Do things ever really "get better"?

[oneandlonely]

Do things ever really "get better"? How much "better" do things really get? Can one really ever get over things?

I'm having a really rough night with things. I have been doing ok, I think counseling has been starting to help. But I still have these really rough nights. Where I can't stop thinking about it no matter what I do. I can't get things to stop replaying. And then there are the nightmares.... do those ever go away?

For those of you who have been through counseling or whatever (or those of you who know someone who has), How much do you still deal with things? Do things ever really get better?

I'm not sure how much sense I'm really making... but thats just been something I've been thinking about lately. I just am starting to feel hopeless.

Bethany

 

[sethad]

Things get a little better in time and as your life moves on. I have PTSD, still, it's gotten a little better as well but I dont think that things will ever get completely better. It's more like things get a little better and you learn to live with it.

 

[lillybug0514]

Things will get better.

Its different for everyone, but for me it has gotten better, it will never be perfect and I will never fully forget it, but I can go for periods of time without thinking about it.

It happened 2 1/2 years ago. I feel good most of the time, but then I still have days where it makes me sick and no matter what I do, I cant help but think of it and hate myself.

What happened caused a scar emotionally, and like physical scars, it does heal and begin to fade. I think sethad is right, life moves on and although it will never completely go away, you learn to live again and be happy.

 

[BelindaP]

Yes, there is hope. Things do get better. I can go days without thinking about it, and very few things trigger me any more. When you compare that to the sobbing little ball of pain I used to be so much of the time, the difference is staggering.

Just like an automobile accident will leave scars and that touch of arthritis you feel on winter mornings, it never completely goes away. However, you will eventually get your life back, and you will begin to feel like a normal person again.

 

[lilygrace]

Aw Bethany I am sorry you are going through this.

Healing is a very individual thing, and the pace of it, and order of it, will vary a great deal with each person. But absolutely, it gets better.

I have found the key is to give myself the permission and head space, almost, to be where I am at, and to have the issues and questions and struggles that I have, rather than trying to make myself "get over it".

You'll see from the thread I started recently that I have a ways to go yet, but here's the thing. Life doesn't begin again after healing. Life is in Jesus. Walk this out with Him, at your own pace. He is the Healer. You are still you and you can do what you need to do to get through this. Counselling and sharing with safe people is also incredibly helpful, so good on you for doing that. We can't do this stuff by ourselves and nor are we meant to, I don't believe.

I found my nightmares started going away when the things I believed about myself because of the abuse began to change; since it was those things that were really traumatic and at the heart of the nightmares, not just the events themselves. So that, too, does change with time.

You are being proactive, you are standing for yourself and your future and doing what you can. Keep going.

I could barely function for years. It was pride keeping my upright, and alive, to be honest. Actually it was more like shame - I was scared that if I lost it and broke down and left uni etc, people would find out why, which I feared more than anything.

Although I don't deny I have a long way to go in some ways, in other ways, life is indescribably different to how it was when I was starting out on the healing journey. I can work now and find joy in that, not just do it to keep up appearances and to feed myself. And I can have rich friendships and be myself and not hide everything. And I am not afraid of every single thing and every single person and so on. It is a world of difference. And every minute of it is worth every minute of counselling and nightmares and all that pushing through that I did, too.

I'll be praying for you. Feel free to PM me if you'd like. I'm in a different time zone so who knows, might be around in the middle of the night or something sometime.

Lilygrace

 

[Johnnz]

Change and healing is a journey. Like all good journeys there are godo days and hard days. What does make the difference is your travelling companions -good counsellors, friends, and other supportive people who are also on the journey of life together with you and the One who called Himself The way, the truest journey you can ever begin.

John
NZ

 

[UnworthyNayners]

This may not be the right way to introduce myself to the site, im not quite ready to talk about my story, but, i went through some stuff for 4 years, and its been 6 years since. I still have nightmares sometimes, and sometimes i see him in other people, its scary. Granted, i've never gone through therapy either. That might have something to do with it.

 

[pennsyginny]

I agree with everyone who says it is an individual journey but it is also one where good friends can make a world of difference. Someone who can listen without judgment, someone to just care enough to listen. Counseling helps. I am in private counseling and in a group for sexual assault survivors. Both are helpful. The women in the group mean a lot to me. Last night three of us went to THE VAGINA MONOLGUES together at the local community arts center. Some of us in the group are Christians, some are not but we love each other. Don't forget the love of Jesus and that He can bring you through anything.
We can stand up and be proud because we have survived and each day is a new journey.
Pennsyginny

 

[oneandlonely]

Thank you so much everyone for your replies. It means a lot.

 

[HeyJupiter]

"hugs' if ok

things do get better, it can happen very slowly...i still have depression after 6 years

 

[BigToe]

I don't think it is something you can ever "get over" but I don't think it is something we should "get over" either. Everyone has a different path to healing. Some may stop having the flashbacks and nightmares days or weeks later, some may still have them regularly for years after the fact. But over time you learn to cope with what you have to deal with. For me it was the smell. I would have anxiety attacks when I smelled a certain mix of smells. Once I noticed, I started carrying around stuff that smelled better- be it a stick of gum in my purse, room spray, perfume, whatever.

So before the harshness of it slowly starts fading, I think we start to recognize what gets to us. If you can figure out what triggers you, or what helps pull you out of those flashbacks, try to do that for yourself.

And remember to take it a day at a time. Today might be a bad one, but that doesn't mean tomorrow has to be one too.