Do your own looks interfere?

[elephunky]

Have you ever liked someone or had a crush but were too scared to act on it based entirely on how you think you look to them? This is a pretty big road block for me and to be honest its 75% of the reason I am avoiding anything relationship related at the moment.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Experiences?

 

[Jupiter Drops]

It happens a few times, but they weren't any big deals.

There's a guy that I used to like at church. Unfortunately, he's about ten years older than me and has a life and a career going on. I'm too young for him, so I don't bother to confess to him anyway. It would be a waste of our time. I guess that's a bit different from this topic, but whatever.

Confidence is the key. Who cares if they reject you... knock 'em dead.

 

[Miss Spaulding]

Have you ever liked someone or had a crush but were too scared to act on it based entirely on how you think you look to them? This is a pretty big road block for me and to be honest its 75% of the reason I am avoiding anything relationship related at the moment.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Experiences?

Oi. Yes. ...Not based entirely, but mostly, yes.

I've stated this before and say I'll say it again: I have zero confidence in my looks. Never have and probably never will. So yes, I always do take into account my looks right away if I find myself attracted to a particular person. It's wrongful thinking, I know, but I do believe I've gotten better about it as I've grown older. (maybe because I rarely ever crush on anyone! ) ...Good thing I didn't turn out like my prima donna grandmother, lol, otherwise I'd be one very depressed woman with this sort of thinking.

Anyway. Suggestions? ...The best way to combat this sort of thing is force your focus off yourself. You can't let this sort of thing consume you.

 

[Blank123]

I tend to think that men aren't attracted to me, honestly. Which, is usually fine. I don't want to date just anyone so if the majority of men don't think I'm pretty... whatevs. But when its someone I really like... yes I worry about it.

I'm not sure I let it hold me back from getting to know men, but it affects my assumptions about how they actually view me. I need a man to tell me, no joking, no flirting (which to me is usually nothing more than joking around so I can't take it seriously), etc... just straight out what he thinks of me before I believe him.

I think Sharon is right. The more you dwell on it, the bigger the roadblock it will be in your dating life.

 

[PetLuv]

When I was younger it did.
Age and life lessons have changed that to a degree.

Probably doesn't hurt that I have no interest in dating at all anymore so being "attractive" to(or being attracted to) someone just doesn't enter my mind at all.

 

[elephunky]

Thanks for the responses. It seems that the older I get the worse I get, probably cos I have been getting bigger over the years and Im not as young anymore lol.

I think part of it holding me back could be that I dont like the way I look that much and I know as some point there would have to be intimacy and I would rather avoid it lol.

 

[ReeceWirefly]

It's a huge decision. I hung out with guys in high school a lot, ones that typically forgot I was a girl. I knew what they wanted, attractive model looking girls. It's really messed with my brain since I know I'm not model material. I have a cute face, but definitely not a model. So basically, I gave up even going after guys because I feel like they would just turn me down.

It's really sad, honestly.

 

[PetLuv]

Working out is very helpful for self esteem; if you aren't already working out you could give that a try.
I have somewhat leveled out with my weight loss, but I still feel better just being more physically capable.

 

[toastface_grillah]

I'm sometimes not thrilled about my looks, but I don't think they get in the way. My introversion and low self-confidence? Absolutely!

 

[elephunky]

Working out is very helpful for self esteem; if you aren't already working out you could give that a try.
I have somewhat leveled out with my weight loss, but I still feel better just being more physically capable.

A couple of years ago when I was in a position to exercise reguarly I found that I got obsessive about my weight and dress size to the point where I was weighing myself everyday and feeling like I had to hurry up and get skinny.

 

[elephunky]

I'm sometimes not thrilled about my looks, but I don't think they get in the way. My introversion and low self-confidence? Absolutely!

Random question which you can respond to via PM if you like...but do you think your low self-confidence is from how you think you are meant to be in todays society or because of how people have made you feel?

 

[Keri]

Have you ever liked someone or had a crush but were too scared to act on it based entirely on how you think you look to them? This is a pretty big road block for me and to be honest its 75% of the reason I am avoiding anything relationship related at the moment.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Experiences?

Yes, totally.

I've felt that they deserve better.

 

[Guy Incognito]

Sometimes I do. It varies. Somedays, I feel like I'm George Clooney good looking. And then other days the only thing I can notice is my chub and moobs, and the self mocking begins.

I try not to let it be such a downer, and try to focus more on the first attitude

 

[elephunky]

Yes, totally.

I've felt that they deserve better.

Mine isnt so much that I think they deserve better, but that question of well why would they be interested?

 

[Neve]

Mine isnt so much that I think they deserve better, but that question of well why would they be interested?

Because of your personality - who you are as a person.

Sure, looks are important, but it is only one facet of a relationship.

No matter how good looking a man is, if he's a jerk, then he's a jerk. No good looks will cure that!

Maybe you should try online dating if you think asking in person is too difficult.

 

[Obzocky]

We should leave it at yes, they do. And my head has no suggestions.

 

[toastface_grillah]

Random question which you can respond to via PM if you like...but do you think your low self-confidence is from how you think you are meant to be in todays society or because of how people have made you feel?

Excellent question! Alas, the answer is too long and vulnerable for anything but a PM. *pulls out privacy curtain*

 

[Zom]

I fight my self-image constantly. I believe that I don't have a proverbial snowball's chance in heck most of the time, which is why I don't attempt to compete with other men for the affections of women.

 

[Amber.ly]

I tend to judge myself more harshly than anyone else so I know that I would think I look worse than what someone else sees. So no, I don't think that there are a multitude of guys out there looking at me and thinking "gee, she is such a dog face, I would never be into that".

I also know there aren't a multitude of guys out there thinking I am the best looking thing since bacon. There is a happy medium to how people would view me. I know that I am neither hideous nor gorgeous so its all gravy. I don't stress about what people think when they look at me because what it comes down to is that I don't care because my looks are not actually the deciding factor in if someone finds me attractive. They could love my looks or be totally ambivalent but it isn't actually my looks that matters, its them as a person who is making that judgement call.

Summation: No. My perspective of my attractiveness is not holding me back. Because it isn't about what I think but what the other person thinks.

 

[redblue22]

I really like how I look. maybe a bit too much. but I think it can be a good thing.

I mean, let's say a girl I'm out with tells me that I'm not that good looking. I think that is rather offensive. But, if I thought I wasn't good looking, well, I might take it. maybe I might feel insecure about her staying with me if some other better guy came along.

Or let's say I find a girl really attractive. she thinks she isn't attractive. but one day I tell her how good looking she is. Well, she gets offended thinking I'm lying or trying to get something or thinks I'm messed up in the head for thinking she is good looking.

I prefer to date girls who think they are good looking. they are much more likely to find me good looking. whereas a girl who thinks she is unattractive is more likely to find me unattractive. she might figure only unattractive guys would take an interest in her, or she might stay with a guy she finds unattractive thinking she can't do any better.