Disruptive during prayer

[GirlMom2]

Hi everyone, I have an almost 6 year old with high functioning autism. For some reason she gets really aggravated at meal time prayers. She say that she wants to pray, but when given the opportunity just screams "No, I don't want a turn, but I do want a turn," over and over. We made a chart of whose turn it is each day, and that helps some. The worst is when we're at a bigger family dinner. I'll set her off and she will cry the entire way through dinner. We've tried telling her in advance that Grandma (or whoever) will pray, but it doesn't seem to help. I'm not sure what she wants. Last time we just tried skipping the out loud prayer and she flipped out about that too. It's a no win.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Hi; good to see you.

 

[faroukfarouk]

It's not just about what she wants; it's also about learning to respect God and her mother and grandmother.

 

[GirlMom2]

I'm aware, but it hard to know how much she understands.

 

[Rescued One]

My daughter has taught autistic and other special needs children. I'll email her and ask if she has any ideas. But it may be late tonight when I hear from her.

 

[GirlMom2]

Thank you

 

[SkyWriting]

Hi everyone, I have an almost 6 year old with high functioning autism. For some reason she gets really aggravated at meal time prayers. She say that she wants to pray, but when given the opportunity just screams "No, I don't want a turn, but I do want a turn," over and over. We made a chart of whose turn it is each day, and that helps some. The worst is when we're at a bigger family dinner. I'll set her off and she will cry the entire way through dinner. We've tried telling her in advance that Grandma (or whoever) will pray, but it doesn't seem to help. I'm not sure what she wants. Last time we just tried skipping the out loud prayer and she flipped out about that too. It's a no win.

Have you looked into mirroring therapy? It's when you spend time mirroring what they do and the connection causes them to mirror in response. Eventually they can mirror enough so that their symptoms are not even visible.

 

[*LILAC]

Having an autistic special needs son who is now an adult, it was and still is very difficult to find a level ground with them, so I know exactly what you're going through. What if she is allowed to do her prayer when she's ready? Let everyone else do their's and then let her do hers. You can't praise God too much! If the chart method works, you can definitely stick to that.

 

[*LILAC]

Have you looked into mirroring therapy? It's when you spend time mirroring what they do and the connection causes them to mirror in response. Eventually they can mirror enough so that their symptoms are not even visible.

That is the strangest thing I've ever heard of. On the flipside, my autistic son greets himself every morning by talking to himself in the mirror. It has somewhat improved his interactions with others. Not much because he has limited verbal skills.

 

[GirlMom2]

Like mirroring her bad behavior to show her how ridiculous it is or her mirroring ours? She knows how to pray. We've even offered her to read a prayer. She wasn't a fan.

 

[Rescued One]

My daughter returned my call after school and on her way to her exercise class.

Here's her suggestion:

Make a book with pages. The first page has a photo or copy of the scedule you use at home indicating that she has a turn to pray. The next page will have a photo of Grandma at her table. Tell her that at Grandma's house, it's Grandma's turn to pray. The next page can be Uncle Joe's house with a photo of Uncle Joe. Tell her that at Uncle Joe's house, it's Uncle Joe's turn to pray. At a restaurant, it's Daddy's turn.

Anyway the idea is to use photos not drawings. She used this with an autistic boy at school. My daughter went on to get two Master's degrees and now specializes in teaching blind students in different schools in her district.

I hope this helps. You can adapt it to suit your family and life.

 

[Rescued One]

I have two grandchildren with autism. They have different parents. One, a girl, is graduating from high school this year.

 

[SkyWriting]

Like mirroring her bad behavior to show her how ridiculous it is or her mirroring ours? She knows how to pray. We've even offered her to read a prayer. She wasn't a fan.

I believe it is mirroring all desired actions, but mostly just bonding. One program founder was "cured" by this technique and promotes his program. I haven't found his name again yet.
Mirroring effect in 2- and 3-year-olds with autism spectrum disorder


Here he is: He calls it
Play
Therapy
Autism Spectrum Disorder: Therapeutic Techniques - YouTube

 

[JAM2b]

I wouldn't stress over that too much. The best thing that will work is consistency without strong reactions from you and others. Family members, especially the adults, need to be understanding and patient. If they aren't, then I would skip out on group meals until your daughter has this conquered. Negative reactions, or too much attention for it whether good or bad, will prolong the problem and make it harder to deal with.

I would not hold up a meal over it. Let whoever is praying finish the prayer, and ignore her while doing it. Then proceed with the meal as if there wasn't a disruption. If it is her turn, then give her a chance to. If she chooses not to, then have someone else go on with the prayer and meal as if she wasn't having a problem. IF she later decides to go ahead and pray, then I think it is OK to pause the meal and let her. I would let her know when she refuses that she can do it later if she changes her mind. This might ease her stress in making the decision and her anxiety if she chooses not to, and then fears she missed out on something.

Sometimes this indecisiveness and inability to control emotions or be patient is because of anxiety, and not understanding how their behaviors effect others in social situations. Sometimes they do understand, but are incapable of regulating their emotions and thoughts well enough to control themselves. She needs more time to work this out.

Do you use an incentive or reward system?

 

[GirlMom2]

Wow! Thank you. She doesn't really respond to incentives (sigh.) We've definitely tried ignoring too, but I feel so bad disrupting family meals with people we only see once or twice a year. Hoping it will resolve soon!

I wouldn't stress over that too much. The best thing that will work is consistency without strong reactions from you and others. Family members, especially the adults, need to be understanding and patient. If they aren't, then I would skip out on group meals until your daughter has this conquered. Negative reactions, or too much attention for it whether good or bad, will prolong the problem and make it harder to deal with.

I would not hold up a meal over it. Let whoever is praying finish the prayer, and ignore her while doing it. Then proceed with the meal as if there wasn't a disruption. If it is her turn, then give her a chance to. If she chooses not to, then have someone else go on with the prayer and meal as if she wasn't having a problem. IF she later decides to go ahead and pray, then I think it is OK to pause the meal and let her. I would let her know when she refuses that she can do it later if she changes her mind. This might ease her stress in making the decision and her anxiety if she chooses not to, and then fears she missed out on something.

Sometimes this indecisiveness and inability to control emotions or be patient is because of anxiety, and not understanding how their behaviors effect others in social situations. Sometimes they do understand, but are incapable of regulating their emotions and thoughts well enough to control themselves. She needs more time to work this out.

Do you use an incentive