I'm not able to delete post, so I edited it. I'm closing the discussion since my question was answered. I really appreciate everyones help. Thank you again.
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Can someone straighten me out? I don't think it's normal to be soo involved with seeing them everyday. Oh yeah and my husband and his dad call each other about 20 times a day. I want to know if I'm over reacting, or if there is any advice and how to handle this in a better way.
Covenant Keepers said:What should you do with an intrusive in-law problem?
1. Is there really a problem? First, every husband and wife must come to an agreement that there is a problem. This sometimes is difficult to agree upon because perhaps your spouse doesn’t see the intrusive behavior of their parent as a problem. Other times your definition of intrusive and your mate’s definition may differ.
However, at a minimum, if one spouse is uncomfortable with an in-laws’ interference in the marriage, then some change or compromise must occur. Are you willing to listen to your spouse and make the necessary changes? Or, will you resist any change or counseling help? Your reaction will determine how quickly you will be able to resolve this issue.
2. Discuss God’s plan for in-laws. One of the best places to begin to resolve this issue is to determine what the Bible teaches about your relationship with your in-laws. What Scripture teaches on this subject must be your standard of truth concerning what is right and wrong. Notice the first thing God declared after He created Eve and brought her to Adam and she became his wife. God said, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Gen. 2:24). Therefore, from the very beginning of time God saw the importance of giving this direction to couples. It is the leave and join principle. The word leave is one of the strongest Hebrew words meaning to forsake, leave behind, let alone, or abandon. The word joined is another very strong word in the opposite direction. It means to stick like glue, pursue, or hold fast to. God is giving you a direct command to cut the cord with your parents and to be glued together as one with your spouse, thus creating a new family structure independent of all others.
Therefore, honestly consider, have you abandoned your previous way of relating to your mother and father? Are you more concerned about your parents’ favor and respect or your mate’s respect? Have you forsaken the influence of your parents’ opinions or are you still controlled by what they think about you? Or, about your spouse?
More importantly, have you pursued a new relationship with your mate that supersedes the one you have had with your parents? Have you sought to be glued together with your spouse in your decision making by pursing your mate’s opinion first? If you have not done these two things here are the major reasons why there is conflict with your mate.~http://www.covenantkeepers.org/online-articles/47-general-marital-issues/345-dealing-with-in-laws
You are not over-reacting, and it appears that you husband does have a problem, which is spiritual. You have not mentioned whether he is a Christian, but that is the primary factor in how he treats you. Assuming he is a Christian he should know and obey God's commands, which are self-evident:I want to know if I'm over reacting, or if there is any advice and how to handle this in a better way
Since your husband is a Christian why does he go against Scripture in his day-to-day walk? Perhaps you both should be sitting down with a mature Christian counselor and everything should be brought out into the open. He needs to be rebuked. The current situation is definitely not pleasing to the Lord, and neither is it to you. It is one thing to visit parents or family occasionally. It is quite another to be obsessed with them to the neglect of your own family.Yes my husband is a Christian, and I have read these verses while seeking advice in my Bible
98cwitr.......I'd just caution against that idea. Things get complicated with families like this seems to be--her husband's, I mean (one that's overly enmeshed with one another). She could completely alienate herself by saying something to them.
It's best for them to concentrate on--as a couple (hopefully)---getting the parents out of their marriage (and that doesn't mean getting them out of their life---or not seeing them, just to be clear). To discuss this with them only keeps them within the marriage---do you know what I mean? Marriage isn't a communal relationship.
I've tried explaining to him that this is our marriage and its our business. I don't want them completely out I just want to cut the cord. My husband has this need to tell his parents personal things that should be kept between us and his dad, I think provokes it. Common sense things you would think you wouldn't have to tell your husband not to talk about to his parents. My husband's dad also speaks about his marriage, which I feel is inapproprite. So knowing my in-laws do this in their own marriage I feel my husband thinks its okay. My mother is close to me, but I only see her maybe every 2-3 weeks. Sometimes less. My dad isn't in my life like that. So having in laws that are constantly there is sometimes very over whelming. And my husband always says its called love and tells me how my parents arn't as close and makes me feel bad. My mom works very long hours caring for elderly.98cwitr.......I'd just caution against that idea. Things get complicated with families like this seems to be--her husband's, I mean (one that's overly enmeshed with one another). She could completely alienate herself by saying something to them.
It's best for them to concentrate on--as a couple (hopefully)---getting the parents out of their marriage (and that doesn't mean getting them out of their life---or not seeing them, just to be clear). To discuss this with them only keeps them within the marriage---do you know what I mean? Marriage isn't a communal relationship.
My in laws are very nice and have done a lot for us, but they are not easy to talk too. especially when you tell them something that might make them feel like they are doing something wrong. Example, my family is all vegetarian. Everyone knows this in our family. going on 4 years now. So you would assume that your in laws wouldn't feed you infant daughter any meat. Well they decided it would be cute to give her a bite of some meat thing they were eating. When my husband got upset and put his foot down his dad got mad at us???I guess what I mean is that I view my inlaws as an extension of family, because my wife is my family. If she's unwilling to address a concern, I shouldnt have any qualms about going to them and telling them I need some space and time and would appreciate their help in the matter. Maybe it's different for my family, or maybe for women in general. Just speaking from my own experience. My inlaws are pretty cool though.
It is very convienant, but strange enough he wasn't this attatched in the beginning before we were married. We've been together for 5 years married for 2 1/2. We used to do a lot of thing together, hiking, biking. But now he wants his dad to join us everywhere we go, and to be honest I don't want to do everything with his dad. We're talking about going to the beach and he's talking about taking his parents.....If the issues here were happening less often, I would say not to be concerned too much. Having coffee with his folks some mornings would be fine, but if this is happening every day before work, then he's seeing them at the end of the day again - whoa!
Where I lived before I married, I was about a half hour from my parents. Relatively close. My dad is retired, but still has such a busy life that to consider seeing them every day (and I could have, with one job I had being just a short jog off the freeway) would have seemed strange to all of us. Weekends were an excellent time, though, to make plans and spend time with them. It was a break for all of us, and we were able to spend real quality time with one another.
Your in-laws living so close makes everything convenient for your husband, and justifies his time spent with them (in his mind). I'm not saying you need to move, just trying to see things from his perspective. He may not see things as excessive, especially if this was their relationship before marriage. But marriage changes things. The primary relationship right now is with you and your daughter. The in-laws are mature enough (I hope!) to understand that their son needs to detach, and even more-so (I hope!) to help with that process.
He's a great husband, I feel he's more neglecting toward my feeling. He just wants all of us to hangout all the time, and its too much. They are christians too, but they say and do things I dont care for sometimes, like most. I know we're not perfect either, I'm not perfect, I make mistakes everyday... I just need a break from the in laws. And it's no privacy time for me and him. Can't keep anything between us.Since your husband is a Christian why does he go against Scripture in his day-to-day walk? Perhaps you both should be sitting down with a mature Christian counselor and everything should be brought out into the open. He needs to be rebuked. The current situation is definitely not pleasing to the Lord, and neither is it to you. It is one thing to visit parents or family occasionally. It is quite another to be obsessed with them to the neglect of your own family.
I've tried explaining to him that this is our marriage and its our business. I don't want them completely out I just want to cut the cord. My husband has this need to tell his parents personal things that should be kept between us and his dad, I think provokes it. Common sense things you would think you wouldn't have to tell your husband not to talk about to his parents. My husband's dad also speaks about his marriage, which I feel is inapproprite. So knowing my in-laws do this in their own marriage I feel my husband thinks its okay. My mother is close to me, but I only see her maybe every 2-3 weeks. Sometimes less. My dad isn't in my life like that. So having in laws that are constantly there is sometimes very over whelming. And my husband always says its called love and tells me how my parents arn't as close and makes me feel bad. My mom works very long hours caring for elderly.
Offended. He says that he likes hanging out with his dad, but everytimes he does he comes back home with either drama or an argument they have. It's strange, but I think my husband has the need to hangout with his dad all the time because he feel obligated. His mother does absolutely nothing with his father. And his father has very little company. And I've told him that is not your responsibility to fill that job, its your mothers. So my husband is giving his time to dad instead of usWhats his attitude when yall talk about it?
We are parents of a 1 year old girl, brand new parents. I am the primary care taker because Im a stay at home momAre you new parents? How is he coping with being a daddy himself? Could there be a deeper issue going on with him? His parents are young, so I'm assuming there are not any health concerns with them?
Also wondering if you are you talking to the Lord about this? Sometimes I forget to pray about the things that are right in my face! Would your husband be open to praying with you? Obviously, I don't mean use prayer to "speak" to your husband, so tread lightly with that oneI just don't want bitterness to get a grip on you! You seem to have a sweet, gentle, humble, teachable spirit and our enemy, the devil, does not like that, and would love to destroy your marriage, so please stay alert.
Praying our Lord will pour out his love, peace, grace, and mercy upon you, and you will grow closer to Him during this difficult time.
Since I am not the only one who thinks this relationship between my husbands parents are a little too close... What should I say to him or start up a convo without rubbing it in his face? Or should I just be distant (distant as in let him do what he wants and just let it take its course) from him till he gets the point. or Should I show him some of your thoughts on the situation?
Dealing with In-Laws article said:What are the real reasons why you have allowed the intrusions into your family?
Understanding why one or both of you have allowed these intrusions into your family is essential to keep you from returning to this unbiblical lifestyle. Here are some suggestions to consider: Have you failed to realize that the relationship with your parents has changed? Are you unwilling to yield to God’s command: "A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Gen. 2:24)? Have your parents always controlled you and so you have just allowed it to continue? Do your parents use guilt to manipulate you? Do you fear displeasing your parents more than displeasing your spouse? None of these reasons will produce a godly or happy marital relationship. God doesn’t use control, guilt, or fear to help you make the correct decisions in your life. He wants to motivate you by love for Him and others (Matt. 22:37-40). Ask Him to make the changes necessary in you so that your marriage can be all that God intends it to be for you and your spouse.~http://www.covenantkeepers.org/online-articles/47-general-marital-issues/345-dealing-with-in-laws
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