Do You Own Your Spouse?

[JacksBratt]

Let me tell you a true life story. My home, growing up was a truly biblically arranged life when it came to the hierarchy of my parents marriage.

My dad was the "head", the "boss" and nobody questioned this. In 99% of the decisions in that house the result was not ever a worry. In 1% of them, my dad's word, which may not have been what my mom wanted... was the word, the law and final.

That marriage ran so smooth and my mother was never in doubt that my dad would put her before himself in all cases except those that were best for the household that her wishes not be appeased. My mother still knows that my father loves her and would die for her... don't ever insult, condescend, ignore, be rude or disrespect my mom in front of my father... you will get his wrath.

Now, look at my marriage. A modern marriage where the wife has equal say. What a mess. It's dysfunctional. She is the text book case for Genesis 3:16:
"and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee"
Our marriage has Two Heads and it is truly a monster.
On decisions of finances it's in shambles. Child rearing, the same. Luckily our kids have, through prayer and Christian schooling, turned out so far so good.

However, I am just a butler, a house boy. I do not feel respect from her and thus we are disconnected. I am far from a demanding tyrant that she makes me out to be when I disagree with her demands.
Our pastor told me that out marriage is "biblically inverted".
The woman has usurped the man's role and done so in the miss represented application of scripture.

I cannot show her the love of dying for her as she has already "killed" the man in me.

So, you decide. Man as the leader or equal leadership.

Proper, Godly, arrangement of authority in a marriage is why our grandparents lasted 60 or more years and why, now, even Christian marriages fail more than non christian marriages.

 

[ViaCrucis]

When you said this idea is historical, do you think it's historical to Christendom, or just that some have just misinterpreted the Bible?

It's historical to Christendom in that Christians have never been divorced from the culture in which they lived, and such ways of thinking have been endemic to many cultures. Christian treatment of women has always been complicated. That's the best way to put it. In many ways it has been very progressive (from our modern perspective) and in many ways it has been very backward (again, from our modern perspective).

I personally argue very strongly that the overall teaching of the New Testament is that women are to be regarded as fully equal members of the community, and that the social dynamics (such as between husband and wife) are radically turned on their head and transformed; consider what St. Paul says in Ephesians 5 (his argument continues into chapter 6). Many read Ephesians 5 and seem to only see him say "wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord" but fail to recognize two really important parts of the text:

In the earliest manuscripts a literal reading is "wives, your husbands as to the Lord", there's no verb. That's because the verb is carried over from the preceding statement, "Submit to one another out of reverence of Christ" this command of "submit to one another" is a broad statement to Church, when Paul begins talking of husbands and wives he is merely giving an example of what that mutual submission looks like, thus "wives [submit] to your husbands as to the Lord" and "husbands, love your wives even as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her". This is a mutual and reciprocal act, wives to husbands and husbands to wives. Culturally the wife submitting to her husband wasn't anything radical, but to suggest that husbands must submit to their wives in love, implying even laying down one's life for them, is a radical innovation in how marriage looks like. Paul doesn't just end his discussion here with marriage, but goes on to also discuss other social structures, such as the relationship between parents and children, and masters and slaves. For example when he says "Slaves, server your masters" he then says, "Masters, do the same to your slaves." That is, of course a slave will submit and serve their master, but Paul indicates that masters are to serve their slaves in the same way. This immediately changes the entire social dynamic.

Such things are clearly radical in the context of the times. But that doesn't mean that Christians have always been the best in regard to how women were treated.

It's one of those things that has always been, as I said, complicated. We, that is Christians, haven't always done the best job in living up to the high principles and calling as we should; and very often have failed absolutely miserably in a great many ways. But the only way to move forward is to recognize that there have been failures and problems, and to deal with them.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[jimmyjimmy]

Let me tell you a true life story. My home, growing up was a truly biblically arranged life when it came to the hierarchy of my parents marriage.

My dad was the "head", the "boss" and nobody questioned this. In 99% of the decisions in that house the result was not ever a worry. In 1% of them, my dad's word, which may not have been what my mom wanted... was the word, the law and final.

That marriage ran so smooth and my mother was never in doubt that my dad would put her before himself in all cases except those that were best for the household that her wishes not be appeased. My mother still knows that my father loves her and would die for her... don't ever insult, condescend, ignore, be rude or disrespect my mom in front of my father... you will get his wrath.

Now, look at my marriage. A modern marriage where the wife has equal say. What a mess. It's dysfunctional. She is the text book case for Genesis 3:16:
"and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee"
Our marriage has Two Heads and it is truly a monster.
On decisions of finances it's in shambles. Child rearing, the same. Luckily our kids have, through prayer and Christian schooling, turned out so far so good.

However, I am just a butler, a house boy. I do not feel respect from her and thus we are disconnected. I am far from a demanding tyrant that she makes me out to be when I disagree with her demands.
Our pastor told me that out marriage is "biblically inverted".
The woman has usurped the man's role and done so in the miss represented application of scripture.

I cannot show her the love of dying for her as she has already "killed" the man in me.

So, you decide. Man as the leader or equal leadership.

Proper, Godly, arrangement of authority in a marriage is why our grandparents lasted 60 or more years and why, now, even Christian marriages fail more than non christian marriages.

Sad story. Great post.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

No,

Does your boss at work own you?

 

[Tetra]

No,

Does your boss at work own you?

First, Merry Christmas man.

Second, I intended for those to be separate questions in the OP.
"Am I my wife's boss or something? Do I own her?"

If you maintain I don't own her, awesome. However, am I her boss then???

 

[Ffraid]

You don't own each other, but you are responsible and accountable for each other. As in, you need to take two people into consideration when making even the smallest decision, not just one. Everything that one spouse does, no matter how minor or unilateral, can and will affect the other.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

First, Merry Christmas man.

Second, I intended for those to be separate questions in the OP.
"Am I my wife's boss or something? Do I own her?"

If you maintain I don't own her, awesome. However, am I her boss then???

Your boss has authority over you, this doesn't mean they own you or that their authority makes them your oppressor.

 

[Tetra]

Your boss has authority over you, this doesn't mean they own you or that their authority makes them your oppressor.

Okay, but you're saying husbands are "bosses" over wives then?

I'm just trying to sort out your exact position is all.

 

[jimmyjimmy]

First, Merry Christmas man.

Second, I intended for those to be separate questions in the OP.
"Am I my wife's boss or something? Do I own her?"

If you maintain I don't own her, awesome. However, am I her boss then???

That's a false dichotomy.

 

[Tetra]

That's a false dichotomy.

You're correct.

I was forced to ask the question since it was originally intended not to be in opposition to one another in the OP. Rather separate questions.

Consider: "Am I my wife's boss or something? Do I own her?"

Then The W suggested I don't own her, but made no mention of the second question, which prompted my question if I was her boss then?

 

[jimmyjimmy]

You're correct.

I was forced to ask the question since it was originally intended not to be in opposition to one another in the OP. Rather separate questions.

Consider: "Am I my wife's boss or something? Do I own her?"

Then The W suggested I don't own her, but made no mention of the second question, which prompted my question if I was her boss then?

Got it.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

Okay, but you're saying husbands are "bosses" over wives then?

I'm just trying to sort out your exact position is all.

You have authority over your wife as per the scriptures. You're also charged to exact this authority in a loving manner.

 

[Tetra]

You have authority over your wife as per the scriptures. You're also charged to exact this authority in a loving manner.

Thanks for the clarification on your position.

 

[Neogaia777]

I've noticed a trend, a type of language I'm not entirely comfortable with, mainly because it implies I'm my partners boss, or that I can somehow own my spouse.

"You let your wife do that?"
"Do you think your wife should be allowed to..."
"What if your wife does this..."

Am I my wife's boss or something? Do I own her?

Where does this type of language come from, and do you think it's ethical? What do you think the Bible says on the topic?

In a spirit of gentlness, meekness, and mildness, in private, if she's done something you do not completely agree with, in private, say to her "Dear, do you think what you did today, or how you handled this or that, was the best way to do or handle it, or not?" Do not do this unless you can gently suggest another better way, and just gently let her know that you may not comepletely agree with the way she handled or did or a certain thing... Now, she must be allowed to do the same with you also, try the voice of reason with her, with each other, in private, when you disagree and "discuss", not argue...

If it starts to turn into an argument or one of you starts to get upset, then say, "I don't want to, Let's not argue, please dear..." I was just questioning whether it was the best way or not, I wasn't trying or want to start an argument, we don't have to argue, just because we have a difference of opinion, love" We can just agree to disagree and drop the matter if it's going to turn into an argument, if we can't just dicuss it reasonably and logically and cooly, K?

If you really do think you were completely in the right, then let's just drop the matter and not argue, just know that I cannot help but think there might have been a better way, OK?

Ask her questions like: How do you know that you weren't just having an emotional moment and letting your feelings get the better of you" Things like that. She must be allowed to do the same with you also in your moments...

God Bless!

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

Thanks for the clarification on your position.

your wife is called to submit to that authority, also per the Scriptures. if the husband is exacting his authority in the biblically ordained way, there's no problem with such submission.

it's all in ephesians 5:22-33

 

[Blade]

I've noticed a trend, a type of language I'm not entirely comfortable with, mainly because it implies I'm my partners boss, or that I can somehow own my spouse.

"You let your wife do that?"
"Do you think your wife should be allowed to..."
"What if your wife does this..."

Am I my wife's boss or something? Do I own her?

Where does this type of language come from, and do you think it's ethical? What do you think the Bible says on the topic?

For me... your best answer is the Church..you and me. What did God do? How does Jesus treat us? GOD became the servant to all. You could lie cheat steal kill anything you want and even to Him...and He loved you..never asked for?

Love her like Christ loves the Church and gave His life for her. Yes there are some Christians.. that go nuts over this "OWN" and there are women that seem to LOVE to be owned.. strange.. but not of God. Ask your Father.. ask JESUS HE IS REAL! HE will show you in HIS word what and where its written.. not what I or some other person says.. but how HE feels

 

[jimmyjimmy]

For me... your best answer is the Church..you and me. What did God do? How does Jesus treat us? GOD became the servant to all. You could lie cheat steal kill anything you want and even to Him...and He loved you..never asked for?

Love her like Christ loves the Church and gave His life for her. Yes there are some Christians.. that go nuts over this "OWN" and there are women that seem to LOVE to be owned.. strange.. but not of God. Ask your Father.. ask JESUS HE IS REAL! HE will show you in HIS word what and where its written.. not what I or some other person says.. but how HE feels

We are owned by God, and that ownership implies obligation.

"You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

 

[JacksBratt]

In the Biblical sense, spouses "own" each other. What I mean is that my body is not only mine, but hers. Her body is not only hers, but mine. Our lives are one as well.

A man is to treat his wife as if she is his own flesh. You don't do anything to your wife that you wouldn't do to yourself. In the way you are treated and treat her.

How can a man, being in the will of God, do anything abusive to his wife? He cannot. He should die for her...

He is not her "boss" as much as he is her "leader". Think of a military setting. I am the Commanding Officer. However, I go first over the hill and my subordinates follow. I take the wrap from my commanding officer for the actions of my subordinates. I treat my soldiers with respect and keep them fed, warm, dry,rested, healthy and tend to their every need. I keep them mentally sharp and moral high.

I make decisions based on what is best for the unit and in keeping with the directive of the commander in chief.
I plead to my commanding officer for the needs of my unit in order to keep everyone healthy safe and cared for.

However, when I need to make a decision that the troops don't like.... they should not say "you're not my boss", "you're a bully", "you're not doing what I want", "you're not making me happy"............

In a truly biblical marriage set up, the man is the head, but his decisions and actions are all for what is best for his wife and the family unit, in every way and putting himself as the servant of her.

The wife, on the other hand should be submitting to his decisions without argument with full trust that he is doing what is best for everyone.

Problem is, there are a lot of abusive, immature, self centered, power hungry, selfish and insecure men out there that will take this all wrong and use this concept out of context to keep the wife under his thumb, running around at his beck and call, demanding, controlling and generally abusive.

The other problem is that the satanic feminist movement will use this to present the biblical account as an abusive set up. They will present a better method where the husband and wife have co-headship. A marriage with two heads and the woman can veto the decisions of the man if she feels she knows better.

As James MacDonald has said many times..."two heads is a monster".

This is why my Grandparents were married over 60 years with no talk of divorce or separation and my parents are on their way to 60 years as well. However, I have struggled to make 20 and may not make 25 without relinquishing my God given role to the demands the "secular taught" tainted view of a marriage that my wife has.

The saddest thing is, she is correct in that the church doesn't teach the Godly setup and is scared of telling it like it is, for fear of being condemned and ridiculed by the secular misinformed masses.

The result is a bunch of biblical inverted or Biblical incorrect marriage arrangements with the men being nothing more than a punching bag to take the wrap when something goes wrong while not having any say it why something went wrong in the first place.

So, that's me. The house butler, not the leader.

 

[aiki]

I've noticed a trend, a type of language I'm not entirely comfortable with, mainly because it implies I'm my partners boss, or that I can somehow own my spouse.

"You let your wife do that?"
"Do you think your wife should be allowed to..."
"What if your wife does this..."

Am I my wife's boss or something? Do I own her?

Where does this type of language come from, and do you think it's ethical? What do you think the Bible says on the topic?

Lots of cultural ideology expressed in this thread, but not much Christ; lots of opinions, but very little Scripture. If a couple is acting according to the dictates of God's word, then having the husband as the spiritual leader and final authority in the marriage relationship is right and wise. But if the husband is not abiding in Christ, he will soon become a dictator and an abuser of his God-given role as leader. If the wife has moved away from a life of constant submission to her Lord, she will soon grow usurpatious, fighting to subjugate and lead her husband, contrary to the command and design of God.

As has been pointed out, Scripture uses the language of ownership in respect to the marriage relationship. But this should be no surprise in a circumstance where husband and wife have become "one flesh" (Ge. 2:24; Matt. 19:6) This is all the apostle Paul has described in 1 Corinthians 7:3-4:

3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

When a couple are "one flesh," they have yielded up their autonomy, their right to act fully independently of one another, to a divinely-instituted relationship ordered first under God and then under the hierarchy of roles He has instituted.

No God-honoring husband is a "boss" to his wife. Instead, God calls him to live self-sacrificially toward his spouse - if necessary, giving his life for her.

Ephesians 5:25
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

Does a husband "own" his wife? Yes, in a sense. Inasmuch as he and his wife have become one flesh and have yielded themselves to one another, he has a unique right to her shared by no other (and she to him). They have obligated themselves to one another, emotionally, spiritually and physically and before God are to fulfill those obligations well.

Selah.

 

[Jacob Deng]

(30% off topic but this should help some people )

Genesis 2:18 " And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."

Women were made to help/assist the man that they are in union with,
They are also your other half and you should treat them with as much respect as you would want them expressing toward you.

Pastor Chris to womens 'When you are marrying a man, you should know that you are subjecting yourself to an authority over you', here's a video where he explains this stuff , it's worth watching.

Watch from 13:37 enjoy.