Do looks matter to you?

bèlla · Dec 14, 2022

Sketcher said:
Yeah, I just watched that.

Their answers are just as deluded as the answers of much less respectable women on at least one much less respectable channel on the same topic. I was unpleasantly surprised because I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt.

The top numbers were $500 and $650K. No one in that group could pull that. When you’re nearing a half million or more you no longer have numbers. You need a millionaire and that’s it. Realistically, the number shouldn’t cross $400K or you’re in another territory.

Secondly, when you’re aiming that high you don’t admit it. Least of all on YouTube! He’s not marrying you without a background check and Internet search. Given the diversity of the panel it lends the suggestion you’re a gold digger. If you participated in a group where others felt the same that’s another story. But I wouldn’t go on record. Something’s are better left unsaid.

I don’t begrudge them for their desires. If that’s genuinely what they want they have to be willing to put the work in to bring themselves up to speed or lower their standard.

~bella

peaceful-forest · Dec 14, 2022

Mel2020 said:
I’m not trying to sound vain or anything but I want honest answers.

When it comes to finding a potential partner, to you- do looks come first before personality or does their personality overcome their looks?

Should looks matter or is it a 50/50 thing?

If you saw someone who you found physically attracted to but found out their personality wasn’t compatible with yours, would you still pursue them?

Do you have any interesting stories to share around this topic?

Personally, the look of a person wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me, but there are certain things in a man that I would find physically attracted to such as his eyes, height or hands lol overall I would have to be attracted to his personality as well, more importantly his faith and love for God.

Looks used to matter to me. It used to be the primary thing I looked for in a guy.

I underwent internal changes in the second half of my 20s. I ended up falling for a guy that I worked with whom I had first deemed "ugly". I had found it so attractive that he was smart and quiet. We never dated because I had found out critical things about him that made us incompatible with each other.

timewerx · Dec 15, 2022

bèlla said:
I watched a video earlier with my daughter on women’s expectations. Some of the answers were sensible and others were unbelievable. They wanted their partners to earn a lot of money and were clueless about the rest. If most women think that way we’re headed for problems. Very few can meet it.

~bella

I can understand why many women would think that way.

It can be worse for a woman to be poor or experience financial difficulties than for men as they may likely be taken advantaged of.

However, in recent times, the motivation can be different due to strong influence of social media - excessive emphasis on indulgence and luxurious lifestyles. Far too excessive for many to accomplish (Economics won't be able to realistically sustain it), leaving many emotionally wrecked.

It's nothing more than a scam influencing people to spend their money without regards to their financial situation.

We really need to put a stop to these algorithms only promoting those with huge views. These algorithms have unintended consequence of promoting the worst qualities of humanity such as deceit and greed.

Saucy · Dec 15, 2022

I have so many rewards stored in Heaven. Someone love me!

ThisIsMe123 · Dec 17, 2022

linux.poet said:
Fictitious scenario. This is the singles forum. I'm not married.

I'm dating someone currently, however.

You make it sound like money is my only consideration. It's not. I just want to have children, or at least the opportunity to try for one. If you think that is evil, you can think that is evil all you want. I don't care.

The guy I'm dating wants to have children too, so that's our decision. In view of that, I'm just being financially realistic.

If it helps, I think 300k+ isn't necessary. Nor do I think that I can get someone making 300k+ to marry me. I'm not in that financial or relationship league. "Former abuse victim" tends to foster humility.

Also, the human population is already starting to stabilize, at least in Asia. Europe is already losing people, and China is losing them too. Long-term, as development of the world continues, the human population will decrease as robots take over the workforce and children become more and more expensive to produce. A child costs $18k in medical bills to birth and $17K a year after that to take care of, and birth control is $25 at Wal-Mart. To the heartless unbeliever, the choice is easy - no children, more convenience and pleasure.

I don't feel guilty for wanting to make a small contribution to the population under those conditions.

I agree with this. I naturally do this intuitively and instinctively with almost every man I meet that I am remotely interested in, and back when I was trying to avoid marriage I found this ability annoying. Hopefully in time I will be able to appreciate this aspect of my existence.

I posted in the past how a 19 year old got married. She's a co worker and turns out she put in her notice just as soon as she started the job. Going to college for nursing.
Another verbally Christian co-worker asked her how husband felt about her not working, and she said he doesn't mind. In fact, he doesn't mind because he's born into the family business.

That's why that marriage works. Both of them set for life via his family business and she's married into it. I guess he's next in succession, but there's no reason for him to go to college, earn a degree, go through tons of rejections per each interview and working low wage hourly jobs until he gets the dream job....and struggling because women wouldn't see him as a suitable partner UNTIL he's finally hit that nice career.
He's set for life.

GodAndChocolateVanilla · Feb 3, 2023

I wish I could find a Man that loved me that didn't care about Physical Appearance.

pen_and_poetry · Feb 3, 2023

To answer the original question, yes looks do matter--not in an objective, "only beautiful/handsome people apply, please", "10s only" but more like, we all have things we find attractive in someone else and things we find unattractive. It has to do with offspring and the like, but on a fundamental level we want to enjoy looking at our partner--NO MATTER if that partner is beautiful, average, or whatever. It's totally, purely subjective. Sometimes that overlaps with beautiful/handsome but lots of people are average and get partners who find them hot.

If we're talking about long-term relationships, looks DO matter, but they are not the only thing. I can't date a handsome man who has no brains and no personality and no kindness. But a guy with a great personality won't get far if I don't personally find him attractive on a physical level. I don't need an actor--just an overall look I find pleasing.

Little things can affect established relationships, too--weight/fitness, hair, clothes, etc. all those things are subjective. It's why we need to strive to look our best or most flattering that complements us naturally. But we also do need to be sensitive to what our partners continue to find attractive.

So it's a tricky question to answer, but for me I don't really "have a type" except "he's cute" and that's a huge range of looks.

pen_and_poetry · Feb 3, 2023

GodJesusAndChocolate said:
I wish I could find a Man that loved me that didn't care about Physical Appearance.

care to elaborate a little?

GodAndChocolateVanilla · Feb 4, 2023

pen_and_poetry said:
care to elaborate a little?

I mean I want a Man who doesn't care about Physical Attraction. Only cares about who I am as a person and my Heart.

1 Samuel 16:7
English Standard Version

7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

peaceful-forest · Feb 4, 2023

GodJesusAndChocolate said:
I mean I want a Man who doesn't care about Physical Attraction. Only cares about who I am as a person and my Heart.

1 Samuel 16:7
English Standard Version
7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

I used to be shallow, but I'm different now. I understand.

There's so much trouble involved when you solely focus on appearances.

Sketcher · Feb 6, 2023

GodJesusAndChocolate said:
I mean I want a Man who doesn't care about Physical Attraction. Only cares about who I am as a person and my Heart.

1 Samuel 16:7
English Standard Version
7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

Blind men exist.

Most of the rest of us do take that verse to heart, but we want that plus good looks.

linux.poet · Feb 6, 2023

Wanting good looks is fine by me, but I must admit that my boyfriend showering me with physical compliments really doesn't do anything for me, and he does that a lot. I get that he likes how I look - I got that the first 7.5 times - and I wish that he would respect my intelligence and move on from that to talk more about other things.

Do looks matter to you?