Do you ever recover?

[Daisy215]

When I was 8 years old I suffered a loss from a crime, and although it's been 10 years, I'm just not over it. I suppose I've never really had any closure. I see a therapist and all the other necessary professionals, but somehow it seems like I'm just reliving the crime and the first few days after over and over again. I'm especially prone to being depressed by it during the holidays, when it happened, and when I imagine, what if you were here?

I'm just puzzled.
Does grief ever end?
Do you ever lose the anxiety?
Do you stop having nightmares?
Or stop wondering why you're alive and they aren't?

I'm just stuck in this cycle of grief, and I need it to be over, I think it's time for me to put it to rest, and accept that it happened. But how?

 

[RuthD]

The grief takes its time but will fade with time. I don't know the rest of the answers. The time will come when you will jus try to accept it and you will stop focusing on it so much. I've had to go on medicine because of unbearable feelings. You may want to see a psychiatrist if you want meds to help. I'm praying for you.

 

[Askmeanything99]

Honestly you can recover but you proboally won't get fully over it

 

[ChristianEMT]

Hi Daisy

Did you make it through the holidays okay? I'm just became a member here and read your post. Holidays, and anniversaries are really hard to face when you have lost someone you love. I see where you wondered why you are alive and they aren't, have you ever been counseled about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? This has the symptom of survivors guilt and other symptoms you seem to be having. I have PTSD from being a victim of a crime, and I can tell you that now even after 9 years, I still experience symptoms. Nightmares? Flashbacks? Those will more than likely not stop. When you are traumatized healing is harder, longer, and long lived. I also lost my fiance died in an accident at work, grief is cycled differently by each person. You allow yourself all the time you need. I have found thinking on the positive things and memories about him helps with the stressful times of holidays. At the end of your post you shared "and accept that it happened", well the first stage of the grief process is denial, so the sooner that you can accept what has happened, the faster you can proceed through the process. How you have to accept it is different for each person. It can take many years, as you have experienced. They have grief workbooks that can help you sort out your thoughts, and move on while remembering your loved one. Please remember that, moving forward doesn't mean you have to forget about them all together. I will be praying for you.

 

[SoliDeoGloria12]

Hi Daisy,

I hope that you are feeling stronger. I have found that after talking about the incident to various people so as not to tire any one person, I then had to take it to God. Looking to scripture, prayer, and fasting. I did this and had to really be quiet with God. I had to fill up on the Love of God. The Lord Jesus is Love. And Love has conquered sin and death. So, I had to let Him conquer it in my life. And when I felt that I had an adequate store of His Love, I was then able to share it with others.

When I tried to "get out of my own head" and just start helping people, it didn't work. And people didn't seem receptive. But now, I can honestly say that I can feel His Love inside of me and all I have to do is let it out to other people. Through His Beauty, I can act as a conduit to help counter some of the ugliness in this world.

I once (and it took everything in me) prayed for some really horrible people who were hurting me. The Lord did something miraculous. He didn't change them, but He changed me and my situation - quickly. I also started asking Him to just let me know what He wanted me to know and I'd flip open the Bible. And each time, I got what I needed.

Try everything diligently, and one day you'll have all of the tools that specifically work for you. And then you will begin to have a life filled with Love, looking forward to what lies ahead and less of what is behind. Not to forget your loved ones, but to carry them with you into a better place as they travel with you in your heart in this world.

 

[If Not For Grace]

it is said there are 7 stages of grief, Sounds like you might be at about #4

(Which is Depression/Reflection/Loneliness) but Just remember 5 (Which also happens to be the # of "grace" but I digress)..
is "THE UPWARD TURN

(Also sometimes called the BREAKTHROUGH-this is when things start to get better, I mean really better)

6. Resconstruction (this one takes a minute, most times as well)

7. Acceptance & HOPE!


You are almost there-one of the hardest parts is we feel like if we truly
"let go" is that we loose something or inslult the memory of something, but we don't. Take that next step, if it did not get dark, we could not see the stars. (Veriation on "it's darkest just before dawn") but nevertheless true.

PS-Holidays are often a "trigger" for recalling what is lost, change the focus by honoring those remembered-not easy at 1st, but it gets better I promise.