Does a promiscuous past effects affects Men & women Christians differently ?

[QuestionQuest74]

Even after they have repented how does that effect their future relationships and behaviours. Speaking from experience on this topic is greatly appreciated

 

[Reluctant Theologian]

Even after they have repented how does that effect their future relationships and behaviours. Speaking from experience on this topic is greatly appreciated

General evidence (non-Christian) generally suggests that the stability of a relationship depends mostly on the non-promiscuous past of the woman, but not so much on that of the man.

From a Christian viewpoint however I would say the stability of a marriage would depend on ability of both husband/wife to not repeat the mistakes of the past. Repentance in this context then would mean not just being sorry, but genuinely being able to forego the immorality altogether. And when considering a potential marriage partner each side has to make a calculated guess how big the risk of recurrence of the sinful behaviour would be.

If the sinful past nicely coincides with the non-believing phase of life; that's a lot easier than if immorality still occurred as pattern while being a believer, as the latter situation justifies raising the question whether problematic behaviour really has been left behind completely.

Unfortunately, I speak from experience.

 

[com7fy8]

Each person is different.

I consider that there are plenty of other sin problems which can spoil a marrage. So, even if a woman has virgin background, still she can have problems, and so can you.

So, why would you ask only about sexual sins of the past??

 

[johansen]

This is a really complicated topic and there are additional differences because people aren't the same. there is a bell curve to sex, like any other experience. ... and then there is the spiritual elements involved, which many christians deny exist.

I have had knowledge of intimate details, regarding at least 5 women. Only one of the 5 is not so ashamed of her prior sins that she is able to talk about them, and they don't seem to bother her at all because we've prayed through all of that trauma and it seems to be gone.

K, we were friends for 6 weeks, she had 4 prior sexual relationships, first 2 she was emotionally abusive and the second 2, she was being abused. she was not ready to be in a relationship with me ( i think we both desired it) because she felt too unclean compared to me, which was actually probably just the Holy Spirit both convicting her of her sins, and preventing her and i from sleeping together. -i would give her the best odds of working through her sin and trauma of all these others. -we haven't spoken in 6 years.

T.. well.. she doesn't love men. so she uses them instead. there is a chance she will turn back to God, and will run to me instead, because she believes me to be a prophet, and she owes me a great debt she cannot repay.

E.. doesn't let me or anyone or our mutual friend C actually pray for her core issues, just the byproducts of them. so she still has the same sins bothering her 20 years ago as she does today. I was led to pray for her in a specific way, waited 6 months to tell E what i prayed for.. initially she was excited and thanked me, but then her facial expression told me she was freaked out and "I don't need that". -she will probably not marry.

S.. well.. needed an exorcism but was too ashamed to ask for one. she later told me she was living in sin. in one conversation, she mentioned that she was raped 3 weeks ago.. the reason i mention this, is because it was easier for her to talk about that.. than it was her to admit her "sin".

all of these people will need multiple years of daily prayer to get back to what most men consider "normal" as in they are ready for a traditional marriage.

and they don't actually seem to be any worse than every other person i've met. which quite frankly is scary, because it makes me wonder whats's really going on in the average person's life.

90% of the time when i privately message someone on reddit.. i find their problems are 10 times more serious than they make them sound in the initial post.

 

[johansen]

Regarding another woman I know of who confessed her struggles publicly to the church,( which was well received and a lot of people thought she had a lot of guts to say what she said).. she later divorced and remarried a man I knew of but didn't know very well. he was formerly married to a woman who was not a Christian who would not go to church, but he did.

this isn't the first time i've seen stuff like this.

In hindsight, no one saw that coming. However, looking back on the testimony she gave years prior.. she had struggles, like we all do. but the simple reality is she didn't take them to God, and she struggled with accepting her husbands love for her. then something went wrong and she ended up with another Christian man suddenly.

I'm not accusing any of these people of cheating on each other, but it was quite a shock to the community, their sudden re-arrangement of partners.

The issue in my opinion isn't the number or type of prior sexual partners but rather the shame that influences us to hide from God.

Back in 2015 I had some interest in a woman by the name of KM. She reminded me a lot of E, in the prior post, but I didn't understand why my brain was able to make so many connections between the two, until years later when I figured it out. still don't know if my own mind has like a near psychic ability to see into people's minds or if God gave me that information.

anyhow, i really do Genuinely care about these woman and typing all this out makes me want to cry. God is willing and able to heal you. if you let him.

 

[eleos1954]

Even after they have repented how does that effect their future relationships and behaviours. Speaking from experience on this topic is greatly appreciated

People need to ask for forgiveness (and accept it) and repent (turn away from the behavior)

Over and over I see people bringing up their past sins ... and in turn continue to carry around guilt. The whole point of forgiveness is to let the past go and not carry around guilt. The point is we are to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them in their future behavior.

 

[Sketcher]

I don't know how different it is. I do know that the consequences of such behavior are not good.

 

[Paidiske]

In my pastoral experience, (and this is a generalisation), men and women are promiscuous for different reasons. For women, it's often a way of trying to deal with emotional wounds; and unless those wounds are dealt with, they will continue to play out in various ways. Whereas for men it's more often a matter of physical gratification, and the ongoing issues tend to be around cultivating self-control.

 

[com7fy8]

Even after they have repented how does that effect their future relationships and behaviours. Speaking from experience on this topic is greatly appreciated

My experience is that sexual sin can stay for decades; but, as I grow in loving, it goes away more and more.

It seems my character makes me more or less available to sinning, in general. And, I would say, God has changed me deeply so I am less available now to sinning, than I was.

And, practically, what helps is not to feed myself with wrong stuff of what I am thinking, imagining, and looking at . . . where I agree to give my attention.

Trust God to guide my attention . . . yes, all the time to submit to how God rules us in His peace (Colossians 3:15, Philippians 4:6-7), as well as God gives us the character submissive so we do this.

And with this I am busy with loving, instead of pleasure seeking and arguing and complaining and trying to control people > 1 Peter 5:3.

And my experience with God's word is >

Jesus received that woman at the well and the adulteress of John chapter eight. He used the woman at the well to preach, and told the adulteress to sin no more; so He knows it is realistic to expect us to sin no more. Because this is possible with God and how He is able to correct our character > Hebrews 12:4-14. So, I hold myself to this and consider myself accountable for this.

So, I do not excuse my failure or anyone else's, but pray for what is possible with God. All judgment is committed to Jesus > John 5:22-23. So, even now in prayer I offer things to Jesus, for Him to judge how He pleases to create His results with each situation, including my failures to stay out of lust things of the eyes and the body > 1 John 2:16.

And Jesus can determine what He does with each woman, and have me love each one the way He wants.

I see there are victim sins, and victimizer sins - - prey and predator > like in the animal kingdom, there are prey animals and predators, and we see how the prey can even help the predators.

The prey can develop cover which the predators can also use for getting near to their prey. And then the prey can have a way of not standing up to the predators.

Both prey and predator sinning can involve seeking pleasure. And sexual sensations can be very intense, and any nicer or nastier person can make sexual pleasure a major treasure and idol because of how it is intense and can be free and not require any character and education and social status to get it.

People can build their identity around how they prefer to get sexual pleasure. But in our weakness for pleasure we are also weak for the pain and shame we can suffer while a selfish spirit works and drives us to seek a pleasure. There is the spirit of Satan who "works" people to do sins > Ephesians 2:2. And this spiritual being is nasty so it is desperate for pleasure to feel something nicer than its boredom, loneliness, frustration, arguing, complaining, anger, and unforgiveness.

I see a connection, how God's word says Satan's spirit "works", and those lusts and drives can work so hard. And nasty ways of reacting to not getting pleasure and control also can work so hard.

But the Bible says to put away and put to death these things; and love, instead, in sharing with God > Colossians 3:1-16.

And my devotional experience is that Jesus is the best of all in existence, along with our Father and the Holy Spirit. And Jesus so superior is not at all conceited about His superiority. And so Jesus is ready for any person of any past to be adopted as part of His Bride. He is not afraid to marry any woman, but He does expect us to prepare for Him by being corrected, how God is able, and discover how He has us loving as family while loving any and all people of Satan's kingdom, how He rules us to love each one in the creativity of His peace > Colossians 3:15.

So Jesus our example has experience with how to be humble to love any and all people. But humans can make sexual stuff an idol and take great pride in getting it. And because of this worldly worry about sex, ones can fear being betrayed sexually and I can get concerned about if I can perform the way a woman dictates if I marry her. But if we are humble with Jesus, I see He will have our attention elsewhere.