Do you ever get bored with your spouse/marriage?

[Gabe7]

Being single I can date an endless supply of people. So if I'm with someone and either of us lose that lovin feelin we can move on and its not that big of a deal. This is one reason I fear marriage. I think eventually all our stories will become old news and we'll be left in a stagnant relationship rehashing our glory days wondering if either of us could have done better. How do you avoid this, can you avoid it?

 

[WolfGate]

No I don't get bored. 22 years married.

Here's the deal. In 20 years you'll have grown (hopefully more sanctified), she'll have grown. In that sense you'll be different people. If you're doing it right, making your love for each other your top earthly relational priority, you'll be growing together. Raising kids, building careers, setting church, financial, family dreams afloat. That doesn't get boring.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

I get bored sometimes as I have ADD which brings about special obstacles in a marriage and life in general. Could I have done better? Absolutely not! Hubby has more patience than Job as ADDers can be difficult to live with.

I adore my husband, and I can't picture life without him. We just celebrated our 4th anniversary last month, so perhaps I'll have a different answer ten years from now

 

[Speculative]

Yes, everybody gets bored at some point in marriage. Like everything else in life, it kind of goes in phases. Sometimes my wife bores me, sometimes she irritates me, sometimes she excites me--so yeah, it's not all asparagus and cheddar all the time, but for me, I would just hate to keep hopping from partner to partner in endless succession. That would really be depressing. Plus, the stability of marriage helps with raising the kids.

 

[EarthPsalts]

bored? no.
but over time, bliss turns into contentment. and contentment turns into complacency.
and then we're at serious risk for becoming discontent.

this is why in solomon chapter 2, we're told to catch all the foxes that might ruin the vineyard of love. beautiful poetry there. what it's talking about is all the little distractions of life need to be "caught" and not allowed to interfere with the growth and maturity of a loving relationship.

it's also why we are commanded to never deprive our spouse of what is rightfully theirs except for a mutual time of fasting and prayer... because when we fail to keep the intimacy going in a marraige, the bond gets broken, boredom can set in, and the risk for infidelity sky-rockets.... and if we have not been maintaining a healthy intimate relationship with our spouse, we're held accountable if he/she strays, just as the spouse is held accountable for his/her actions.

 

[EarthPsalts]

Being single I can date an endless supply of people. So if I'm with someone and either of us lose that lovin feelin we can move on and its not that big of a deal. This is one reason I fear marriage. I think eventually all our stories will become old news and we'll be left in a stagnant relationship rehashing our glory days wondering if either of us could have done better. How do you avoid this, can you avoid it?

so now i'll get into the nitty gritty instead of just answering the title question... sorry!

ya know, i always struggled with relationships. seems like the longest i could stay in a relationship without feeling bored with the person was a couple of months. in one case, it lasted a couple of years, but i think the only reason it lasted so long is because he kept walking out on me and i'd stay obsessed til he came back around. yeah, totally unhealthy.

and unfortunately, that pattern of boredom and finding a new partner even existed during my first marriage. ouch.

but after my divorce and nearly ten years as a single mom, i turned my 'love life' over to God and asked Him to bring me His very best for my life. sometimes i still wonder why God brought me my particular husband... it certainly hasn't been a smooth ride, and there are some major issues, and my husband has wandered far from God at this point. BUT....

God gave me an unconditional love for this man that has lasted for 12 years and counting. he's made me angry, he's made me sad, and he's made me want to hate him, but through it all, i've never stopped LOVING him. not an unhealthy kind of love, but the kind of love that only God can give.

and He'll give YOU that kind of love for your spouse too, if you wait for God to bring you the person He has in store for you.

 

[Created2Write]

Not at all.

 

[highlife]

My wife is amazing, bordome is not even in our vocabulary.

 

[Niffer]

I wouldn't say bored.
My husband is still my #1 person to want to be around. I want to do things with him, go places, talk or just chill out.
He's my best friend as well as my husband, so if I ever want to go "do something", he's the first person I try to get to come with me.

((of course, not all men want to go clothes shopping, so then I take my sis..but I still keep asking!! ))

While dating you can have any number of activities and partners to do it with, there's also the drama, the questioning, the venerability etc.

Being married, (in my case anyway) has allowed me to relax, be who I really am without any excuses and just enjoy eachother completely.
Being married is much better than dating, you just need to make sure you marry the right person!

Peace,
- Niff

 

[NvxiaLee]

Being single I can date an endless supply of people.

You can date an endless supply of people? Are you bisexual, or just sloppy in your writing? Anyway, a reminder, bisexuals and fornicators do not inherit the kingdom of Heaven.

I don't get bored in my marriage. Isn't it boring to tell the same stories over and over, even if to different women? And, if you think sticking with one woman is boring, it says something about you, and/or the kind of women you're dating (boring women).

Maybe after you've been married 20 years, it might be occasionally boring, but by that age, the dating life would be miserable, anyway. You'll either be dating gold-digging young girls that you have little in common with. Or, you'll be dating worn-out women your age. But, being married to a good woman for a long time will result in the kind of intimacy you can't imagine.

 

[TheDag]

Being single I can date an endless supply of people. So if I'm with someone and either of us lose that lovin feelin we can move on and its not that big of a deal. This is one reason I fear marriage. I think eventually all our stories will become old news and we'll be left in a stagnant relationship rehashing our glory days wondering if either of us could have done better. How do you avoid this, can you avoid it?

many good replies here but I'll still add a bit.

Firstly love is not just some warm fuzzy feeling. Love is also an action or doing word. You choose to love your partner. I get frustrated and angry with my wife. However when she has really annoyed me I choose not to yell at her. I choose to leave the room and calm down a bit before talking it over.

Before we got married we did a sort of bible study type thing by reading a chapter of the Boundaries books by Cloud & Townsend. We discussed issues that arose from that. Being in the US your a bit luckier in that there are study guides available for these books which are not available here.

I think the biggest problem is people believe the hollywood happily ever after story is actually true. Just like any relationship with frinds, family etc there are good times & bad times. Just because I have a big argument with a friend I don't cut off all connection with them. So find ways you can love your partner. We are in the seven year itch period as some people call it yet there is no thought of leaving. Even a quick shoulder massage that takes 30 seconds while waiting for the kettle to boil makes a big difference. My wife also despite being low on energy due to health problems will still make sure that I can get along to referee sport because she knows I really enkoy it. That is because we choose to love each other rather than take a what can I get from this approach.

 

[CKanupp]

Love is not a feeling. While those 'feelings' might be nice, they are not what true love is all about. I've been with my man for eight years and I am still completely infatuated with him. Have I been bored? Yes, but I never stay bored. I realized that I am in control of those 'lovin feelings' and I can CHOOSE to feel this way about him and not let those feelings die. But our relationship is so much more than that! There will always be ups and downs, excitement and boredom. And I wouldn't want it any other way!

 

[BFine]

Being single I can date an endless supply of people. So if I'm with someone and either of us lose that lovin feelin we can move on and its not that big of a deal. This is one reason I fear marriage. I think eventually all our stories will become old news and we'll be left in a stagnant relationship rehashing our glory days wondering if either of us could have done better. How do you avoid this, can you avoid it?

*Feelings come and go-- I have experienced that in marriage and out of marriage. Commitment keeps it together when feelings come and go(change) due to whatever influence.

If you pay rent or a mortgage you are in a "commitment" -- you can decide not to pay and lose your home but you decide each month you are going to pay that rent/mortgage...personal feelings notwithstanding.

Love is an action not feelings...feelings are fickle. I've always said that.

I have been married for 8 years and our feelings have been all over the place--but here we are holding to our commitment to walk together through thick or thin, good times or bad, whether rich or poor. Trust me, we have endured all those!

Almost two yrs.(it will be 2 yrs. in Nov) ago my husband was in an industrial accident (and his leg had to be amputated.) He was taken by medical helicopter to the trauma hospital where he was a patient for a month and a half...he received 10 units of blood and endured two skin grafts(the first one failed.) He also suffered bowel impaction and developed an allergic reaction to morphine. I nearly lost him at one point!
A year of rehab and on-going medical setbacks. Half the time I just felt numb-- our lives were turned upside down! I drove two hrs. every day to be at his bedside when he was in the trauma hospital.

He was out of it most of the time due to pain-killers and other meds. There wasn't any romance going on.
I felt numb inside, I walked around most days in a daze....no loving feelings.
I had God and my bible, I stayed close to both!
Many prayer warriors came along side me from all around the world -- I got cards, notes, flowers, gift cards and gift baskets from countless people. I'm grateful for the people at church & neighbors who fixed food for me.

During that first year I relied on my commitment to be wife, friend and companion to my husband who was medicated and usually in another world.

 

[Autumnleaf]

So marriage is like a mortgage. You buy a house and from there it starts breaking down and you have to fix it as you pay for it for the next 30 or so years. A very apt comparison BFine.

 

[Conservativation]

I thought the OP was "is it boring". A couple of folks answered, then it became the old saw...love isn't a feeling.

True..it isnt just a feeling and its action etc etc. Yes....it can get boring....honest

 

[tyronem]

Being single I can date an endless supply of people. So if I'm with someone and either of us lose that lovin feelin we can move on and its not that big of a deal. This is one reason I fear marriage. I think eventually all our stories will become old news and we'll be left in a stagnant relationship rehashing our glory days wondering if either of us could have done better. How do you avoid this, can you avoid it?

I would recommend you watch some of Paul Washers videos on Biblical courtship. From a Biblical perspective you should not be dating screeds of women because you do not enter into marriage a whole man when you eventually do.

As for being bored with my wife? She is many things but never boring. - 10 years this year and I love her more every year because I know her better and better as the years go by.

 

[JaneFW]

I would recommend you watch some of Paul Washers videos on Biblical courtship. From a Biblical perspective you should not be dating screeds of women because you do not enter into marriage a whole man when you eventually do.

As for being bored with my wife? She is many things but never boring. - 10 years this year and I love her more every year because I know her better and better as the years go by.

Awesome!!!

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, there were some boring times. But I still enjoyed being married.

 

[richard william]

sometimes in marriage when you are having hardships you feel like the biggest loser in the world but fact is you are lucky to have someone by your side no matter what.

 

[peckaboo]

I've only been married 15 months so I'm probably not as "qualified" to answer this question as some of the other posters, but I'll throw my 2 cents in anyway! Your dating life sounds pretty similar to how mine used to be - I usually lasted about 8 months in a relationship, and for the last couple of those I'd be casting my eye about for my next "target" :/ Firstly, I'd mention that that's a pretty unhealthy habit to get into because the more you cultivate that "love 'em and leave 'em" mindset, the harder it is to really honour your commitment to your spouse when the hard or boring times hit your marriage. Secondly, yeah, marriage can be boring sometimes. It's not thrilling for me to spend Sunday evenings ironing all my husband's shirts for the next week, or hanging out with his architect friends whose conversations I can barely follow. And it's probably pretty boring for him to listen to my shoe-shopping anecdotes or to play squash with me (a beginner) when he could be playing with someone who's more of a challenge! But that's life; whether you're married or single life has some interesting and some boring elements. It's kind of selfish to check out on someone because they're not constantly entertaining you - you also have to look out for their needs and desires and keep things fun for them.