Do I Punish My Child If He Doesnt Believe What I Do?

[iem4hym]

Do I Punish My Child If He Doesnt Believe What I Do?

My child, 14. Is going through a tough time. He does not really like church much and so and so. He does attend church with my and my family. I would like him to go to confirmation classes. He does not want to, and has absolutely refused to go to classes. So I decided to do a homeschool confirmation classes where he reads books and does lessons.
He has not done anything with those.

He is a good kid, as far as things he could be doing, he doesn't do.
He is just not into religion very much. Yet he says he believes in God.
My question is, "Is it my job to sort of, in a way, punish him, and make sure that his life is not very well without God?"

Or, does God do that? Without me?

Please, let me know anything you think I should know.

 

[msjones21]

No. Never ever punish your children for their lack of enthusiasm for church. That is why so many kids grow up to become Atheist adults and rebuke the idea of church. You should never punish a child your son's age for not being as interested in the faith as you are as a way of showing him that life without God isn't good because quite frankly, I don't think his life is without God. At this point all you can do is encourage him, but don't push and of course pray for him. Punishing him could turn him away from God altogether.

 

[Tami]

I don't believe that you should punish your child for not believing what you believe. We can teach our children to the best of our ability about Christianity and what it means to be a Christian but we can't force them to believe what we believe or to become Christians. They have to decide for themselves what they believe. No amount of punishment will make them believe or do all the right things. They have to believe it for themselves in their hearts. I'm not saying that we should never teach them the ways of the Lord and just leave them to figure it out on their own, but once you've done all you can do to present the Truth to them, the ball is in their court.


Tami

 

[sioleabha]

I would not push him to be confirmed because that is, in essence, a show that he is accepting Christ in his life. If you force it, it becomes meaningless. Faith is not something that can be forced.

I would insist, however, on church attendance and respect for God as long as he lives with you. Continue to be a light in your son's life, and pray for him daily, and he will come to the Lord.

 

[Kokopelli]

While I'm the proud parent of a 9-month old, I have not reached that point yet. All I can do is provide what my wife and I have discussed if when that time comes for us. I don't feel you should punish you son. As much as we try, we can only show them the preferred path we'd like them to take. But ultimately it is up to them to choose the path they'll take. The best thing I can recommend to do, is pray for your son and try to support the choices he'll make.

He may be going through a phase where he has questions and can't find the answers to those questions. But let him know that you support him and that you'll still love him regardless of the path he follows. Certainly that is easier said than done as we love our children. But we have to faith in God that it will turn out for the better.

One other thing you can do is perhaps ask him why he doesn't want to go through the confirmation classes. I wouldn't keep badgering him about it, but let him know that you're willing to listen with open arms and an open heart when the time is right for him to explain why he doesn't want to go.

 

[desi]

Your question leads me to more questions... What kind of church has he experienced prior to being 14, and why do you say he doesn't go to church with "your" family? Isn't your family his family, or is it a step family? Does his father go to church? How long have you been going to church? What does he say when you ask him why he won't go to church?

 

[E-beth]

The early teens are a time of confusion and rebelling and finding one's identity. I think that as long as your child sees and knows how good a relationship with God is, he will find his way on his own.

Maybe he needs to find a church that more suits his taste. For example, I have been a devout Christian fro most of my life, but I never really enjoyed going to church until I found a modern, casual, non-denom one.

 

[BeanMak]

Try to get him involved with some of the kids at church. Does he know anyone? How about have the Youth Leader invite him to an outing?

 

[FervidPrincess]

I think punishing a child for not being at a spiritual time in his life would not be the right way to handle it. I look at it this way, we are not born Christians, we are only born into a Christian family, we define our own religion at some point in our own lives. Everyone has a different defineing point. Some are young and some are old when they have accepted a certain religion as their own. A person should not force being a Christian on anyone...that person will choose Christianity on their own. I agree with some of the other posts that said...it could make a person a non believer if it is forced on them. Have faith in your son and pray for him.

 

[Rainbow.]

I understand your dilema, but by punishing your son you will drive him away from God.
Pray to God to help you in your situation, and trust in him.
Teenage years are the worst! lol I didn't become a practising Christian until i was much older, i think we all have to find our own way to God, though with gentle encouragement and support from others around us. I think God would be more pleased if your son came freely and wantingly to him, than frog marched lol.
Try reverse psychology it always worked for my mum! (Im just kidding)
I think ,you will find your son will make his own choice about his religion as he gets older, the thing is to respect and support him in any way even though it will be hard, because through love, we can build the bridges between us.
Gods peace be with you.

 

[sioleabha]

Maybe he needs to find a church that more suits his taste. For example, I have been a devout Christian fro most of my life, but I never really enjoyed going to church until I found a modern, casual, non-denom one.

I personally wouldn't allow my child to go to a different church without me. Not only do I think it's important for the whole family to attend together, but you have a responsibility to ensure that your children are sitting under sound doctrine and being taught truth. If you simply allow your son to choose his own church, you may not find out that you disagree with the doctrine until too late.

I might agree to change to a contemporary service, if my church had one, though. Of course, if my church had one, I'd be going to it anyway.

 

[Sharky]

i'd have to agree with just about everyone here.

Never punish them for not being spiritually right.
1. They'll resent you.
2. They'll resent God.
3. It will be even harder for them to turn back to God because they got the impression that they have to meet rediculous expectations by people.

Normal discipline applies however

 

[pmarquette]

Or, does God do that? Without me?; Please, let me know anything you think I should know.

A paradox , a dilemma , indeed .....
At some point we need to do what is right , and be in agreement as parents , before the children .
We need to make the tough decisions , not what makes them happy , popular , or take the easy way out ....

My first and second wives are very permissive , not into discipline , and we have harvested 1 recalcitrant 20 year old male , 2 very independant females ; who reject male authority [ I was the disciplinarian ] and do what and when they want to [ which seems to bear out other posts ]...

Is there a alternative to confirmation class at this point ? A teens for Christ , a Christian gathering ,
some outreach at church or diocese ; a religious community - brothers , sisters ? Some thing that is " fun or cool " for him ? In the process of doing the corporal works of mercy , in seeing the Word of God lived out [ so no longer dry and dull words , theory , or rhetoric ] that he might do the confirmation next year with class behind him ?

 

[PreacherJoe]

Being Fourteen is tough. Punishment by whatever form is not appropriate for non-conformity of beliefs. Faith cannot be forced. I have five children and they are all different. Any Christian parent is concerned about their children's faith but often we need a lot more prayer and patience than we seem to have.

 

[Mr.Pious]

I personally wouldn't allow my child to go to a different church without me. Not only do I think it's important for the whole family to attend together, but you have a responsibility to ensure that your children are sitting under sound doctrine and being taught truth. If you simply allow your son to choose his own church, you may not find out that you disagree with the doctrine until too late.

I might agree to change to a contemporary service, if my church had one, though. Of course, if my church had one, I'd be going to it anyway.

But who is to say which doctrine is right? Just because you seem to believe one thing does not mean your child will.

This could be because I am not, and never plan to be a parent, but I don't understand why it would matter. I have my beliefs my children have theirs. If I try and force my beliefs on them, I will destroy their respect for me.

 

[PollyAnna]

I definitely have to agree with the others here. Being a teenager is difficult, and part of being a teenager is a God-given drive for independence and self-exploration. It is good that he is questioning his faith and challenging it. There is no other way that he can come to know what he believes. If you can trust God to do what you can't and pray fervently, God will come through in the end. And I would let your son know that you respect his need to find God on his own and that you are there for him when he needs answers to his questions. I don't know what denomination church you go to, but there may be a different church in the same denomination/doctrine that your son might find better suited for him. Perhaps you could take some time to visit some other churches with your son and see if he finds a fit?

 

[Etharia]

I don't think that you should punish him for not agreeing with you, however, don't budge on what you believe. If you budge, then it shows him that either you don't believe yourself, or that it really isn't that important. I do think you need to make him go to church. Even if you have to make him go in his pajamas without a shower and his hair sticking up. Teen especially need to be in the presence of God on a consistent basis. The longer you are out of church, the harder it is to go back, even if you want to.