Do I have Aspergers

[Mark Andrew]

I am 48 years old, live in the UK and have recently taken a job offering learning support to students in further education.
Since I have been doing this job i have seen many students with learning difficulties and as I have talked to them there I see so many of their issues in me. I have had a long conversation with s dyslexia and learning difficulties expert who believes I may be borderline dyslexic, proably dyspraxic and am presenting with some symptoms of Asperger's syndrome. I have subsequently done several online tests for Asperger's and read up about it and it would seem that indeed I have a large number of the characteristics. some of these are more severe than others and I yhink on balance I may be marginal or only slightly affected. Things are not so straight forward concerning a true diagnosis as I have been a Christian now for nearly 30 years and my life has changes dramatically; I actually have time for others and in Christ can demonstrate that love as an example of how I have changed although i still prefer my own company most of the time and find noisy social situations with loads of meaningless (to me) talk irritating and exhausting. My wife who is very sociable cannot understand how I can be such a lightweight!
Is anybody able to offer me any advice as to how I can be more sure of this diagnosis. In one sense it doesn't matter but in another it does and I am not able to spend alot of money on a psychologist or anything like that.
Is anyone out there in the same situation?

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Mark,
Welcome to CF. Its a pretty good place on the web.

You sound quite a bit like me. I clearly have a light case of AS. I was diagnosed because of my reaction to a personal situation at church. But the diagnostics really ends up to be a side issue. You already are showing your mental ability as evident in your post. You have some key aspects figured out. Since you are learning about life rather than being a hermit with your obsession you will be fine. Actually, as you think about the changes you have made to your life I suspect you will how much better you do now than when you were a teen.

I've posted further down that I wouldn't change my AS to be normal for anything. I now consider it a real blessing. Now that I understand what is going on, I can really be thankful to God for what I've had to learn to be social in this world. I'm finding my emotions that had a hard time coming out, are being expressed. But since negative feelings are muted, I can really enjoy each experience be it just the taste of food, or going to a weekend personal growth workshop where I knew not a soul. It was a great weekend.

You didn't mention any obsessions? Do you have any?

 

[Mark Andrew]

Hi dayhiker

Thanks so much for your reply. it's highly reassuring that pretty much everything you say I can relate to and like you, I wouldn't change the way I am at all; it is part of being a unique human being, put together by God with purpose and for a purpose. It has been a question over the years of just doing what was right in order to come out of my own world which I used to live in as a child and teen and try to relate to others. I have learned social skills and certain lines of conversation which gets me by on occasions. Occassionally I meeet someone socially and just like anyone else there is tru rapport and connection but it isn't easy and I often find socially I'm having to choose what to do and how to be as opposed to it being a natural thing. while thinking about how to reply to you, it occurred to me that I still feel a little awkward and apprehensive about showing up at church every Sunday and walking into a situation where nothing is set in stone with regards to who I will talk to and what about. It is quite a large church and a social whirl for many people there and it is costly. if I had my natural way I would turn up right at the start of the service and go home immediately after, but I have a sociable wife which is really good for me as it means I cannot run away easily! Now the thing is we have been going to this church for 20 years now, so this leads me to think that there is an issue; we are not newcommers any longer! It is interesting that if I am off to another church preaching or leading a service which I do quite a bit, then, although naturally a little apprehensive, i am not too bad as I think I have control and people relate to me in a specific way. My wife and i lead a homegroup and that can be difficult as this is a more relationally intimate setting, but it's choice and I know that over the years this has become easier.
You asked about obsessions. Definitely YES! When I look back to my childhood and teens I can see real obsessions about differant things, unrelated. Each one would be important to me for several years and then someting differant would come along: music (I used to be a drummer), aviaition and sailing and boats were the main ones although I wass an obsessed collector too of one or two things and would throw my whole life into whatever was the thing of the moment; usually above relationships. I would tend to 'home' into particular individaulas as well over the years and have always focussed on a very small number of relationships in almost an obsessive way too, although I spent alot of my childhood in a lonely place. Although I still have a tendancy to do this, it is better and I am definitely more balaced. I sometimes buy large numbers of the same item and enjoy storing things away. One recent example was washing up liquid!
Thanks for reading this far and anyone else who has as well and if what I write can be a help to others then that's great!

 

[dayhiker]

Mark,
The obsession things definitely adds to you being AS.
I don't see an obsession as being a bad thing. Its often one of our strengths. I have suggested it other threads here that we try to have several obsessions. people will be more accepting of us if we have several areas of focus. It also helps with conversations, ie we can talk about more than one topic!
If we can made on of our obsession people and communication it can really help us a lot. If our people obsession is an individual, most people don't like a obsessed over because they would feel we are controlling or like we were needy or some other feeling that would drive them away. So I've try to not have all my focus on one person.

Aviation ... I have a friend who is AS and has an aviation obsession. KEWL

 

[Mark Andrew]

Dayhiker,

Thanks again for your response and most helpful. I think I am realising that the whole friendship thing is an issue I have to look at and consider how to make deeper relationships in a more balanced way. It's good to be able to talk to you as the problem is people who know me just can't see it. Maybe speak again later.

 

[BrazilianGenX]

Hi, Dayhiker: Do a google search for online test for aspergers, and you'll find some helpful links that may point you in the right direction.