I would like to be 30 before I start having kids. My husband will be 37 then, which was the age my mother was when she was pregnant with me.
I've been realizing that I do really want children someday, and if I am in a situation sooner where I have finished my degree, am working in a steady career and have decent medical coverage then if my husband is open to it, I might consider having children sooner.
I was reading an article the other day that said the optimal age for the mother to be pregnant as far as the health of the child is concerned is 32, and as far as the health of the mother is concerned, it's 34. Of course I think a lot of that may have to do partly with the fact that women in their 30s often receive better pre-natal care than younger women, but of course this isn't always the case.
I think that as long as a person is responsible and ready to have a child, and equipped emotionally and financially to care for that child then age doesn't matter. Someone could be 21 and totally ready and equipped to be a parent and be a fabulous mom or dad who loves and cares for their children very much (like my brother and sister in law) and someone could be in their late 30s and be an amazing parent as well (like my cousins and like my own parents when they had me).
I know for me personally, that when my husband and I have kids we want to be totally committed to them, to put them and their needs first, and right now neither of us feels like we would do that. I feel like if I had kids now I would be totally overwhelmed and resentful of them (my husband says his father, who had children young always seemed to resent having his kids around, and acted as though they were holding him back, and my husband is determined never to see his own children this way). I am not ready to be mother. Some 22 year olds are, and I say good for them. The best parents I know right now have similarly aged children, one is a 23 year old couple, the other is a 40 year old couple. I see that both are totally committed to their kids, neither see them as a burden or a pain. They are gentle, kind, and patient parents. I feel like I owe it to my future children to really want kids and to be prepared to put them and their needs ahead of those of my husband and, and to be financially able to provide them with lifes necessities. I want them to be the center of my life. Right now I am not ready for kids, but while age certainly plays a part in this, I think it has more to do with where I am in life, the choices I have made, what my goals are, and what m personality is like than my age. After all, my husband will be 30 next year, and I don't think he is any more ready than I am (though I know he'll make a great dad when we do have kids).
I've been realizing that I do really want children someday, and if I am in a situation sooner where I have finished my degree, am working in a steady career and have decent medical coverage then if my husband is open to it, I might consider having children sooner.
I was reading an article the other day that said the optimal age for the mother to be pregnant as far as the health of the child is concerned is 32, and as far as the health of the mother is concerned, it's 34. Of course I think a lot of that may have to do partly with the fact that women in their 30s often receive better pre-natal care than younger women, but of course this isn't always the case.
I think that as long as a person is responsible and ready to have a child, and equipped emotionally and financially to care for that child then age doesn't matter. Someone could be 21 and totally ready and equipped to be a parent and be a fabulous mom or dad who loves and cares for their children very much (like my brother and sister in law) and someone could be in their late 30s and be an amazing parent as well (like my cousins and like my own parents when they had me).
I know for me personally, that when my husband and I have kids we want to be totally committed to them, to put them and their needs first, and right now neither of us feels like we would do that. I feel like if I had kids now I would be totally overwhelmed and resentful of them (my husband says his father, who had children young always seemed to resent having his kids around, and acted as though they were holding him back, and my husband is determined never to see his own children this way). I am not ready to be mother. Some 22 year olds are, and I say good for them. The best parents I know right now have similarly aged children, one is a 23 year old couple, the other is a 40 year old couple. I see that both are totally committed to their kids, neither see them as a burden or a pain. They are gentle, kind, and patient parents. I feel like I owe it to my future children to really want kids and to be prepared to put them and their needs ahead of those of my husband and, and to be financially able to provide them with lifes necessities. I want them to be the center of my life. Right now I am not ready for kids, but while age certainly plays a part in this, I think it has more to do with where I am in life, the choices I have made, what my goals are, and what m personality is like than my age. After all, my husband will be 30 next year, and I don't think he is any more ready than I am (though I know he'll make a great dad when we do have kids).
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~Mrs. A2J~
According to your faith will it be done to you
It's important to me to be done "young". I didn't really want to go past age 32. Turns out I'll be done at 28 (pregnant with last baby now). The main reasons for me were that I want to spent alone time with my hubby and I want to be able to enjoy my grandkids with more energy. My hubby and I got pregnant straight away when we were married and only dated for a short time so never really had "us" time so I want that time when the kids move out.
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Yeah! We'd really like to travel in our 50's the way we wanted to in our 20's but didn't have the money.
I find that very hard to believe. Women's physical prime is in their 20's, and fertility is already on the decline by 30.
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3girls2dogs
Catholic
- Aug 15, 2005
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I was done at 30. And I am so grateful that I was now. My youngest is 8, my oldest is 18, and we are finally where we can start planning things again with no "babies".
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CrystalBrooke
I'm almost positive I don't care what you think
I don't want any kids past the age of 30. I only want one more so it'd be nice to have my last one BEFORE I turn 30..that gives me 10 years..but now I'm single so I don't know how that's going to turn out. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what God has planned.
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llghoney
Life is preparation for eternity
I didn't want to start trying until the "me me me" was gone & we had more financial stability. I know of toooo many women (most of my friends really) who have said they wish they had waited when they look back on things & enjoyed their youth. I did enjoy my 20's & now it's ALL about my child & will be the rest of my life. Even when they are grown they are still my "kid(s)." So we waited til I was 30. I think that 30's have a bad stigma personally. I wanted to be done by 35 because of birth defects & what not but I may be having my 2nd child then. But God had other plans I guess. Because this is our 2nd child really.
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~Nikki~
aka northstar
Hubby and I didn't get to start young as we didn't marry til one week before my 30th birthday, so I guess I'll be an 'old' mum...especially as we now feel convicted not to use bc and let God decide how many children we have.
Maybe it's a good thing we didn't meet til we did, cuz having this conviction at age 20 and being married that young might mean we'd have 7-8 kids already with another handful or so of childbearing years left! We could have been the Duggars!
But having started a bit later I guess we won't have that many children...
My mum had my youngest sister when she was 43...
Maybe it's a good thing we didn't meet til we did, cuz having this conviction at age 20 and being married that young might mean we'd have 7-8 kids already with another handful or so of childbearing years left! We could have been the Duggars!
But having started a bit later I guess we won't have that many children...
My mum had my youngest sister when she was 43...
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jgonz
What G-d calls you to do, He equips you to do.
- Feb 11, 2005
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This thread is actually very funny. Do you all realize how ME oriented most everything most everyone has said is? I want I want I want I want...
G-d is in charge. He gives you babies when HE decides not when YOU decide. Would I have chosen to have a baby at 48? That's a big no... But, on the other hand, so far anyway, this has been one of my better pregnancies EVER. I'm healthier, my body is in better shape, and mentally I'm doing very well.
What is Age, anyway? It's not how Old you are, it's how Healthy you are. And what are they saying nowadays? That 50 is the new 40 or something? lol I read an article several years ago that the median age of women who give birth to Down Syndrome children is 28. 28! Not a woman in her 40's....
G-d is in charge. He gives you babies when HE decides not when YOU decide. Would I have chosen to have a baby at 48? That's a big no... But, on the other hand, so far anyway, this has been one of my better pregnancies EVER. I'm healthier, my body is in better shape, and mentally I'm doing very well.
What is Age, anyway? It's not how Old you are, it's how Healthy you are. And what are they saying nowadays? That 50 is the new 40 or something? lol I read an article several years ago that the median age of women who give birth to Down Syndrome children is 28. 28! Not a woman in her 40's....
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If I have it my way, I'll be done having babies by age 30, but we'll adopt one or two children after that. I would like to not have any more children by 35, but before that if possible.
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God didn't even send me my DH until I was 36!
And I'm so glad I waited! I had my first baby at age 37.
Now we have 3 beautiful boys. If I had stopped after the first one...I just couldn't imagine my life without my younger two boys!
I don't think anyone here is saying that you shouldn't have kids when you want to have kids.... you don't need to defend it. My stepmom married my dad at 33/34, so she had my half-sister at 35, after that time though she was unable to birth a 2nd baby or she would have had one older than that too. Their/your way is fine too.
Another thing I would really like for my kids is to have them all within the same age range in hopes that they will be close, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with larger spaces either.
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