- Jul 23, 2007
- 55,918
- 10,827
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Atheist
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Others
I think you're at the point and have enough distance to address divinity without the encumbrances you had and the negative reminders. Your perception of God shouldn't rest on your childhood or experiences you had with the church you weren't able to set aside. You weren't in control. But now you are. You can ask questions and explore things with an adult mindset that you couldn't as a youth.
I'm not saying you have to believe in God. I'm saying the decision should be based on the person you're becoming not the one you were long ago. You're in a different place and that's the best time to find answers.
Ever since I was a kid, I was hyper aware of the fact that my Christian peers around me were able to engage in spiritual states that I personally had trouble comprehending or engaging in. The two spiritual states I found mysterious was God's love (or love in general) and submission. God's love being the most unknown to me. I was always bewildered God's love seemed to be a great motivator for many religious people.
Submission, being one I can sort of understand. I was never good at submitting to God. Like love I didn't understand it, nor why God would want his creation to submit to him. I always liked the idea of a submission-less God Seems like this type of view on God is very uncommon. I believe this lack of submission in my faith cut me off from a lot of my Christian peers. I found it impossible for example to speak in tongues or get very into the worship services. Losing balance and even fully fainting on rare occurrences happened during worship services. Curiously these same reactions are described by people who engage in deep submissive states in non-spiritual contexts. Also, curiously. like suffering... submission can be expressed in very diverse states. Whether it be romantic, sexual, platonic or spiritual.
There was only one time I can really remember when I was a Christian that I put real effort into submission to God. Surprisingly I felt something... I didn't like it... I felt hazy... like I was in a drunken stupor. During the middle of it... I wanted to snap out of this trance... but it persisted for a few more hours.
I am sure there are other spiritual states than the two I listed. Right now, though, I consider spiritual submission to be responsible for the more psychedelic states.
I do not see myself practicing those two spiritual states. What do you get out of spirituality? I know little about the love part, if you're able to explain it I'd be very interested. While my loss of faith was traumatic, I did not become an atheist for emotional reasons. My reasons are calm and sober, I lack a belief in a God because of a lack of evidence.
As for the gender wars, I think they're destroying both sides. Looking at the posts on social media is unsettling. Everyone's angry and lashing out. When neither are in a position to oppress on the scale we've seen. They're pulling your strings. I wish both sides would recognize their real enemy and stop fighting one another.
~bella
My hatred of feminism is directly aligned with my psychoanalyzing of my Christian faith. The hostility towards men having problems and uncompromising drive I see within those circles to view women as victims is highly disturbing to me. From observing men all of my life... there is something about masculinity that makes men very sensitive towards women's pain. I will never be part of a movement that doesn't properly acknowledge this... or take appropriate responsible precautions. Feminists come in all different chemical makeups... but sorry.. the movement attracts very masochistic women. I don't see why these types of women wouldn't thrive in feminist environments.
I hate people like Andrew Tate. But for the reasons above... feminism is always going to irk me more. Funnily enough... I think the conservative gender environments have a disturbing romanticization of dominance and submission. I don't like feminism... but what I see there is easier to comprehend compared to the socially conservative environment I grew up in.
I'm glad I don't have children nor ever want any, because I'd feel so helpless and angry about the current environment, I'd have to raise them in.
Upvote
0