Do you and your spouse problem solve together?

[Hipsterz]

When things come up with your children or other situations. Do you discusss the issues and work together to decide how to handle it or do you handle it in other ways?

 

[LovesToBless]

Most times, yes we do.

 

[dorig59]

Yes, of course we do. We discuss whatever it is and come up with a solution.

 

[waxlion10]

We don't have kids yet, but when it comes to other issues (finances, family, etc.), we usually problem solve together.

There are some times where one of us cannot get in touch with the other and has to come up with a solution independently. For example, we had some issues with parking spaces while DH was at work, and I just handled it because I was at home when it happened.

 

[FaithPrevails]

We absolutely problem solve together.

In the times that one of us acts without consulting the other and the action taken isn't agreed upon, we discuss it (privately from the kids if it's kid-related so the kids don't see a division in authority) and decide how to handle it moving forward.

 

[Conservativation]

We toss chicken bones and read what they tell us

 

[Boidae]

My wife and I try to problem solve together, but we have two very different ways of handling things. I would say that 60% of the time we handle it together while the other 40% of the time we do not.

We both grew up in two very different families and were taught two very different ways of handling things. So for us, coming up on our one year anniversary, we're still very much in an adjustment period.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Boidae - out of the 60% is that usually handled your way or her way or a totally different way all together?

I ask b/c hubby and I have almost polar opposite approaches to some issues, so we're learning to find a new way all together that we can both subscribe to and carry out with minimal failure.

 

[Boidae]

Sometimes my way, sometimes her way and sometimes an entirely different way. It all depends I guess.

I prefer that I don't make all the decisions. If she has more experience in an area, than I feel she should make the decision as her experience would prove to be more beneficial. If I have more experience, well than I will make the decision.

Just to give an example. We recently acquired a dog from one of my wife's co-workers. My wife has had only one dog in her lifetime and that was when she was very little. Her experience is with cats. I'm the polar opposite. I have had dogs since I was very little. There are things that I just know about dogs from my experience, but she goes against me and will do the exact opposite of what I say. When it comes to cats I listen to her.

She had wanted to free feed the dog like she does her cats. Dogs only need to be fed 2 times a day and in my experience, the majority of free fed dogs are obese, especially food motivated dogs such as our own.

That was just an example of what I was talking about. I realize that it's not a very major thing, but it is something that bothers me.

 

[Singermom]

My husband and I discuss. If for some reason we can't (like some of the "at the time" examples above), we discuss it after. We're pretty sympatico, so we're pretty fortunate (although I don't know if it's because we've been married for so long or what).

The funny thing is, although I have had more experience with children, my husband has better instincts.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Sometimes my way, sometimes her way and sometimes an entirely different way. It all depends I guess.

I prefer that I don't make all the decisions. If she has more experience in an area, than I feel she should make the decision as her experience would prove to be more beneficial. If I have more experience, well than I will make the decision.

Just to give an example. We recently acquired a dog from one of my wife's co-workers. My wife has had only one dog in her lifetime and that was when she was very little. Her experience is with cats. I'm the polar opposite. I have had dogs since I was very little. There are things that I just know about dogs from my experience, but she goes against me and will do the exact opposite of what I say. When it comes to cats I listen to her.

She had wanted to free feed the dog like she does her cats. Dogs only need to be fed 2 times a day and in my experience, the majority of free fed dogs are obese, especially food motivated dogs such as our own.

That was just an example of what I was talking about. I realize that it's not a very major thing, but it is something that bothers me.

That makes good sense and is a wise way to handle things, IMO. I will pray that your wife will come to see things your way about the dog feeding issue. Free feeding = dogs that poop in the house sometimes, too.

 

[FaithPrevails]

My husband and I discuss. If for some reason we can't (like some of the "at the time" examples above), we discuss it after. We're pretty sympatico, so we're pretty fortunate (although I don't know if it's because we've been married for so long or what).

The funny thing is, although I have had more experience with children, my husband has better instincts.

That is interesting, singermom. I would have to say the same about my parents. My dad is naturally more of a "kid" person than my mom is. Is that the case with you and your hubby?

 

[Boidae]

That makes good sense and is a wise way to handle things, IMO. I will pray that your wife will come to see things your way about the dog feeding issue. Free feeding = dogs that poop in the house sometimes, too.

That last bit is very true. When you feed twice a day you set a schedule that is pretty consistent day-to-day.

Although since Sunday she has been going in the apartment because she's got diarrhea. Thought she was getting better yesterday, but she was right back at it last night. She has a vet appointment this afternoon.

 

[kevind]

I am the nice guy with the kids, I am older than my wife so it seems I have more patience than her. We will talk about things and plee our case on other matters win some lose some...thats marriage.

 

[FaithPrevails]

That last bit is very true. When you feed twice a day you set a schedule that is pretty consistent day-to-day.

Although since Sunday she has been going in the apartment because she's got diarrhea. Thought she was getting better yesterday, but she was right back at it last night. She has a vet appointment this afternoon.

Aww poor pup. I hope the vet can help her. At my vet's recommendation, I used to feed my dog cooked rice when she had diarrhea. Maybe ask your vet about that.

 

[Singermom]

That is interesting, singermom. I would have to say the same about my parents. My dad is naturally more of a "kid" person than my mom is. Is that the case with you and your hubby?

Not exactly. I can tend to be more "kid-like" than my husband, who really didn't HAVE a childhood (he was an abused child). I relate better to children, as I; he has always felt awkward with other children. He just has these absolutely incredible instincts when it comes to discipline and correction of HIS children. Granted, there is the odd time when he is a tad more permissive than I am (for obvious reasons - overcompensating), so we balance each other out.

If you can't guess, I'm really, really proud of him overcoming his past to be such an incredible father.

...but I digress...

 

[Boidae]

Aww poor pup. I hope the vet can help her. At my vet's recommendation, I used to feed my dog cooked rice when she had diarrhea. Maybe ask your vet about that.

That's what we have been feeding her. She was getting cooked rice and chicken mix only. That's what I always knew to feed when a dog has diarrhea.

 

[cheapwifey]

I've been pretty lucky that my husband and I have so-far completely divided responsibilities. He is good with finances, and I am good with just about everything else . He trusts me on almost all decisions I make.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Not exactly. I can tend to be more "kid-like" than my husband, who really didn't HAVE a childhood (he was an abused child). I relate better to children, as I; he has always felt awkward with other children. He just has these absolutely incredible instincts when it comes to discipline and correction of HIS children. Granted, there is the odd time when he is a tad more permissive than I am (for obvious reasons - overcompensating), so we balance each other out.

If you can't guess, I'm really, really proud of him overcoming his past to be such an incredible father.

...but I digress...

Sounds like a God thing to me. God bless your husband for overcoming and breaking the cycle. And God bless you for being such an adoring wife. You're both amazing, IMO.

 

[dinonum]

When things come up with your children or other situations. Do you discusss the issues and work together to decide how to handle it or do you handle it in other ways?

We discuss everything and we both have learned to stop and take into consideration what one another things about what issue or situation we are talking about.