do you ever get tired of your SO?

[alwayz_remember_Calvery]

I love my bf, i really do and i enjoy spending time with him. He's a sweetheart and he really cares for me. At the same time, he drives me crazy if i'm around him to long.
For example, i'm currently at college and he hasn't started school yet. So, on Friday he came down to visit and left earlier today. He drove 2.5 hours to see me, he took me out to eat, on saturday we drove down to a water amusement park and spent some time there (until it started to rain), and then came back and watched TV. I could handle being around him all of friday and most of saturday, but by saturday night i was just getting tired of feeling like a baby sitter. I felt trapped. I was sad when he left, but at the same time i was ready for him to go.
Some times i feel like it's just because I don't like being around people all the time. I like my "me" time.
Other times i feel like it's because he needs to grow up a little. He's 2 years younger than me, but at the same time he's more mature than most people i know my age. Then again, he gets his feelings hurt VERY easily and it makes me crazy. For example, he's much bigger than me, i'm about 5'2" and he's close to 6'1". So, when he wants to tickle me, he can very easily hold me down with one hand and tickle me with the other. For a while i'm ok with it, but it doesn't take long for me to get annoyed with it. When he realizes that i'm no longer having fun, he'll stop right away and tell me he's sorry. I understand that he can't tell when it goes from being fun to being annoying and i'm not angry with him for it, but he freaks out on me and will almost start crying. When it happened yesterday he told me that his self-esteem was practically non-existant and that i needed to do something to make it better. Part of me was annoyed beyond belief because I don't think it's my responsability to make sure he has a good self-esteem. I'm not going to go around tearing him down and degrading him and actively try to destroy his self-esteem, but i also don't think he should depend on me to have a descent self-esteem. Am i wrong?
He also likes people, he likes being around them and HATES being alone. I, on the other hand, don't particularly care for being around people. I like my alone time. So when we're together, he always has to be right beside me. Hugging me, or cuddling while watching TV and i can handle it for a while, but by late saturday i was getting aggrivated by his touch. I went to bed early just so i could be by myself for a while. When i woke up on Sunday i was better, but i got annoyed by his touch pretty quickly. It's like i have a 'touching limit' and once i reach that limit i can't handle being around people.

Is this normal? Does anyone else ever feel like this?

I do love my boyfriend and when the timing is right i would like to marry him, but not if i'm always going to be drawing away from his touch. It's not fair to him or me. Neither of us will be happy.

 

[Briseis]

I really couldnt say if this is normal or not. I am sure it must be, I simply dont understand. I could be with my bf 24/7 (and almost have been minus a few hours of sleep) and never get sick of him. I also do not particularly enjoy being around ppl, not as in touching, just as in groups of friends. He has lots of friends and I would rathr just be with him. But it doesnt bother me too much when he has friends around either. I dont like alone time though, I prefer to be with only him. So none of what you said makes much sense to me. I think that you definitely have to figure something out before getting married. You do not sound as if that will be anytime soon, but if you cant take his company or touch for too long, I think that would become a bigger problem.

 

[miss_klara]

It sounds like what appears to be his neediness is starting to affect you on a subconscious level. You've already recognised that you like to spend time apart from him, and that makes you feel annoyed when he's all over you. But it's also affecting your response to when he touches you. If you find you're reaching a 'touch limit', you're backing off mentally and physically when he's making advances. It sounds as though you haven't talked to him about this, which probably means that everything you're feeling is brewing up inside and even causing a bit of resentment towards him. You can still love someone and resent something about them. It would be odd that you would reach a 'touch limit' without a good reason, and it does sound as though you need to communicate to him the fact that you need 'you' time. It's a reasonable request that he should be able to take on board, provided that the rest of the time you really are showing him that you love and appreciate him. It will be good for his self esteem to know that you can approach him about personal boundaries- because these do extend beyond how a couple interacts physically.

But on the topic of self esteem, you're right. You're not in a relationship with him to fix his self esteem. The best you can do is to help him build confidence in himself, by encouraging him, loving him, and showing him that he is an important part of your life. That's where your part in the process ends though. It's impossible for you to go beyond that. He needs to find confidence in all areas of his life. So you can help him to a degree, but you can't make it all better.

There are some issues that need fixing up, but so long as he takes it on maturely, and you can guide him through and show him where he can help you out... things should gradually work out for you guys

Hope this helps....!!

 

[SarcasmDispenser]

If you never get sick of your SO, you aren't human or you haven't been dating long enough.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

If you get sick of your SO that easily, you really aren't compatible with him. Some say it's normal, but I say that the one you marry is supposed to be your best friend as well. If you can't spend three days with your SO, you're not going to be able to handle them for life.

 

[alwayz_remember_Calvery]

This summer i was with him almost every day. Sure, there were a few things that kept us apart for a while, like family vacations, but we saw each other nearly every day and i was fine with that. When he's down to visit, it's 3 days, but the only time we're apart is like when we're in the bathroom. He sleeps in my room, on the floor, so from the moment i wake up until the moment i go to sleep, he's there. i see him every day for 3 days and i can see him ever day for 2 weeks, as long as I'm able to get away from him for a while.

*sigh....* i don't know

 

[Nico]

i'm not sure that getting sick of spending constant time w/your SO (a full non-stop 3 days) is reflective of a bad marriage. when you're married you're not spending every second together. i think "me" time is very important. it's important in a marriage as well (for some it's a little more important than others). i think it's quite ok and healthy to need that.

i read some comments in the marriage forum about your topic, and some others said interesting things about the growth thing. in college i think people go through a lot of growth and that can be challenging in any relationship.

i've dated a lot of younger guys, am with one now, and i totally understand that some of his immature ways can get on your nerves. some of those ways will change, some will not. but i do know that sometime the annoyance leads to resentment, which leads to "get me out of this relationship".

talk to him.

good luck. overall, it seems you guys are normal, dealing w/normal issues, and figuring a lot of things out.

 

[soulsearching1]

I agree. My parents have been happily married for 30 years and my mom LOVES it when my dad goes away on business, or is gone golfing all day. Just because you're married doesn't mean you have to spend every second together. In fact, I don't think it's healthy- people need time to themselves, time with friends and family. A little distance now and then, even if that's going a day without seeing your SO, keeps things healthy.

To the OP- it does sound as though you guys have a few incompatibilities regarding relationship styles. But this is not the kiss of death. There just needs to be some understand and adjustment from both of you. Sit down and have a chat and tell him what you're telling us- that you like your space, etc. See what he says, and then go from there. If he's having self-esteem issues, assure him that your hesitance to snuggle constantly has NOTHING to do with him- it's just your nature. Just try to encourage him and show him that you really do care about him.

It's funny because usually I see the opposite thing- girl is very snuggly and guy wants her to back off. I am a very snuggly person and my boyfriend has his moments, but sometimes he just would rather sit next to me on the couch. So I just sort of test to see his mood and act accordingly. If I sit close and he doesn't put his arm around me, I'll just leave it at that. No biggie.

 

[superfly]

yes... as the person above said, you BOTH need to make some adjustments...

and the key to any relationship is communication... keep talking!

 

[Briseis]

If you never get sick of your SO, you aren't human or you haven't been dating long enough.

We spend all our free time together, and usually with not other ppl around, and we have been together 3.5 yrs. I have yet to get annoyed of his company, or to not want more.

 

[Mskedi]

I never tire of my SO's company, but that doesn't mean that we both don't need alone time. We both have work to do, I like to read, we have friends that we hang out with separately, etc... Last year we went a month spending every second with one another when we went to Thailand so I could meet his family, and I wasn't tired of him in the least. In fact, it made it harder to go back into our usual routine.

Some people need more space than others, though. It's nice when both people in the relationship are on the same page there, but when that doesn't happen naturally, good conversations can help the pair understand each other's needs.

 

[Briseis]

Last year we went a month spending every second with one another when we went to Thailand so I could meet his family, and I wasn't tired of him in the least. In fact, it made it harder to go back into our usual routine.

Some people need more space than others, though. It's nice when both people in the relationship are on the same page there, but when that doesn't happen naturally, good conversations can help the pair understand each other's needs.

Same thing happened with us. I spent three weeks with him and his family over christmas and we were together almost 24/7 and we did not get sick of each other. In fact, we are closer now and time apart is more difficult.

I hope we naturally agree also. He is the one who first mentioned how we are closer since Christmas, but I hope that he doesnt wish he had more time with his friends and such. We dont see each other much during the week since he goes to school and needs a lot of time for homework and such, so I assume that he has enough time for himself, but he never told me so. He is a very sensitive guy but at the same time a 'man's man', so he likes to pretend he is not emotional. Of course he knows I know, but he doesnt like talking about our relationship too often.

 

[plum]

I'm not a clingy person. I also need more personal space than some folks. So when I spend a week straight with my SO it can get a bit draining.

But here are some reasons it may feel that way:
1) playing "hostess" to a boyfriend can be exhausting. I do this quite a bit and it takes more energy than simply having someone in town around you normally or even living with someone in a marriage situation.

2) You sound like an introvert and he sounds like an extrovert. BIG difference here! And it's okay not to be the same in this manner. there is a middle ground, however, and finding it is important. Perhaps you get exhausted by the need to be out and about, social, and all that for days at a time. I'm an extrovert, but I value my private quiet times sooo much. Nothing is wrong with that!

3) He seems at least slightly emotionally dependant. that can just make all the other exhausting things twice as exhausting. So just keep in mind the way you treat him... do you find yourself treating him like a child? or a student? or a pet? honestly, these are things to consider if you have a caring, teaching, hero kind of personality. this is one of the most important things I've had to work out in my relationship.

4) I'm in a long distance relationship. When you don't live in the same town as your SO, the dynamic is completely different. for instance, I bet most of the people who have no problem spending every waking moment with their SO (as balanced or imabalanced as that is), live near their significant other. It doesn't sound like you do. Neither do I.
And when there's distance involved, it's easy to get used to being far away and it's easy to get in the groove of that kind of relating. So, at least for me, when my SO visits it's a complete shift! Black and white. I'm being honest when I say the first day or two of every visit are always the worst for me because I'm in a big adjustment period. But after that, I'm okay being touched, being constantly around him, and all that. I just need to have that adjustment period to switch gears from long-dstance to short-distance.

I simply wish you all the best. seek wisdom and G-d will grant it to you

 

[SarcasmDispenser]

We spend all our free time together, and usually with not other ppl around, and we have been together 3.5 yrs. I have yet to get annoyed of his company, or to not want more.

I can't honestly believe that never once have you been like "I don't feel like seieng you today" or you've never fought or never wanted to be alone.

You'd be the first person (among all the married couples I know as well) to ever say that.

 

[alwayz_remember_Calvery]

Eirene,
You might be on to something there. His mom once told me that if you gave my bf a choice between doing something easy alone, or doing the most disgusting job in the world, but with people, he'd ALWAYS choose being with people. I'm not like that.
I think you also might be on to something with the whole shifting from LDR to SDR. We're currently Long Distance, about 2.5 hours, because i'm off at college. In the summer, i'm only about 12 minutes from his house. I can see him every day all summer long and be fine. I got him all three LOTR extended edition videos and we spent 12+ hours watching them. I was fine with that. It's when he's being 'clingy' that i get...something. I'll totally tense up, and stop responding or have to work at being happy and up beat.
I don't know...

 

[Briseis]

I can't honestly believe that never once have you been like "I don't feel like seieng you today" or you've never fought or never wanted to be alone.

You'd be the first person (among all the married couples I know as well) to ever say that.

Well, I got upset with him once, but talked, not argued. But that has nothing to do with being sick of his company. I by no means wanted to walk away at that point. I am the first then.

 

[ThatButton]

I definitely think that getting sick of each other is normal if you're not use to it or you do spend a full 72 hours with just eachother. I love spending time with my SO of 5 years but there are just some days when I want to be alone. Some people may not get sick of eachother but perhaps their personalities are just different! If everything was always rainbows and gumdrops in my relationship I would be bored. That's probably why my personality creates some unnecessary "don't touch me" days. Ok I'm just rambling but I do think its ok to get irritated with a boyfriend once in awhile. If its an everyday problem either talk to them about it or perhaps evaluate why you are in the relationship! If it happens once in awhile it may just be your body saying "I'm tired and grumpy!"

 

[The Princess Bride]

Geez, I wish I could say that I at times get sick of my SO, but with 950 miles difference, we dont get that luxory.

If you find yourself wanting time alone or do something with your friends, tell him. Dont expect him to read your mind.

 

[WhiteWolf76]

Well, I got upset with him once, but talked, not argued. But that has nothing to do with being sick of his company. I by no means wanted to walk away at that point. I am the first then.

Then I am the second. I have been with my girlfriend for over a year and have never wanted to be away from her. Sure we have argued but never yelled or gotten mad at each other. At the worst I'd say we were annoyed, dissapointed or upset. I have never gotten to the point when I wanted space and I hope I never do.

 

[WhiteWolf76]

Geez, I wish I could say that I at times get sick of my SO, but with 950 miles difference, we dont get that luxory.

Really? How long has this been the case? (My girlfriend just left for college 5 hours away so I'm looking for inspiration)