Do you find it discouraging?

[Durelen]

Impossible? Can you further explain? Because I see people who live Godly lives and have been trusting God to send them someone, and it has not happened. They have such a strong desire to be with someone, yet feel that the best years of thier lives are passing them by. I talked with a woman a few months ago who fit this description. It was clear that this was really a hurting wound in her life.

*Snacks on a raw lemon as he writes this up* “Under normal circumstances” no I seriously see no possible way. Circumstances other than being shipwrecked on a desert island or some form of serious medical condition, 30 to 40 years to find someone is too long if they are in such a desperate state as your post suggests. I would argue that even though at this time that person seems to show a strong desire to find a companion, it is most likely they did not have such a desire five or ten years ago.

A possible explanation of this is if She gave the situation to the Lord and he toned down her desire for some time. Now maybe the person for her is growing near so the Lord has heightened her anticipation for her companion. Though the desire was never fully taken away, when communication of it with you has revealed the emotion of it making it seem desperate in some form. There are many ways I could put it since I really don't know her situation and you may not fully know either.

She would have needed to be bound to a chare with rope all her life to have no opportunity to meet people and find someone. Not that anyone would do but whom she does find is the one for her for it would have been ultimately arranged by the Lord for his desire for her life. But if she does not seek then she will not find. She can ask all she wants but if she does not follow through and seek then how can she find? It’s not a situation like mana falling from heaven.

I know from my personal experience of being very active in the church and activities that I have had many opportunities to find someone. In fact I was even engaged once. But really, I don’t actively seek for a Wife so I’m not married. Though sometimes I feel the tug, I am content with who I am at this point. That may change, who knows? Does it really need to?

We are supposed to be content in this way. For someone to think that it will be the ultimate end all of all ones problems would be a misnomer. It is trading one set of problems for another. I have plenty of problems and when I get married those problems will be replaced with an entirely different set of problems. *Cuts up another lemon* hehe. Yes there are great things about being married but so to with being single.

As for your friend, I recommend the book Strike the original match (link). It’s written for the purpose of rekindling a marriage but it is a great primer for someone serious about getting hitched. Know what to expect and be prepared to never give up trying. Divorce does not exist in my vocabulary for me.

 

[Echoes Peak]

Then we have a difference in opinion over wants and needs. God's Word does not also indicate that He guarantees a spouse for every person. Perhaps providing a spouse for every person could result in something equally not good for us as laziness or gluttony, but we are not aware of it because we can't see the big picture. Perhaps by not getting married, He is saving us from a huge heartache down the road that we could in no way anticipate. We could keep guessing forever. But neither you or I have the mind of God and know exactly what His plan is or know why He does what He does. His ways are not our ways. One of my favorite proverbs is "Trust in the Lord will all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" because there are just some things out there we will never be able to explain, and may never know until we can talk with God one on one, in heaven. But if we allow ourselves to dwell on such matters, we are looking at the proverbial closed door and missing the open windows He has provided.

 

[Donny_B]

Has this always been your view, or is it just something that you have accepted as you have gotten older?

I guess it's my Presbyterian background and learning the Westminster Catechism as a kindergartener and youth, in which the first question asked is:
Q. What is the chief end of man?
A. The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

Everything else is secondary.

This is related to the part of the Sermon on the Mount in which Jesus said to take no thought for tomorrow, sufficient is the evil of the day, and Seek first the kindgom of God and all these things will be added freely to you. I trust God is leading me down the right path.

 

[wvmtnkid]

But if she does not seek then she will not find. She can ask all she wants but if she does not follow through and seek then how can she find? It’s not a situation like mana falling from heaven.

No comment really, just wanted to highlight this particular thought......

 

[looksgood]

Just thought I would post something God began to show me. I got to a point myself where I am fine with single life. Yet I still desire to show love to someone. So I ended up just telling God about it. I let Him know that it isn't a HUGE request, but a simple desire. I told Him I was fine with whatever He had planed, but also let Him know it was still one of my desires.

Well Next thing I know is that He opens scriptures to me. I always thought that if God would bless me in such a way then I really only had to wait. I was wrong!
Proverbs 16
1 The preparations of the heart in man, and the answer of the tongue, is from the LORD.
9 A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.

#9 is a big one. We chose our way. We deside what we want. For me it is a wife. So I know I must divise my way. I must seek in order to find. And God will direct my steps. He is the superviser. His word guides me in my life. His word is my guidline. But if I desire anything I must walk to get to it. I must seek it.

His word keeps me safe along my path, but the path is one I have set. He helps me avoid the pot holes.

So by His words of this and other scriptures I know that all acts God has done for men, He has required them to do something too. Even in the search for a wife (Whom we FIND) we must do the seeking.

 

[Durelen]

Yes but remember that it does take time. When I was in premarriage counseling I was shown that selecting a person to share the rest of your life with is like looking for and buying a house. You just don’t go out and select any house to live in but look at many houses and find the right one for you. Someone who is eagerly seeking a house will find one even if it takes a few years (hehe not 10 or 20) thinking realistically. No it’s not exactly the same thing but it’s a good example. (edit in)Well come to think of it, that was told to me after she had said, “curse God and die!” to me. Poor mixed up girl. Be careful at what houses you look at, they could collapse on you and spread fire to the rest of the neighborhood.


I do feel led to address something here though. One of the leading age groups of Women having babies are those in the late 30’s early 40’s. These are women that sacrificed having family to pursue a career in todays liberated culture. Make sure you are waiting on the Lord and not just being reflective of a liberated culture. For many, by the time they realized that career is not as valuable as relationships, it may have been too late.

 

[looksgood]

Indeed we should be carefull. As long as you both shall live may be a LONG time. We should know that and be ready for it. If you don't know how you are making it in just corting, it is prolly not good to marry yet.

 

[Echoes Peak]

I was just going to throw in..that earlier when I said that every situation is different that was relevant to whatever age group you're in. It's wonderful to know or feel that you are ready for marriage but as it has been stated here several, SEVERAL times, it really comes down to when God is ready to place you in the appropriate relationship. I feel that when the time is right, you will have the various opportunities to meet and know the person you will hopefully spend the rest of your life with. Just because one has prayed about, read about it and feels ready for it doesn't mean that it's going to all happen within a year, five or even twenty. Hey, I could get married at 65 if that's His will. It may not be what I thought would happen, but it's still His Will.

 

[cutekid 4 Jesus]

i think grommit's post was very good and contained a lot of truth in it and i dont c y the points in it has been ignored!

 

[Christopher05257]

BELIEVE AND BE SATISFIED mATHEW 22:37

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with one another,to be loved throughly and exclusively. But God, to a Christian says, "NO NOT UNTIL YOU ARE SATISFIED, FULFILLED, AND CONTENT WITH LIVING, LOVED BY ME ALONE, WITH GIVING YOURSELF TOTALLY AND UNRESERVEDLY TO ME. He also says he will not give us anything that will take us away from him.. Somthing to ponder..

 

[desi]

This might be a stupid question but I can't resist as I 'don't get it'. Many around here act as if it is God's job to send them superman/woman to marry. Why do you all expect God to bring you someone special? God has provided most of us with millions of available partners to choose from. This is the best time in history as far as mate selection goes for Christians. Its not like you are locked in a cell away from society. You manage to feed, clothe, and shelter yourselves; what stops you from going out and finding someone to be with? I know if I wasn't married I could eventually find someone suitable, I live in America, what is stopping the rest of you from handling this yourselves?

 

[standard]

I think it's in God's perfect time, not ours. He sees the big picture and how all these unconnected parts fit together. Maybe He's protecting you from something serious by having you single right now, I don't know, but there is a reason and purpose for this time. God is not purposeless. .........

This is brilliantly put.


I wanted a relationship throughout my 20's (and still do) but I went through some real changes, my understanding of the world truly evolved and I could see that the few short encounters I did have could not - and should not have worked out. I have no idea when anything will (or should). Maybe in my 30's? 40's even? I have no idea. But it is absolutely true. God's timing is infinitely better than yours. I feel pretty peaceful about this idea.


This is exactly what I mean.

The implications of that is that a person who hasn't gone through some of the similar things could not have a meaningful relationship with me. One's frame of reference is so drastically different.

Some good thoughts so far. Why am I still single? I wish I knew the answer. Part of it is that I had a lot of growing to do. I had a lot of maturing to do, not necessarily "age" maturing but maturing in my faith and relationship with God.


Do you find it discouraging?


The main question. I used to, but not anymore. There other priorities in life, which is complex. Just because you don't get something you instantly want, doesn't mean you should be discouraged. Deep down I believe I will encounter something I want later on, but not sure when or how, and stopped worrying about the details which are beyond my control anyway.

Just don't worry about it - instead pursue self-development.

 

[Christopher05257]

Great points! I have had experience in finding someone on my own. I thought that my entire life revolved around her and that I was completely in love! Getting married was even a serious thought.. However, there were so many signs that I ignored because I was blind to what God had planned for me.. It wasnt until now that I realize that if I had just trusted God and allow his will in my life, I would have never been so hurt throughout the relationship. I havent had a relationship in almost a year. I have passed up a lot of oppertunies because I looked to God early enough and learned that it wasnt Gods plan for me.. I think he is protecting me and waiting for me to completely surrender myself to him.. Im not nor am I ever discouraged because I know that if i just go out and date at my own will, someone will get hurt. HIS WILL BE DONE, NOT OUR WILL BE DONE. I choose his way. He knows me better then I know me.

 

[Stanfi]

This might be a stupid question but I can't resist as I 'don't get it'. Many around here act as if it is God's job to send them superman/woman to marry. Why do you all expect God to bring you someone special? God has provided most of us with millions of available partners to choose from. This is the best time in history as far as mate selection goes for Christians. Its not like you are locked in a cell away from society. You manage to feed, clothe, and shelter yourselves; what stops you from going out and finding someone to be with? I know if I wasn't married I could eventually find someone suitable, I live in America, what is stopping the rest of you from handling this yourselves?

Ok, O-Wise Desi, Tell us, what exactly would you do?? How would you attempt to perform such a task without the guidance of God, as you stated "handling this yourselves"

 

[TromboneMan]

I think that there are a lot of different factors here. The 'marital process' seems to have become very confused over the past century in the culture at large, and this certainly has affected a lot of people in the church. I would have to say that the confusion has certainly deepened over my lifetime. As an older single, there are a number of things that may not be so spiritual that can hinder people from being married earlier in life. It's possible that what the brother may have alluded to with the superman/superwoman comment nees to be taken more seriously. Often older singles may have expectations placed too highly in other areas besides godliness, such as income and physical attraction.

Is it possible that we could apply each expectation that we would have of a partner back to ourselves? Such as seeking to make ourselves well groomed and physically attractive if that's what we are expecting. Or seeking to be able to support ourselves by our own efforts if we are looking for a certain income level. These can both be done without violating scripture, or rather, in obedience to Christ, to be the same kind of person that we are praying for. That would be one way of putting a practical effort behind our prayers, or a way of seeking God's will for ourselves in faith that he will provide a true partner that will be a complement to us. That's more like what the Bible means by God providing Adam with a helper suitable for him (Genesis 2:18).

 

[desi]

Ok, O-Wise Desi, Tell us, what exactly would you do?? How would you attempt to perform such a task without the guidance of God, as you stated "handling this yourselves"

You don't leave God out of it and you don't sit at home watching Wheel of Fortune every night until "the one" knocks on your door. Its like anything you do, you pray about it and give it your best. For instance looking for a job... You pray about it, put the word out to your friends that you're looking, and you start knocking on doors. You don't pray about it and wait. The same is true of meeting quailty potential spouses. You pray about it, ask your friends if they know anyone special, and you start involving yourself in things which are conducive to meeting the type of person you want to be with, bars or churches mrstace .

 

[looksgood]

Yup, desi is right. That is what God has been showing me. It can even be shown in scripture that we have a part to play. For ruth she had to go and let boaz (spelling?) know she was into him. And for many others they had to work to get a wife/husband. Never has a girl knocked on someones door and told them, God said your going to be my husband. At least I don't think so.

If we want to meet someone we must go where we can meet someone. If we are interested we must be bold enough to let them know.