Divorce and remarriage

[Red blue]

My spouse and I are getting a divorce because he no longer wants to stay in the marriage. Unfortunately In the early stages of our separation I fell into adultery, repented because I knew it was wrong because I am still legally married, and am no longer seeing this person. I know divorce is allowed if one has been abandoned by their unbelieving spouse and they are free to marry again, but since I did commit adultery during separation am I no longer allowed to remarry in the future after the divorce?

 

[Grafted In]

Seems as though there as many scriptural "understandings" regarding divorce and remarriage as there are believers.
In the end you will do what you want.

 

[DZoolander]

Meh, everyone has different opinions on this based upon their cherry picked scriptures.

I agree with the previous poster. In the end you will do what you want to do...and ya know...it's ok.

 

[evoeth]

...since I did commit adultery during separation am I no longer allowed to remarry in the future after the divorce?

Your marriage is your contract. Not my marriage, not my contract. So none of us can tell you how you should feel about it or what to do afterward.

But personally, I wouldn't worry about it. Live your life.

 

[Gwen-is-new!]

Christians consider marriage a "covenant" not a "contract".. We aren't lax about "living our life" because we aren't on our own throne, our Lord is. Most want to be told "well done" when we see Jesus face to face when we die.... Just sayin' this being a Christian forum and all.

 

[mikesayen]

My spouse and I are getting a divorce because he no longer wants to stay in the marriage. Unfortunately In the early stages of our separation I fell into adultery, repented because I knew it was wrong because I am still legally married, and am no longer seeing this person. I know divorce is allowed if one has been abandoned by their unbelieving spouse and they are free to marry again, but since I did commit adultery during separation am I no longer allowed to remarry in the future after the divorce?

Let me first correct the teaching that anyone is "free to marry again" if they are divorced or abandoned by an "unbeliever". This is a huge myth. Paul said that the believer is "not under-bondage". Paul was referring to the lawful requirement of staying married if no fornication was made. Paul was allowing the believer, contrary to the Law of Moses, Jesus' teachings and Paul's former teaching (1 Cor. 7:12-13) of commanding the believer not to divorce! You have already committed adultery in your marriage. Thus, if he divorces you the former marriage covenant has become obsolete according to Moses' law in Deut. 24:1. But, it sounds like you might be able to repair the marriage if you submit to him and become obedient to his words. When a wife so respects her husband, usually a man will not divorce his wife unless he has his eyes on another.

This is just my advice.

 

[Grafted In]

One thing stands in your way: If you remarry you close the door to reconciliation.
That, I believe, is God's best in every marraige.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

One thing stands in your way: If you remarry you close the door to reconciliation.
That, I believe, is God's best in every marraige.

Sometimes reconciliation just isn't possible or desirable.

 

[Grafted In]

All things are possible with God, and who's desire are you referring to?
Can you honestly say that He ever desires for a couple to divorce?
Are you certain that you are not referring to the desire to toss a husband/wife aside because another pleases the flesh?
Aren"t all divorces about the lusts of the flesh?

 

[Grafted In]

Your marriage is your contract. Not my marriage, not my contract. So none of us can tell you how you should feel about it or what to do afterward.

But personally, I wouldn't worry about it. Live your life.

When someone asks for advice we owe it to them to tell them the Truth.
Clearly in this situation you would not be sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

All things are possible with God, and who's desire are you referring to?
Can you honestly say that He ever desires for a couple to divorce?
Are you certain that you are not referring to the desire to toss a husband/wife aside because another pleases the flesh?
Aren"t all divorces about the lusts of the flesh?

I would think someone would understand the idea of the covenant between the married couple. Ephesians 5 lays out the covenant for marriage, right?

"tossing a husband/wife aside"...that's really not what happens in most divorces.

"aren't all divorces about lusts of the flesh?" No, they are not.

Time to open your eyes to what the various causes of divorce are.

Full disclosure: I've been married almost 20 years and have had biblical grounds for divorce (adultery, addiction, domestic violence). I CHOSE not to divorce. However, what I chose is not what others would chose.

 

[Grafted In]

I would think someone would understand the idea of the covenant between the married couple. Ephesians 5 lays out the covenant for marriage, right?

"tossing a husband/wife aside"...that's really not what happens in most divorces.

"aren't all divorces about lusts of the flesh?" No, they are not.

Time to open your eyes to what the various causes of divorce are.

Full disclosure: I've been married almost 20 years and have had biblical grounds for divorce (adultery, addiction, domestic violence). I CHOSE not to divorce. However, what I chose is not what others would chose.

In my opinion, none of the grounds for divorce you sited are Biblical.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

As is always the case the answers are mixed and I'll throw out mine too... there are never grounds for divorce.

 

[OcifferPls]

All things are possible with God, and who's desire are you referring to?
Can you honestly say that He ever desires for a couple to divorce?
Are you certain that you are not referring to the desire to toss a husband/wife aside because another pleases the flesh?
Aren"t all divorces about the lusts of the flesh?

As a divorcee all I have to say is, Abraham was instructed to separate from Hagar. Paul even interpreted this as having some prophetic/theological significance w.r.t. covenants, so one way to look at it is that he may not have had much of a choice. "Let not man separate..." still applies even though the gospel does not say that God cannot or does not separate. This is something I think is way too overlooked by most churches that seem dead centered in choosing the most strict of all possibilities.

As for me, I could not possibly be reconciled to my ex. It would end in separation unless I compromised my beliefs, which would go against my conscience and faith in God. But if I am the only male of my family left to carry on the family name, does it sound appropriate that a failed marriage is enough reason to end an entire family line? Is that something God did or would instruct? Maybe only according to churches who choose the strictest of all possibilities. If the truth is that it could very well be God's will for me to remarry someone else, then I may just have to wander outside of those churches like Abraham as well, and suddenly, Paul's allusion to separating from the "bondwoman" takes on new relevance for my life.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

In my opinion, none of the grounds for divorce you sited are Biblical.

Well, I could tell you what I think of opinions, but in the absence of any real theological argument against what I said, I'll thank you for your opinion and give it all the consideration it deserves.

 

[Grafted In]

As for me, I could not possibly be reconciled to my ex. It would end in separation unless I compromised my beliefs, which would go against my conscience and faith in God. But if I am the only male of my family left to carry on the family name, does it sound appropriate that a failed marriage is enough

Since by choice you opened your situation as reason, so elaborate,please.

 

[Paidiske]

Hey, RPD, welcome back! Good to see you.

On topic: I think you could remarry if you wanted to, OP. It's up to you to work out if that is your best option, though.

 

[Grafted In]

As a divorcee all I have to say is, Abraham was instructed to separate from Hagar. Paul even interpreted this as having some prophetic/theological significance w.r.t. covenants, so one way to look at it is that he may not have had much of a choice. "Let not man separate..." still applies even though the gospel does not say that God cannot or does not separate. This is something I think is way too overlooked by most churches that seem dead centered in choosing the most strict of all possibilities.

As for me, I could not possibly be reconciled to my ex. It would end in separation unless I compromised my beliefs, which would go against my conscience and faith in God. But if I am the only male of my family left to carry on the family name, does it sound appropriate that a failed marriage is enough reason to end an entire family line? Is that something God did or would instruct? Maybe only according to churches who choose the strictest of all possibilities. If the truth is that it could very well be God's will for me to remarry someone else, then I may just have to wander outside of those churches like Abraham as well, and suddenly, Paul's allusion to separating from the "bondwoman" takes on new relevance for my life.

Go for it. Perhaps you may find the loophole I so diligently sought. And there's no shortage of churches and pastors out there willng to tickle your ears.

 

[OcifferPls]

Since by choice you opened your situation as reason, so elaborate,please.

I don't know what this means.

Go for it. Perhaps you may find the loophole I so diligently sought. And there's no shortage of churches and pastors out there willng to tickle your ears.

How presumptuous of you. Have you ever considered the possibility that the most strict of all answers is something you wanted to hear?

 

[Grafted In]

You may be right. Perhaps I'm not being honest with myself...or with you, for that matter.
A pastor told me early on that my actions would determine whether or not I'd be around to watch my kids grow up.

Here is the part of your post that I was eluding to...what you responded to with "I don't know what this means".
Are you willing to share why you wrote it? it leaves far too much to speculation.

"As for me, I could not possibly be reconciled to my ex. It would end in separation unless I compromised my beliefs, which would go against my conscience and faith in God. But if I am the only male of my family left to carry on the family name, does it sound appropriate that a failed marriage is enough reason to end an entire family line? Is that something God did or would instruct? " Your quote.