Do men need to be needed?

[memoriesbymichelle]

Do men need to be needed? Is this true or not?

Sometimes I feel like maybe women that don't "need" a man as in, they can do all the handyman stuff or most of it, and are able to take care of their family without help have a harder time finding men because men see them as not needing anyone.

Thoughts?

 

[jehoiakim]

I think more than anything we need to be respected but need is also important as being needed gives man purpose and drive. Without that man is left feeling a bit empty in terms of his manhood. A man though doesn't need to feel needed if he has purpose and anyone who is a follower of God has purpose whether they realize it or not

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I think more than anything we need to be respected but need is also important as being needed gives man purpose and drive. Without that man is left feeling a bit empty in terms of his manhood. A man though doesn't need to feel needed if he has purpose and anyone who is a follower of God has purpose whether they realize it or not

I agree!

 

[dayhiker]

This has a number of ways of viewing it.
I have what I need. I can do for myself what I need, from paying the bills, cooking, fixing the house, going out and finding friends, etc. So from that perspective I don't have a need. Nor do I have a need for a woman in the sense that I can live along, I can enjoy time with my male friends and of course I enjoy a good walk alone in the woods.

But of course I do have needs. I really enjoy being with people and learning about their life and what they think about things. That's a main reason why I'm on this message board and I so so enjoy our discussions here. But I find there is something special with getting to know a woman. Dancing with a lady last Sat. had her pheromones were drawing me in. Mine her before the night was over. That made my night more enjoyable that about any other night of dancing I remember.

I used to think in terms of friends and a lover. But this past year I've add another category. My intimate friends, not sexual. I would have put intimate in the sexual category last year. I'm finding this category of people is adding a whole knew dimension to my life that is becoming a need. Why has it taken 60 years for me to learn this?

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

I don't like the word "need" too much, although we all have needs. I think I would rather be wanted than needed in a sense. I am not intimidated by a woman who is self-confident and has good skills with fixing things or whatever. There are some skiled tasks I would mess up. There are a few I can do okay. Now it is obviously a turn off if a woman has a chip on her shoulder and a "who needs men?" type of attitude.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I know I "want" someone to love me for whats inside and not whats outside. And with my fiance I have that. She also has the same want/need.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I get what you guys are all saying, but it seems to me, and I can be wrong, but some of the women I know that have men in their lives, are needy in some form or fashion. That is not to say they aren't "worthy" (whatever that means) to have a man, it just seems that they have no trouble finding someone because men want to be their "hero". At least that's how I see it. Other women I know that don't like depending on a man, have more difficulty. If I was in a relationship it would be because I wanted to be in one, not for what the man could "do" for me and I would hope it would be vise versa. I guess some days, I feel that if I was more the needy type that couldn't make it on my own, I would have an easier time finding a man. Intellectually I know this isn't true, but it's what my heart feels on some days.

 

[dayhiker]

I think I see what your saying about women who are needy. Because they want a man as bad as they do, they conform to what the guy wants more than a woman who wants to keep her independence. Hey, that works for them so why knock it!

So it seems to me that the other side is those of us who want to lead, to make decisions, who want our house, our along time/quite time/peace etc - neither want to give that up so we can only get so close. But if we keep this view then few of us will come together.

The closest I've come to keeping this and get being close to a woman was with my last GF. We lived apart most weeks, talked on the phone. Were together most weekends and took vacation together. A lot of things were very nice about that arrangement. I really hope my next one has some similarities to that.

 

[WisconsinRetiree]

Several years ago I read the book Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes?: Bodies, Behavior, and Brains--The Science Behind Sex, Love, & Attraction. It explains male/female behavior, although the author does state that humans are not completely governed by hormones. So, yes, men and women need each other. However, a lot of abuse can happen, just consider the divorce statistics. A lot of people are put off by the thought of a relationship because of past experience. An intimate relationship can create a lot of turmoil and give something to pray about what do do.

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

About being needed, wanted, etc. - most men like to be a "hero." Most men like to be admired for being competent. I would like to be "needed" in that I have hopefully enough to offer to make someone happy. I would not want to be "needed" in a neurotic way. What I am looking for is a partner and to be a partner.

My sister's ex husband was very demanding and would say things like, "I am the man of the house so I am the king of the house!" But if he was the king of the house, he did not treat my sister like a queen. He was lazy and he demanded she do any of the hard work around the house while he did nothing. Now I was reading in Luke where Jesus told his disciples that although he was king he was the servant of all. And then in Ephesians Paul expounds on this as far as the man's role in marriage is concerned. And in Proverbs 31 the woman described is busy doing things like buying fields. You can get from that chapter that her husband is influential and probably well-off or even wealthy. But she is doing all kinds of work. She is not being waited on, sitting idle. So the Biblical model is for both partners to be busy in productive activities and to serve each other and others.

 

[Spunkn]

Genesis 2:20 "And the man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam, there was not found a helper suitable for him"

Adam felt alone, there was no one else like him among the animals so God created woman. He created man and woman for each other. To need one another.

I don't know that the man has to do all the "handyman" stuff in order to feel needed. But I do think he needs to be the leader of the house. That is not to say a man should tell his wife what to do all the time, and she should automatically do it. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying God intended for man to have authority over his wife within marriage. However this is within a biblical perspective, not just "I make the rules, not you" type of thing.

Men and women are both equal in God's eyes, and yet they were created for unique and different purposes. Woman was to be man's helper.

Both women and men want to feel needed. I think anyone who truly doesn't want to feel needed is lying to themselves and not truly being honest. How that need actually takes place and form can wildly very, but I believe it is always there.

 

[Spunkn]

Somehow I double posted. Not sure how that happened, but I didn't mean to. So I'll edit this one

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I totally agree with the last 2 comments by the good Dr. and Spunkn.

It just seems sometimes the needy women get the men more often, but I suspect they also look more often so...

I was just wondering what the men thought about this.

 

[Spunkn]

Well, in a way it's innate for us guys to protect women and want to rescue them. So naturally there's a part of us who would want to 'be there" for a girl who is needy. The danger there is, it's not a healthy relationship and often causes more problems than you started with.

As for the women not needing anyone, if you want to simplify it you could say it like this. Looking for a relationship is a person's kind of saying "I need someone else. I want that special someone else in my life because I feel that need". That is not to say a man or women can truly fulfil that longing, because only God can. But it's still a basic need. By saying that they 'dont need a man" or giving someone the impression that they are better off by themselves, what encourages the man to try and form a relationship with that person? A relationship is both of you bringing to it things you have learned, things that are a part of you, your personality, your traits, to compliment each other and work together. When a women through her actions or words says "I dont need you" then why would a man be interested in going into a relationship where he feels that he is not bringing anything to it?

And I would argue that the woman (and I'm not just trying to pick on women, this is just the example you were giving) who acts or speaks in such a way that she doesn't need others, is again, lying to herself. She is afraid to feel vulnerable and that she does need someone else.

Guys do the same thing. Just in different ways.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Well, in a way it's innate for us guys to protect women and want to rescue them. So naturally there's a part of us who would want to 'be there" for a girl who is needy. The danger there is, it's not a healthy relationship and often causes more problems than you started with.

As for the women not needing anyone, if you want to simplify it you could say it like this. Looking for a relationship is a person's kind of saying "I need someone else. I want that special someone else in my life because I feel that need". That is not to say a man or women can truly fulfil that longing, because only God can. But it's still a basic need. By saying that they 'dont need a man" or giving someone the impression that they are better off by themselves, what encourages the man to try and form a relationship with that person? A relationship is both of you bringing to it things you have learned, things that are a part of you, your personality, your traits, to compliment each other and work together. When a women through her actions or words says "I dont need you" then why would a man be interested in going into a relationship where he feels that he is not bringing anything to it?

And I would argue that the woman (and I'm not just trying to pick on women, this is just the example you were giving) who acts or speaks in such a way that she doesn't need others, is again, lying to herself. She is afraid to feel vulnerable and that she does need someone else.

Guys do the same thing. Just in different ways.

OK I'll admit it! I need someone! I just don't need someone to BE my happiness. I am pretty self sufficient in the fact that I have no choice but to do it all on my own. Would I LIKE help? YES I would. Do I NEED it? NO I do not. But I also don't go around broadcasting either position. I don't go around saying "I don't need ANYONE!" nor do I go around saying "OH I wish I had someone in my life." But I DO agree with what you said.

 

[Erth]

Do men need to be needed? Is this true or not?

Sometimes I feel like maybe women that don't "need" a man as in, they can do all the handyman stuff or most of it, and are able to take care of their family without help have a harder time finding men because men see them as not needing anyone.

Thoughts?

I do not have such needs, so I will say no. And I think that men who have such needs must have an extremely low self-esteem. It is like asking if women have a need to be needed to do the dishes and to polish the floors on all fours.

I really do not mind if women do the dishes and men the handiwork, that's not it. It is the psychological assumption that I disagree with.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I do not have such needs, so I will say no. And I think that men who have such needs must have an extremely low self-esteem. It is like asking if women have a need to be needed to do the dishes and to polish the floors on all fours.

I really do not mind if women do the dishes and men the handiwork, that's not it. It is the psychological assumption that I disagree with.

Well I wasn't really referring to "need" in the handyman type of stuff only. I'm not really talking about pre-determined (by whoever) roles, just the fact that some people (male or female) are more needy than others and sometimes they tend to find people easier than those that are more self sufficient.

 

[Erth]

Well I wasn't really referring to "need" in the handyman type of stuff only. I'm not really talking about pre-determined (by whoever) roles, just the fact that some people (male or female) are more needy than others and sometimes they tend to find people easier than those that are more self sufficient.

In that case I think the people you call self-sufficient have too much pride to admit that they really need someone.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

In that case I think the people you call self-sufficient have too much pride to admit that they really need someone.

really? really? because we do things because we have to and have no other choice, we have too much pride? really? Hmmm don't agree with that at all. I have needs, but that doesn't mean someone is always there to meet my needs, and somehow in your world that makes me prideful?

 

[Erth]

really? really? because we do things because we have to and have no other choice, we have too much pride? really? Hmmm don't agree with that at all. I have needs, but that doesn't mean someone is always there to meet my needs, and somehow in your world that makes me prideful?

To be honest it seems to me that you do not seem to know what question it is that you want people in this thread to answer. I said I disagree with your initial assumption. If that is not good enough for you, then have it your way.