Divorced! About changing my last name

[ericak101]

Yes! I was young and stupid, puppy love got married He cheated we divorced.. waiting for the God to pick for me this next time around lol! But Long story short.

I am divorced and haven't changed my last name. Im in my mid 20s and Its confusing and embarrassing and im sure some people in my family may wonder why, even though they've never asked.
But the truth is I had a new job while I was going through my divorce, and everybody knows what my name is on paper, we check the time sheet for who works and what time and everyone's last name is exposed.
The reason why I haven't changed my last name is because i'd have to update my job about my name change. My fear has been changing my last name for me means dealing with everyone wondering why, and then knowing ya lil ole me got divorced. I feel like my name change tells a story I don't want to talk about with people I dont even know like that. Plus I may not have this job for long because I am about to graduate from school in 2023 so I hoped to change my name and update it with my new job anyways by then.
I know theres advice out there thats like Don't care what others think. thats easier said then done and a very easy advice to give. but I just dont want to relive the pain and judgement, and be in peoples mouth that already hate on me for no reason as it is. Plus everyone knows im a christian and were judged more strictly even if the mistakes were made when we were unsaved or far from God. I just don't know how to look it at to be honest.
Thank you for listening give your honest input and prayers

 

[tampasteve]

It is just a name. If it causes you more issues and stress to change it, then leave it. There is no scriptural reason to change your name back to your maiden name. It is entirely up to you.

 

[tturt]

Wondering if there's children? Not that I expect an answer but would need to be considered.

 

[Skye1300]

It doesn't matter, do what makes you happy. If it's easier, then keep the last name. My brother's ex wife didn't change her last name till she got remarried. But before she got remarried she had a kid by another man and the kid had my brother's last name. LOL Just something to think about.

 

[TobiaAJoshua]

I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable with. But personally I don't see any reason why you would want to keep your ex's name. That is just me though.

 

[dqhall]

Yes! I was young and stupid, puppy love got married He cheated we divorced.. waiting for the God to pick for me this next time around lol! But Long story short.

I am divorced and haven't changed my last name. Im in my mid 20s and Its confusing and embarrassing and im sure some people in my family may wonder why, even though they've never asked.
But the truth is I had a new job while I was going through my divorce, and everybody knows what my name is on paper, we check the time sheet for who works and what time and everyone's last name is exposed.
The reason why I haven't changed my last name is because i'd have to update my job about my name change. My fear has been changing my last name for me means dealing with everyone wondering why, and then knowing ya lil ole me got divorced. I feel like my name change tells a story I don't want to talk about with people I dont even know like that. Plus I may not have this job for long because I am about to graduate from school in 2023 so I hoped to change my name and update it with my new job anyways by then.
I know theres advice out there thats like Don't care what others think. thats easier said then done and a very easy advice to give. but I just dont want to relive the pain and judgement, and be in peoples mouth that already hate on me for no reason as it is. Plus everyone knows im a christian and were judged more strictly even if the mistakes were made when we were unsaved or far from God. I just don't know how to look it at to be honest.
Thank you for listening give your honest input and prayers

You may hire an attorney to petition the court to change your name legally. You may change your name, if you do not have a criminal record. Afterward you may need to update all your account information as to your name change, similar to a change of address. You may not change your name to do something illegal.

 

[Cormack]

My fear has been changing my last name for me means dealing with everyone wondering why, and then knowing ya lil ole me got divorced.

The best answer is to get married.. again. That way you can change your name into his name, then nobody at work could know that the original surname you had wasn’t your actual surname.

The perfect crime!

 

[Josheb]

Yes! I was young and stupid, puppy love got married He cheated we divorced.. waiting for the God to pick for me this next time around lol! But Long story short.

I am divorced and haven't changed my last name. Im in my mid 20s and Its confusing and embarrassing and im sure some people in my family may wonder why, even though they've never asked.
But the truth is I had a new job while I was going through my divorce, and everybody knows what my name is on paper, we check the time sheet for who works and what time and everyone's last name is exposed.
The reason why I haven't changed my last name is because i'd have to update my job about my name change. My fear has been changing my last name for me means dealing with everyone wondering why, and then knowing ya lil ole me got divorced. I feel like my name change tells a story I don't want to talk about with people I dont even know like that. Plus I may not have this job for long because I am about to graduate from school in 2023 so I hoped to change my name and update it with my new job anyways by then.
I know theres advice out there thats like Don't care what others think. thats easier said then done and a very easy advice to give. but I just dont want to relive the pain and judgement, and be in peoples mouth that already hate on me for no reason as it is. Plus everyone knows im a christian and were judged more strictly even if the mistakes were made when we were unsaved or far from God. I just don't know how to look it at to be honest.
Thank you for listening give your honest input and prayers

Here is some advice from a professional Christian counselor whose practice is predominantly marriage counseling and trauma counseling:

WORK to be a better person. Do it with God in submission to God. Study what it takes to be a healthy person in relationship because it takes two healthy people to form and build a healthy thriving marriage.

Work to be a person who recognizes healthy others. Engage the healthy. Walk away from the unhealthy.

Read. There are many books written about forming healthy sustaining marriages and many of them are written by Christians. Most, however are not worth reading. Many are, but most are not. I know because I have read scores of them and have spent many years building a healthy marriage and helping others do the same..... sometimes helping those who experienced prior failure build redemptively.

Because God is all about redemption .

Here are some of the best:

• "Letters to Philip" by Charlie Shedd
• "Boundaries," and "Boundaries in Marriage" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
  
• "Boundaries Face to Face" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
• "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman
• "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman
• "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters" by Willard Harley
• "The Meaning of Marriage" by Timothy Keller
• "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass
• "Choosing Forgiveness" by June Hunt

That will keep anyone busy, and if read AND applied will go a long way in preventing you from coming to see someone like me professionally.

Fifteen or twenty dollars a book for ten or twelve books.

One hundred dollars an hour once a week for a year or two.

You choose.


Become the person you want be, the one someone would want to marry, the one God wants you to be.

Become the person that will let the guy who cannot live without catch you .

 

[1watchman]

Many thoughts shared here! I suggest that at your age you might be mature enough now to find a GOOD husband this time; and I suggest you attend a sound Bible-only type Church to meet a true "born again" saint who who is about your age, and you KNOW his background. If you just take one at his word, you can be deceived; so check with others you truly have confidence in about him. This will give you a new name for your future! If you are a true "born again" saint as John 3; John 14; John 17; Romans 8; etc. then you can ask our Lord Jesus to lead you and not let you go astray --He never fails those who truly trust Him.

 

[JAM2b]

When I divorced I did not change my name back. It seemed like too much of a hassle. I had kids with the same last name. I also came from a bad family and didn't want to be associated with my own family anymore.

As someone who has been divorced for a long time, fewer people care about that than you might think. It is so common now. Sometimes I run across a nosy person, but I just keep my answers brief.

It really is a personal choice. Go with whichever one gives you the most peace.