As long as i have been unemployed(because i don't take a check from pastoring), my bills ALWAYS get paid one way or another, and i have never worried because i know that He will do as He has promised.
Amen, 'OnceBroken'
This is going to be long, so don't try to read it all, at least not at once.
Oh, how this thread makes me cry, not only for you, Janet, but everyone going through these valleys and faith-tests. They say no one ever grows on the mountains, only in the valleys. I've found this to be so true. It's just that it hurts so much when you're going through. I'm unnaturally hard headed, so my valleys tend to be long and often repeated. I thought they were deeper, but that's only because I was so spoiled and selfish. These are the places where our dross and dead twigs are scraped off.
By the way, I went through the same thing, and my roommates were depending on me for rent. It never bothered me that they were covering for me each time I spent a month too long to find work!
A dear sister suggested that since I was losing jobs so often, I might as well apply for 'temp' work with an agency like her. I objected till I got desperate. You know it turned out to be the best thing for me! I had a recruiter searching for me and calling me, which was so much better. The pay was lower at first, but each assignment was better as I proved myself and got more experience in all kinds of fields I'd never have been able to enter from the street.
This carried me for years, and finally when I was out looking for the job I knew I wanted for a career, I got a call, and it led to a job for the government. I don't need to tell you what the benefits and pay were like. Two weeks after I began, it turns out that the person I was temporarily replacing - died! I know that sounds horrible, but, they were in the hospital with cancer and told no one. Anyway, they bought my contract and made me permanent. I still didn't want the job, but materially speaking... Anyway it's been gone for years, because God had more lessons for me to learn, more character to develop, and I went from house, to car, to street, to mission, to street, to hotel, to street... it just continues like that. Eventually I got an apartment for 5 years, and when I refused to get another bad roommate, my landlord insisted that I just pay what I could and stay!
Next I spent over a year on the sidewalk; but you know, God protected me, and when I ended up in the hospital from a suicide attempt (my 2nd of 4 or 5), it actually turned into a wonderful time of witnessing to the nurses who had to watch me 24 hours a day. I think 3 or more accepted Christ, and several others rededicated to Christ. Here I was with my kidneys dead from poison in intensive care, but it was one of the most gloriously fruitful times I've ever known in my life! While on the street I got chances to encourage church brethren who had been unemployed for years too, and oh, how it broke my heart. We could all see that somehow their situation was actually worse than mine. I had nothing else to lose, after all. So I really had no fear. The only thing that mattered to me, now that everything was gone, was, 'Lord, what do you want me to do in this world?' 'What is your will for me?' 'Give me a ministry!' I used to go to the beach every day and try to talk myself into drowning. I did once, and you know, the water actually lifted me up, still vertical, and set me back down on my feet! I ended up just playing in the water for an hour and praising God! He just wasn't going to let me die. I tried another attempt with poison, and it seemed to turn to water in my system, what was left after purging. It led to another mental hospital where I saw many demon possessed and oppressed people, and it led to a habitual prayer life. When I arrived I had many enemies, but in time, waiting and persevering, God changed everyone around me, and I was actually hugged by the janitor when I left because of my light. I got to do one on one studies with patients, and witnessed to the staff as well.
I think you are in a good place, not because it is beneficial or pleasant, but knowing that God IS MORE CONCERNED WITH YOUR SPIRITUAL STATE AND PREPARATION FOR MINISTRY that you haven't discovered yet, I can see from your story, as with these other blessed siblings of ours, God is doing nothing more than using the unbearable and strange fires of these trials to mold you into his image, to open up ministry doors - small or great, and to get you to focusing on what HE desires, not our estate here.
I read every week about the persecuted martys worldwide - especially in muslim worlds, and they are literally driven by the thousands from their homes and businesses, as in Nigeria, Egypt, India, and Indonesia. They have no income, no home, no food, no expectation but for the enemies to come and finish the job by slaughtering them like animals. But it was for these that Paul wrote Romans 8, and that Jesus guaranteed better provision than sparrows enjoy, and that James exhorted, 'Count it all joy, knowing...', and Peter said that 'these strange trials have only come to forge your faith, and eliminate all that is fluffy about it.' -My paraphrase. It was in my times that were darkest, that my faith became real, my focus was narrowed and corrected, my walk meant something, and heaven became a lot more important to me than when I had a 5 bedroom house in the suburbs with government paid dental. (Now days I just watch my teeth rotting out!) But I don't care, because even if I die... well, you know the rest. I'm already praying for you. Thanks for sharing your suffering with us, your eternal family -
