Do you ever feel...

[Tink]

like you're called to do something great and wonderful, but that you can't because of your unbelieving spouse?

For instance, I am called to go to Israel (just one of many places, I believe) to do missions work for an extended period, but I cannot go without my husband. I believe I'm supposed to live there for 2-3 years, so it's not like I can go by myself. Also, he isn't a believer exactly (he's agnostic in most ways, but does believe the Jesus is the way to salvation) so that makes it very difficult for him to understand my need/desire/call to be a missionary.

If you've been through something like this, how did you handle it?

Also, my husband threatens a divorce about every month or six weeks. Afterward, it's always that he would "never leave" me. How do I get him to understand that it's not appropriate to say that a person wants a divorce unless they truly want one?

 

[unkern]

Take a look at the book "me, obey him?" Your husband is your head, so he does have that decision whether you 2 go or not, but that doesnt mean you can show him. You may want to seek some counseling with him, and most likely by and old "real christian" couple. I hate to hear of people throwing the D-word around, in my relationship we consider it a cuss word, lol.

I hope the best for you and God be with you

 

[Tink]

Take a look at the book "me, obey him?" Your husband is your head, so he does have that decision whether you 2 go or not, but that doesnt mean you can show him. You may want to seek some counseling with him, and most likely by and old "real christian" couple. I hate to hear of people throwing the D-word around, in my relationship we consider it a cuss word, lol.

I hope the best for you and God be with you

I will check out the book. I already know he is the head of the household. I have no problem with him being the head of our family.

I have asked him to go to counseling with me and he refuses. He is very quiet and withdrawn and doesn't like other people "meddling" in his business; especially not "old" Christians.

Thank you for the advice. God be with you as well.

 

[unkern]

Is there any couples or anyone he feels comfortable around, as the body of Christ we hold each other accountable and it would be good if you have someone he trusts to mediate.

If your husband wouldnt mind here is a book he should read "wild at heart"

God be with you

 

[DZoolander]

I will check out the book. I already know he is the head of the household. I have no problem with him being the head of our family.

I have asked him to go to counseling with me and he refuses. He is very quiet and withdrawn and doesn't like other people "meddling" in his business; especially not "old" Christians.

Thank you for the advice. God be with you as well.

Well - there are a variety of things going on.

First - flat out - I agree with you in your first post that people ought not threaten divorce unless they are intending to see it through. I've gotten into arguments with my wife - but I love her and intend to stay with her. Even in the middle of our worst argument - I wouldn't have threatened with something like that.

Heck - even with my first wife (who I did divorce) - I don't think the word left my mouth until I was actually going down to file.

Doing that (in my humble opinion) is like emotional extortion. You're simply trying to scare your partner into behaving the way you want them to under threat of leaving them. Sometimes you *do* need to take a stand...but continual threats like that are not cool.

That being said...

It does sound like you need counseling. What I would give some thought to - however - is what you want to accomplish with the counseling. I can understand why your husband doesn't want to go to see some "old christians" - if he's not a believer. If my wife was a Mormon and we were having problems - I wouldn't want to go see some old dude that was going to spend hours telling me what Joseph Smith thought about marriage. I'm not a Mormon - and I couldn't care less what Joseph Smith thought on the subject.

Same thing with your husband. If he doesn't believe - then he's not going to be particularly interested in hearing people telling him about Jesus. He's going to find it full of condemnation, threats of eternal judgment, etc... none of which he believes or is interested in hearing.

So - I would give some real thought as to what you want to accomplish in the counseling. I'd focus more on how you want to be treated on a day to day basis - rather than anything faith related.

 

[Aileen]

Hi,
You are married, God knows that, and the priority he has given you is to put your marriage and your husband first. That´s your great and wonderful calling, my dear. God wouldn´t burden you with a call to go to Israel when your husband isn´t on the same spiritual wave-length because He knows you can´t do that. You seem to have an interest in Israel, develop it, listen to news, read, get information so that you can pray intelligently.

 

[BereanTodd]

If you've been through something like this, how did you handle it?

Also, my husband threatens a divorce about every month or six weeks. Afterward, it's always that he would "never leave" me. How do I get him to understand that it's not appropriate to say that a person wants a divorce unless they truly want one?

Let me share a word of encouragement by way of personal experience ... and in this case I was the "unbelieving husband".

My wife got engaged to me, an unbeliever. Not long after I was "saved" but in a church that did not really disciple me or grow me at all. After 20 years as an atheist, my life as a "believer" really was no different (or at least little different) than before.

Eventually that church went through a nasty split and I vowed never to go back to church. I lived for two years in a state of backsliden drunkeness. I was a bad husband. I had "emotional affairs" (never 'consumated' sexually, but not for lack of wanting). It was a bad situation, and a bad place.

My wife stuck by me, prayed by me, got involved in a new church, found a wonderful Sunday School, submitted to me as much as she could. Between her actions, and me slowly coming around to some of the sunday school socials where some guys there really got ahold of me and helped me turn around my life I was slowly brought back into right relationship with my wife and with God.

My wife put up with years of bad "husband-ing" from me, often the only one going to church in our house. But the story doesn't end there ...

Once in this new church I started growing somewhat. Quite a bit even. I was finally maturing spiritually, but God was still doing something I could never have guessed. In 2000 I commited my life to the ministry. In counseling with some of the pastors they asked what I thought I might be called to, and I physically said "I know I would NEVER be a missionary".

Then in 2003 I went to a Bible College to do an undergraduate theological degree (I'm now also in semianry working on my masters). It was only then, in early 2004 that I finally accepted God's calling in my life to missions. I realized this is where God had been leading me all along.

Then and only then, after 10 yeras of marriage, that my wife told me "When I was 10, I commited my life to be a missionary." She had never shared that with me before. But God worked wonderful things out in our lives.

We are not serving overseas full-time yet ... but we have spent some time in Israel together, a place that is near and dear to our hearts as well.

I share this story to say to hang in there. I don't know what God is doing in your life. Maybe He is moving on your husband and one day you will wind up on the mission field together. Maybe He is working on you and He has plans for you that you couldn't even imagine yet.

But let me tell you, coming from a former atheist, and then a very weak and carnal Christian, someone my wife had to "put up with" for some time until God broke me and moulded me into someone He could use ... that God is faithful, and He will reward your patience.

Stay by your husband. Pray by your husband. Love your husband, with a love that sometimes you will not be able to display on your own. Make yourself a vessel of God's love, live by His strength, and see what great things He can and will do.

I will remember you in my prayers, if you want to talk more personally PM me and we can talk sometime.

 

[Tink]

Let me share a word of encouragement by way of personal experience ... and in this case I was the "unbelieving husband".

My wife got engaged to me, an unbeliever. Not long after I was "saved" but in a church that did not really disciple me or grow me at all. After 20 years as an atheist, my life as a "believer" really was no different (or at least little different) than before.

Eventually that church went through a nasty split and I vowed never to go back to church. I lived for two years in a state of backsliden drunkeness. I was a bad husband. I had "emotional affairs" (never 'consumated' sexually, but not for lack of wanting). It was a bad situation, and a bad place.

My wife stuck by me, prayed by me, got involved in a new church, found a wonderful Sunday School, submitted to me as much as she could. Between her actions, and me slowly coming around to some of the sunday school socials where some guys there really got ahold of me and helped me turn around my life I was slowly brought back into right relationship with my wife and with God.

My wife put up with years of bad "husband-ing" from me, often the only one going to church in our house. But the story doesn't end there ...

Once in this new church I started growing somewhat. Quite a bit even. I was finally maturing spiritually, but God was still doing something I could never have guessed. In 2000 I commited my life to the ministry. In counseling with some of the pastors they asked what I thought I might be called to, and I physically said "I know I would NEVER be a missionary".

Then in 2003 I went to a Bible College to do an undergraduate theological degree (I'm now also in semianry working on my masters). It was only then, in early 2004 that I finally accepted God's calling in my life to missions. I realized this is where God had been leading me all along.

Then and only then, after 10 yeras of marriage, that my wife told me "When I was 10, I commited my life to be a missionary." She had never shared that with me before. But God worked wonderful things out in our lives.

We are not serving overseas full-time yet ... but we have spent some time in Israel together, a place that is near and dear to our hearts as well.

I share this story to say to hang in there. I don't know what God is doing in your life. Maybe He is moving on your husband and one day you will wind up on the mission field together. Maybe He is working on you and He has plans for you that you couldn't even imagine yet.

But let me tell you, coming from a former atheist, and then a very weak and carnal Christian, someone my wife had to "put up with" for some time until God broke me and moulded me into someone He could use ... that God is faithful, and He will reward your patience.

Stay by your husband. Pray by your husband. Love your husband, with a love that sometimes you will not be able to display on your own. Make yourself a vessel of God's love, live by His strength, and see what great things He can and will do.

I will remember you in my prayers, if you want to talk more personally PM me and we can talk sometime.

Thank you so very much.