mixedupnicely

Member
Jan 21, 2018
11
10
30
West Midlands
✟8,056.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Oneness
Marital Status
Married
Both my husband & I are 24 years old, devout Christians, married with two beautiful kids.
We are very active within our church ministries in both the youth department & Praise & worship & music ministry.

We have a little boy, who is in school, and a six month old baby girl. Shortly after her birth, my husband was ordained as an Evangelist.
I adore my husband, he is caring and loving, sensitive and yet is strong. But I do feel that my life has been paused almost, and his life has changed very little since our daughter has been born. I would do anything for him and supporting his comeup is absolutely my honour... but I do feel a little despondent and taken for granted almost. I am jealous that he can get up and pray every morning and then go to the gym before leaving the house by 7:30am to go to work. and I can barely get up on time after a night of 3 hourly night feeds.

I feel unimportant, and slightly silly when I wait all day for him to come home, to realise he has to produce a lesson or he has to write a sermon for prison ministry or he is counselling someone and can make plans to do so, just assuming I will care for the children.

I have served my church as Youth President for 4 years, and am due to step down next month as it has become too much especially with a young family....And I absolutely love my children fiercely, and there is nothing I would love more than to care for them........yet still.......... I feel slightly 'lost' maybe?

I feel almost reduced... to 'just a' wife and mother & yet without belittling the beautiful fulfilment and reward being a mother and wife brings........I know God has put so much more in me...........

Is this my role as a Christian wife? Am I ungrateful/frustrated? Is this married life?
should I expect a level of reciprocity ?

I think it's worth mentioning we are both aware that we were called to ministry individually as well as as a unit yet some days I do just want to sit and laugh at nothingness with my best friend again.....

Or has that time in our lives gone...?

It is frustrating because we tried our best to things the right way yet people don't live for God, and find loving relationships where the only compromise is what colour cushions to have...
Here we are juggling marriage with ministry with hobbies with two kids under 10 with extended family dynamics and politics.............. I need a three year holiday !
 

SkyWriting

The Librarian
Supporter
Jan 10, 2010
37,279
8,499
Milwaukee
✟410,918.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
Both my husband & I are 24 years old, devout Christians, married with two beautiful kids.
We are very active within our church ministries in both the youth department & Praise & worship & music ministry.

We have a little boy, who is in school, and a six month old baby girl. Shortly after her birth, my husband was ordained as an Evangelist.
I adore my husband, he is caring and loving, sensitive and yet is strong. But I do feel that my life has been paused almost, and his life has changed very little since our daughter has been born. I would do anything for him and supporting his comeup is absolutely my honour... but I do feel a little despondent and taken for granted almost. I am jealous that he can get up and pray every morning and then go to the gym before leaving the house by 7:30am to go to work. and I can barely get up on time after a night of 3 hourly night feeds.

I feel unimportant, and slightly silly when I wait all day for him to come home, to realise he has to produce a lesson or he has to write a sermon for prison ministry or he is counselling someone and can make plans to do so, just assuming I will care for the children.

I have served my church as Youth President for 4 years, and am due to step down next month as it has become too much especially with a young family....And I absolutely love my children fiercely, and there is nothing I would love more than to care for them........yet still.......... I feel slightly 'lost' maybe?

I feel almost reduced... to 'just a' wife and mother & yet without belittling the beautiful fulfilment and reward being a mother and wife brings........I know God has put so much more in me...........

Is this my role as a Christian wife? Am I ungrateful/frustrated? Is this married life?
should I expect a level of reciprocity ?

I think it's worth mentioning we are both aware that we were called to ministry individually as well as as a unit yet some days I do just want to sit and laugh at nothingness with my best friend again.....

Or has that time in our lives gone...?

It is frustrating because we tried our best to things the right way yet people don't live for God, and find loving relationships where the only compromise is what colour cushions to have...
Here we are juggling marriage with ministry with hobbies with two kids under 10 with extended family dynamics and politics.............. I need a three year holiday !

If you work on your extended family politics you will find plenty to
do instead of waiting for somebody to come home and help you.
If you help your family, they will help you. But waiting for help from
others is not an option.
 
Upvote 0

Hetta

I'll find my way home
Jun 21, 2012
16,925
4,875
the here and now
✟64,923.00
Country
France
Faith
Christian Seeker
Marital Status
Married
I'm not quite sure where the issues are that you perceive. Is it that you don't have time to pray? You want to remain in ministry but can't? Or that you see your husband's career taking off while you are just a SAHM? Would you clarify a little more.
 
Upvote 0

musicalpilgrim

pilgrim on the sacred music pathway
Angels Team
Supporter
Jan 11, 2012
22,881
32,366
East of Manchester
✟2,620,041.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Pentecostal
Marital Status
Married
Both my husband & I are 24 years old, devout Christians, married with two beautiful kids.
We are very active within our church ministries in both the youth department & Praise & worship & music ministry.

We have a little boy, who is in school, and a six month old baby girl. Shortly after her birth, my husband was ordained as an Evangelist.
I adore my husband, he is caring and loving, sensitive and yet is strong. But I do feel that my life has been paused almost, and his life has changed very little since our daughter has been born. I would do anything for him and supporting his comeup is absolutely my honour... but I do feel a little despondent and taken for granted almost. I am jealous that he can get up and pray every morning and then go to the gym before leaving the house by 7:30am to go to work. and I can barely get up on time after a night of 3 hourly night feeds.

I feel unimportant, and slightly silly when I wait all day for him to come home, to realise he has to produce a lesson or he has to write a sermon for prison ministry or he is counselling someone and can make plans to do so, just assuming I will care for the children.

I have served my church as Youth President for 4 years, and am due to step down next month as it has become too much especially with a young family....And I absolutely love my children fiercely, and there is nothing I would love more than to care for them........yet still.......... I feel slightly 'lost' maybe?

I feel almost reduced... to 'just a' wife and mother & yet without belittling the beautiful fulfilment and reward being a mother and wife brings........I know God has put so much more in me...........

Is this my role as a Christian wife? Am I ungrateful/frustrated? Is this married life?
should I expect a level of reciprocity ?

I think it's worth mentioning we are both aware that we were called to ministry individually as well as as a unit yet some days I do just want to sit and laugh at nothingness with my best friend again.....

Or has that time in our lives gone...?

It is frustrating because we tried our best to things the right way yet people don't live for God, and find loving relationships where the only compromise is what colour cushions to have...
Here we are juggling marriage with ministry with hobbies with two kids under 10 with extended family dynamics and politics.............. I need a three year holiday !
Dear Christian,
Welcome to the forum in Jesus name...

How I identify with some of your problems;
When I got married, my musical studies were put on hold, but Oh the thrill of the family, praying with the little ones, and watching over them.

I pray that you will Live for our wonderful Lord,
I pray that you will find fulfilment in the place where God has placed you
May the Lord bless you richly and may you feel his presence today
 
Upvote 0

Chaplain David

CF Chaplain
Nov 26, 2007
15,968
2,353
USA
✟284,152.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
Hello Mixedupnicely,

Your situation is more common than you'd think. Have you and your husband discussed a division of caring for the baby, household duties, etc.?

You're blessed to be called to ministry and it sounds like you love each other. But it's hard to do some of these things if you are constantly involved in caring for your baby, house, etc.

Most husbands I know including myself would happily try to help our wives have more time for themselves and however they chose to spend it. It's not like all you want do is watch soap operas and eat pralines. You need time to pursue your calling and just time to use however you want. If you bring this up to your husband I don't see how he could respond in any but a supportive way. What do you think?

If you'd like to talk with one of our chaplains, please use this link to the Ask a Chaplain Forums and we would be happy to talk with you.

God bless you, your husband and family and your new baby.

Faithfully,
 
Upvote 0

mixedupnicely

Member
Jan 21, 2018
11
10
30
West Midlands
✟8,056.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Oneness
Marital Status
Married
I'm not quite sure where the issues are that you perceive. Is it that you don't have time to pray? You want to remain in ministry but can't? Or that you see your husband's career taking off while you are just a SAHM? Would you clarify a little more.

Sure.

I also work, and lead a praise and worship team for our church. So I am not just a stay at home mom twiddling my thumbs until my husband comes home.

My frustration is probably more to do with the fact that my husband does very little in terms of parenting, many a time he will sacrifice family time or quality time with myself for the sake of the congregation and the church, or even himself (gym, sports etc)! and while I make sacrifices for the sake of our family, he commits to more responsibility, which then puts more pressure on me to make further sacrifices and my load becomes heavier...
 
Upvote 0

joshua 1 9

Well-Known Member
Supporter
May 11, 2015
17,420
3,592
Northern Ohio
✟314,577.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Both my husband & I are 24 years old, devout Christians, married with two beautiful kids.
We are very active within our church ministries in both the youth department & Praise & worship & music ministry.

We have a little boy, who is in school, and a six month old baby girl. Shortly after her birth, my husband was ordained as an Evangelist.
I adore my husband, he is caring and loving, sensitive and yet is strong. But I do feel that my life has been paused almost, and his life has changed very little since our daughter has been born. I would do anything for him and supporting his comeup is absolutely my honour... but I do feel a little despondent and taken for granted almost. I am jealous that he can get up and pray every morning and then go to the gym before leaving the house by 7:30am to go to work. and I can barely get up on time after a night of 3 hourly night feeds.

I feel unimportant, and slightly silly when I wait all day for him to come home, to realise he has to produce a lesson or he has to write a sermon for prison ministry or he is counselling someone and can make plans to do so, just assuming I will care for the children.

I have served my church as Youth President for 4 years, and am due to step down next month as it has become too much especially with a young family....And I absolutely love my children fiercely, and there is nothing I would love more than to care for them........yet still.......... I feel slightly 'lost' maybe?

I feel almost reduced... to 'just a' wife and mother & yet without belittling the beautiful fulfilment and reward being a mother and wife brings........I know God has put so much more in me...........

Is this my role as a Christian wife? Am I ungrateful/frustrated? Is this married life?
should I expect a level of reciprocity ?

I think it's worth mentioning we are both aware that we were called to ministry individually as well as as a unit yet some days I do just want to sit and laugh at nothingness with my best friend again.....

Or has that time in our lives gone...?

It is frustrating because we tried our best to things the right way yet people don't live for God, and find loving relationships where the only compromise is what colour cushions to have...
Here we are juggling marriage with ministry with hobbies with two kids under 10 with extended family dynamics and politics.............. I need a three year holiday !
This is one stage of your life and if you blink you will miss the whole thing. Live life to the fullest and when you finish this then you can go on to do something else. Being a parent is all about sacrifice and we are the ones that gain the most when we sacrifice our self for others. When we put self on the alter that makes it a lot easier for God to do a work in our life to transform us into the people He wants and intends for us to be. So we can know that He has a plan and a purpose in everything for us. In time God will show you want He is working on and wanting to accomplish in you and in your life.
 
Upvote 0

mixedupnicely

Member
Jan 21, 2018
11
10
30
West Midlands
✟8,056.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Oneness
Marital Status
Married
Dear Christian,
Welcome to the forum in Jesus name...

How I identify with some of your problems;
When I got married, my musical studies were put on hold, but Oh the thrill of the family, praying with the little ones, and watching over them.

I pray that you will Live for our wonderful Lord,
I pray that you will find fulfilment in the place where God has placed you
May the Lord bless you richly and may you feel his presence today


Thank you very much.

It is so very worth it, and I count it as gain to die to self daily and work for the kingdom. Yet, if my husband was able to help me a little in the way I help him... it would make this a lot easier, as I feel I am running on empty majority of the time.
 
Upvote 0

mixedupnicely

Member
Jan 21, 2018
11
10
30
West Midlands
✟8,056.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Oneness
Marital Status
Married
Hello Mixedupnicely,

Your situation is more common than you'd think. Have you and your husband discussed a division of caring for the baby, household duties, etc.?

You're blessed to be called to ministry and it sounds like you love each other. But it's hard to do some of these things if you are constantly involved in caring for your baby, house, etc.

Most husbands I know including myself would happily try to help our wives have more time for themselves and however they chose to spend it. It's not like all you want do is watch soap operas and eat pralines. You need time to pursue your calling and just time to use however you want. If you bring this up to your husband I don't see how he could respond in any but a supportive way. What do you think?

If you'd like to talk with one of our chaplains, please use this link to the Ask a Chaplain Forums and we would be happy to talk with you.

God bless you, your husband and family and your new baby.

Faithfully,
Thank you. So encouraging to know it's not just us!
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

mixedupnicely

Member
Jan 21, 2018
11
10
30
West Midlands
✟8,056.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Oneness
Marital Status
Married
This is one stage of your life and if you blink you will miss the whole thing. Live life to the fullest and when you finish this then you can go on to do something else. Being a parent is all about sacrifice and we are the ones that gain the most when we sacrifice our self for others. When we put self on the alter that makes it a lot easier for God to do a work in our life to transform us into the people He wants and intends for us to be. So we can know that He has a plan and a purpose in everything for us. In time God will show you want He is working on and wanting to accomplish in you and in your life.


I pray so!
My relationship with God has changed and I worry about it... I was at a point I had audibly heard His voice, I would have prophetic dreams And now, after marriage & kids & caring for the home, I barely get any time to pray! My worship & devotional time is always diluted due to catching up on chores or caring for baby, driving etc... I pray God sees and honours my sacrifice. Not much but all I have to give.
 
Upvote 0

Hetta

I'll find my way home
Jun 21, 2012
16,925
4,875
the here and now
✟64,923.00
Country
France
Faith
Christian Seeker
Marital Status
Married
Sure.

I also work, and lead a praise and worship team for our church. So I am not just a stay at home mom twiddling my thumbs until my husband comes home.

My frustration is probably more to do with the fact that my husband does very little in terms of parenting, many a time he will sacrifice family time or quality time with myself for the sake of the congregation and the church, or even himself (gym, sports etc)! and while I make sacrifices for the sake of our family, he commits to more responsibility, which then puts more pressure on me to make further sacrifices and my load becomes heavier...
He should certainly be invested in his children as well as his career, or he will miss this time with them, and time with his family is just as important as time with his church family. Could this be explained to him? Sometimes it seems, the breadwinner focuses more on their own need for leisure activities because they see it as their "due" after working hard. They can forget that the stay at home partner also has need for leisure time, for assistance, and for some time off from their duties. A gentle reminder may help. BTW, my children are grown up now, but at one time I was also a SAHM and so I know that there is no twiddling thumbs when the children are young. :)
 
Upvote 0

mixedupnicely

Member
Jan 21, 2018
11
10
30
West Midlands
✟8,056.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Oneness
Marital Status
Married
This is true! 24/7 job...

We do discuss it and he is so understanding, but I also feel quite selfish..... am I justified in asking him to sacrifice time time serving the Lord so I can take a break? Other women struggle with their husbands spending too much time with friends/work or even at the pub! I am asking Him to spend less time serving God... which doesn't seem fair!! On the other hand, he is asking me to spend less time with God, to support him while He does.... difficult!!
 
Upvote 0

joshua 1 9

Well-Known Member
Supporter
May 11, 2015
17,420
3,592
Northern Ohio
✟314,577.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
My frustration is probably more to do with the fact that my husband does very little in terms of parenting
I went through that. I was a single parent for 12 years. She was not a good example as a parent and perhaps did more harm than good.
 
Upvote 0

mixedupnicely

Member
Jan 21, 2018
11
10
30
West Midlands
✟8,056.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Oneness
Marital Status
Married
I went through that. I was a single parent for 12 years. She was not a good example as a parent and perhaps did more harm than good.

Very difficult.

We were both very young when my son was born & while it is a difficult transition & massive adjustment... to be a good parent.......? ...it's a no brainer.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

NothingIsImpossible

Well-Known Member
May 22, 2015
5,615
3,254
✟274,922.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Well some say being christian and married is work. But being a christian, married and having kids is way harder. I personally can't imagine having kids just yet with my wife. Its hard enough managing things as it is. Especially if I had to take care of children since I'd be the at home dad.

None the less your problem seems normal. Sometimes the husband doesn't notice just how much effort the wife puts into being an at home mom while she juggles other "titles" and activities too. While we all know God comes first, it doesn't mean every second should be spent with God and ignoring your family.

Studies show that while a husband works a "full time" job and gets paid, the wife works a 24/7 job that doesn't pay and gets less noticed. Its far more stressful. Its also why they estimated if a wife got paid to do all she does she would make 6 digits (in USD). I always give my wife attention because its needed. God first, wife second, children third...etc.

In the end husbands and wives tend to think differently so just talk with him and let him know your having a hard time with him not being as active as he could be. Its all it may take.
 
  • Winner
Reactions: Willing-heart
Upvote 0

Ancient of Days

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Nov 29, 2017
1,136
860
Mn.
✟138,689.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Constitution
"am I justified in asking him to sacrifice time serving the Lord so I can take a break?"

His first priority serving in the Lord IS to his family. Then external situations. If you believe he has this backwards then yes, you should bring it to his attention.
 
Upvote 0

Hetta

I'll find my way home
Jun 21, 2012
16,925
4,875
the here and now
✟64,923.00
Country
France
Faith
Christian Seeker
Marital Status
Married
"am I justified in asking him to sacrifice time serving the Lord so I can take a break?"

His first priority serving in the Lord IS to his family. Then external situations. If you believe he has this backwards then yes, you should bring it to his attention.
This @mixedupnicely is something which which I concur heartily. Yes, you are justified in asking him to extend the same consideration to you that he extends to his flock, in fact more so. You are his partner, and these are his children too. I would say to speak to him now, while this is in your mind and is only a concern. If you do not, over time even unintentionally, some bitterness may build - and finding a cure for that may be much harder.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

SeventyOne

Well-Known Member
May 2, 2015
4,675
3,188
✟167,098.00
Country
United States
Faith
Calvary Chapel
Marital Status
Married
You already know this, but it might be a good reminder. Young kids need a lot of care and take a lot of time. But the time will some when all that is over. You are far more important at this point than he is at this moment. That said, he should be relieving you in the evenings when he comes home, at least for a while. I work more than 40 hours a week, including some nights and weekends, yet I still prepare dinner and do the dishes each night. He can give time.
 
Upvote 0