Divorce? Prayers Needed

[LoveConquers]

Hello all. I joined this site yesterday and after seeing some of the other posts, I decided to reach out myself.

Right now I am miserable being married to my husband and I think I want a divorce. However I am in turmoil because I know that God does not like divorce and that it would be a sin. In addition, I feel so strongly that I do not want to remain married to him, but I am also scared I will regret it in the end.

My husband is an overall good guy and a great father to our two children. He is also a great friend to me. But we are not in love - at least, I know I am not and I dont think he is either. I am 30 years old and have been with him since I was 15. There were many times that he would cheat on me and I would always take him back - I think I just felt that after so many years, he was all I knew and that we were supposed to be together. Prior to marrying him (married almost 8 years), I remember being in church and feeling that God was telling me not to do it. But I made the decision then to override that feeling and just move forward anyway. Again, he was all I knew and I was afraid of being without him. I knew then that I was not in love but I did love him and - looking back on it now - realize that I was emotionally dependent on him. So I married him even though my spirit kept telling me it was not the right move.

I am not happy being in a marriage where I am not in love. I am only 30 and feel that the rest of my life shouldnt be like this. I am to the point where I hate when he even touches me and have to force myself not to cringe. When performing my wifely duties I feel more like I am being raped because I hate being with him in that way. The idea of trying to date and be romantic and make it work doesnt interest me at all..I just want to hang out with him as a friend and anything more makes uncomfortable. And it does break my heart that I feel this way because I dont feel he deserves it but I cant help the way I feel even though I've prayed about it for years.

In the beginning of the marriage he wanted children and I didnt. I remember I kept putting it off because I kept feeling that we probably wouldnt last long. We did begin having some problems in 2009 and went to counseling. It did provide a short term fix and I decided to put my all into the marriage, to include agreeing to start a family. We had a set of twins and things were good for a while but for the last 2 years, I've been back to where I was before. Unhappy, unfulfilled, and wondering if this is the path I should be on.

I understand that the only acceptable reason to divorce is adultry. I have no proof of recent adultery by my husband but I am about 80% sure that it IS happening. I have just honestly not cared enough to look into it or try to find out. Now I am wondering if I should - should I find proof so that I can divorce, or is that wrong? I am pretty sure the communications go on through his facebook account. Would it be wrong to look into his messages for confirmation? Or should I just continue to wait until God brings it to me? I dont know if this is a situation where I should "turn it all over to God and just wait on His timing," or if it is a situation where I should find the proof because "faith without works is dead."

To further complicate things, I have a fear of being alone. I have realized that I have remained in this relationship for so long because I have subconsciously chosen this over being alone. Now I feel stuck because I now know that divorce is frowned upon and because I am not 100% sure that leaving would be best for my children. I worry that I will damage them by taking them from their father. At the same time, I worry I will damage them by having them growing up in a home where their parents arent in love and will possibly come to resent each other.

There are just so many things going through my mind and I am so confused and at a breaking point in needing to know how to proceed. I have been praying, working on increasing my faith, and trying to be patient but I have to confess I still feel broken and it just hurts so bad...I hurt because I am not happy and I hurt because I feel like I am hurting him. At this point I do not regret marrying him - we have had some great times and the marriage produced the two little people that are most important to me. But I wonder if my feelings are normal and I should just continue to be patient or if God is telling me there is something better for me.

Please pray for me that I am able to discern what the Holy Spirit is guiding me to do.

And I apologize if this thread is a little confusing...I'm just typing from the heart and right now its all over the place...

 

[Autumnleaf]

If you resent him then things will never be good. They will never get a fair chance to be.

Every situation has many different perspectives to it. Many ways are positive and many ways are negative. Its what we focus on that determines whether the situation is good or bad. You have chosen to focus in such a way that is poisonous to you and your marriage.

“… What about the main thing in life, all its riddles? If you want, I'll spell it out for you right now. Do not pursue what is illusionary -property and position: all that is gained at the expense of your nerves decade after decade, and is confiscated in one fell night. Live with a steady superiority over life -don't be afraid of misfortune, and do not yearn for happiness; it is, after all, all the same: the bitter doesn't last forever, and the sweet never fills the cup to overflowing. It is enough if you don't freeze in the cold and if thirst and hunger don't claw at your insides. If your back isn't broken, if your feet can walk, if both arms can bend, if both eyes can see, if both ears hear, then whom should you envy? And why? Our envy of others devours us most of all. Rub your eyes and purify your heart -and prize above all else in the world those who love you and who wish you well. Do not hurt them or scold them, and never part from any of them in anger; after all, you simply do not know: it may be your last act before your arrest, and that will be how you are imprinted on their memory.”
― Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago: 1918-1956

 

[Hetta]

You certainly have grounds for divorce, given that he has committed adultery - it doesn't matter how "recent" that adultery is, and so far as I know you don't need "proof". However, I would suggest that you get into counseling for your self. While I agree that there should be happiness in marriage - otherwise, why bother getting married in the first place? - but you can't look to another person to give you all of your happiness. Much of that should be within you and be a part of your faith.

I don't think that God EVER would be telling you that there is "something better." There's no scripture for that.

Really, look into counseling, get back into a church, and find a study group where you can build on your faith. When you have some backbone rebuilt, that would be a good time to calmly talk to your husband and carry out some kind of mutual assessment of your marriage. If he is cheating, he can make a choice to stop and rebuild your marriage, or face the possibility of divorce. So far as divorce - everyone loses. Except for where abuse, neglect or adultery muddies the waters, nobody gains from a divorce.

Really, work on yourself before you quit.

Oh, and if you have serious concerns about him committing adultery, get yourself checked for any diseases, and if I were you, I would not be having sex with him unless he wore some protection. It's too much of a risk to take.

 

[Hetta]

Also, a good place for you to start reading right now is in the Psalms. In your position, I would get really familiar with that section of the Bible. Many of the Psalms are a cry to God for help and understanding. I feel that you might identify with that.

 

[LoveConquers]

Thank you for the quote Autumn
Hetta - I am looking for a counselor now because even in typing what I was feeling, it was dawning on me that I needed help first. And I'll start looking at Psalms right now...

 

[Hetta]

Thank you for the quote Autumn
Hetta - I am looking for a counselor now because even in typing what I was feeling, it was dawning on me that I needed help first. And I'll start looking at Psalms right now...

Yes!! I'm glad that you were getting that message too.

 

[cerette]

Agreeing with Hetta, you need to get help for yourself first, before you make any big decisions. Maybe things will feel/be different after you have got yourself together more. I sense a lot of "emotional baggage" that needs to be dealt with--for your own sake (so you can feel better and enjoy your life more).
Also, I don't like the idea of "baiting" divorce to happen. Sin is not only our actions, but very much also what comes from our hearts.
I am sorry to hear you don't have a good relationship with your husband, but I dare say that I think that no matter who you are with, the initial crush and romance will fade away. Please don't take your kids' much-needed-family away from them without being 111000% sure that's the only way to go. Think twice, thrice, a million times, before you make that decision.
May God bless you all and keep you. Please work on yourself first.

 

[~Anastasia~]

I think Hetta's advice was good.

As far as the "pro" side, you mention that he's a good father, and he is a good friend to you. Also, you recognize that it can seriously hurt your children if you divorce.

On the "con" side, if he has committed adultery, that is breaking of the marriage trust. Hetta may be right, but there is something in my mind (I may be wrong) that I'm remembering that if the adultery was long ago and you have since had marital relations with him, that may constitute renewal of your covenant with him and it may not be grounds. I AM NOT SURE where that is coming from. It may be something I was wrongly taught, so I'm not going to try to defend it. Just find out for sure.

As far as saying you love him but aren't "in love" with him, that is actually a common complaint, and can be resolved. You need to know what the root problems are, and from what you say it sounds like you have figured out where you are, that he has committed adultery at some point and you need to work on yourself. I would go through counseling, and then look at this again later when you are in a better frame of mind to evaluate.

One thing I wouldn't like to recommend is that you look for proof of adultery so that you have grounds for divorce. Something in that doesn't sound right to me. If he is committing adultery, you DO have a right to know, and you DO have a right to work through it to your satisfaction. It's just the particular reason why that you may regret later if you pursue it in that way.

And you have a good point that your kids may not be served by growing up in a dysfunctional home. I know you can feel that for them it's like - you're wrong if you do and you're wrong if you don't. That's a hard place to be in, especially since our kids are so important to us. I pray wisdom for you in knowing what is best for their sakes as well.

It is entirely possible that you can work through this, restore the marriage from the adultery, and build a strong relationship with him. Just given the details that you've shared here. I'm not saying that's what you should do, but I think it's possible and if there aren't other factors involved when you get to the point of making that decision, it is the Biblical thing to do. But I may not know the whole story.

One thing that concerns me is that you said you feel as though you are being raped when you have marital relations. (Been there, done that.) If you feel that way, I am REALLY concerned that you are causing ongoing damage to yourself, and the relationship. If you shuffle that aside until after you go through counseling, the damage caused in the meantime may be difficult or impossible to repair. On the other hand, if your husband doesn't know what's going on, he's not going to be likely to agree to stop relations. I think this part requires wise handling. I hope you find a counselor you can trust, who can help you with this part RIGHT AWAY. I don't know the answer - I just recognize a problem.

My prayers are with you!

 

[LoveConquers]

On the "con" side, if he has committed adultery, that is breaking of the marriage trust. Hetta may be right, but there is something in my mind (I may be wrong) that I'm remembering that if the adultery was long ago and you have since had marital relations with him, that may constitute renewal of your covenant with him and it may not be grounds. I AM NOT SURE where that is coming from. It may be something I was wrongly taught, so I'm not going to try to defend it. Just find out for sure.

I recall hearing this same thing which is why I was under the impression that it could not be grounds for divorce.

One thing I wouldn't like to recommend is that you look for proof of adultery so that you have grounds for divorce. Something in that doesn't sound right to me. If he is committing adultery, you DO have a right to know, and you DO have a right to work through it to your satisfaction. It's just the particular reason why that you may regret later if you pursue it in that way.

Agreed - I feel like this would be manipulating the situation but was not 100% sure...it doesnt feel right but at the same time I was thinking maybe the information was there for a reason...I dont know...that's probably me trying to force what I want as opposed to the will of God...

One thing that concerns me is that you said you feel as though you are being raped when you have marital relations. (Been there, done that.) If you feel that way, I am REALLY concerned that you are causing ongoing damage to yourself, and the relationship. If you shuffle that aside until after you go through counseling, the damage caused in the meantime may be difficult or impossible to repair. On the other hand, if your husband doesn't know what's going on, he's not going to be likely to agree to stop relations. I think this part requires wise handling. I hope you find a counselor you can trust, who can help you with this part RIGHT AWAY. I don't know the answer - I just recognize a problem.

Yes, I feel horrible every time he touches me and especially during sex. I have never expressed this to him because I know it would crush his feelings and ego but I do feel like everytime I engage in relations with him I am dying a little inside...

 

[~Anastasia~]

Agreed - I feel like this would be manipulating the situation but was not 100% sure...it doesnt feel right but at the same time I was thinking maybe the information was there for a reason...I dont know...that's probably me trying to force what I want as opposed to the will of God...


Yes, I feel horrible every time he touches me and especially during sex. I have never expressed this to him because I know it would crush his feelings and ego but I do feel like everytime I engage in relations with him I am dying a little inside...

Don't beat yourself about wondering if you should get "evidence". You weren't sure, so you asked advice of others - it shows wisdom to seek counsel when you aren't sure. Don't beat yourself up for a thought you had that you didn't follow through on.

But I am so sorry for how you feel as far as the other. I so wish I had an answer for you. I really do. I pray you get wisdom for how to handle it, because I see that as VERY important for your sake.

Praying for you.

 

[JCLover779]

I can't take long to respond right now, but I will try to get back to you later.

Very short version - I see some positives in your post and it seems like your marriage is at least fixable to the point that you can be content with where you are. It is very easy for us to think something different will be better - even when we think about all the bad things that might happen, we still see those things with rose-colored glasses - compared to seeing what we have now for what it is.
I don't think I would go *looking* for evidence at this point. I think that sets up your mind to act in a way that does bring about exactly what you are looking for. Instead I would pray and ask that God reveal things to you as He sees fit.
If you look back through my posts - especially the very first ones - you will see that you and I have a lot in common and I have written many of the same things that you have.

 

[LoveConquers]

Thank you all, I really appreciate you taking the time out to reply and offer advice. Coming to these posts has lifted my spirits and given me hope that I will receive some clarity soon.
Also - I have my first counseling session tomorrow and I am actually really looking forward to it!

 

[Hetta]

Thank you all, I really appreciate you taking the time out to reply and offer advice. Coming to these posts has lifted my spirits and given me hope that I will receive some clarity soon.
Also - I have my first counseling session tomorrow and I am actually really looking forward to it!

I will pray for your counseling session. Don't expect too much from the first one, okay! You just have to keep plugging away at it. But go in with an open mind and lots of prayer, and I pray that you receive healing.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Praying!!!

 

[Avniel]

While I will certainly say I appreciate someone actually thinking about how the divorce will affect their children, to many times people get divorces and only thing of themselves not how it is going to affect every party.

Since your question is to divorce or not, I will say no. Mainly for the children which you say he is a good father. Based on that and the fact you said a divorce would damage the children I wouldn't.

However I would recommend some marriage counseling and more open communication. If he is cheating that is a reason for divorce, the reality is I feel adultery and abuse are valid reasons to leave a marriage.

It is my opinion that love is a choice. If you both don't love each other I think you have a responsibility to the children to find out why that choice is not being made on both sides. What is the marriage lacking that cause it to be void of love?

I will be praying for your family.

 

[anyathesword]

Hello all. I joined this site yesterday and after seeing some of the other posts, I decided to reach out myself.

Right now I am miserable being married to my husband and I think I want a divorce. However I am in turmoil because I know that God does not like divorce and that it would be a sin. In addition, I feel so strongly that I do not want to remain married to him, but I am also scared I will regret it in the end.

My husband is an overall good guy and a great father to our two children. He is also a great friend to me. But we are not in love - at least, I know I am not and I dont think he is either. I am 30 years old and have been with him since I was 15. There were many times that he would cheat on me and I would always take him back - I think I just felt that after so many years, he was all I knew and that we were supposed to be together. Prior to marrying him (married almost 8 years), I remember being in church and feeling that God was telling me not to do it. But I made the decision then to override that feeling and just move forward anyway. Again, he was all I knew and I was afraid of being without him. I knew then that I was not in love but I did love him and - looking back on it now - realize that I was emotionally dependent on him. So I married him even though my spirit kept telling me it was not the right move.

I am not happy being in a marriage where I am not in love. I am only 30 and feel that the rest of my life shouldnt be like this. I am to the point where I hate when he even touches me and have to force myself not to cringe. When performing my wifely duties I feel more like I am being raped because I hate being with him in that way. The idea of trying to date and be romantic and make it work doesnt interest me at all..I just want to hang out with him as a friend and anything more makes uncomfortable. And it does break my heart that I feel this way because I dont feel he deserves it but I cant help the way I feel even though I've prayed about it for years.

In the beginning of the marriage he wanted children and I didnt. I remember I kept putting it off because I kept feeling that we probably wouldnt last long. We did begin having some problems in 2009 and went to counseling. It did provide a short term fix and I decided to put my all into the marriage, to include agreeing to start a family. We had a set of twins and things were good for a while but for the last 2 years, I've been back to where I was before. Unhappy, unfulfilled, and wondering if this is the path I should be on.

I understand that the only acceptable reason to divorce is adultry. I have no proof of recent adultery by my husband but I am about 80% sure that it IS happening. I have just honestly not cared enough to look into it or try to find out. Now I am wondering if I should - should I find proof so that I can divorce, or is that wrong? I am pretty sure the communications go on through his facebook account. Would it be wrong to look into his messages for confirmation? Or should I just continue to wait until God brings it to me? I dont know if this is a situation where I should "turn it all over to God and just wait on His timing," or if it is a situation where I should find the proof because "faith without works is dead."

To further complicate things, I have a fear of being alone. I have realized that I have remained in this relationship for so long because I have subconsciously chosen this over being alone. Now I feel stuck because I now know that divorce is frowned upon and because I am not 100% sure that leaving would be best for my children. I worry that I will damage them by taking them from their father. At the same time, I worry I will damage them by having them growing up in a home where their parents arent in love and will possibly come to resent each other.

There are just so many things going through my mind and I am so confused and at a breaking point in needing to know how to proceed. I have been praying, working on increasing my faith, and trying to be patient but I have to confess I still feel broken and it just hurts so bad...I hurt because I am not happy and I hurt because I feel like I am hurting him. At this point I do not regret marrying him - we have had some great times and the marriage produced the two little people that are most important to me. But I wonder if my feelings are normal and I should just continue to be patient or if God is telling me there is something better for me.

Please pray for me that I am able to discern what the Holy Spirit is guiding me to do.

And I apologize if this thread is a little confusing...I'm just typing from the heart and right now its all over the place...

Wow you are right! Our situation is very similar!! And we also had twins!!!

I don't have advice either.

Except that my hubby says to me, "If you only see me as a friend, then we don't need to be together. I am more than a friend to you."

I am so happy that you are able to find help.

God bless you and your husband!

 

[LoveConquers]

Good Morning All,

So in addition to the marital challenges we are facing, I am now asking for your prayers again. A few days ago my husband found out he did not get a promotion he felt he well-deserved (he is in the military so these things are not always cut and dry). To add to the blow, he received a call from his sister this morning - his mother has been admitted to the hospital last night after being found passed out on the floor of their home - they think she had a possible stroke but her condition is not clear as they are still running tests.

Please pray for my husband and his family - I am working to be the wife I need to be in these difficult times but I would also ask for your prayers that we have the faith and patience to know He will guide us through it all. Sometimes its hard to continue to believe but I know its a necessity...I'm a work in progress...

 

[LinkH]

You said you'd been together since you were 15, you got married 8 years ago, that he'd cheated on you, and you had not real evidence of recent adultery but believed it was going on.

What does 'cheated' mean? Did he date a second girl in high school, or do you know for a fact that he had sex with a woman after you got married? What makes you so sure he has another woman or women? Is it just a feeling? Is there no evidence at all? When you say you think he is committing adultery, do you mean you think he is having sex with other women, or sending them Facebook posts?

My advice would be not to get a divorce based on internet forum posts that only respond to your side of the story and don't hear your husbands. If he were innocent, and you were just convinced that he committed adultery and said he had, you may find half a dozen posters telling you confidently that you can get a divorce.

Here are some verses on divorce:

Matthew 5
31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Matthew 19
7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

You'll notice that no scripture in the New Testament specifies 'adultery' as grounds for divorce. This passage does mention 'fornication' (porneia) in the 'exception clause' regarding a man who gives a writing of divorcement to his wife.

I Corinthians 7
10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

and Romans 7
2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.
3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.


There have been married couples who have lost feelings for each other who have rekindled the flame. It is possible. Also, if you didn't have peace about marrying him and you did, that doesn't mean you aren't married. If a woman knows God doesn't want her to have premarital sex and even senses the Spirit warn her against, does it anyway, gets pregnant, and has a baby, if she repents, that doesn't mean she kills the baby. And if you get married when it wasn't the right choice, that doesn't mean you aren't married.

 

[LoveConquers]

You said you'd been together since you were 15, you got married 8 years ago, that he'd cheated on you, and you had not real evidence of recent adultery but believed it was going on.

What does 'cheated' mean? Did he date a second girl in high school, or do you know for a fact that he had sex with a woman after you got married? What makes you so sure he has another woman or women? Is it just a feeling? Is there no evidence at all? When you say you think he is committing adultery, do you mean you think he is having sex with other women, or sending them Facebook posts?

My advice would be not to get a divorce based on internet forum posts that only respond to your side of the story and don't hear your husbands. If he were innocent, and you were just convinced that he committed adultery and said he had, you may find half a dozen posters telling you confidently that you can get a divorce.

Here are some verses on divorce:

Matthew 5
31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Matthew 19
7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

You'll notice that no scripture in the New Testament specifies 'adultery' as grounds for divorce. This passage does mention 'fornication' (porneia) in the 'exception clause' regarding a man who gives a writing of divorcement to his wife.

I Corinthians 7
10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

and Romans 7
2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.
3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.


There have been married couples who have lost feelings for each other who have rekindled the flame. It is possible. Also, if you didn't have peace about marrying him and you did, that doesn't mean you aren't married. If a woman knows God doesn't want her to have premarital sex and even senses the Spirit warn her against, does it anyway, gets pregnant, and has a baby, if she repents, that doesn't mean she kills the baby. And if you get married when it wasn't the right choice, that doesn't mean you aren't married.

Thank you for your advice and sharing scriptures related to marriage...

Yes, I do know for a fact that he had sex with other women to include long-term "emotional" relationships as well. He has admitted these after the women told me (one he met during deployment in Iraq and carried on a relationship for at least 1.5 years, which included our engagement and the beginning of our marriage but I was unaware at the time).

Recently what I have seen is him sending a message to one of the teachers at my kids daycare to let him know that he was "on his way to her house." I dont know how else to take that...why would they communicate on her personal cell phone and why would he be going to her house? I have yet to confront him though...just trying to figure out how to handle this based on what he says...
I have also seen additional texts of him flirting with a woman that he works with...nothing as outright as saying he was meeting her, but the texts were sexual in nature and very inappropriate.

True, you have not heard his side of things - and in terms of the recent transgressions, neither have I. I am not asking for anyone to 'take my side' or condemn him. I was just seeking advice and more than anything, prayer that I can confidently make the right decisions for myself and my children.

 

[Hetta]

Thank you for your advice and sharing scriptures related to marriage...

Yes, I do know for a fact that he had sex with other women to include long-term "emotional" relationships as well. He has admitted these after the women told me (one he met during deployment in Iraq and carried on a relationship for at least 1.5 years, which included our engagement and the beginning of our marriage but I was unaware at the time).

Recently what I have seen is him sending a message to one of the teachers at my kids daycare to let him know that he was "on his way to her house." I dont know how else to take that...why would they communicate on her personal cell phone and why would he be going to her house? I have yet to confront him though...just trying to figure out how to handle this based on what he says...
I have also seen additional texts of him flirting with a woman that he works with...nothing as outright as saying he was meeting her, but the texts were sexual in nature and very inappropriate.

True, you have not heard his side of things - and in terms of the recent transgressions, neither have I. I am not asking for anyone to 'take my side' or condemn him. I was just seeking advice and more than anything, prayer that I can confidently make the right decisions for myself and my children.

I'm so sorry that he is making these decisions to flirt and engage with other women. I'm sorry but if my husband sent a woman a text that he was going to her house, I would need to confront him immediately. I would also talk to her - and to the manager of the daycare if it became clear that there was something going on.

It seems to me that he learned nothing from being found out in the past in regards to adultery, and that it is up to you to make it clear to him that these behaviors need to stop.

How is your counseling going?