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Do they know?

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c1ners

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Do you think people know when they're about to die? Before my husband passed away he was acting really wierd. His company had sent him out of town for training. I was with him the first two weeks, but it was my dad's birthday, so I decided to stay home for week three. He called every day that week, begging me to please come. The day after my dad's birthday I went to go be with him. That was on a Thursday. That night my husband was really needy. All he wanted was for me to be near him. To be in his arms. When he awoke that night and found me asleep with our (she had been crying almost all night) he became very upset. Not mad, just upset. He had to have me in his arms. The next day after his lunch break I was taking him back to class. He told me that he was leaving me. That he HAD to go away. He told me that he loved me and our daughter more than anything in this world, and no matter how far away he seemed to be, that he would always be right there beside us. I turned my head away from traffic and was about to tell him to stop talking that way. He was crying! I'll never forget the look in his eyes. It was so sad. I remember touching his face and telling him that I loved him. So very much. My head was only turned for a couple seconds. When I turned back a car was heading straight for us. Those were the last words my husband and I spoke to each other. It just seems so odd that he was telling me goodbye. Do you think he knew that he was about to die?
 

Aileen

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Yes, it´s obvious your husband knew he was going to leav e you and that he felt the time was nearing. I was deeply touched by your thread. How privileged you are to know that you were the most important person in the world to him and that he wanted to be so close to you in those last days. You must have given him much love for him to feel so secure and want only to rest in your love.

In this new year may you experience the strengthening of the Lord, His help and joy, as you carry on with your life and care for your children.
Best wishes
 
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c1ners

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Aileen said:
Yes, it´s obvious your husband knew he was going to leav e you and that he felt the time was nearing. I was deeply touched by your thread. How privileged you are to know that you were the most important person in the world to him and that he wanted to be so close to you in those last days. You must have given him much love for him to feel so secure and want only to rest in your love.

In this new year may you experience the strengthening of the Lord, His help and joy, as you carry on with your life and care for your children.
Best wishes

Thank you! I was very fortunate to have him in my life. In the short time we were married he taught me so much aboving loving. He was my very best friend, and it's been really hard without him. But I know one day soon we'll be together again. When Jesus comes.
 
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Honibee

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C1ners-
I was so touched by your post. And I agree with Aileen that often people know their death is coming. My late husband did the same thing, saying things I didn't understand at the time. They are treasures I will hold in my heart forever.

God bless you richly!
 
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readtheholybible

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This Message is for all of the Widows ..

My heart Genuinely goes out to you for the UNWELCOMED event that has taken place in your lives .. I COULDN'T IMAGINE ... Although I'm NOT married, I Sincerly say this from the bottom of my heart 'MAY JESUS BE WITH YOU ALWAYS, GIVING YOU STRENGTH AND KEEPING YOU FROM DEPRESSIVE LONELINESS' .. I admire all of the Widows that are STILL remaining Together by the Grace of JESUS, .. I don't know what kind of state I would be in if that were me, So to you all .. MAY GOD BLESS YOU FOREVERMORE ..

JESUS GOD BLESS
 
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Aileen

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The consolation, peace and assurance that the Holy Spirit provides strengthens and warms the loneliness of our hearts in moments of grief. He does that by reminding us of the promises in the Word and by bringing to our thoughts those precious memories held in our hearts.

Going through the grieving process slowly but surely, day by day, we can receive from the Lord healing for our broken heart, and oil of joy for mourning. It is His presence that comforts and enables us to rebuild our lives.

As the wife of a widower, we married when he was 30, it would have been difficult, if not impossible, for us to start a relationship and enjoy a marvellous, loving marriage if he had thought that his previous wife would always be with him.
 
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Honibee

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Aileen said:
The consolation, peace and assurance that the Holy Spirit provides strengthens and warms the loneliness of our hearts in moments of grief. He does that by reminding us of the promises in the Word and by bringing to our thoughts those precious memories held in our hearts.

Going through the grieving process slowly but surely, day by day, we can receive from the Lord healing for our broken heart, and oil of joy for mourning. It is His presence that comforts and enables us to rebuild our lives.

As the wife of a widower, we married when he was 30, it would have been difficult, if not impossible, for us to start a relationship and enjoy a marvellous, loving marriage if he had thought that his previous wife would always be with him.

Very well spoken, Aileen. The comfort and presence of the Holy Spirit in times of grief IS the strength needed to live on.

Praise God that after a life lived in HIS abundance, we have the blessed hope of seeing our lost loved ones in eternity, if they were believers.
 
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Honibee

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readtheholybible said:
This Message is for all of the Widows ..

My heart Genuinely goes out to you for the UNWELCOMED event that has taken place in your lives .. I COULDN'T IMAGINE ... Although I'm NOT married, I Sincerly say this from the bottom of my heart 'MAY JESUS BE WITH YOU ALWAYS, GIVING YOU STRENGTH AND KEEPING YOU FROM DEPRESSIVE LONELINESS' .. I admire all of the Widows that are STILL remaining Together by the Grace of JESUS, .. I don't know what kind of state I would be in if that were me, So to you all .. MAY GOD BLESS YOU FOREVERMORE ..

JESUS GOD BLESS

Thank you for the very kind words, Readtheholybible. As we live in obedience to God, we can be sure that HIS grace is sufficient for the day. We have strength for today.

Blessings in Him! :pink:
 
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c1ners

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Thank you all for your words of incouragement. I am so sorry that I haven't been able to get over this. It's been long enough, and I think I'm finally ready to let go. I want to be able to love my present husband as much as I loved my first, but I just don't know how. I act like a wife should. I support him in everything he does. I treat him good. I tell him that I love him. But in all reality that's been my problem since day one. Everyone has expected me to always be strong. I've never been allowed to greive. I've always done what other people (mostly family members) have told me I should do. I've always hidden this pain inside, and I've never been able to express how much I hurt. Well I do hurt! I hurt everyday of my life! I don't know how to get over this! Can some one please tell me what you did to get over this pain. Until I can get over it, and stop it, I'll never be able to let go. I feel like it's all my fault. I was driving the car. I was the one who turned my head away from the traffic. I DIDN'T ANSWER HIS QUESTION ABOUT HOW TO GET TO HEAVEN BEFORE THAT CAR HIT US! I need peace! Can someone please pray for that? Please don't be so judgemental. I need help, not more guilt. I've got enough of that buried inside of me to last a lifetime.

Thank you.
 
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robert adams

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Dear C1ners

I definitely think my wife knew she was dying. She was recuperating from an operation and commented "I'm not going to make it" to me. To my regret, I blew it off as her still having the effects of anesthesia. I carried that regret around for a long time. For some reason, I thought that I could change the outcome if I had been more alert. Through counseling, I have come to grips with the fact it was all in God's hands.

I was a total basketcase for several months (many think I still am) until one night I totally crashed and burned (broke down) in a depression meeting at church. I still break down sobbing (like right now) when certain thoughts hit me.

Bob in Houston
 
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Honibee

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c1ners said:
Thank you all for your words of incouragement. I am so sorry that I haven't been able to get over this. It's been long enough, and I think I'm finally ready to let go. I want to be able to love my present husband as much as I loved my first, but I just don't know how. I act like a wife should. I support him in everything he does. I treat him good. I tell him that I love him. But in all reality that's been my problem since day one. Everyone has expected me to always be strong. I've never been allowed to greive. I've always done what other people (mostly family members) have told me I should do. I've always hidden this pain inside, and I've never been able to express how much I hurt. Well I do hurt! I hurt everyday of my life! I don't know how to get over this! Can some one please tell me what you did to get over this pain. Until I can get over it, and stop it, I'll never be able to let go. I feel like it's all my fault. I was driving the car. I was the one who turned my head away from the traffic. I DIDN'T ANSWER HIS QUESTION ABOUT HOW TO GET TO HEAVEN BEFORE THAT CAR HIT US! I need peace! Can someone please pray for that? Please don't be so judgemental. I need help, not more guilt. I've got enough of that buried inside of me to last a lifetime.

Thank you.
c1ners,
My heart goes out to you... and I DO pray the peace that is available to you in Him, would comfort your heart.
, I'll never be able to let go. I feel like it's all my fault. I was driving the car. I was the one who turned my head away from the traffic. I DIDN'T ANSWER HIS QUESTION ABOUT HOW TO GET TO HEAVEN BEFORE THAT CAR HIT US
One of the things that helped me when my husband died (suddenly in a rescue attempt) was the knowledge of God's soveriengty. God is responsible for our salvation, and I'm sure He had given many opportunities for your husband. Please don't take this guilt- you were not responsible for his salvation, God was. We just don't know what the Holy Spirit spoke to his heart those days prior, when he seemed to know something would happen.
I want to be able to love my present husband as much as I loved my first, but I just don't know how.
I haven't remarried yet, so I haven't experienced this first hand. But I know that first loves will always have a special place in our hearts. I loved my husband for qualities that are unique to him, and should I love again, it will be because I found qualities unique to that man that spark my love.
I've never been allowed to greive. I've always done what other people (mostly family members) have told me I should do.
I think this very important- grieving is a must, and such a personal thing. I'm so sorry that you were robbed of this. I can't encourage you enough to give complete expression to your greif.

I'll keep you in prayer, hon. Feel free to PM me if you'd like.
Blessings in Him.
 
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c1ners

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I think this very important- grieving is a must, and such a personal thing. I'm so sorry that you were robbed of this. I can't encourage you enough to give complete expression to your greif.


But how does one finally let go and grieve? I've bottled everything up inside of me for so long now that I don't know how to feel anything. A zombee. That's what I am. I've programed myself to be the (almost) perfect person that everyone has expected of me, and I've lost myself in the midst of all the pretending. I feel sadness, yes, but I bury it so no one else will know. I hardly ever feel happiness. Pain? Nope. I almost cut my finger off one Christmas. I didn't feel a thing. I just wrapped it up and went about my business. My daughters only found out because the cloth I'd wrapped it in became bloody.
VOID. That's what I feel.
The question is: How do I get ME back? Within the next couple years my daughters will be grown. I've lived my life for them. I'm scared. Once they leave, what will become of me?
I'm sorry to bother you. I am actually stronger today than I was yesterday. I don't understand how people "Go on". You have to live, but how do you go on?:confused:
 
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robert adams

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C1ners,

I think we all know how you feel. You put on the front and bury the grief to go on functioning. I was attending an Overcoming Depression class at church. All the buried emotions suddenly came up and I totally broke down and sobbed/cried uncontrollably. For some reason, I stabilized considerably after that. I still have the void and lack of joy of which you speak.

The nice thing about this thread/forum is that those here know firsthand the trauma you are going through. (I will never forget when a well-meaning friend told me "Well, she is in a better place.")

I may have disappointed alot of people who had expectations of me being stronger. After awhile, I just didn't care and still don't. One thing I learned is that I could try and fake it, but human nature will do what it will do.

I will say that God will provide when your daughters leave. Without turning this into a book, just let me say that totally out of the "blue" God provided when I saw no reason for my continued existence. Others, on this board, have been great support. Even though I have never met any of them, I feel closer to them than many of my local friends.
 
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Honibee

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c1ners said:
The question is: How do I get ME back? Within the next couple years my daughters will be grown. I've lived my life for them. I'm scared. Once they leave, what will become of me?
I'm sorry to bother you. I am actually stronger today than I was yesterday. I don't understand how people "Go on". You have to live, but how do you go on?:confused:

I have empathy for your feelings here, c1ners. In a few years, I'll have an empty house as well. When the time comes, God's grace will be sufficient and guide me into His continued will.

I'd like to PM you with a few questions if I may. Blessings and hugs to you! :hug:
 
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c1ners

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Honibee said:
I have empathy for your feelings here, c1ners. In a few years, I'll have an empty house as well. When the time comes, God's grace will be sufficient and guide me into His continued will.

I'd like to PM you with a few questions if I may. Blessings and hugs to you! :hug:

Yes, you may PM me anytime you'd like. :hug: Hugs back to you!
 
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Sungar

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My loss is so new that I don't think I can be a help. My husband died Oct.31st,2005. He had a rare leukemia so we had two years together while we fought the illness. Part of me is so glad to have had the two years and part of me morned the whole two years. He had the anointing of oil James 5 and felt for a long time that he was healed. We did get the miracle of complete remission for 6 months. When he died the nurse said his eyes opened and he looked like he saw heaven. I didn't get to see it and I wish I had I think it would have helped.

God just let me know that He was going to give us time; but we didn't talk about dying. He(my husband) didn't want to talk about it. He did talk a little about dying the last 6 months . He was saved and I know I'll see him in heaven.

Sometimes the pain is unbearable. We would have been married 45 years. I have written about this a few times. In the golden eagles and responces to others. I think talking and crying helps.

The most help I have had is journaling my prayers to God; and reading my Bible. When I read, I pray before hand, God show me what I need today to get through the day, and He answers my prayers.

It is with others who have gone through the same thing; that it is easier to open up and say things you don't say to family and friends.

I do know c1ners that you need to talk about it and not keep it from your loved ones. They need you to talk to them about your feelings. They are probably hurting inside like you are. Like Honibee said
you need to grieve.
 
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Hisbygrace

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Dear c1ners, I definitely believe that they know when they are about to die.
Two weeks before my husband died he took our family on a weekend trip,
it was the best trip we had had in our 37 years together. My Pastor said it
was his way of leaving us with a wonderful memory. The next week he worked
to get everything at home in good working condition and made me go to Lowe's
with him to pick out a new lawn mower. He said we needed one because my daughter
was going to have to cut the grass and he wanted her to have a mower she could
depend on. The morning of his death he worked on our car all morning. He changed all
four tires, which was not an easy job, because he had to break them all down by hand.
In those three weeks I think he tried to tell me he was going to be going away, but
I just couldn't listen to it. I wish today that we had really talked about his feelings.
There are so many things he could have told me and given me guidance for.
 
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