Distressed and need HELP Please!

[JT912]

I met my girlfriend about 6 months ago and things were really fine til I went to Texas from Denver to meet her in person. On the phone we had awesome interaction with each other but when I went down there it was all so different. The culture, the people, etc. We have nothing in common but love each other and I am laid back but she has a dominant & aggresive personality. She told me she did but I was stubborn and just didn't know how different Texas was. Long story short we made a mistake and had sex now everything is jacked up, I was a virgin prior to that. Tonight we broke up cuz we felt that I need to pursue her now if I truly want her as my wife. I love her dearly but I lean more towards not pursuing her, I never give up on anything and am still willing to fight but it doesn't look promising right now. Any prayerful advice?

Ps. I love responses thats awesome, but especially from people who feels the Holy Spirit saying something than please share what God is saying.

 

[Johnnz]

Different 'cultural values' can become either a constant source if irritation and conflict, or something that makes the relationship alive and challenging. That needs evaluating.

Being able to enjoy each other is fine, but marriage requires more than just that. Good friends enjoy each other.

Sex? Seems that was an unexpected curve ball - or was it? Whose values prevailed and why?

John
NZ

 

[lenaj]

Tonight we broke up cuz we felt that I need to pursue her now if I truly want her as my wife.

First off I'm am sorry for the sadness this seems to bring you.
My question is were you not pursuing her before? And how will pursuing her change the fact you two have what seems to be major personality conflicts?

 

[Markus6]

Why do you love her?

 

[peanutbutter12]

Here is the axiom about online dating... this happens a lot more than you would think. A couple can connect over the internet and on the phone, but when it comes to the face to face encounter, they sit there twiddling their thumbs as they begin to find the differences compared to what they expected. That in and of itself is not uncommon at all and happens quite a bit. Personality and culture clashes are always expected when you get out of the personal realm of private chats or talking on a phone.

My question is, why would she make you pursue her? Love and marriage is a two way street where you meet half way. If she refuses to do so, you will be putting yourself in the way of more trouble than it's worth. She obviously isn't interested enough in you to make that half way mark, so I would say it's time to move on. Yes, you made a mistake, but do you want to make a whole lot more of them or ask forgiveness for the one you already made and move on?

 

[alfrodull]

Getting married just because you had sex is a very, very bad reason in this day and age.

Ask yourself this: how much of it is Texas, and how much of it is your girlfriend? When I first moved to be with my husband, I thought I had made a terrible mistake. I hate the place he's stationed with a passion. As silly and illogical as it seems, I subconsciously had a hard time separating the suckiness of the place itself from my husband at first.

I'm not saying you should try to get back together with your girlfriend if you're obviously not compatible. However, I doubt anyone would move so far away for someone he truly had nothing in common with. Consider...If you were back in Denver (or if you hated Denver, somewhere you enjoy) would you want her?

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I met my girlfriend about 6 months ago and things were really fine til I went to Texas from Denver to meet her in person. On the phone we had awesome interaction with each other but when I went down there it was all so different.

^Doesn't sound good

The culture, the people, etc. We have nothing in common but love each other and I am laid back but she has a dominant & aggresive personality.

^Doesn't sound good

She told me she did but I was stubborn and just didn't know how different Texas was. Long story short we made a mistake and had sex now everything is jacked up,

^This is generally the result of sex outside of marriage

I was a virgin prior to that. Tonight we broke up cuz we felt that I need to pursue her now if I truly want her as my wife. I love her dearly but I lean more towards not pursuing her,

^So don't.

I never give up on anything and am still willing to fight but it doesn't look promising right now. Any prayerful advice?

Ps. I love responses thats awesome, but especially from people who feels the Holy Spirit saying something than please share what God is saying.

I don't see much of a reason to try to keep this relationship.

 

[Tannic]

I met my girlfriend about 6 months ago and things were really fine til I went to Texas from Denver to meet her in person. On the phone we had awesome interaction with each other but when I went down there it was all so different. The culture, the people, etc. We have nothing in common but love each other and I am laid back but she has a dominant & aggresive personality. She told me she did but I was stubborn and just didn't know how different Texas was. Long story short we made a mistake and had sex now everything is jacked up, I was a virgin prior to that. Tonight we broke up cuz we felt that I need to pursue her now if I truly want her as my wife. I love her dearly but I lean more towards not pursuing her, I never give up on anything and am still willing to fight but it doesn't look promising right now. Any prayerful advice?

Ps. I love responses thats awesome, but especially from people who feels the Holy Spirit saying something than please share what God is saying.

Different Culture will be a challenge in this relationship. I can't say whether or not its good to pursue her because I don't know her personally or you. If you love her dearly this is a good but is she someone that you will want to spend the rest of your life with? God is against divorce so you'll have to work things out. You really have to mean "For better or Worst." You also will have to see if she wants you to be her husband and want to spend the rest of her life with you.

I can't tell you to leave her but its up to you on the matter if you want to pursue her. This is a something that is totally up to you. However, I'll say pray and as God about the matter.

 

[Blank123]

i'm not sure i see the problem. things weren't working and you didn't want to put in more effort than she was willing to make things work so you ended it. sounds like a good move to me now just give yourself time to mourn the relationship and really learn and grow from it before persuing something with anyone else.

 

[SiyoNqoba]

I'd be willing to bet that getting to know someone over the internet isn't really getting to know someone at all. If it was, you wouldn't have been so shocked and put off when you met her.

My advice is to move on, and get to know someone in real life before deciding that you love them

 

[faerieevaH]

I met my husband on the internet. *S* We are married nearly three years now, we have a son and I fall in love with him more every single day. However... though we both felt strongly atracted to eachother online and through phone conversations, neither of us would have considered ourselves in a relationship until we had actually met face to face. You need to actually meet a person to see if he/she is the same in reality as the persona you have met online and on the phone. Even if both people strive to be completely honest, sometimes misconceptions do sneak in.

I think a big difference was that both of us were straight up looking for marriage, not for just some dating or just to fall in love, so we started out with all the big things:how do we both see marriage working, how do we feel about children, money issues, values, ways to deal with problems, communication, faith, ideals, cooking... etc. Only when we found ourselves 'compatible' did we allow our emotions to go further.
Yes, it might seem dry to some, but from that compatibility grew an overwhelming love. And that is needed. I left a job that I liked, and moved not just to another country, but to another continent. Talk about culture shock!
I have no regrets. Not for a minute. I love my husband more every single day. BUT... while going through this, I have seen about ninety percent of the relationships of people who met online fail. If your personalities are not compatible... please do not persue this relationship.

 

[SparkyMaddie]

meeting someone after talking on the phone sets you up for reality,i am so sorry you're going through this and hopefully you'll meet a girl more like yourself. pursuing her is up to you i guess but i'd call it quits.

 

[JdwB10]

I agree with what faerieevaH said. IF an online relationship is going to work, there needs to be discussions about the serious aspects of a relationship, especially things that can make or break it; faith, future plans, morals, how important marriage is, etc. And these discussions need to be right in the beginning, before you "fall in love". Personalities are ALWAYS going to differ. My fiancee and I have quite a bit in common as far as interests go, but we have some very different personality traits. Do I love him any less because sometimes he doesn't understand me? Of course not. And he doesn't love me any less because I can tend to be a pessimist. We have very good communication skills, and have LEARNED to understand each other.

It sounds to me like just because there's a bit of disagreeance that you're prepared to leave her. If that's the case, you'll be in and out of relationships your whole life. No matter how perfect a relationship seems to be at first, there will come a time when you will hurt each other. Not intentionally, mind you, but it will happen. You CAN NOT get offened and just leave. Relationships are about fighting through the end. Differences of opinion, having two sides to every situation, will always cause strife. Just because you may not have anything in common, and you FEEL like you shouldn't pursue her, doesn't mean that's the right thing to do. If you claim to ahve truly loved her, just because meeting her in person was awkward, doesn't mean you stop loving her, otherwise it was never love in the first place.

Having sex was the worst thing in this scenario. If things were awkward when you met face to face, why in the world would you have sex? Because now you've invested something that(if you do leave her) was never meant to be hers, and vice versa. I'm not saying stay with her because of that, but it definitely brings more complications than if you hadn't.

I don't know what to tell you, honestly. Your own choices have led you here, and it sounds to me as though you've practically made up your mind any way. My advice is to PRAY AND SEEK GOD'S WILL. Because it may just be that His will is for this relationship to last. And then again, it might not. SO PRAY.