Do you think it's reasonable for my husband to do his own ironing

[Neenie1]

This sounds like a really stupid question but the background in our marriage is we have 2 children aged 9 and 5. I have been mostly stay at home mum since my eldest was born. I have always done a few jobs here and there for extra pocket money but not normally more than 5 hours a week. At the end of last year I started working a lot outside the home, I am currently averaging 30 hours/week plus studying towards a teaching degree. I am finding between work/study/family committments I am struggling to get the ironing done. This was not a problem this time last year, I did all the housework because I felt it was just part of what I did, and I had the time to manage to squeeze it in somewhere. I can't help feeling just a little guilty about not doing it though.

Just wondering how other couples where both partners are working manage to split the household chores.

Although the other part of this, is that currently dh is still sort of working on finding a job... Right now, he is trying to build up a business, but doesn't earn a lot of income from it...

 

[Conservativation]

I do all ironing, Im better at it

 

[citizenthom]

No offense, but what is your husband's side of the story? You can't really expect other people to opine of the division of labor in your marriage while giving them only one side.

In any case, it really shouldn't matter what we think is reasonable, but what you and your husband work out. Have you talked to him about the ironing situation?

And what about your nine-year-old? S/he is certainly at an age where s/he should be helping with chores; maybe this is one you could teach him/her to do and delegate, or maybe you could delegate other chores so you can handle the ironing (and maybe your husband can do the same).

 

[contango]

Just wondering how other couples where both partners are working manage to split the household chores.

Although the other part of this, is that currently dh is still sort of working on finding a job... Right now, he is trying to build up a business, but doesn't earn a lot of income from it...

This might sound glib and I really don't mean it to, but each couple is different and needs to figure stuff like this out based on their relative skills, preferences, available time etc.

When I worked full time and my wife didn't, she did the cooking, cleaning, ironing, basically all the domestic stuff. I earned the money and killed the odd big spider that wandered in where it wasn't welcome. If our positions were reversed I'd expect to do most of the domestic stuff unless there was a specific reason why my wife would be better placed to do it (she's a better cook than me, for example).

Throw in a few preferences - my wife hates cleaning the coffee maker with a passion. I don't understand why she hates it so much - she would literally rather clean the toilet than clean the coffee maker - but it's no big deal for me to clean it so I do.

As a general rule I'd reckon both partners to a marriage should have a stint at doing what the other does, even if only to understand it and appreciate it more. A housewife who has never worked full time often won't understand just how tiring and stressful it can be, likewise a working husband who has never washed dishes, ironed shirts etc is unlikely to appreciate the value of having it done for him. (Of course the same applies with gender roles reversed as appropriate)

So to provide a simple answer to your question, if your husband has more time on his hands than you do, and he's not going to use an iron to turn his shirts into smoking scraps of charcoal, it wouldn't hurt him to do his own ironing even if only some of the time.

 

[dallasapple]

If your husband has more time to get it done..In a nutshell their is absolutley no reason to feel "guilty" that he is doing it.

Maybe thats what you need to figure out..Why you feel that way...I used to feel that way a LONG time ago LOL!!...I figured out ..for me it made me feel like I was not doing a good enough job..or not enough.Some of it was internal but a lot of it was external ...

Including some of the societal sterotypes..took me a while to connect the dots..but the atttitude of the housewife/SAHM having it "easy" and to the extreme of "sititing around eating bon bons and watching soap operas" while other people "go to work" didnt help...

(((HUGS)))

Dallas

 

[FaithPrevails]

My husband and I both work outside the home - hence we are both responsible for our own ironing...and we share the laundry duty.

If I were a SAHM, I would assume responsibility of both.

 

[Luther073082]

Does he have more free time then you do? If so I would say yes then he can pick up some of the domestic responsibilities.

Wife and I split most of the domestics since we work full time.

She does Laundry, organizing, sweeping, whiping down of things.

I do the dishes, make the bed, do the bills, and mow the lawn.

There's other odds and ends which have sort of fallen either my way or hers. Oddly enough thats how most of it came about, the only thing that I remember we actually talked about "who does what" is the Laundry and the dishes. The rest just sort of fell to someone.

 

[dallasapple]

My husband and I both work outside the home - hence we are both responsible for our own ironing...and we share the laundry duty.

If I were a SAHM, I would assume responsibility of both.

The only problem with that is?..Depending on how many children (and animals LOL) and whats going on at the time..If one person is responsible for everything domestic children house chores ...then the one who works outside the home is going to be pretty lonely when they get home from their "work day".

Because as you know..its not about just laundrey and ironing.IOW it can happen that you in the primary parenting role..primary errand running role..primary cook and household duty role..will not have time to get the "ironing" done on some days..

Childrearing and houswork I dont think a lot of peopel realize is pretty labor intensive.As well as mentally draining/time consuming..I think people get it in their heads that because you are at home ..you are somehow "relaxed" ... because you are "home all day" therefore there is no reason not to get everything done.

Im not saying you are sayign that Faith..just my train of thought on you sayign you would do "both" if you were a SAHM...

Dallas

 

[chaz345]

Having been the stay at home parent for a time in our marriage, I can say without a doubt that given the choice, I'd gladly stay at home and do ALL of the domestic stuff over having to go to a job every day.

I think part of why the domestic stuff is seen as such drudgery is that it really is never done. By the time the laundry's finished, there's another load ready and waiting and the same with dishes. But I think that this idea that it's an overwhelming amount of work that can't possibly be kept up with in the course of a day is nonsense.

 

[FaithPrevails]

The only problem with that is?..Depending on how many children (and animals LOL) and whats going on at the time..If one person is responsible for everything domestic children house chores ...then the one who works outside the home is going to be pretty lonely when they get home from their "work day".

Because as you know..its not about just laundrey and ironing.IOW it can happen that you in the primary parenting role..primary errand running role..primary cook and household duty role..will not have time to get the "ironing" done on some days..

Childrearing and houswork I dont think a lot of peopel realize is pretty labor intensive.As well as mentally draining/time consuming..I think people get it in their heads that because you are at home ..you are somehow "relaxed" ... because you are "home all day" therefore there is no reason not to get everything done.

Im not saying you are sayign that Faith..just my train of thought on you sayign you would do "both" if you were a SAHM...

Dallas

I said it b/c I did do it "all" when I was a SAHM and I will do it all again in the future should I be blessed enough to be a SAHM again (it's on my radar ).

Yes, it is demanding to be a SAHM - especially depending on the ages/number of children and how involved they are in extracurricular activities. I had a short list and a long list of chores that needed to be done. Laundry was a constant, every day thing (still is) b/c saving it all for one day is unrealistic. Ironing - I try to hang up what needs to be hung right away to avoid wrinkles. I've also been known to dampen a washcloth and toss the wrinkled item into the dryer on tumble press on occassion. But, if I knew it was something important to be ironed, I would bump it to the short list and try my best to get it done that day.

Honestly, as a working mom or a SAHM mom, my days have always started early in the AM and gone until 9-10 PM b/c there is so much to be done without sacrificing the quality time the kids need/deserve. I would much rather have a happy, well-adjusted child and a to-do list that didn't get much crossed off than a perfectly tidy/clean house and empty laundry basket.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Having been the stay at home parent for a time in our marriage, I can say without a doubt that given the choice, I'd gladly stay at home and do ALL of the domestic stuff over having to go to a job every day.

I think part of why the domestic stuff is seen as such drudgery is that it really is never done. By the time the laundry's finished, there's another load ready and waiting and the same with dishes. But I think that this idea that it's an overwhelming amount of work that can't possibly be kept up with in the course of a day is nonsense.

Interesting. How old was/were your child/ren when you were at home? How many kids?

I had things totally under control with the first one. Spotless house, happy child, etc. on a pretty much daily basis (unless one or both of us were sick). By the time I was up to 3 kids, spotless house and completed to-do list on a daily basis simply wasn't humanly possible anymore. If you have some secret to making that happen, you should really share.

 

[chaz345]

Interesting. How old was/were your child/ren when you were at home? How many kids?

I had things totally under control with the first one. Spotless house, happy child, etc. on a pretty much daily basis (unless one or both of us were sick). By the time I was up to 3 kids, spotless house and completed to-do list on a daily basis simply wasn't humanly possible anymore. If you have some secret to making that happen, you should really share.

Two, one was 4 the other was a newborn.

I think a BIG part of the problem though is the "spotless house" part of the equation. I think the expectation that everything be completely spotless is one that, by and large, is put on women, by themselves. With every couple I know, including me and my wife, it's the woman who gets all bunched up about clutter. Note, I'm not talking about dirty/unhealty like bathrooms or dirty dishes lying around. But anyone with kids of any age who feels that their house needs to look like a picture out of a magazine is just putting unnecessary stress on themselves.

Oh and for clarity, when I was the SAHP, it's not that I wasn't working outside the home at all. I worked 6 to midnght, 6 days a week. Even at that, I still managed to get done about 90% of what needed doing and if I had been a little more driven about it the rest could have been done too.

 

[Romanseight2005]

No one irons in our house. I figured out a long time ago that ironing took me 5 times as long as it took most people, so I looked for an alternative. I found it. I steam. Hang clothes up in the bathroom while people shower, then use a steamer and continue to steam them. Most of the clothes we have don't require ironing anyway, and the ones that do, actually respond much better to the steaming, so it shortens the amount of time it takes.

 

[chaz345]

No one irons in our house. I figured out a long time ago that ironing took me 5 times as long as it took most people, so I looked for an alternative. I found it. I steam. Hang clothes up in the bathroom while people shower, then use a steamer and continue to steam them. Most of the clothes we have don't require ironing anyway, and the ones that do, actually respond much better to the steaming, so it shortens the amount of time it takes.

Yup. Even cotton dress shirts, you know the ones that wrinkle if you look at them the wrong way, need little to no ironing if they are removed from the dryer and hung up immediately when the dryer stops. At worst I need to run the iron around the collar and maybe the pleat that's on the back of some of them.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Two, one was 4 the other was a newborn.

I think a BIG part of the problem though is the "spotless house" part of the equation. I think the expectation that everything be completely spotless is one that, by and large, is put on women, by themselves. With every couple I know, including me and my wife, it's the woman who gets all bunched up about clutter. Note, I'm not talking about dirty/unhealty like bathrooms or dirty dishes lying around. But anyone with kids of any age who feels that their house needs to look like a picture out of a magazine is just putting unnecessary stress on themselves.

Oh and for clarity, when I was the SAHP, it's not that I wasn't working outside the home at all. I worked 6 to midnght, 6 days a week. Even at that, I still managed to get done about 90% of what needed doing and if I had been a little more driven about it the rest could have been done too.

Yes, we women-folk absolutely put that shiny, spotless house expectation on ourselves. Yes, clutter is a fact of life - one I have resigned myself to reluctantly - when children are involved. It's not so much overwhelming in the sense of "Gasp! I can't do it all, it's too much!" as it is overwhelming in the sense that it is never-ending. That's probably a better descriptive word than overwhelming.

 

[Romanseight2005]

Yup. Even cotton dress shirts, you know the ones that wrinkle if you look at them the wrong way, need little to no ironing if they are removed from the dryer and hung up immediately when the dryer stops. At worst I need to run the iron around the collar and maybe the pleat that's on the back of some of them.

Ironically, the cotton shirts that are so hard to get and keep wrinkle free, respond the best to steaming. I just hang the shirt up, run the steamer by it for about five to ten minutes, and it is wrinkle free, including the collar.

 

[chaz345]

Yes, we women-folk absolutely put that shiny, spotless house expectation on ourselves. Yes, clutter is a fact of life - one I have resigned myself to reluctantly - when children are involved. It's not so much overwhelming in the sense of "Gasp! I can't do it all, it's too much!" as it is overwhelming in the sense that it is never-ending. That's probably a better descriptive word than overwhelming.

I completely agree that the biggest issue with domestic stuff is that you can never really say "hey, I'm done". With things around the house that are more typically "man's work" like yard maintenance, or car stuff, it can be "done" Lawn mowing you do it and it's good for 5 days or so. Sure there is almost always something that COULD be done, but it's not like the interior stuff where there's almost always something that NEEDS to be done.

Funny relevant quote from Phyllis Diller.
"Cleaning your house while the kids still live at home is like shoveling the driveway while it's still snowing."

In terms of clutter around our house now we've reached a happy medium where her sensitivity to it is lower than it used to be and mine is higher than it used to be so it's pretty much an even split in terms of who gets bothered enough by it first to do something about it.

 

[If Not For Grace]

Changes begets change. Your work/committment schedule has changed so if he has the time & you all want your stuff ironed, there's noreason for him NOT to do it. However, if he does not have the time (trying to build might not make $$ but it can take time) then let the ironing go. I have ironed very very little in 30 years. The dryer (especially w/a product called "Dryel") does a great job. Perma Press is the way to go, if you get the stuff out of the dryer promptly & if not we re-furbish it by adding a damp cloth & fluffing for a few minutes. I'd have to be BORED BAD to iron

 

[dallasapple]

No one irons in our house. I figured out a long time ago that ironing took me 5 times as long as it took most people, so I looked for an alternative. I found it. I steam. Hang clothes up in the bathroom while people shower, then use a steamer and continue to steam them. Most of the clothes we have don't require ironing anyway, and the ones that do, actually respond much better to the steaming, so it shortens the amount of time it takes.

We dont iron either ..Tee hee..thats why its so 'relaxed" around our house..

No seriously when my husband had to where a suit to work..we sent out his shirts to be laundered and starched.Once a week..Not because I wasnt "willign to do it"..but because it was inexpensive of course much less time consuming..and they got it perfect..

In the meantime I washed and hung dried everything else..(except of course towels and stuff got thrown in the dryer)..and only pull out the iron if really needed..

Everyting gets wrinkled anyway why bother..???

Dallas

 

[dallasapple]

I said it b/c I did do it "all" when I was a SAHM and I will do it all again in the future should I be blessed enough to be a SAHM again (it's on my radar ).

Yes, it is demanding to be a SAHM - especially depending on the ages/number of children and how involved they are in extracurricular activities. I had a short list and a long list of chores that needed to be done. Laundry was a constant, every day thing (still is) b/c saving it all for one day is unrealistic. Ironing - I try to hang up what needs to be hung right away to avoid wrinkles. I've also been known to dampen a washcloth and toss the wrinkled item into the dryer on tumble press on occassion. But, if I knew it was something important to be ironed, I would bump it to the short list and try my best to get it done that day.

Honestly, as a working mom or a SAHM mom, my days have always started early in the AM and gone until 9-10 PM b/c there is so much to be done without sacrificing the quality time the kids need/deserve. I would much rather have a happy, well-adjusted child and a to-do list that didn't get much crossed off than a perfectly tidy/clean house and empty laundry basket.

I agree..I would much rather not "worry" about the never ending list..leave things undone ...but I happen to live with a neat freak..

Now its not a problem so much as kids are older (much older) down to 2 cats..(yes havving 3 dogs and three cats not to mention the critters in cages at once is an added "load)..and we are both home a lot..Hes not quite as "nit picky"..and I have a "who cares' if he is anyway..attitude..LOL!!!

Dallas