Do your own looks interfere?

[TheyCallMeDave]

Have you ever liked someone or had a crush but were too scared to act on it based entirely on how you think you look to them? This is a pretty big road block for me and to be honest its 75% of the reason I am avoiding anything relationship related at the moment.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Experiences?

I used to feel that way, but, since i grew in The Lord i get my self esteem from him and i dont care anymore about getting the applause from people on how i look or what i do . Its very liberating not to strive for peoples approval . I know who i am in Christ and thats the most important thing. I also understand that some people i wont find compatible to myself regarding how they look, and, vice versa. We cant be everybodys cup o tea and they cant be the same for us . Its just reality and we need to accept that. But to the Lord...EVERYONE is HIS cup o tea since he created us and hopes for us to recieve him as our personal Saviour and King to our lives.

 

[MissProverbs31]

Have you ever liked someone or had a crush but were too scared to act on it based entirely on how you think you look to them? This is a pretty big road block for me and to be honest its 75% of the reason I am avoiding anything relationship related at the moment.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Experiences?

I've done that many times.

 

[Niels]

Sometimes. For instance, if someone expresses a desire for certain traits that don't match mine, I'm less likely to pursue her.

On that note, I've noticed a troubling pattern. Folks who strongly dislike something about themselves often tend to be harsh toward others. A woman who is self-conscious about her ears who berates bald guys, a man who is unhappy with his physique who berates women for having what he considers too large or too small breasts etc. In a way, their displeasure with their own appearance may be somehow related to how judgmental they are toward others. Or perhaps they're trying to build themselves up by tearing others down. Either way, it's not healthy. It's better for us to either accept our bodies for what they are, and perhaps pursue self improvement, without implicating others in the process. When we hold ourselves back because of how we think others think of us, we're judging them in a way. That they won't find us attractive when it's really our own likely misguided perceptions. Is that fair? I don't think so. You may think you're too heavy, too tall or whatnot, but that isn't necessarily what the one you're interested in thinks of you. As such, I would encourage you guys to have an open mind. Even if it's possible that few people share similarly negative perceptions about our appearance, it's definitely *not* a foregone conclusion that all do. In fact, most probably don't.

 

[redblue22]

On that note, I've noticed a troubling pattern. Folks who strongly dislike something about themselves often tend to be harsh toward others. .

exactly.

 

[wannaberocker]

Sure it happens sometimes. What is sort of intresting is how some really beautiful girls dont really think they are all that great looking. I remember reading an article a while back that talked about Olympic swimmer Amanda Beard and her struggle with her looks.

I guess its somewhat a part of life. We are alot harsher on ourselves.

So yup iv had those moments and prob will for the rest of my life. I remember watching the TV show "Everybody loves raymond" in one episode Ray says to his wife "well your hot and im just me". I sort of think if i do get married, ill prob have those moments too.

on the other hand, not to be cocky. But i also have days when i look in the mirror and say "you know what, i look nice today. Id date me" lol. So i guess, it just depends on what kinda day your having.

 

[OldTimesCruelty]

Or let's say I find a girl really attractive. she thinks she isn't attractive. but one day I tell her how good looking she is. Well, she gets offended thinking I'm lying or trying to get something or thinks I'm messed up in the head for thinking she is good looking.

I prefer to date girls who think they are good looking. they are much more likely to find me good looking. whereas a girl who thinks she is unattractive is more likely to find me unattractive. she might figure only unattractive guys would take an interest in her, or she might stay with a guy she finds unattractive thinking she can't do any better.

Very true dude. I also would not want to date any girl who thinks she is ugly, for those same reasons. That's not something I want to deal with. I want to be with a girl who at least has a decent measure of confidence about herself, in her looks and everything else. I don't expect perfection, of course, but if she is so negatively self-conscious to the point where she does not believe me when I say she is attractive, both physically and otherwise, and is regularly putting herself down about it, that is not acceptable to me. Any number of problems while in a relationship can easily branch off from that attitude.

I think I am pretty average looking, though other people have thought more than that about me. It's just not anything I concern myself with, I have more important things to be thinking about. I'm perfectly fine with the way I look, and it is never anything that would get in the way of wanting to be in a relationship. I take care of myself of course and maintain a clean image; going around looking like a bum won't do me any good, but I have no interest in 'style.' I do what is comfortable and practical, nothing more. That is not to say that I look down on anyone who considers themselves fashionable at all, but that sort of thing is just not for me. I like to keep it simple.

 

[Toro]

Yes, my looks do interfere with even my day to day life, I avoid mirrors.

Just cause I love the clip so much.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yGJGTjV2WE

 

[Jupiter Drops]

TAKE THIS!!!

 

[Girder of Loins]

I'm not in the dating scene and probably never will. But if I were, and I truly wanted to date someone, I would throw caution to the wind. Who cares? If you get rejected, you get rejected. Someone else will show up, but if you truly are passionate for someone, it won't matter. You will keep trying and trying and trying.

 

[MehGuy]

Yes, I feel my looks stop me from pursuing women I find cute.

 

[RayofSun]

Have you ever liked someone or had a crush but were too scared to act on it based entirely on how you think you look to them? This is a pretty big road block for me and to be honest its 75% of the reason I am avoiding anything relationship related at the moment.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Experiences?

Simply put? Yes.

Spoiler: Ray Ray confuses herself

It's almost embarrassing to admit that I allow myself to be so affected. Because honestly when I think about it now, I realize how silly it sounds and can be: I let my actions and thoughts become influenced by what I think other people's perception of myself is. However, in all likelihood, my reading of their apparent opinion is just a reflection of my own feelings about myself, and thus not an accurate perception of the situation or of the other person.

Confusing? Yes. But that's why it takes so long to work through this stuff.

Spoiler: Ray Ray goes semi-off topic

Basically, I let it hold me back, but I am working on it. This really boils down to self esteem in my case. And if I were to give any suggestions in that department, it would be to pray and focus on God. When I can get things in line with God, I am able to evaluate myself in a more holistic manner, rather than just based on my physical appearance, which is only one small component in a relationship anyway.

 

[MrMoe]

Have you ever liked someone or had a crush but were too scared to act on it based entirely on how you think you look to them? This is a pretty big road block for me and to be honest its 75% of the reason I am avoiding anything relationship related at the moment.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Experiences?

Story of my life. It's 80% of what make my life so difficult.

 

[MehGuy]

Story of my life. It's 80% of what make my life so difficult.

I'm sure there are good looking women who find you attractive.

 

[StevenK]

I used to be very fat, so yes.

These days, I'm not as fat (lost about 40 lbs). Even though I'm less self conscious, I'm still pretty shy when it actually comes to asking out, but I'm much more outgoing.


Also I have a girlfriend now, so the answer is actually no. I wonder when I'll be booted off of here...I used to be single for so long.

 

[Blank123]

I used to be very fat, so yes.

These days, I'm not as fat (lost about 40 lbs). Even though I'm less self conscious, I'm still pretty shy when it actually comes to asking out, but I'm much more outgoing.


Also I have a girlfriend now, so the answer is actually no. I wonder when I'll be booted off of here...I used to be single for so long.

On CF dating = single.

when you change to that pesky little married icon, you'll be banished forever.

 

[MehGuy]

Yeah if you get married, just keep it a secret lol.

Who knows, I could be married.

 

[Elliewaves]

I saw married people's posts in this section today; so I guess no one really cares.

 

[MacFall]

Yes. After decades of being called ugly to one's face by the objects of one's affection, it becomes hard not to be influenced by the idea. Although it's not the only reason. As I got less shallow I found out that my unattractiveness was, unfortunately, not skin deep. I think I'm better now, but still wouldn't consider myself attractive.

 

[tahoe]

Yes. After decades of being called ugly to one's face by the objects of one's affection, it becomes hard not to be influenced by the idea. Although it's not the only reason. As I got less shallow I found out that my unattractiveness was, unfortunately, not skin deep. I think I'm better now, but still wouldn't consider myself attractive.

I don't understand this....I've looked at your picture more than once and I do not think you're ugly. I can say with confidence you are a handsome guy

To answer the OP, I may be presumptuous to say this, but doesn't everyone have insecurities and/or hang-ups about themselves? I think some people just make them a bigger deal than others. I fall into the camp of the bigger deal people, but I'm a perfectionist at times......it's good in some aspects of life but not so in others :-/

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

To answer the OP, I may be presumptuous to say this, but doesn't everyone have insecurities and/or hang-ups about themselves?

No.
----and realizing OP gone for a while now -----------------------------------
"Member Since: Nov 28, 2007Messages: 5,497
Ratings Received: +185 Trophy Points: 133Blogs: 1Blog Entries: 16elephunky was last seen: Oct 25, 2015 "
-------------------------------------------------------------

Have you ever liked someone or had a crush but were too scared to act on it based entirely on how you think you look to them? This is a pretty big road block for me and to be honest its 75% of the reason I am avoiding anything relationship related at the moment.
Thoughts? Suggestions? Experiences?

My first thought on reading this is that Yahweh the Creator of all life
has been (or was) protecting you from bad experiences.

Even though you might not think of Him nor seek Him nor give Him credit,
He still does as He Pleases, and shows His Mercy to and on whomever He Chooses to Show Mercy To.