Distress need help please

[fudge24]

Hi
I am a christian and recently come to faith. I have been in a full relationship with a christian man for last year who is in very powerful position at work and in the community. He has a calling to ministry and is applying to go through discernment process. However, he remains married to his wife whom he left 15 years ago to live with someone else, when I met him he did not tell me his relationship status, I assumed he was single. He told me he was married but not with his wife and he needs to make decision whether to be with her or divorce her. He has told me he sees her at weekends and have holidays ...today I discovered he is not with his wife but his partner who he has never left. His vicar is sponsoring him and tonight I discovered him, his partner and the vicar having dinner! He told me he was going to be not at his home but that of his wife this weekend! He told me that he loves me etc etc he is lying cheating and deceiving everyone, I am the only one who knows what he is doing, I am his big secret. I am deeply concerned he is applying to be a priest yet is the biggest hypocrite and because of his power and position and his ability to lie so well he will become a priest. I am about to knock on his door and confront him, partner and vicar to tell them everything... and to inform the Bishop , NHS Trust governors, chief exective, but for some reason I am holding back from doing so... I have sent him message to contact me but as yet he has not responded... I am so confused, hurt and feel very damaged by a man everyone 'trusts' Please help me I do not know what to do.

 

[musicalpilgrim]

Hi
I am a christian and recently come to faith.

Hi Claire, welcome to the forum in Jesus name, you will find lots of Christians here to give fellowship, good advice and to pray for you.

Look to Jesus, and ask him to deal with your life. John 3:16

I pray that the Holy Spirit will bring you into a close relationship with your Lord and Saviour as you pray and read your Bible.
I pray that In all things you will put God first, may you feel his presence today

 

[I'm_Sorry]

Staff, should this thread be moved to Christian Advise?

Clair, if he is in sexual relations with you and his wife and his partner:

1 Corinthians 6:18
18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body

 

[fudge24]

Staff, should this thread be moved to Christian Advise?

Clair, if he is in sexual relations with you and his wife and his partner:

1 Corinthians 6:18
18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body

It appears he is with the partner and has not told me about it and used pretence of being with wife(still married on paper) so I wold not know about the partner. My concern is him deceiving and lying to her , vicar(who is sponsoring him) his church and the diocese and me( I am pretty worthless and pointless noone will care what happens to me as I know he will give a very convincing plausible story to everyone, plus he holds such powerful position they will all rally round him). Do I go an d knock on the door or not? what do I have to lose? My thoughts are what about the hurt this will all cause and can I do that to vicar and partner .....

 

[musicalpilgrim]

do not get involved at all,
separate yourself from this tangle and give it to the Lord,
it is the Lord's problem not yours.

 

[David Kent]

Hi Claire.

This man is dishonest. You should leave him. He has a wife and another concubine.

Where are you in UK?

 

[I'm_Sorry]

It appears he is with the partner and has not told me about it and used pretence of being with wife(still married on paper) so I wold not know about the partner. My concern is him deceiving and lying to her , vicar(who is sponsoring him) his church and the diocese and me( I am pretty worthless and pointless noone will care what happens to me as I know he will give a very convincing plausible story to everyone, plus he holds such powerful position they will all rally round him). Do I go an d knock on the door or not? what do I have to lose? My thoughts are what about the hurt this will all cause and can I do that to vicar and partner .....

Ephesians 5:11-12
11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.

As @musicalpilgrim said, take this before the Lord in repentance, in prayer and supplication.

 

[paul1149]

today I discovered

Hi Claire,
I'm not staff here, but I am in broad agreement with what has already been posted. I would suggest not doing anything rash at this early point. It's a complex situation and you would do well to consider your steps before acting.

If you refer to the last part of James 3, you will see that the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, and then from there the list of attributes goes on. The first thing you should do is get peace in your spirit, and then let that peace guide you. "Seek peace, and [once you have found it] pursue it"

The first step is to go to the Lord with the problem. Get yourself clear on any role you played in getting to this place (1Jn 1.9). Affirm the Lord's place in your life, and His goodness, and then in faith seek His counsel.

but for some reason I am holding back from doing so.

It may well be that this is the Holy Spirit holding you in check, because the steps I've outlined above need to be taken first, and then a better way might be revealed, or at least whatever way you choose you will be in a better frame of mind and more able to do the will of God (consider Gal 6.1).

 

[HereIStand]

I agree with @musicalpilgrim. Dissociate from the man altogether. Change parishes/churches if need be. It should be the job of a church to do a background check on someone before putting him in a leadership position. That's easily handled with today's technology.

 

[Dave G.]

It appears he is with the partner and has not told me about it and used pretence of being with wife(still married on paper) so I wold not know about the partner. My concern is him deceiving and lying to her , vicar(who is sponsoring him) his church and the diocese and me( I am pretty worthless and pointless noone will care what happens to me as I know he will give a very convincing plausible story to everyone, plus he holds such powerful position they will all rally round him). Do I go an d knock on the door or not? what do I have to lose? My thoughts are what about the hurt this will all cause and can I do that to vicar and partner .....

No don't go knock on the door, walk away. If he is to be confronted it should be by more than one person anyway.

Additionally his position is not more powerful than God, in due time this will all come out, that's a big secret to live for a lifetime, eventually it's going to bite him. But your concern for the immediate future is to get yourself right with God yourself, get out of this asap, turn away and then face and embrace Jesus as hard as you can..

 

[fudge24]

Thank you for your advice. I have not taken any action. My struggle is why this has happened and what is Gods purpose in all this? I am ready to walk away from God and my faith is in despair, I am struggling in every way, I was taking joy in my new found journey with God, now I am questioning everything....I really cannot go on. I work with this man he purports to be a christian yet he has destroyed me and everything I value kindness compassion love trust honesty respect .....it is all but a myth a lie ....if a christian can do this where is the hope.. I am done I have no where else to go spritually

 

[I'm_Sorry]

Thank you for your advice. I have not taken any action. My struggle is why this has happened and what is Gods purpose in all this? I am ready to walk away from God and my faith is in despair, I am struggling in every way, I was taking joy in my new found journey with God, now I am questioning everything....I really cannot go on. I work with this man he purports to be a christian yet he has destroyed me and everything I value kindness compassion love trust honesty respect .....it is all but a myth a lie ....if a christian can do this where is the hope.. I am done I have no where else to go spritually

Sit back relax and be fed and be filled by Him.

God will get you through this, have Faith for He is Faithful.

 

[paul1149]

Thank you for your advice. I have not taken any action. My struggle is why this has happened and what is Gods purpose in all this? I am ready to walk away from God and my faith is in despair, I am struggling in every way, I was taking joy in my new found journey with God, now I am questioning everything....I really cannot go on. I work with this man he purports to be a christian yet he has destroyed me and everything I value kindness compassion love trust honesty respect .....it is all but a myth a lie ....if a christian can do this where is the hope.. I am done I have no where else to go spritually

I'm very sorry you're experiencing this. I've been there at least twice, once when my first church failed and once with a relationship. It is not an easy thing to go through. But it's been years now, and I have chalked up a couple of lessons I learned from the experiences.

First, it never pays to walk away from God. Nothing may make sense. You may be hurting down to your core, but still, the connection with God is vital. It's ok to be in the darkness and not know a thing about why something happened or what to do about it. But still hang on and wait for God to show up. He will.

And it's ok to be honest with God about what you're going through. This needs to happen for the healing to come in, but be reverent, though, while doing so.

If you have a trusted friend or counselor, that might help. But the key is to trust, even blindly at times if need be, and to wait. Because of what I've learned from those experiences, when it all goes haywire now I simply recognize the pattern and go back into the stronghold of God, and wait it out. It passes. God has promised to work ALL things for the good for those who love Him. But it takes time.

Also, I assure you that trust, honesty, respect, etc, are not myths. We all are deeply flawed by sin, but some of us have come through the fire, and with the Lord's faithful help these values have been confirmed and worked into us. You're in a tough place right now, but God is still at work in the world, and He still has good intentions for you. Philippians ch 4 might be an encouragement to you, and Romans 8 on love, and 1Peter on suffering.

 

[Dave G.]

Thank you for your advice. I have not taken any action. My struggle is why this has happened and what is Gods purpose in all this? I am ready to walk away from God and my faith is in despair, I am struggling in every way, I was taking joy in my new found journey with God, now I am questioning everything....I really cannot go on. I work with this man he purports to be a christian yet he has destroyed me and everything I value kindness compassion love trust honesty respect .....it is all but a myth a lie ....if a christian can do this where is the hope.. I am done I have no where else to go spritually

Here is the thing Claire, your trust and all those other things you mentioned failing Need to be put into Jesus Christ. Mankind will always fail you, sometimes it's in little ways and sometimes big ones. God may not have had a purpose in this at all but if you come to Him in a personal way He then can work in you to turn it around for your good. It is only in Jesus that you will find peace in this and He will meet you in the midst of it. Trust in Him, believe what I am telling you, I only say it out of experience, I can look back and see that God was always with me even when I myself was not. Sometimes we have to witness some ugliness for him to work it to our good. Don't break your faith with God, He is your hope !

Christians are just human beings while we live in this world, we are frail. pray for your friend but stay clear. understand that it is he who is actually weak and failing, regardless what it looks like. Have compassion and forgiveness for his frailty but you make yourself right with God and gain the peace and understanding of Jesus Christ.
You can do this, it happens in your spirit not in your flesh. And don't be afraid to tell Jesus you need his help for yourself as well, He knows you are hurting, we who have lived this sort of thing too know you are hurting. I'm here to tell you Jesus is your way out of this. For He never leaves you nor forsakes you when all else does.

 

[fudge24]

Here is the thing Claire, your trust and all those other things you mentioned failing Need to be put into Jesus Christ. Mankind will always fail you, sometimes it's in little ways and sometimes big ones. God may not have had a purpose in this at all but if you come to Him in a personal way He then can work in you to turn it around for your good. It is only in Jesus that you will find peace in this and He will meet you in the midst of it. Trust in Him, believe what I am telling you, I only say it out of experience, I can look back and see that God was always with me even when I myself was not. Sometimes we have to witness some ugliness for him to work it to our good. Don't break your faith with God, He is your hope !

Christians are just human beings while we live in this world, we are frail. pray for your friend but stay clear. understand that it is he who is actually weak and failing, regardless what it looks like. Have compassion and forgiveness for his frailty but you make yourself right with God and gain the peace and understanding of Jesus Christ.
You can do this, it happens in your spirit not in your flesh. And don't be afraid to tell Jesus you need his help for yourself as well, He knows you are hurting, we who have lived this sort of thing too know you are hurting. I'm here to tell you Jesus is your way out of this. For He never leaves you nor forsakes you

Here is the thing Claire, your trust and all those other things you mentioned failing Need to be put into Jesus Christ. Mankind will always fail you, sometimes it's in little ways and sometimes big ones. God may not have had a purpose in this at all but if you come to Him in a personal way He then can work in you to turn it around for your good. It is only in Jesus that you will find peace in this and He will meet you in the midst of it. Trust in Him, believe what I am telling you, I only say it out of experience, I can look back and see that God was always with me even when I myself was not. Sometimes we have to witness some ugliness for him to work it to our good. Don't break your faith with God, He is your hope !

Christians are just human beings while we live in this world, we are frail. pray for your friend but stay clear. understand that it is he who is actually weak and failing, regardless what it looks like. Have compassion and forgiveness for his frailty but you make yourself right with God and gain the peace and understanding of Jesus Christ.
You can do this, it happens in your spirit not in your flesh. And don't be afraid to tell Jesus you need his help for yourself as well, He knows you are hurting, we who have lived this sort of thing too know you are hurting. I'm here to tell you Jesus is your way out of this. For He never leaves you nor forsakes you when all else does.

when all else does.

Thank you for your support

 

[fudge24]

I'm very sorry you're experiencing this. I've been there at least twice, once when my first church failed and once with a relationship. It is not an easy thing to go through. But it's been years now, and I have chalked up a couple of lessons I learned from the experiences.

First, it never pays to walk away from God. Nothing may make sense. You may be hurting down to your core, but still, the connection with God is vital. It's ok to be in the darkness and not know a thing about why something happened or what to do about it. But still hang on and wait for God to show up. He will.

And it's ok to be honest with God about what you're going through. This needs to happen for the healing to come in, but be reverent, though, while doing so.

If you have a trusted friend or counselor, that might help. But the key is to trust, even blindly at times if need be, and to wait. Because of what I've learned from those experiences, when it all goes haywire now I simply recognize the pattern and go back into the stronghold of God, and wait it out. It passes. God has promised to work ALL things for the good for those who love Him. But it takes time.

Also, I assure you that trust, honesty, respect, etc, are not myths. We all are deeply flawed by sin, but some of us have come through the fire, and with the Lord's faithful help these values have been confirmed and worked into us. You're in a tough place right now, but God is still at work in the world, and He still has good intentions for you. Philippians ch 4 might be an encouragement to you, and Romans 8 on love, and 1Peter on suffering.

Thank you for your support

 

[fudge24]

Sit back relax and be fed and be filled by Him.

God will get you through this, have Faith for He is Faithful.

Thank you

 

[fudge24]

Hi Claire,
I'm not staff here, but I am in broad agreement with what has already been posted. I would suggest not doing anything rash at this early point. It's a complex situation and you would do well to consider your steps before acting.

If you refer to the last part of James 3, you will see that the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, and then from there the list of attributes goes on. The first thing you should do is get peace in your spirit, and then let that peace guide you. "Seek peace, and [once you have found it] pursue it"

The first step is to go to the Lord with the problem. Get yourself clear on any role you played in getting to this place (1Jn 1.9). Affirm the Lord's place in your life, and His goodness, and then in faith seek His counsel.



It may well be that this is the Holy Spirit holding you in check, because the steps I've outlined above need to be taken first, and then a better way might be revealed, or at least whatever way you choose you will be in a better frame of mind and more able to do the will of God (consider Gal 6.1).

Not taken any rash steps...still very distressed and confused

 

[Dave G.]

Not taken any rash steps...still very distressed and confused

You may be distressed and confused but you are no longer deceived, the truth is revealed. Now you can work from that base at least. I know it hurts.

 

[Andy centek]

Hi
I am a christian and recently come to faith. I have been in a full relationship with a christian man for last year who is in very powerful position at work and in the community. He has a calling to ministry and is applying to go through discernment process. However, he remains married to his wife whom he left 15 years ago to live with someone else, when I met him he did not tell me his relationship status, I assumed he was single. He told me he was married but not with his wife and he needs to make decision whether to be with her or divorce her. He has told me he sees her at weekends and have holidays ...today I discovered he is not with his wife but his partner who he has never left. His vicar is sponsoring him and tonight I discovered him, his partner and the vicar having dinner! He told me he was going to be not at his home but that of his wife this weekend! He told me that he loves me etc etc he is lying cheating and deceiving everyone, I am the only one who knows what he is doing, I am his big secret. I am deeply concerned he is applying to be a priest yet is the biggest hypocrite and because of his power and position and his ability to lie so well he will become a priest. I am about to knock on his door and confront him, partner and vicar to tell them everything... and to inform the Bishop , NHS Trust governors, chief exective, but for some reason I am holding back from doing so... I have sent him message to contact me but as yet he has not responded... I am so confused, hurt and feel very damaged by a man everyone 'trusts' Please help me I do not know what to do.